"Kate. Hi. Hi. Glad you could make it." The relief on Caroline's face is so obvious she smiles warmly at her, a wave of affection rolling over her.
"Hi, Caroline."
"Come in."
They make polite small talk as Caroline finishes the preparations and then sit down to eat. The relaxed, chatty atmosphere of last week's meal has been replaced by an anticipatory tension which renders their conversation over lunch rather stilted and limited to work topics only. Most of her week has been spent asking herself what was going to happen today, and more importantly, what she wanted to happen. It wasn't an easy question to answer. She already knew that if Caroline initiated another hug she wouldn't turn her down, but beyond that? What if she kissed her? What if she invited her into her bed?
She'd been back and forth in her head numerous times, listing all of the reasons why this whole thing was a bad idea. Her boss. Her next-door neighbour. An old-fashioned boarding school that might gossip for Britain. Lawrence and William and a marriage that couldn't be dissolved without a scandal. It was twelve kinds of crazy.
But she'd known all week that she would come here. And now she was here, she wasn't at all sure where she would draw the line if Caroline tried to seduce her. Already she can feel the attraction building, the initial spark developing into a strong current of desire, the initial affection building into a full-on crush. Their hands brush just once when they both reach for their glasses at the same time and a prickle of electricity runs through her; she can see from Caroline's face that she feels it too. It's all getting far too dangerous.
They finish their meal and take a seat on the sofa, Caroline sitting very close to her, she notices. She takes a deep, surreptitious breath and hopes that her nerves don't show.
"So," Caroline says.
"So."
"How was your week? You were off to the theatre?"
"Yes, that was great, you should go. Very good production. And you? What did you do?"
"Oh, not much, cleared out some junk, went shopping, paid the gas bill. God that makes me sound dull, I should have done something more interesting so I could tell you about it. Goes without saying I'm usually the centre of a social whirl."
"Goes without saying," she smiles. "And William? How are you holding up there?"
"Oh, pretty well, I think, better. He does keep ringing me so I've decided he's not planning to abandon me forever. So that's encouraging."
"Good. Good. Although…"
"What?" she says.
"I mean…it must still be a bit hard for you," she says lightly, watching her carefully to make sure she doesn't upset her. "Your firstborn son and heir, all that way away…I would think you would still need a bit of support, now and then? Perhaps from a friendly acquaintance?"
She watches as the understanding begins to dawn. She hadn't planned this in advance, but apparently there's something inside her that wants any intimacy between them to be a conscious choice this time, rather than something they could pass off as a spur of the moment mistake.
"Well…I would think that's true, yes. He is an awful long way away, in the scheme of things. Practically another country." An expression of quiet joy has appeared on her face; at least they're on the same page about this part.
"So a cuddle might be in order? What do you reckon, do you think that might work?"
"Can't say for sure. We'd probably have to test it scientifically."
"Ah. Well then."
Kate leans back on the sofa and reaches out a hand.
"Oh, um…don't you want…"
"This way round, this time. I'm the cuddler, you're the cuddled. OK?"
Caroline pauses for a moment, indecision mixing with amusement in her expression. There's a vulnerability to being held, she thinks; she's probably more used to taking the lead.
But she takes her hand and lets herself be pulled into Kate's arms and then, slowly, down into a similar position to last time, except in reverse. Kate finds a comfortable spot against the soft arm of the sofa and stays there, running one hand up and down Caroline's back to calm any nerves that might be in evidence, wrapping the other arm tightly around her middle.
It feels markedly different to last week; a strong feeling of protectiveness comes over her, a desire to keep her safe. But the heat of her remains the same, as does the effect their intimacy has on her body. If anything she's becoming more turned on than last time, hyper aware of every place that their bodies are touching, of her breasts pressed against her own and the soft breath on her neck.
But she tries to keep a lid on the arousal as best she can – from Caroline's nerves and hesitation she suspects that she's not going to be making any advances today, and she's certainly not going to seduce her. There's a sharp sting of disappointment in that thought that's concerning, suggesting that if the advance had been made she might not have shown any resistance at all.
There's a calm period of silence, Kate occasionally caressing her back and the nape of her neck, with no movement from Caroline except for the rise and fall of her chest.
"I should have asked…" Caroline says after a while.
"Yes?"
"Whether you're seeing anyone. At the moment. I mean I don't know…what…but if I was seeing someone and they were, um, doing this sort of thing, I wouldn't be too-"
"I'm not. Seeing anyone."
