More people than I thought are actually reading this. I thought it would be me and like one person who is not Linda because Linda doesn't like reading. She makes me read things to her now. She still has no clue I put this up here. Haha, oops. I better write more because the chapters have almost caught up to where I am writing and when that happens it means I have to write things. For someone who writes for fun I tend to avoid it a lot.
Enjoy the happiness of randomness.
Talking of randomness the scroll bar thing on the side of the screen while I was putting pretty lines in this kept teleporting me back to the beginning of the story over and over again. And the title refuses to be centered.
Chapter 3: Diary of a Psychopath Time
"Oh look Linda, I found a Diary." I called coming out of the bathroom stall.
"We can write things in there!" Linda exclaimed happily.
"Yes and it is not just any Diary, it's magical." I said waving my hands and using spirit fingers to show the magicalness of the diary. Because magicalness is so a word.
"A magic Diary? Yay!" Linda agreed.
The other day I saw a man. When I saw this man I thought 'man he is bald'. Linda wrote in the diary with her sparkly green pen.
{The other day I too saw a man. When I saw him I thought 'this man is definitely bald'.} I wrote using the purple pen that I stole from Linda earlier.
The next day I saw a man. When I saw him I thought 'Shiny, shiny, Baldy, Baldy'.
{The next day I saw a man. When I saw him I thought 'Shiny, Shiny, shiny...Bald'.}
Today I saw a bug...it was green. It hopped.
Who is writing in this diary?
{You are.}
Duh.
I mean who is writing now?
{Still you.}
What are your names?
{I don't tell strangers my name, it gives them power.}
If you can guess our names then we will give you...what did Rumpelstiltskin do again?
{Take babies.}
So if you guess our names we will give you back your baby.
What baby?
{What happened to the baby?}
A dingo ate it. A Dingo ate your baby.
{Not to be confused with a Gingo.}
What is a Gingo?
{It's a Gin...dingo.}
What is that?
{We don't actually know.}
The point is that if you guess our names you will get the baby.
I don't have a baby.
{How do you know? The future you could have one and you would never know.}
That poor Bastard child.
{Poor thing.}
I have an idea.
{Good for you.}
Was there a light bulb?
Why would there be a light bulb?
I would want a light bulb every time I have an idea with a design of a question mark on it.
{Like the riddler?}
The Riddler?
Batman and Robin.
You could help me come back to life.
I'm sorry if you're dead, your dead. There's no helping you.
{Well he is talking to us, so he's not quite dead?}
How would you know you aren't dead. You don't even know if you have a child? Can't you just come back to life by letting your hair down?
{That's Rapunzel.}
I forgot he was bald.
I'm not bald.
Oh so you know you aren't dead but you know that you are not bald?
{Um Linda, that sentence...doesn't quite make sense completely.}
When did we ever make sense?
Never.
Oh, so you know that's good.
How do you know I am bald in the future?
{Know something? We know nothing.}
Yes, nothing. Nothing at all.
{I swears, with an s.}
Yes, yes. I swear.
{We are definitely not doing the we-are-lying-to-you-evil-finger-Excellent-thing, right now.}
No, no we are definitely not. And we are definitely not doing the shifty eyes.
{Never. Why are we writing this?}
I no know. No, no, no, no, no. I don't know anyting.
Do we have a deal?
{What deal?}
Was there a deal going on?
{I must have missed that part.}
I guess your names and then you help me come back to life.
What kind of boy keeps a diary anyway?
{A girly boy.}
Are you secretly or ever have been a transsexual? Why am I speaking in a fake English accent?
{Because Tom is British?}
Oh.
{Wait, we are writing...}
Girls.
How do you know we are girls?
I should hope no boys have chosen to use those colors.
Yes, but we also hope that no boys would write in diaries, but that obviously didn't happen. And green is a neutral color.
Yes, but the sparkly.
He said sparkly.
{My color is regal. Sparkly.}
Will you help me or not?
Let me think about it.
"Are you girls done?" a voice drawled through the door. There is only one voice that can drawl through a door.
"Yes." Both Linda and I said suspiciously.
"Just get out here." Snape replied. I quickly pocketed the diary in my clearly magical pocket since I have like three books in there and it is not full or anything. How I got a magic pocket I shall never know.
The next day...
Today was a good day. Lockhart's picture was mysteriously burned so it can no longer wink at me.
{If only Lockhart would mysteriously burn.}
Interesting.
Oh yeah, she does that. Randomly she will be evil. She never follows through though.
{Too Lazy.}
Have you decided?
{It's up to Linda.}
Well...
Still thinking.
{It might take her a while.}
If you didn't know then why are you writing in this diary?
To record our thoughts and feelings?
{You know the purpose of the diary, and you do realize you called it a diary...right?}
I think I lose intelligence every time I write to you two.
Don't look at me, I didn't take it.
No I don't suppose you did.
{Eventually you get used to the feeling.}
Hey! You are making it seem like it is my fault.
{You did take the other half of my brain.}
Half that brain has always belonged to me.
Don't write back until you have an answer for me.
A week later...
Today I met the giant Squid. I named him Geoffrey.
{I also met the giant Squid. It was quite large.}
Have you decided?
Was I supposed to be thinking about something?
{I think that is a no.}
What about you?
{I like my life, so no.}
Wait, if I help him I would die?
{Yes, you forgot about that?}
How do you know about that?
{I know many things.}
I thought you knew nothing?
How mean.
{Thinking I am stupid, meanie.}
You both told me a week ago that you know nothing.
{That's silly, how is it possible to know nothing. I know many things.}
I wonder if it is possible to get a straight answer out of the two of you.
I like circles better.
{They are round.}
"Hey, Linda?" I questioned out loud.
"Yes?" Linda questioned.
"Do you think we should get rid of the diary so Harry can find it and the story can continue?"
"Is it in the script?"
"It was in the book which is like a script."
"Okay then."
"So you know what that means?" I questioned.
"No."
"We get to play throw a book at a ghost!" I said happily.
"Sweet!"
"Wait." I paused just realizing that there was something very wrong with us being happy about throwing things at the ghost.
"Yes?"
"I have no aim."
"Neither do I."
"We will have to throw it blindly and hope it hits her."
"That should work."
"There is one more thing I want to do." I said taking the diary and drawing a smiley face on one of the pages.
What is the meaning of this?
{It's a smiley face}
It means happiness, duh.
Why did you write that here?
{I was recording my feelings. I feel…smiley face today.}
Good bye dear friend.
{Oh yes, goodbye.}
Where are you going?
Ah, but it is you who are going somewhere.
Where?
{To a place that we are not.}
Why?
{plot purposes}
Have fun with your evil plans!
Linda and I then giggled all the way to Moaning Myrtles bathroom where we blindly tossed the book inside which hit some random girl.
"Why did you throw that?"
"We were hoping to hit someone else." I answered.
"Oh, okay." The random girl answered.
"Bye." Linda said with a smile and a wave.
"Good luck hitting whoever." The random girl called out leaving us alone in the bathroom.
"Such a nice girl. I commented while Linda nodded her agreement.
"Throw!" Linda said dramatically throwing the diary in a stall. Magically the diary passed right through Myrtle and we ran before she could see us.
Preview from next chapter: Chamber of Secrets Time
"Hmmm, I think there is something we were supposed to be doing…" I commented looking at the clock.
"Wasn't the Chamber of Secrets opened soon?" Linda questioned bored with doing nothing.
"Oh yeah, maybe we should go watch what happens." I offered.
"Better than doing nothing."
"The plot does like our plan."