"You all did amazingly out there today! I'm proud of you, and if we keep this up, like I know we can? We're going to take nationals," Arizona nodded with certainty, and the smile that had taken over her face was completely natural.

Thankfully, the drama that had happened a couple of weeks ago had already mostly blown over with the squad. The fact that they all had the competition to focus their time and energy on had assisted with that. The girls were already adapting to the girls from junior varsity who had come in to replace Sadie and, temporarily, Megan, and of course it helped that the girls had been good enough to seamlessly fit in and lead them to a victory today.

And honestly, thank god that it had blown over, because if everything had been as tense this week as it had been at the beginning, she had no idea how she would have handled it.

The end of her little speech was met with cheers that echoed off the locker room walls. When the girls started filing out after having changed into their regular clothes, she bent down to organize her stuff in her duffel bag. It wasn't that she was purposefully dragging her heels before going to meet Callie.

She just needed a second to really catch her thoughts, because she hadn't had that yet. It had been hard enough to get herself into the concentration zone that she had to put herself in to focus during competitions knowing that Callie was sitting right there.

To say she was surprised to see Callie suddenly arrive today would be an understatement. Arizona wasn't an idiot, and she knew that the other girl was persistent. She had the letters and phone calls and texts to prove that much.

To say that she was kind of… touched that Callie made the effort to come here and see her to make sure their friendship could still be intact would also be an understatement.

The sounds of her excited squad faded out, and she jumped when she felt a hand brush lightly against her arm, spinning to see April standing there. Her friend looked at her sheepishly before adjusting the strap of her bag over her shoulder nervously, "Hey."

Though things with the squad and the sorority – save for Sadie and Sadie's very close friends – had gone back to normal, things between herself and April hadn't. Because it was hard to just get over the fact that April had called her cold, and even more than that, she hated to think about everything that she had done to prompt the words coming from her friend.

It was easier to compartmentalize and avoid.

Her hands needed something to do, and they smoothed over the sweater she'd changed into, before she nodded back, "Hey."

It wasn't often that April looked nervous, not around her, even during their worst times. But here she was, "I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. I mean, with that Callie girl? You seemed…" she trailed off and her eyes looked up into Arizona's as she searched for the words, "Not like yourself, when you saw her."

"Yeah, I... I'm okay. She and I, we have some stuff to figure out," was all she managed to say, because what could she even tell April? She'd been keeping her friendship with Callie from her since the very beginning.

And in the past week, she'd started to think that was a big mistake. Because she really could have used someone else to talk to about it all. It resonated with the words that she'd been thinking about, the words that Callie had told her, about not keeping everything in all of the time.

The curiosity on April's face was unbridled, and she could tell that April wanted to ask more. Even more than what she actually did ask, "Is she the one you've been talking to? All of those nights?"

It made her feel even worse because April knew that there was this part of her life that she didn't tell her about. And despite the fact that most of her wanted to be private – because she herself didn't even know what exactly was going on with Callie now – she made herself nod. It was a step in the right direction at the very least.

"Yeah. I'm… sorry I didn't tell you before. It's not… conventional," she settled on the word choice, and then cringed at herself, because that made this relatively innocent friendship-thing she had with Callie seem a lot weirder than it was.

But April just tilted her head, and her eyes seemed kind of amused in a way that Arizona hadn't seen in a while – it made the way her stomach was twisting lessen slightly, "Well. Maybe you can tell me more about it then?"

And just like that, despite the tension of and the weirdness between them that there had been, she knew that her friendship with April was going to be okay. Regardless of how much she could tell herself that she would be okay to do it all on her own here, April was… April. She was the girl that she'd sat next to in the literature course their freshmen year that they'd both been forced to take as a general education class, who had grown with her and for better or worse, seen her at her lowest.

"I think I'd like to," she told her, quietly. She had more to say – more that she had to say – but she sighed and zipped up her bag, as the nerves in her stomach came back in full force, "But I should probably get out there and see her."

April nodded, letting her go as she went back to organizing her own bag. She took a second to take in a deep breath and try to squelch those feelings of anticipation before walking back through the door that led to the lobby of the building.

