Slowly, gradually, she wakes up. She's spent another wonderful night at Caroline's flat, although this time they'd managed to avoid touching each other – but then she feels a warm, soft hand underneath her pyjama top, resting on her bare skin…

She holds her breath as she feels the hand stroking her skin, up and down, up and down. Surely she's awake; she must be. She must know what she's doing to her. Taking a deep breath she draws herself up to rest on her elbows, looking into Caroline's eyes. The bedroom curtains are drawn but there's easily enough light in the room to see her serious expression. And her desire.

Long moments pass, full of yearning. And then something inside of Kate snaps and she kisses her, a sweet relief as their lips meet and a thrill of electricity runs through her, making her deepen the kiss quickly through sheer need, Caroline kissing her back just as greedily.

The passion runs like a lightning rod between them, the kiss feeling as if it might never end, as if they need to release the fire that's burned between them for so long. Small moans of pleasure from the woman beneath her stoke the fire higher, as do the hands that are now clinging almost painfully to her body.

Eventually she draws back, sitting up straight and straddling her, loving the power of her position and the look of flustered longing on Caroline's face. She opens her pyjama top impatiently, silently cursing the fiddly buttons, and then her hands are on her breasts, caressing, stroking, feeling. A small sigh of pleasure spurs her on and she leans down to take one hard nipple into her mouth, earning a breathy moan and then another as she licks hungrily at her body.

Time stops. All she can feel is her body, her incredible heat; all she wants is for this never to end. Moving downwards she kisses her belly button and then her stomach, licking urgently at the baby soft skin just above the line of her pyjama bottoms, kissing all across her belly and then back up to her breast, this time taking one nipple into her mouth and caressing the other breast with firm strokes of her hand.

"Please," Caroline breathes, "Oh, please," her voice quiet but full of desire. Suddenly she has to make her come, she has to, has to see it and feel it and be the cause of it, and she sucks a little harder and caresses with a firmer stroke, not allowing her a second to calm down, feeling from the reactions of her body and her small cries and moans that she might be able to push her over the edge without even touching her below the waist.

The moans soon become louder and longer, one hand on her arm gripping so tightly it hurts, but she doesn't stop, doesn't give her a moment's respite from the arousal that's burning through her body, and finally she gets her reward.

With one last deep groan Caroline surrenders to her orgasm and Kate feels a thrill of her own at the delicious release of tension she can see and hear. After a few more moments she places one last gentle kiss on her breast and sits up slightly, the rush of excitement drowning out any worry about what comes next.

What comes next is that as soon as Caroline opens her eyes and meets Kate's gaze she sits up and moves away from her, desperately trying to do up her pyjamas with hands that are clearly shaking. Kate watches her in alarm. Her eyes are fixed firmly on the floor and the delicate flush of her arousal is becoming a flaming beetroot blush that covers her face and neck. She looks mortified.

"I'm sorry," Kate says, "I didn't mean to do that, I'm so sorry. Please don't be embarrassed, it's so flattering, I love it that you trusted me enough to…to feel that, to experience that…"

She trails off, floundering, wishing she knew what to say to make it all better, wishing Caroline would say something.

"You OK?" she says gently.

"Fine, I'm fine," Caroline says, far too quickly.

"I lied to you, just then, I'm sorry. I did mean to do that. I hadn't planned it, but once we were…I wanted to make you…to give you that. To know how it would feel to be the cause of it, in you. I didn't think about what you might feel afterwards, I was too caught up in the moment. I am sorry."

A hint of a smile appears on Caroline's face; she almost cries in relief.

"For God's sake, woman, stop apologizing. You're acting like you did something awful."

"Well it would be awful if you didn't want-"

"I clearly did. And do. It was a surprise, that's all, I just got a bit embarrassed. I don't usually…you know…not just from…" She waves her hand vaguely in the air.

"Don't you?"

"No."

