*Dean POV*
"We have a problem," Cass stated entering Dean's room.
"Yeah tell me about it," Dean replied.
"You don't understand. Crowley really does care for Sam."
"There's a difference between caring about someone and love," Dean answered tiredly.
"I know that Dean."
"Besides, Crowley hasn't been human long enough to know what love really means."
"He was human before he was a demon."
"That was a long time ago."
"Not long enough."
"What are you trying to say?"
"I'm not trying to say anything, I'm actually saying it Dean. Crowley's in love with Sam."
"And you know this for a fact how?"
"I, uh. I visited him."
"Uh huh."
"While I was there I might have..."
"You might have what Cass?"
"I might have used some of my grace to look inside him to see what his intentions really were."
"Damn it Cass, you don't have enough grace left to do things like that."
"Doing something like that doesn't require a lot of grace Dean."
"That's not the point Cass, you need to save what little grace you have left."
"You're missing the bigger picture Dean. Crowley does love Sam."
"Not possible. You interpreted it wrong or some thing."
"I know what I saw Dean."
"You're sure you aren't mistaken?"
"Positive."
"Damn it."
"What are we going to do?"
"What can we do?"
"We could kill him," Cass stated bluntly.
"For being in love? Come on Cass, be serious."
"I am being serious Dean. Demons weren't meant to fall in love."
"Why not? What happens?"
Cass hesitated. "That's a difficult question to answer. Demons don't have inhibitions. They do what they want whenever they want. They don't usually think of anything other than what they want which usually turns out bad for any other party involved. If it were any other demon I would have killed him already. Crowley seems to be dealing with this better than I would have believed possible."
"The human blood?"
"Perhaps," Cass answered with a shrug. "You do know that won't last, don't you?"
"The 'reformation' from the injections? Yeah. I keep trying to tell Sammy that and he won't listen."
"If it is the blood keeping Crowley from acting on his feelings then we're going to have a problem when it wears off."
"Is there anything else it might be?"
Cass shrugged again.
"Damn it," Dean grumbled. "If Crowley does anything to Sam-"
"I won't let that happen," Cass assured Dean.
"One wrong move and you better not hesitate to gank him."
"I won't."
*Crowley POV*
If Castiel breathed one word to Sam he really would kill the annoying, stubborn, self-righteous, goody two-shoes angel; cuffs or no cuffs. He would find a way. Crowley had never despised the shackles he wore more than he did at this moment. What he wouldn't give to be able to blast some thing, anything, into pieces right now. Unable to sit still any longer Crowley stood and paced. He had underestimated the angel.
He wasn't stupid, he knew Sam didn't like men in that manner. Even if he did what would Sam ever see in anyone like him? Cursing Crowley kicked the chair. As it skidded across the room it hit the wall with a very disappointing crash. If he had been fully human and not partially a demon it might have made him feel better. At this point it only served to remind him of his lost powers. Damn the shackles, damn Dean, and damn the angel. After a moment's thought Crowley cursed Sam as well. What right did Sam have to make him feel anything again after all these years?
"I could care less whether or not you live or die. What I do care about is Sam. If you really cared about him you might stop to think about what this attitude is doing to him."
Trying to block out Dean's words Crowley let his eyes drift closed and slumped against the table. He knew his attitude would hurt Sam. It was the whole reason for the attitude actually. Push Sam away. Hurt Sam now to keep him from getting hurt worse later. There was no way Dean would ever understand how much it hurt to say those things to Sam. Crowley would give anything to have Sam return his feelings, even in the slightest.
No, Crowley thought. It's better if he doesn't feel the same. It won't hurt him as much when I finally leave or if some thing happens to me. No matter what Crowley might want there was no way he could stay. Sooner or later someone was going to show up to kill him and that would put Sam in danger. He couldn't put Sam in danger. Wouldn't. This was useless. He had only managed to three-sixty back to where he had started. How did he protect Sam without hurting him more than necessary?
*Sam POV*
"Hey Kevin," Sam asked as he entered the room. "How's it going?"
Looking up Kevin stared at him. Sam shifted uncomfortably while Kevin eyed him. The kid looked terrible. When was the last time Kevin got any sleep, Sam wondered. Guilt began to set in. They should have checked in with Kevin sooner.
"How's it going? Are you serious?"
Sam opened his mouth to speak but Kevin cut him off once more.
"I've been stuck in this room forever. I don't do anything but decipher this stupid chunk of rock. You two promised if I did my job you would shut the gates of hell, and you didn't. Not only that you bring the person who killed my mother back to live here with me while I continue doing some thing you said I would be done with!"