She immediately saw Callie, who was one of the last people still hanging out. The brunette was pacing back and forth, and Arizona took just a second to stand there and watch her. Her surprise, and slight panic, at seeing Callie outside a few hours ago with April was enough to make her heart jump in her chest.

There was something about Callie that made her want to smile, even right now, when things were… the way they were. Because she was just so expressive, really. She was pretty sure that was the best way to describe it.

The first time they'd met, she'd been able to see everything that Callie was feeling – the excitement and the way her eyes sparkled. And it was somewhat soothing, because for that one aspect of her life, she never had to be on guard with Callie. Who just was always being herself, even when she was rambling or being vulnerable in a way that Arizona herself found it difficult to be.

Right now, Callie was still expressive. And she was expressing that she was still pretty sure Arizona was going to accuse her of being a predator and send her back on the train to the city.

A molester. Jesus. If Arizona hadn't already felt guilty for avoiding Callie for the week – and she had – that would have done it. If it didn't make her feel so disgustingly bad, knowing that Callie had thought of herself like that for days, then it might even have been funny.

As it was.

Her breath caught unintentionally in her throat as Callie looked up to where she was, and the pacing she was doing faltered. It wasn't her fault that despite the circumstances they were in, the way a tentative – very tentative – small smile took over those features made her spine tingle with excitement.

One of Callie's hands came up in a hesitant wave, which was what propelled Arizona to walk forward, asking when she was close enough, "What did you think?"

The brunette clasped her hands together and looked down at her, "It was interesting."

Arizona couldn't help the way her eyebrow lifted in amusement, because interesting was not the way most people described cheerleading competitions.

Then Callie seemed to realize that, and her cheeks flushed, "I just mean, you – your team," she quickly corrected herself, shaking her head, "Made everything look so effortless. But I know it takes work. You looked good," she said, and her voice was low in a way that made Arizona's own cheeks flush. Once again, Callie caught herself, though, and her eyes widened, "I meant – the whole team did. You all looked good."

"I got it," she told her, mostly to try to put Callie at ease. And herself a little bit, too. Because this situation right now? Was higher on the awkward scale than they'd ever been together.

Which was kind of ridiculous when Arizona thought about it, because she'd literally sobbed through Callie's shirt before, but somehow this was what made them act weird to one another. Before the silence between them became stifling, she inclined her head towards the refreshments cart that had yet to pack up, "Do you want to get a coffee?"

Callie seemed grateful for the suggestion, "Yes, let's."

She led the way and ran over all of the thoughts that were milling around in her head. As much as she had been putting this conversation off, it wasn't even that she wanted not to have Callie in her life. It was all just… so fucking complicated.

She was just so fucking complicated. So much so, that sometimes her own mind got tired of herself.

Before she could even say anything, Callie had stepped up and ordered both of their drink orders – she hadn't even known when Callie had retained the way she'd taken her coffee. But she really couldn't even find herself surprised.

A few moments later, Callie handed her the cup just as her perfect white teeth dug into her bottom lip and Arizona felt like she could see how stressed out the taller woman was just by that one move, "I know I already said this, but… I'm sorry," her hands twisted together in front of her as she shook her head, making wisps of dark hair that had fallen out of her ponytail move around her face, but before she could say anything else, Arizona held up her hand to stop her.

"Callie, don't," she lowered her hand and had to consciously stop herself from brushing it over her shirt in a move that belied nerves yet again, "I know that you were really sorry when you said it. I knew," she paused for a second and broke eye contact with those dark eyes that seemed to read much more than Arizona liked to be read. Licking her lips, she forced herself to continue, "I knew you were sorry as soon as you texted me when I left."

As she saw a couple of the girls from her squad a few feet away, staring at them and most likely eavesdropping because it wasn't often that she was around talking to women they didn't know. Even less often that she was talking about personal issues. And because there was a reason for the, she directed the two of them to continue out toward the front doors and started in the direction of the sorority house.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the confused look in those dark eyes, and she touched the brunette's arm through her jacket. Briefly, because even though her jacket there was that damn tingling, "Callie, please don't apologize anymore. I don't need it," she stressed the last sentence as she looked at the brunette, and tried to seriously convey to her that it was the truth.