Kate studies her, trying to ignore her own lingering arousal but unable to resist asking.

"Have you ever...you know, just from…" She copies the vague hand gesture. Caroline glares at her.

"Are you wanting a gold star, Miss McKenzie?"

"Only if my work was outstanding. Unprecedented, even. Was it?" She smiles at her cheekily, seeing from Caroline's inability to suppress a smile that the danger has passed.

"Well. Yes. As it happens. If you're trying to soothe my embarrassment you're not doing a very good job."

"Sorry."

"She says with a grin the size of Wales."

"You can't expect me to pretend I didn't enjoy that." She edges closer to her on the bed to gently place a kiss on her cheek.

Caroline grins at her. Slowly, though, the happiness falls away as she studies her, her expression becoming far more serious.

"What? What is it?"

"I don't want this to come out the wrong way, and I take full responsibility. We both know I enjoyed that immensely and I could have stopped you if I'd asked. But I…I don't know if we can carry on like this. I don't know if I can do this, Kate."

Her stomach drops; she's taken from utter joy to a bone-chilling fear in the space of a sentence. She feels like she already knows what's coming.

"We said this was a romantic friendship, and as long as we could keep to those boundaries it wouldn't interfere with the divorce or my job. But as soon as we start…I can't risk another affair. I can't."

"We're having an affair. We've been having an affair for months, whether I've touched you or not."

"But the courts won't see it like that, as long as I can deny we've had sex then we're just friends as far as the rest of the world is concerned. We can't go on like this."

"And it's the rest of the world that matters, is it? Not me?" She stands up and faces her, trying to clamp down on the building anger, the searing pain.

"That's not fair and you know it. I've been nothing but honest with you."

"Bullshit." Caroline looks astounded and she regrets it immediately but can't bring herself to apologize.

"Name me a single time I've lied to you!"

"Right now, right this second. It's all for the boys, is it? We're waiting for Lawrence to grow up? That's part of the truth, Caroline, but don't try to tell me it's the only reason we're here. If you got the fastest divorce in history John would only have custody for six months and we both know Lawrence adores you. This is about you. Your fear. Your cowardice."

Caroline flinches but she can't seem to stop herself, weeks of buried frustration and subconscious anxiety pouring out of her in a torrent of twisted words.

"If you really wanted this you and I would be making love right now. And instead we're at each other's throats and it's because you're terrified to admit you're a lesbian.

"Tell me I'm wrong, Caroline. Tell me I'm wrong, tell me that once Lawrence is squared away the first thing you'll do is tell all your friends about me, write a letter to the chair of governors to get our relationship on the record, tell Beverley that I'm your new partner and she should treat me like she treated John. Tell me I'm wrong."

There's still no reply and the silence fuels her fury.

"You're worried about your nice, respectable little niche and everyone knowing you're a lesbian. That's what's keeping us apart, not Lawrence. I bet this is what happened with your last lover, isn't it? Did you keep her locked up in the closet too?"

To her dismay Caroline shows no signs of fighting back; it looks far more likely that she'll cry. The thought of her in tears finally stops her tirade and she stands there miserably, longing to touch her, to comfort her, to shake her until she wakes up.

"That's not fair," Caroline says eventually, her voice weak. "I've worked bloody hard for this job, I can't lose it now."

Kate takes a moment to compose herself, wanting to express herself clearly as she has a sinking feeling this might be the last time she ever gets the chance.

"They can't fire us, Caroline, it's against the law. They'd never get away with it. This is about you."

"There are plenty of ways to force us out without resorting to legalities. If the chair of governors decides I have to go then he's got a hundred different ways of making my life miserable. Besides, this is a business, Kate, a private school isn't a bog standard comprehensive where you're always fighting to keep the numbers down, we have to keep our numbers healthy or we die. If the parents find out the headmistress is gay they could withdraw their children in droves and there'd be nothing I could do about it. This is the only headship I've ever had, I can't swan off to find another one if I've got no reference and I've driven the school into the ground. They could finish me."