Sam winced at the words. "You're right and I'm sorry. I really did think we would be done with this. I'm also sorry we had to bring Crowley back here but we need him."
"We wouldn't need him if we had closed the gates."
"That wasn't possible. Look, I know you're not happy about him being here-"
"Not happy?"
"Okay, understatement I know, but we need him. Since we couldn't close the gates having a list of demons on Earth is the next best thing."
"He's been here almost a week. How long does it take to make a list?"
"It takes as long as it takes. There's also other concerns as well."
"Other concerns?"
"Like what to do about Abaddon. As long as Crowley's cooperating with us we might as well use it to our advantage."
"And what about figuring out where my mom is?"
"I promise I'll ask him that the next time I see him."
Kevin let out an annoyed huff and Sam couldn't blame him. Kevin had every right to be upset. Hell, he'd probably be upset too if he was in the kid's shoes. It made what he had to ask Kevin next all the more difficult.
*Dean POV*
Seething Dean began to pace. This so couldn't be happening. Cass had to have misread Crowley's emotions. Dean paused as his door flew open and Kevin stomped his way into the room. Sam entered the room on Kevin's heels looking extremely annoyed.
"Did you know about this," Kevin asked angrily.
"About what," Dean asked glancing quickly from Sam and back to Kevin.
"About him wanting to use me to feed his addiction," Kevin snapped.
"Crowley?"
"Don't, just don't. I don't even want to hear that name right now."
"I can't donate every time. We need you," Sam insisted.
"Get him to do it," Kevin replied gesturing to Dean.
"Can't," Dean informed Kevin. "Giving Crowley too much of my blood wouldn't end well."
"What do you mean 'wouldn't end well'?"
"I mean it'd end up making him more of a jackass. Sammy's right Kevin. We need you to do this."
"You can't seriously expect me to willingly do something to help Crowley?"
"Nope, not asking you to help Crowley. We're asking you to help Sammy."
"Look, Kevin, I can't donate all the time. We need someone else," Sam pleaded.
Kevin hesitated.
"You hate him. I get it, I really do, but we don't have anyone else we can ask," Dean stated.
"He feels guilt," Sam said quietly.
Both Kevin and Dean turned to look at Sam.
"He feels guilt now. If you want him to feel bad for what he did you'll donate blood to keep him mostly human."
The room was silent as Kevin seemed to think about Sam's words.
"Only on one condition," Kevin said finally. "He tells us where my mom's body is so that I can finally bury her."
*Sam POV*
After a brief stop the three of them made their way down to the dungeon. Flipping on the lights in the outer room Sam hung back with Kevin while Dean opened the door to the dungeon. Honestly he wished Dean hadn't chosen to accompany them but Dean had been adamant. When the shelves parted the three of them entered the dungeon and Sam inspected Crowley. There were no obvious signs of withdrawal but the demon still didn't seem to be faring well.
Crowley's hair was mussed and sticking out randomly. The suit had definitely seen better days. Bags were forming under his eyes like a person who hadn't gotten anywhere near enough sleep. There was an odd look in Crowley's eyes that, while vaguely familiar, Sam couldn't quite place. As the three of them entered Crowley's eyes landed on Sam briefly before flitting to Kevin. Sam could almost see the wheels turning in Crowley's mind.
"Alright here's the deal," Dean began as he dropped the notebook on the desk and slid into the only other chair. "There's plenty of paper here for you to finish the list. Also we have a new stipulation. You're going to tell us what you did Mrs. Tran's body."
Another emotion filtered across Crowley's eyes and Sam frowned. Crowley dropped his head and shook it slightly. Dean opened his mouth and Sam put a hand on his brother's shoulder. Walking around the table Sam knelt down next to Crowley.
"Hey," Sam said quietly
Crowley bit into his bottom lip.
"What's up?"
"She," Crowley began before hesitating. "I want to say she's not dead," he whispered.
"Except you can't because you killed her," Kevin interrupted.
Crowley bit his bottom lip again and shook his head.
"You didn't kill her," Sam asked.
"No, but I might as well have," Crowley admitted weakly.
"Liar!"
Sam raised his head and glared at Dean. Dean seemed to take the hint. Turning Dean motioned for Kevin to keep quiet. Kevin crossed his arms and glared at Crowley. Sam rolled his eyes and turned back to Crowley.
"What do you mean by that," Sam continued softly.
Crowley suddenly lifted his head and crossed his arms over his chest. "I ordered them not to kill her. If she's dead it's not my fault," he stated defiantly.