But Callie still looked apprehensive to believe it, "If you don't need to hear my apology, then why have you been ignoring me?"

And that, that was precisely why she'd been ignoring Callie for so long. But how could she even explain that to the other woman when she could barely explain it in her own mind? As she drew in a slow breath to give her time to think of a way to formulate her response, Callie rushed to continue to speak.

"I mean, I told you that I can just be your friend, in our texts. I'm really not expecting anything more from you; I just like to have you in my life the way we have been. When we were talking the other morning and I said that I had been so alone until I met you? Our friendship made me feel, for the first time since I've been here, like I had someone. Even though it was unconventional. I don't want to lose that; that's what's most important. To me," she tacked on, as if it was somewhat of a nervous afterthought.

And for some reason, it made Arizona want to smile. "I don't want to lose our friendship, either," she admitted, and no, it really wasn't difficult at all to say out loud. Which was another thing that had been factoring into Arizona's minor freak out this week. That she missed Callie's friendship, missed hearing her stories and ideas and opinions. Because Arizona had worked – hard – to not be that reliant.

But here she was.

At Callie's incredulous look, she nodded surely, and pushed on, ducking her head against the wind as they turned onto the road that the house was on, "I do still want to be your friend, and you aren't going to lose me, despite what it looked like this week." It often hurt Arizona to admit that she was wrong, because she prided herself on so often being right. But when she was wrong, she could admit it, "I didn't want to hurt you. I just had to… figure things out."

Callie nodded contritely, as she did that thing where she bit her lip again, "I understand completely. I do. You – you probably aren't even into girls like that. It's not like we talked about it or anything, and it was a huge assumption for me to make."

Arizona's eyebrows winged up and her steps faltered for a moment, bringing her to a halt on the sidewalk at that because she hadn't known at all that was something that had crossed Callie's mind. And it would almost be laughable, except she didn't feel like this was really the time to laugh, "It's not that."

Brown eyes widened significantly as Callie stared at her, unblinking in their surprise for a few seconds, before she nodded slowly, "Oh. Right. Well, I guess you're just not… into me."

Her voice was small in a way that Arizona was very unused to hearing from the brunette. It made her feel unsettled, but Callie was already continuing to speak, hastily reassuring her, "Which I understand. I just… like I said before, I thought that we had been having a moment, but I read it all wrong. And it's not the first time I've read a situation wrong. It won't be the last, probably," she let out a small laugh that didn't sound like her normal laugh at all.

Arizona closed her eyes tightly, taking a deep breath, because this was where things got complicated, "It's – I don't want you to think that it's you, Callie. That you're not…" she trailed off as her eyes dipped of their own volition to the fullness of that soft mouth, then cut herself off before they trailed any farther, "appealing to me. Because you are."

"I am?"

She only hesitated for a moment, before lowering her voice slightly, conscious of their very public setting right now, "Yes."

Before anything else could be said, because she could clearly see the question and curiosity and just plain why in Callie's eyes, she led them to the front door of the house, and swung it open. It was easy to determine that there was a small celebration happening in the living room, and she quickly avoided that area, making her way to the stairs.

She didn't have to look to know that Callie was eagerly following her.

After letting them into her room, she stepped to the side to slip her duffel bag off of her shoulder, and allowed Callie some time to look around. It was strange, because she wasn't used to letting people poke around in her personal space like this.

In fact, it made her feel anxious, watching Callie peer all around, taking in the pictures and awards and books around her. Especially the pictures area, and as Callie started looking over them, the anxiety got the better of her. It was what led her to blurt out, "You didn't read the moment wrong."

The way Callie froze completely on the spot before slowly facing her made Arizona's heart pound in her chest. Why did she just say that? It wasn't going to make anything else she had to say easier.