"You're being melodramatic."

"Am I? Name me one gay headteacher."

"I might not know of one specifically but that doesn't mean there aren't any, I'm sure there are. I can name you three gay teachers just in this school."

"It's not the same, it isn't. As the head of the school I'm the leader, the captain of the ship, there are expectations of my behaviour that don't apply to the rank and file."

"Expectations, yes, but they can't expect you to be straight, that's discrimination, pure and simple. You could sue them for everything they've got and they wouldn't stand a chance. You're just too afraid to admit who you are."

"They hired a married woman with two children, not a divorced lesbian. And you're insane if you don't think there's a difference."

"Then I'm insane. You are who are you, you haven't changed because you're allowing yourself to be with me and our relationship has precisely zero impact on your work."

"They'll never see it like that. They won't."

Kate takes a deep breath, biting down on her frustration. Where the hell is the woman who runs a huge secondary school with a rod of iron? Where the hell is her courage?

"Make them see, Caroline. Fight them, fight for your career because discrimination is contemptible, fight for all the kids in this school who are going to grow up to be gay, who know they're gay already, fight against everyone who ever made you feel ashamed of yourself. Fight for me."

There's silence. Caroline gazes at her helplessly, tears welling in her eyes, her mouth open as if to speak. Kate waits and waits and waits, but when the words don't come she knows it's over.

The next few months pass in a blur. Using every tactic in the book she avoids her boss at all costs – hiding out in the library, taking the long route round the school to stay away from her office, not leaving her flat until she's heard the other woman go first. She even ducks out of a staff meeting claiming illness, refusing to meet Caroline's eyes.

But she keeps teaching her classes, keeps her life chugging along. There's no way she's going to be beaten down by a woman who can't face the truth, whose fear of the outside world is so much stronger than their…

Their love. And now it was all over, she knew that love is exactly what it had been. She'd fallen in love, helplessly, stupidly in love with this magnificent, arrogant, astonishing, infuriating, complicated, wonderful woman. Only Caroline hadn't fallen in return. The whole thing had been a sad, sorry mess from start to finish; she should never have gone along with all that romantic friendship rubbish, all on Caroline's terms, her timetable. She should have realized at the start that that beautiful flat of hers was a hiding place, not a home. It had always been a disaster waiting to happen.

So she wasn't going to let it break her heart. And coming home from work one day she tells herself exactly that, over and over, as she sits on the sofa and sobs.

Eventually the tears die down. As she gets up to get a glass of water she spots an envelope under her door and stands stock still, staring at it. It can only be from her. Set fire to it, she thinks, shove it under her own door unread, but she's picked it up before she can stop herself and ripped it open.

Dear Kate,

I'm so, so sorry for the way things have ended. I really am. I care about you a great deal, far more deeply than I have been able to tell you. I only hope you can find someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

I think you need to know that I have written to the board of governors to tell them I have been involved in a lesbian relationship. I did not mention your name, only that the woman was a member of staff here and I wished to inform the board so they could make plans for future salary reviews, promotions and so on that did not require my involvement. I stated that I would reveal your identity if and when this kind of situation arose. I expect the governors to be discreet but I cannot guarantee their silence and I sincerely apologise for any unpleasantness this may cause you, although I feel confident in saying you will respond to it with a great deal more maturity and strength than I have shown over the past few months.

I have also filed for divorce. The advice from the lawyer is that there is now no danger of a custody battle because of Lawrence's age, but you were right, of course; Lawrence was not the only reason that I behaved in the way that I did. I got what I deserved in the end.

I will cherish the short time I had with you.

Caroline

A rush of hope soars through her – cherish, she said, she's going to cherish their time together, she cares about her deeply. But as she reads the note for a second and then a third time her hopes begin to come crashing down. There's no mention of love, not even a 'Love from Caroline' at the end. But what really hits her is how final it all sounds, as if their relationship is completely over, dead, never to be reignited.