"Right. Right. Good."
Time to take the plunge? It seems as good a time as any. Deep breath, McKenzie.
"I rather hoped that I was seeing you. Or might be after today."
No reply. She waits, determined not to push her, aware of every beat of her heart.
"I don't have much to offer you."
Well that's not a great start. Her heart sinks.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, with John and the boys, the way everything's…I'm not free, Kate. It was very lucky that no-one found out about it all last time, but with us working together, all those beady eyes watching us…"
"So you just want to be friends?"
"I think that's all we can be."
"Friends who hold each other? Does this feel platonic to you, Caroline? It doesn't to me."
Another long silence.
"Have you ever head of the term 'romantic friendship'?"
"Um…I don't think so."
"It used to be totally acceptable for two people to be intimate without sex, especially two people of the same gender. And then everyone got obsessed with carnal matters and decided you couldn't possibly have intimacy without sex. But that's what it was, a romantic friendship. An acknowledgement that there are friends and there are lovers and there are a whole host of relationships in between."
"And that's what you want? Intimacy without sex?"
Caroline sighs, blowing out her breath in frustration. "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about…hadn't thought about you like that…you're an extremely attractive woman. You're a beautiful woman and I'd have to be as straight as a ruler to not find you attractive, and God knows I've never been that. But there are a hundred and one reasons why a romantic relationship would be doomed, Kate. At least right now, with the way things are. You must know that."
"Yes. I suppose I do." She can't keep the disappointment out of her voice; Caroline draws herself up to look at her, resting on one arm.
"I'm sorry. I really am. If things were different…"
"I know."
"Do you want me to…" She gestures vaguely away from the sofa.
"No. You can stay."
Caroline smiles at her, searching her expression. "I know this isn't ideal. Very far from ideal. I've got no right to even ask you to contemplate it, you must have a thousand and one women pursuing you."
"Must I?" she says, smiling a little sadly.
"Of course! I've already overheard a certain geography-teaching whippersnapper who was trying desperately hard not to appear keen on you, I didn't like to tell him he wasn't your type. Bet it's like that everywhere, it must get quite tiresome for you, actually. Walking into bars and having women faint at the very sight of you, having to wade through a sea of admirers just to order a gin and tonic."
"What on earth are you talking about you silly woman." She can't quite keep the smile off her face.
"I'm saying I appreciate the strength of the competition. And the opportunity that I'm being afforded here."
They grin at each other and for a heart-stopping moment Caroline's gaze rests on her lips and she thinks she's going to kiss her. But she lies down again in her arms and Kate tries to calm down. This is not going to be easy, she thinks. Not easy at all.
"So…what are the rules here, exactly? I mean, in the whole romantic friendship situation, what are my privileges?"
"Oh. Well. This, obviously. What we've already…and then, I don't know really. I haven't made a list or anything."
"But no kissing?"
Caroline shifts a little in her arms. "Um, no, I don't think we could…no."
"And no shagging?"
She laughs. "Definitely no shagging. The rules are no kissing and no shagging."
"Can I call you my little honeybun?"
"Certainly not."
"Can I ring you at 3am to tell you about my existential crisis?"
"Certainly."
"Can I sleep here?"
Silence; she can almost hear her thinking. She's not even sure why she's suggested it – if she has to spend a whole night in her arms without being allowed to so much as kiss her it might be torture.
"I'll have to think about that one. Not sure that I could…I'll get back to you."
They lapse into silence, Kate gently running a hand through Caroline's silky hair. This wasn't so bad, she thought. Maybe it was exactly what she needed, a warm, comforting physical friendship that wasn't complicated by all of the intricacies of sex. Maybe sex really had become too much of a big deal and took the focus away from the emotional closeness that people really craved.
Maybe you're trying to talk yourself into this.
But everything about Caroline was drawing her in, and if all they could have at the moment was a very close friendship then that was what she would take and she would enjoy it for as long as it lasted. The future could take care of itself.
"Perhaps this is for the best," she says. "Gives us a chance to get to know each other properly, it'll be like courting in the 1920s."
"Right, you see? That's what I thought. People fall into bed with each other so quickly these days, don't even know each other's names. Much better to take things slowly. Much more civilised."
A small pause.
"Caroline?"
"Mm?"
"Do you think we convinced each other?"
She laughs briefly. "No idea. I guess we'll find out in the end."