"You didn't read that moment wrong," she repeated, and her hands now uncontrollably brushed down her sweater before grabbing onto the material at the hem, and pushing through the words, "In your apartment. I didn't… I didn't seek that out. The kiss part," she clarified, "I didn't come to see you for that."

That much was true. Ridiculously so. Callie slowly made her way to the bed and sat on the edge. The way she gave Arizona her full attention, like she had been waiting for this conversation to happen forever made her feel even more uneasy. Trying to relieve that feeling, she elaborated, "You… I came to you that night because everything felt awful here. And you said earlier that you meant it when you told me that I made you feel less alone. So you should know that I meant it, too. I have a lot of people here, but you were – are ," she nearly choked on the word, but made herself continue, "The person who I feel like I can really talk to. So that's why I came to you that night."

Callie gave her a slow, soft nod in response, and it was like Arizona could see the way she considered what she was saying. Mulling her words over in her mind.

She rushed to continue, "But there was a moment. Between us. And I could have pulled away." God, her hands were fisting so tightly in her sweater, her knuckles were kind of hurting. But this was all she'd thought about and tried to find the right words for, so it was now or never, "I might be lacking some communication skills, but I know when I'm about to be kissed. I knew you were going to, and I didn't pull away."

Because as much as she'd been wrestling with it and questioning every move, she had, on some level, wanted to be kissed. Now Callie took in her words and then started smiling that actually radiant smile, and Arizona's stomach clenched nearly painfully.

She could see the excitement in those brown eyes like it was bubbling up inside her, and it kind of felt like she was kicking a puppy when she shook her head, "It's just… there is so much going on. I'm still waiting to hear back from grad schools, I have so much going on here with the sorority and cheerleading and mock trial. Callie, you're really great. But I'm not – I can't give you what you want. Or deserve," she managed to get out after a deep breath, even though the words kind of hurt her throat, like they had claws.

But after she'd forced them out, she felt like the weight that had been simultaneously pressing down both her stomach and shoulders since the kiss had happened was sort of lifted.

Though there was still that horrible feeling that remained because of the look on Callie's face. And beyond that, the way the words made herself feel. She didn't want to hurt Callie. She didn't want to feel so confused and unprepared about this whole thing.

However, this was her life.

The silence in the room was deafening – another reason why she had been avoiding talking to Callie about this. Sure, Callie had still wanted to be her friend before, but what about now? Before, Callie had thought that she was running because she wasn't interested in her that way at all.

Now…

The brunette's voice interrupted her thought process, asking quietly from where she was sitting on Arizona's bed, "If this was the way you felt, why didn't you just tell me? I mean. I spent all week thinking that you were mad at me, or – or that you didn't want to even be my friend anymore. But then you say that. That you… like me, too."

When she let out a deep breath, it felt like her energy had been depleted, and she was going to go sit on the bed. But then… she didn't think she should be sitting next to Callie on a bed, because of the nature of this conversation and the tingles, and all.

So she redirected herself to where her desk chair was, and swiveled it so that they were facing one another, "It's my turn to apologize. I know it's not right. I know I hurt you. But this isn't easy for me, Callie," she confessed in a whisper, bringing one of her legs up to rest under the other.

Because, god, it really wasn't. Being open and honest about her feelings like this – it went against everything she'd been molded into – everything she'd carefully molded herself into.

"You… your letters made it easy for me to share myself with you than it was to do with someone who was real. As in, right here, in person. And even in phone calls, it was easier, because you're just you," she managed to get out before wrapping her arms around her waist, and holding them there.

It was hard to describe to Callie's face what she'd come to terms with in the last week. That Callie was the only person in her life who just wanted her around for her. She wasn't a sorority president, or cheerleading captain, or mock trial queen. She didn't have any obligations to talk to Arizona.

Callie just liked her. And of course Arizona liked that feeling.

The way those dark eyes were looking at her like they could see inside of her made her face flush, as Callie hummed and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "So… why tell me all of this if you're not interested in anything more?"

Swallowing hard, she shrugged, "Because you deserve the truth. You're… amazing, Callie. You really are, and I want to have you are my friend, too."

"But you do feel… more?" Callie ventured to ask, and the look she gave her was probing, "Like, when I kissed you, you liked it?"

