Chapter 19:

Her throat was sore when she woke up—another day. It was in her best interest to sleep in her own tent with Octavia and Charlotte, although the awkwardness of her settling next to Bellamy's sister did not escape her. The verdict of her relationship with him was open-ended, in better terms, it had yet to be defined as over or continuing. Half way through another speech, she found that she didn't have a proper hold on her mind. Clarke highly doubted it was the hormones swimming through her veins—just stress. She was under a lot of stress, okay?

The explosion fiasco rained down on her life as well as her condition that had yet to be addressed by any medicinal herbs. Given, it was hard to send people on a scouting mission for those types of things when they needed to focus on survival. As much as she wanted to make everything about her pregnancy, about being a parent, about being a better person she was starting to come back to reality and reality deemed that she had to compromise with her wants.

She was a camp leader. It was time to find a balance in her daily duties between being an expectant mother and assisting her people.

But first things first, she needed to check wounds.

-x-

He sucked in a deep breath when the harsh light broke through his dreamless sleep. Bellamy made no sudden movements, though. He'd experienced the post-argument haze before—where it was a memory instead of something currently going on. A situation that carried such intensity seemed belittled by a few hours of sleep. He would be lying if he said he had woken up with all of the answers—that wasn't true.

The camp was waking up which meant they would need both leaders present after the events of the day before. He would have to look at Clarke, thinking "God, she's going to leave me…" while they fought for ounces of professionalism. The real kicker was, he cared for Clarke more than anyone he'd ever stumbled across in his twenty-three years of life. He couldn't label it love—he wanted to say it was for her sake, but he was entirely unsure of the new territory.

Bellamy slowly moved to prepare himself for the awful day he was about to have when the flap of his tent flew open and Octavia stepped in with crossed arms, "I don't want to know what the hell is going on with you and Clarke." She stated flatly and by the look on her face, she really didn't want to know. It was as if his little sister already decided everything was going to work out and whatever they were arguing over was petty and stupid. He wished he could confirm this but his face only seemed to be capable of holding a firm frown. "I just thought you should know that she can't talk right now."

"Oh, so she's sending you as a messenger now?" Bellamy wet his lip before he pointed a finger at his sister, his position screaming defensive. He couldn't believe that Octavia was taking her side—well, he could, but he was allowed to be upset with the concept."Well you can tell her—" His voice was rough but he could not disguise the hurt behind each word.

His sister was defensive, taking a quick step back while raising her palms in his direction. He noted that Octavia was being overly dramatic that fine morning, but he decided not to comment on her attitude problem. "I mean she can't speak, Bellamy. Her throat or something is fucked up from inhaling so much smoke. She was croaky…but since she woke up beyond early and suffered through morning sickness and mid-morning sickness and late-morning sickness, which you've seemed to have slept through, she is now a forced mute." She breathed out a quick sigh with a flip of her hand, "The strain of excessive vomiting probably didn't help anything."

He keeps reminding himself that he was the one who got Clarke pregnant. He was the one destroying her life.

"I-uh…I'm going to check on her." Bellamy's eyes drop to the dirt floor of his tent while a thousand thoughts circle in his head. He wants to be with Clarke, there's no other way to put how he feels. There's not a scenario where he is not captured by her. She's got him trapped in her web of beauty and stoic expressions. There's a part of him that knows that getting her pregnant isn't the worst thing he could have done to her—he could have killed her that first day but he hadn't. In fact, one could argue he was doing this exact opposite at this point.

"Oh, great idea genius." Octavia raised an eyebrow as she scoffed, crossing her arms to look in a different direction. "And stop being an idiot. For some unknown reason the only decent girl in this camp, next to me and maybe Raven, loves your dumbass." Octavia narrowed her eyes when he involuntarily squints his eyes in a sort of half-wince. "Yes, I said the L word. I swear, this is why Harper promoted that rumor about you two getting married. It was believable."

"It really wasn't." Bellamy murmured more to himself since any rebuttal on his part would trigger a Blake speech from Octavia. "We aren't ready for that type of com—"

"If you say commitment I swear to god I will cut off your dick." Octavia nodded sternly as if deciding that she was most definitely going mutilate him if he misspoke again. It was quite frightening to him seeing as Octavia was obviously determined to talk some "sense" into him. "I promise you I will hurt you if you say another ridiculous thing like that again—because Clarke is pregnant with your child. You know more than anyone what kind of responsibility a baby, a child, a teenager is going to be for both of you...honestly, admitting that you don't have to spend the rest of your life alone is far less of a feat when compared to raising another child to perfection." She pauses with a slight smile on her lips, "You know, since you raised me and I'm already perfect. I hope lightning strikes twice, brother."

Bellamy continues to look at the dirt.

Octavia exhales heavily, "We…we don't know how to have normal relationships. It wasn't a possibility two months ago. They were going to float me for being born…and you, Bellamy, you were going to condemn yourself for one mistake in sixteen years." She shakes her head, "You decided you were never going to be with anyone to protect me…because you can only trust family, right? You couldn't see yourself ever being able to share your biggest secret with someone else…but Clarke's family now, and she's your partner."

"I—"

"She's your partner and you would trust her with your life. Hell, she saved your life days ago…" Octavia shrugged, "I'm not saying you have to do it now. I'm not saying you have to force yourself to love her, just now that you can because I'm okay, Bellamy…and Clarke's not going to betray you, she's not going to judge your demons, she's not going to run. She's going to give you your space if you look like you need it, she's going to give you time to get your life together but she's not going to give up on you as a person even if you blow this to hell."

"Thanks, O." His voice is a breath, barely audible.

"In conclusion, stop being a puss and man up."

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