Sam shook his head at the attitude. "We're not blaming you. Can you tell me what you know?"
Crowley's defiant expression faltered momentarily.
"Please," Sam asked.
"I..." He shook his head as if to clear it. "I ordered them not to harm her," he stated stubbornly.
"Who," Sam asked, conscientious not to raise his voice too loud.
"The demons I left guarding her."
"Where is she?"
Crowley turned suddenly and grabbed Sam's shirt. "I told them not to touch her. I did!"
"I believe you," Sam replied calmly.
Crowley's eyes bore into him and Sam waited patiently.
"I told them," he repeated finally. His grip loosened and his hands slipped from Sam's shirt.
"I believe you," Sam repeated. He laid a hand on Crowley's arm.
Crowley shook his head. "They're demons. I should have picked someone else."
"You can't change the past. All you can do is work to fix the future."
Nodding minutely Crowley slowly pulled the notebook closer. "Pen?"
Sam turned and Dean held out a red crayon. Shaking his head Sam tried hard not to roll his eyes. Sam was all for letting Crowley use a pen or pencil but Dean insisted Crowley not be given anything other than a crayon. In the end it was just easier not to argue. Taking the crayon Sam placed it on top of the notebook and waited. Crowley picked up the crayon and inspected it. Sam cleared his throat. Opening the notebook Crowley scribbled down an address and ripped the sheet of paper out of the notebook.
"This is where I was holding her," he said quietly.
"How many demons," Dean asked.
"Two."
"Anything else we need to know about," Sam asked.
"There were two other people in storage units next to hers. I don't know if they're still alive either."
Nodding Sam stood up.
"Kevin?"
The group turned back to face Crowley.
"I'm sorry."
"Whatever," Kevin muttered.
"I'll be back as soon as I get her," Dean told them. "You two good?"
"Yeah," Sam answered waving off his brother's concern. "We're good."
"You're going alone," Crowley asked, suddenly looking to Dean.
"None of your business," Dean replied before leaving.
"Sam you can't let him go alone. What if some thing happens to him?"
Holding up a finger to signal for Crowley to wait Sam paused to give his brother time to leave. Sam stood and checked the connecting room. No sign of Dean. Walking back Sam sat down in the chair across from Crowley.
"Cass is going with him. He'll be fine."
The relief he saw in Crowley's face was almost tangible. He doubted Dean would ever believe him if he told his brother Crowley had truly been worried about him. Checking his watch Sam sighed. There was no way to actually time when the cravings would hit but they did seem to happen more or less in the late afternoon. Well, they seemed to present outward symptoms in the late afternoon.
"How are you feeling," he asked Crowley.
Crowley cocked his head and furrowed his brows. "About what?"
"The cravings?"
Crowley sighed and shook his head. "I know you only want to help. I just don't want..." Crowley trailed off and seemed to be searching for a good way to phrase what he wanted to say.
"I was wrong," Sam said simply.
"Wrong?"
"I left when you needed help."
"I insulted you to get you to leave," Crowley said flatly.
"Yeah, but I promised I wouldn't ever give up on you. I'm sorry."
Crowley frowned.
"I know you don't like yourself much right now-"
Crowley scoffed. "Understatement," he muttered.
"But I gave my word. I'm sorry."
"Sam-"
"I'm not sorry," Kevin interjected.
Right. Kevin. Sam had forgotten about him.
"You made my life hell," Kevin continued.
Crowley's eyes slid closed.
"I still don't know if you killed my mother."
"I didn't."
"How the hell am I supposed to believe you?"
Crowley didn't answer.
"Kevin," Sam stated quietly.
"And you. How dare you take his side!"
"He's right," Crowley whispered.
"Hush," Sam ordered Crowley. "I'm not taking anyone's side," he informed them both. "The cravings are going to start soon."
"Sam-"
"No," Sam stated bluntly. "I'm not giving up. I told you that already."
Crowley frowned.
"No. So you can give up on that."
"Sam-"
"No."
Crowley hung his head.
"You might as well tell me when the cravings hit."
"Always," Crowley whispered.
"What?"
"There's always a craving. It's just if I postpone it for too long it has... side effects."
"Like the shakes?"
"Yeah. Sam?"
"Hmm?"
"You shouldn't care about me."
"True."
Crowley looked away uncomfortably.
"But I do. What is, is, Crowley."
"I don't deserve you."
"No, you don't. But you got me."
"For what it's worth... I'm sorry."
"I know."