Their only problems had been Lawrence and Caroline's fear of coming out. And if those two problems had been surmounted, why on earth wasn't she here? Why wasn't she on the doorstep asking for another chance, pouring her heart out and saying how much she needed her? Asking her to face the governors together if and when the fallout came?

She slumps downs onto the sofa and struggles hard against the tears. The note hadn't changed anything at all.

A few more weeks go by. Kate continues to avoid her, managing it almost entirely except for one excruciating meeting about the French curriculum that they get through by using as little eye contact as possible and talking to each other like strangers. The Dr Elliot persona is firmly back in place, aloof and reserved, although she seems…quieter, somehow. Diminished. Less confident, maybe, a little more tired, a little less dynamic. But that might just be her imagination.

So she drags herself through the weeks and nothing much changes – until the day she walks into the staffroom and her colleagues immediately fall silent. Ian Jackson's stood next to the bulletin board with a piece of paper in his hand, staring at her as if she's got three heads.

"What?" she says, puzzled. "Have I got my cardigan on inside out?"

"Kate, hi, hi."

"Hi Ian," she says warily. "What's going on?"

He doesn't reply, looking round the room awkwardly.

"Look, could someone just tell me?"

"Guys, could we have the room, do you think?" Ian says. "For 10 minutes or so?"

The other staff members stand up and file out of the room. Kathy Everson gives her a big smile and touches her on the arm; Daniel Smith says "Don't let the buggers get you down" in a conspiratorial whisper. What the bloody hell is happening?

"Ian, you have to tell me what's going on, right now. You're scaring me."

He hands her the piece of paper he was holding and she scans it quickly. "Board of governors' meeting…headteacher…sad decision to separate and plans to divorce…homosexual relationship…female member of staff…retain faith in her work as headteacher…trust you agree."

Struggling to make sense of it all she reads it again and again. It's a letter to parents, to every parent at Sulgrave Heath. A letter telling them that Caroline's been involved with a female staff member. Every single parent at Sulgrave Heath…

She sits down heavily. "This has gone out?"

"Not yet, it's being sent next week," he says. "They wanted to let the staff know first."

"Why would they…I mean surely it's private, it's nobody's business, why would they…"

"Just between you and me, Kate, Gavin told me that Dr Elliot put it on record to make sure she wasn't accused of favouritism. And then one of the parent governors kicked up a massive fuss in the governors' meeting and they argued about it for two hours, he wanted every parent to know, said they had a right to know. And he got his way in the end, barely, the board voted in favour of this letter, so Gavin had no choice."

"Does she know? Has she seen this?"

"Yep. She was at the meeting, you can imagine how much fun that must have been, although apparently they kicked her out for the part where they picked over her private life like vultures. But the letter, yeah, Beverley was in here 10 minutes ago. She's seen it. Beverley's on the warpath as you can imagine, said it was an appalling breach of privacy, I've never seen her so angry. Practically had steam coming out of her ears."

Every single parent at Sulgrave Heath. The most private woman in the world. Oh dear God. Oh my God, she thinks. And then suddenly she realizes-

"Why did everyone go quiet when I came in here?"

Ian doesn't reply but the look on his face answers for him.

"You know, don't you? That it was me, they're talking about me in this letter?"

"Yes."

"I thought Caroline hadn't told anyone, not my actual name."

"I'm not sure she has, Kate. The governors didn't seem to know who it was, I'm not sure even Gavin does. But you've always been honest about your sexuality, and you two seemed to become friends, you live next door…and you've both been so depressed lately we assumed you'd broken up. We were hoping you would get back together again and put us all out of our misery."

He smiles at her kindly but all she can feel is a sense of dread.

"Kate? Kate, can I have a word?"