Arizona only hesitated for a moment, "I – yes. Kind of. I mean," groaning at herself, she shook her head, "It's not that I don't feel anything more. I did like the kiss," she managed to get out only giving herself a moment to feel the way her lips tingled at just the memory, "But I don't think we would work, as anything more than friends. That's what I've been thinking about and a big part of the reason I've been in radio silence."

Because for as much as Arizona was in control of her life – as much as she made herself be in complete control – after recent events, she'd come to realize she was still a mess.

She could see the argument written all over Callie's face before the other woman even spoke, "But… if we both have feelings that are more than friendly, and we both know it, it just doesn't make sense to me why we're going to leave it there."

"Because it's for the best," she bit the words out, "And… I don't even really know what I feel, completely. It's… not as simple for me as having feelings for you or not having feelings for you. I'm not there," she rambled, and meant "there" as in where she was pretty sure Callie was.

Rolling her eyes at herself for her lack of clarity, she pushed on, trying to explain, "Callie, you know me. Probably more than anyone else does at this point; you've seen how well adept I am at handling my emotions. When things get… messy, I run. And it's not that I want to be like this, but I am. I'm trying to work on it, and maybe it's not the way things will always be, but they are right now. And they will be like that at least until I'm done at school here. That's not someone you should be in a relationship with. It's especially not someone you deserve to be in a relationship with," she finished.

And damn if that wasn't hard, but Arizona was nothing if not self-aware. Even of the bad aspects to herself. There were times she could be selfish, even when she didn't want to be. But she refused to be selfish like that with Callie.

Especially because beyond those big reasons, her feelings with Callie were still a mess. Of freaking course she was attracted to the woman – she had eyes, after all. And she had more than simply friendly feelings towards her. But those two things alone didn't mean a relationship was the right direction to go in.

Arizona reveled in control. More so in the last year than any time in her life – almost obsessively so. These feelings that had inserted themselves into her life were far beyond her control, and a little out of her depth.

So, she was trying here.

Callie leaned back on her hands, leaning back on Arizona's bed that she'd made after waking up this morning, and Arizona could tell she was taking in Arizona's words, "So… you're saying not now, but maybe one day?"

Arizona's eyebrow lifted of it's own accord, and a choked chuckle worked it's way from her throat, "That's what you got out of this?"

The grin she got back from Callie was unlike what she'd expected, and it made her heart stutter – damn. And she tossed her hair back, but the move made her seem somehow shyer rather than full of confidence, "I heard what you said. But that is part of what I got, yeah."

Her lips quirked into a small smile even before she knew what she was doing, "You're crazy."

Callie just shrugged, hesitating a few moments before asking, "Are we… okay?"

She nodded, "We're okay." She hesitated for a few moments before asking, "But I don't want you to hold onto that maybe one day thing, okay? I'm being serious. You're my best friend. And that's what this is."

Though she wasn't sure anyone who just had a friendship with someone had to assure and be reassured that it was just a friendship. However, that was one of the many things Arizona was not going to think about.

And the look on Callie's face was earnest when she nodded, "I mean. I guess it's clear now that I want… more," and those dark eyes dipped down her body in a way that Arizona was positive was unintentional. The look made her face burn and her breath hitch, before Callie continued, "And I'm not going to pretend to completely understand everything that goes on in your head. But I can respect it."

Even if it sucked for her.

Which just made Arizona even more appreciative of having Callie.

"Thank you," the words slipped out in a whisper, as her arms stopped their tight hold around her own waist.

Callie managed a small smile, despite the fact that there was a storm behind her eyes, "You don't have to thank me for just being your friend. It's not exactly a hardship, you know," she teased.

It was exactly what Arizona needed to hear, especially after her avoidance of Callie. Because this was them. They could still have their friendship, the way it was. And that, more than anything, was what she craved.

She brought her leg down, before crossing them the other way, as the thought hit her, "Wait. Didn't you have a show today?"

The way Callie hesitated before biting her lip and looking down at her lap answered the question before her words did, "I mean. I have an understudy for a reason. And she hasn't really gotten to be in any of the shows, yet."