*Dean POV*
"Mrs. Tran?"
Nope. Just another empty storage unit. Figures.
"Hello?"
The voice was muffled but audible. "Mrs. Tran?"
Pause. "Yes?"
Confirmation enough. Dean shoved the metal door upward and peered into the darkness.
"Sam?"
"Dean," he corrected. "I'm here to rescue you."
"Kevin?"
"He's fine. I'll take you to him." Dean removed the bindings around her wrists.
"So he's..."
"He's fine," Dean assured her.
*Crowley POV*
"I'm fine Sam!"
"For now."
A shiver ran through him and Crowley suppressed it. "Just go!"
"No."
"Fuck you!"
"Yep."
Another shiver. Damn it. "I don't need your help!"
"Don't care," Sam replied easily. "You're not getting rid of us," Sam informed him.
Fuck! He desperately needed to get rid of the two of them.
"The cravings always manifest in the late afternoon."
"So," Crowley ground out.
"So they're fixing to manifest soon," Sam informed him. "It's just easier if you just tell me when they hit."
"Fuck you!"
Sam rolled his eyes.
"I don't need you!"
Sam rolled his eyes again.
"I'm..." Crowley shivered again. "...fine."
Sam frowned and Crowley tried to find a way to deny what was happening.
"You need blood," Sam stated.
"Fuck off!"
Okay so maybe he wasn't the most diplomatic when it came to Sam.
"I can see the shakes."
"Fuck you," Crowley repeated.
"You need blood."
"I don't need anything from you," Crowley argued.
"Okay," Sam replied cryptically.
Crowley frowned at the remark. What? Another wave a shakes hit and sharp pains stabbed at him. Crossing his arms over his stomache he winced as he doubled over. There was a sharp prick and he glanced up to see Sam standing over him.
"Told y-you-"
"Not my blood," Sam told him.
Crowley's eyes shot to Kevin. No. Just no.
*Dean POV*
"Sammy?"
Nothing. Dean inspected the bunker. "Sammy," he called again.
"Yeah," Sam answered from the second balcony
"Kevin?"
"Meh." Sammy replied.
"Crowley?"
"I don't think we should use Kevin's blood again."
"Why not?"
"Crowley still hasn't woken up yet."
Dean frowned at the information. "Where'd you put him?"
"In your room."
"Seriously Sammy?"
"It was closer than mine. I had to carry him myself."
Dean shook his head. "You know I still don't trust him?"
"I know."
Cass entered with Mrs. Tran leaning against him.
"It would be easier if you let me carry you."
"I told you I can walk," Mrs. Tran argued.
"Dean why don't you go get Kevin," Cass suggested.
*Sam POV*
"It's been four days."
"And?"
"And you know what I mean!"
"Pardon me if don't care much about Crowley's well being."
"Come on Dean, even you have to care that it's been four days."
"I care that we don't have a complete list. By the way either you get him out of my room today or I'm chucking him in the hall."
"Damn it Dean!"
"What," Dean asked.
Rolling his eyes Sam left the kitchen. It had been four days since Crowley had been cognizant. Dean seemed unrepentant and Cass was temporarily unreachable. When the two returned from getting Kevin's mother Sam had Cass check on Crowley. The angel hadn't been able to help.
"Since he hasn't died so far, I can only assume he'll wake up eventually. What possessed you to use Kevin's blood in the first place?"
"We needed another person to be able to donate."
"And you thought it would be a good idea to use a prophet's blood? You do realize that to be a prophet means he has a touch of the divine in his blood?"
Since then Cass had left to see what he could find out about the situation. Sam checked in on Crowley again but his body was still immobile. "I'm sorry," he murmured to the body. "I didn't know."
His brow furrowed. Was that a twitch? Sam walked forward and sat down on the bed next to Crowley. Sam brushed some of Crowley's hair off of his forehead. With nothing else to do he might as well watch over Crowley for a little while.
*Crowley POV*
"Sam!"
"Shh, I'm here."
"Sam?"
"Shh."
"Don't leave me."
"Not planning on it."
"Please?"
"Shh. It's okay. I'm not going to leave you."
Crowley curled into Sam's side. He knew it wouldn't last but for now it was all that mattered. Him and Sam. Sam and him. Crowley winced. What right did he have to take comfort in Sam's embrace? He couldn't think straight with Sam this close. He needed to put distance between them. There were things that needed to be done.
"Mrs. Tran," he asked shoving himself away from Sam's side.
God his head was killing him.
"First things first. You okay?"
"Why wouldn't I be," Crowley asked confused.
