I do not own any of the Tokyo Ghoul characters, only my own ideas and my imagination. Thank you for all the reviews (J4sm1n4, fadingfordaiki, Stargazer, Rita Hearts, Guest and MercifulPeaceGraceWisteria, I'm looking at you guys!)

Okay, this chapter has drug references and suicide is mentioned. If you don't feel comfortable with those than please turn back.

Ayato sat in the dim, blue light, the moon shone through his open window and he pulled at his hair in frustration. He's angry, depressed and in love. He wished he wasn't, but hey. You don't get to choose who you fall in love with, huh?

Tuesday, Jan 24

He sat on his couch, waiting for his sister to burst through the door in her haphazard manner like she usually did. He needed to tell her what was going on; she'd been worried about him after all. He hadn't called in a whole month. The problem? He was in love. That's not the worst part, the worst part was who he loved. It was Kaneki. Kaneki fucking Ken. He groaned before falling onto his side in emotional agony, nothing could hurt more than this. Nothing. The door slammed open abruptly and his sister ran in, she stood in front of him before punching him repeatedly in the abdomen.

"Ow! Touka! What the fuck?!" He yelled as she pulled away.

"Nothing for a whole and then you call, saying you need help?!" She exclaimed.

"Yeah, and here you are!" Ayato sat up and glared at her, she glared back before giving up and sitting down next to him. Pulling one of her knees up to her chest self-consciously.

"So what is it you need?" She mumbled. Ayato sighed and hugged a pillow.

"I'm in fucking love." He quickly stated before concealing his burning, red face from his sister.

"You're joking right?" Touka laughed for a short bit before sensing he was serious, her smile dropped and she hesitated before placing a hand on his left shoulder.

"Oh my god, Ayato…um, should I be sorry?" She murmured.

"…I don't know." Ayato whined, burying his head further into the pillow.

"Um, so who are they?" He shook his head.

"All I'll say is that they're…a 'he'." There was an awkward silence before Ayato felt a pair of arms loop around him and hold him close.

"Touka?" He mumbled into her shoulder.

"We'll get through this together Ayato. Both of us. We're in the same situation after all, so we can help each other." She assured him.

"Touka? What do you mean?" He asked.

"I'm in love too, you thick-headed prick."

Ayato smiled at her remark, he felt elated, his sister would be able to help him through this. It would be like when they were kids, rallying against any adult to survive. He would be fine, because his older sister would take care of him.

"Um, do you remember Kaneki?"

Thursday, Feb 18

He wouldn't say it. He'd never say it. He saw how happy his sister was around Kaneki and his heart felt like it had grown claws and was trying to rip its way out of his chest. He sat on his bed and didn't even bother to keep the tears in, he'd kept them in for what felt like years. But now he had the best reason to cry. He was mad and thankful; his sister had allowed him to release the tears he'd been holding up.

"Congratulations Touka." He sobbed as the text shone through the bedroom that was fast becoming dark.

OMG! He asked me out! I'm so happy!

Wednesday, Feb 23

He felt like throwing up, he was supposed to have moved on by now. But now, as he was walking down the street beside Kaneki towards a jewellery shop. He was disgusted. He was feeling that emotion. With every step he took, it pulsed inside his chest. He felt like kissing him on the side-walk right there and then, but he couldn't. It was better to be hurt by this sinful emotion than to hurt his sister who was currently at the peak of happiness.

"I appreciate you coming with me for this Ayato-kun." Kaneki spoke up with that velvet voice of his that would only ever say Touka's name with love.

"No problem." Ayato mumbled. Of course there was a problem. He wanted Kaneki to be his. Not Touka's. His.

"I just wanted to do something for her, y'know?"

Ayato's gaze softened.

"Yeah. I know."

Monday, March 5

He could feel this love eating him alive. Eating his emotions. His happiness. He could only feel some twisted form of happiness when he was with Kaneki. Kaneki. Kaneki fucking Ken. He locked the front door, turned off the lights and collapsed on his bed. He couldn't relax anymore. All his thoughts were on Kaneki. Kissing Kaneki. Fucking Kaneki. Marrying Kaneki. He rolled over and pulled out a syringe. This was the only thing that could calm him. The only thing. He didn't care if it ruined him. His heart was doing that superbly enough already.

Saturday, May 19

Touka: Ayato? I haven't heard from you in ages. I go by but your door is always locked. I'm worried. Call me. –April 13

Touka: Okay, this isn't funny anymore. Ayato, Tatara said he aw you with a syringe. WTF are you up to? –April 29

Touka: I can hear you through the door Ayato! LET. ME. IN. –May 4

Kaneki: Ayato, your sister's really worried. Please talk to her. – May 10

Touka: You little shit, pick up your phone. –May 17

Touka: I can't handle this anymore. Please call me. Please. – May 19

Saturday, June 16

"Ayato-kun, onee-chan is really worried about you." Hinami informed him as she sat down on his bed. He curled up into a ball underneath the sheet.

"I can't see her Hinami, if I see her I'll see…" He trailed off. His name was enough to hurt him now. Everything was enough. He thought that knowing this much emotional pain would've dulled any other form but no. It intensified it.

"You'll see onii-chan. I know." Hinami mumbled before bending down and picking up a used syringe. She would normally tell him off but she knew that her judgement would just wound him. He didn't need that right now.

"Does doing drugs really take the pain away?" She asked.

Ayato pulled himself tighter into a ball.

"No."

Tuesday, Aug 8

Ayato threw his phone across the room and let out a scream crossed with a sob. No amount of cocaine could cure this. Nothing could cancel out this much rage and grief. He crouched on the floor, his body shaking with each desperate cry that escaped him. He couldn't control it anymore. But he'd lost all chance of ever telling Kaneki how he felt. He had lost. Everything. He didn't want to deal with this, with himself, with anything anymore. He wanted his sad little chapter to end right now.

Touka: Kaneki and I are getting married. I think this is a good enough reason to call. Don't you think?

Okay, this chapter is done, gimme some time to write some cute ones so you can recover from this. I dunno, I felt like writing this one. Sorry for the feels. Please review, favourite or follow.