She turns round and comes face to face with Caroline. They've hardly seen each other since the letter was sent to parents two weeks ago and she tries unsuccessfully to ignore the feeling of pleasure that flows through her simply from seeing her lovely face. The few times they have seen each other Caroline has seemed even more tightly wound than usual, barking at pupils in the hallways, conducting staff meetings at the speed of light. Kate's colleagues have mostly been kind to her, with one or two snide comments about sleeping with the boss thrown in, but everywhere she's been she's felt eyes on her, watching. It's all been highly uncomfortable, but at least most of the staff already knew she was gay; she's tried not to think about how Caroline's been feeling, her sexuality exposed for the very first time in her life.

"Of course."

Kate follows her into her office, her heart starting up a dull thud. Caroline is as attractive as ever in her fitted suit but there's an expression of badly-concealed anxiety on her face and dark circles under her eyes.

"Take a seat. I wanted to…I have something to tell you. Regarding recent events with the governors."

Her heart sinks. Despite the highly charged atmosphere at work she hadn't heard a word from any parents; she was starting to believe that nothing more would come of it and given enough time they would all be able to calm down and forget about it.

"The thing is…there have been some complaints. Gavin is in a very difficult position, he has to balance the needs of the school with the demands of the parents. One of the parents has been particularly…vocal. Strident. Suggesting that he'll take his concerns to the local media if he doesn't get what he wants."

"Oh, Caroline…he'd never do that, surely? Whatever would the story be anyway?"

"Well that's what he's saying, and Gavin and I both agree that that would be a very unfortunate road to travel down. So. A fortnight today we're holding a meeting. For parents to express their concerns. To me."

It takes a few moments for the meaning of her words to sink in.

"I…you're not serious?"

"Deadly serious."

"But that's…they can't ask you do that!"

"They're not asking."

"And you're just giving in?"

Caroline drops her gaze to the desk and Kate knows she's hurt her. Hurting her seems to be her specialty.

"What I'm doing, Miss McKenzie, is protecting my two boys and protecting this school. Any further delving into my private life is going to uncover the other affairs and God knows how many women John's been with since we separated. This is a ticking timebomb and I will not let my boys be plastered all over the tabloids and this school run into the ground. This needs to be over with, finished, one way or the other, and this is the quickest way to achieve that."

Why aren't you fighting, she thinks, why aren't you standing up for what you believe in?

"So why are you telling me?"

She shifts slightly to look out of the window at the pouring rain; she looks so deeply unhappy she almost regrets every harsh word she's ever said to her.

"I thought you might agree to come. Gavin suggested one member of staff attend as a representative and I thought I might have a better chance of getting through the damn thing with you there. I see now how presumptuous that was. I apologise. You'd better go."

They sit in silence for 30 seconds or more, Kate too touched to leave. Finally she stands and walks to the door, noticing the slight slump of Caroline's shoulders as she does so.

"Caroline?"

"Yes?"

"I'll be there."

She doesn't wait to see her reaction. Once she's safely out of the office she takes five minutes to compose herself and then seeks out Ian to tell him the news, desperate for his reassurance. Finding him in the library she hurriedly gets him up to speed, leaving out the fact that Caroline has asked her to attend the meeting.

"What's going to happen?" she asks him anxiously. "What do you think they'll say?"

"Gavin's definitely on your side and I haven't heard any mutiny from the staff. God knows she's got her faults but I don't think anyone would want her to be hauled over the coals like this, not when all she's done is have a bit of a messy private life."

"And the parents? They're the ones who've complained."

"The parents? Honestly…I don't know. I'd like to believe that the complaints came from a few self-important blowhards and the silent minority are either supportive or don't give a hoot one way or the other as long as she can run a school. And if that's the case she'll have one very uncomfortable evening, everyone will have a good gossip and it'll all be forgotten."

"That's the best case scenario. What's the worst?"

He doesn't answer; he doesn't have to. The worst case scenario is the end of a 20-year career.