Arizona's mouth fell open, "Callie! You blew off a show to come here?" And she felt actually legitimately scandalized, because she couldn't imagine blowing off any sort of responsibility for anything.

"How else was I supposed to get you to talk to me?" the brunette challenged, and Arizona felt properly chastised for her tone. Her apology must have been written all over her face, because Callie beat her to it, "Don't apologize again. We're… over it," she said in a tone that suggested she was over the apology, but perhaps it might take some time to be over the subject of the conversation.

Which Arizona understood. She was feeling the same way.

"I do have a dance class, though," Callie added quietly, and kind of off-handedly, as if trying to get them back to the place they'd just been. "In a few hours."

Arizona was already standing, brushing herself off from the nonexistent dust, "You're not missing any more responsibilities because of me." Without thinking, she offered her hand for the brunette to take, helping to pull her up. And despite the fact that they'd just had this whole "we're just friends" talk, her body didn't seem to listen.

With slight reluctance, she dropped Callie's hand once she'd been pulled up.

Clearing her throat, she started toward the door, "So how's Addison? I've missed the updates."

The topic accomplished what she'd wanted, because Callie's smile was quick and breath stealing, "She's crazy, as always."

"You love it," she tossed back, enjoying the face Callie made.

But then she conceded, "I do. Mark has been around more, too. And he's… surprisingly not bad," she added with a low chuckle.

Arizona's smile stole across her face at that, because it made her feel this strange happiness that she couldn't really describe, at Callie making friends. Which seemed kind of stupid, maybe, but she could think back to the beginning of them talking, when Callie hadn't gotten along with any of those costars. And now, here she was.

She wondered if it was weird having this kind of sense of pride. It probably was.

As they headed down the stairs, the sounds of celebration were louder, and Callie looked in the direction of where it was coming from, "Are you going to join?"

She could sense the unasked question, asking if she was on good terms with them again. And she nodded, "I think I might." Answering: yes, things are better.

The brunette understood because she was doing that smile again and her voice was soft, "Good." Dark eyes watched as Arizona started to slip on her jacket, and Callie shook her head, "You don't have to walk me anywhere; the shuttle that I took here from the train station is the one right down at the corner."

It was literally two houses away, but Arizona still frowned, "Are you sure?"

But Callie nodded, "Yeah," and Arizona wasn't positive, but maybe Callie also wanted some time alone. It was what Arizona most wanted after conversations like the one they'd had today.

So she stopped putting on her jacket, "Okay." She licked her lips and only hesitated for a second before leaning against the door frame, "If you want to call tonight, I'll answer."

This smile was the one she most associated with Callie, and it was ridiculously effervescent, "I want." Callie reached for the doorknob before dropping her hand down, and pausing for a few seconds until she turned to face Arizona, her teeth biting onto her lip, "Can we still hug?"

Arizona shivered in just the anticipation of a hug, because… she knew what that meant. Those unreal, soul shaking tingles, but for as much self-control as she had, she didn't have enough to turn it down. It was only a few seconds of hesitation before she nodded, "Yeah. Yes, of course."

And then she was enveloped in that softness and warmth that smelled so good, and her arms came up with less hesitation than usual, wrapping around Callie's waist. She could feel Callie breathe in against her chest before her low voice was in her ear, "I'm glad we got to talk."

"Me, too," and she meant it.

Then Callie was pulling back, and she still had a small smile on her face, "I'll talk to you later?"

She just nodded her affirmation, as Callie opened the door to go. And then Callie waved, which made her giggle, before waving back.

She told herself that she didn't watch as Callie walked away – or at least, that she shouldn't. But for as much self-control as she had, Arizona couldn't resist giving Callie another glance as she walked down the walkway from the sorority house.

Despite their conversation about things going back to normal, she couldn't help but feel like they'd already left simple friendship behind already. And she really didn't know how to feel or what to do about that.

Please let me know what you think! Thank you for everyone for being so patient and to those who wished me a happy vacation :) Thank you for reading!