"You've been out for four days."
Four days? His brow wrinkled as he thought about it.
"So how are you feeling?"
"Hurts," Crowley mumbled. Swinging his feet over the side of the bed he rubbed his head and looked around. Sam's room again.
"How many fingers do I have up?"
Crowley frowned. Seriously? He glanced at the hand Sam was holding up. "Two?"
"And now?"
"Three?"
"Now?"
"Sam," Crowley stated flatly.
"Just making sure you're alright."
"Better than I have a right to be," Crowley murmured.
"What?"
"Nothing. Anything to eat around here?"
*Sam POV*
Sam frowned at Crowley's attitude. It had been four days since Crowley had last been cognizant. Ever since Crowley had finally woken up he had thrown himself into being useful. Currently they were sitting at the table. Crowley was scarfing down the breakfast Sam made while working on the list in between bites. It was difficult for Sam to watch Crowley attempt to eat still cuffed. Maybe they could remove them. He'd have to discuss it with Dean later.
"That better be the demon list you're working on," Dean called out as he entered.
"New crayon," Crowley replied holding out the stub of a crayon he was currently using.
Sam pulled another crayon out of the box and exchanged it with Crowley's.
"Why can't we just give him a pen," Sam asked Dean.
"No point," Crowley answered without taking his eyes off of the list. "Almost done."
Dean shrugged and Sam rolled his eyes. "Can we at least remove the cuffs now?"
"Are you out of your mind?"
"Oh come on Dean, he's not going to try anything."
"You don't know that."
"Why would he? He can't blink out of the bunker and he can't get through the doors unless we remove the warding. He'd be stuck in here if he ever did anything."
"You think that's going to stop him?"
"Sam," Crowley interrupted quietly.
Sam turned to Crowley.
"Thank you. It's a nice thought but let's be realistic. Dean's right. If I wanted to do something to either of you being stuck in here wouldn't deter me. I'd find a way to get out eventually."
"If you wanted to hurt us," Sam stressed. "Do you?"
"Sam-"
"Answer the question."
"No, but that doesn't mean you should believe me Sam."
"I do believe you."
"We've already had this conversation Sam."
"Yep. And if I remember right you couldn't give me a good reason not to trust you then."
"I'm a demon Sam."
"Not good enough."
"Good enough for me," Dean replied.
"Listen to your brother Moose."
"Don't take my side," Dean warned Crowley.
Crowley rolled his eyes and slumped back in the chair.
The sound of approaching footsteps caused Sam to turn back to the door.
"What's he doing out of the dungeon," Kevin growled.
"I'm watching him Kevin. He's not going to do anything."
"Whatever," Kevin muttered.
"How's your mom," Dean asked.
Kevin glared at Crowley.
"Didn't your angel heal her yet," Crowley asked.
Sam exchanged glances with Dean.
"None of your business," Dean answered.
Crowley frowned.
Sam cleared his throat. "So is the list finished?"
"Sam, why hasn't Castiel healed her yet?"
"None of your business," Dean repeated.
"I was talking to Sam," Crowley bit out.
"Look, there's no reason not to tell him," Sam stated.
"I can think of plenty," Dean replied.
"Tell me what," Crowley persisted.
Sam ignored Crowley for the moment and continued staring at Dean.
"Whatever. I swear if he tries anything against Cass because you told him..."
"Yeah, yeah, you'll gank him."
Dean rolled his eyes. "Whatever, I'm gonna grab some thing to eat. That list better be done by the time I get done eating."
As Dean left Kevin followed him out of the room and into the kitchen. Sam finally turned back to Crowley. Crowley was still watching him expectantly.
"Metatron stole Cass' grace. He's working on borrowed grace for now. We don't know how long it's going to last. The more he uses it-"
"The faster he'll lose it," Crowley finished. "Sam?"
"Hm?"
"Demon's don't usually use their powers to heal people..."
Cocking his head Sam frowned at Crowley.
"I, uh. I could end up making it worse."
"You want to try to heal Kevin's mom?"
"I'd like to but I can't promise I won't make it worse. Maybe it's better if I don't?"
"How sure are you that you can do this?"
"I'm not, that's the point."
"Give me a percentage."
Crowley's lips pressed together as he thought about it. "Honestly? Fifty-fifty," he answered with a shrug.
.
Knocking on the door to Dean's bedroom Sam didn't bother to wait before opening the door and sticking his head inside.
"Hey has Cass checked in yet?"
"Not yet. Why?"
Sam shrugged. "Just wanted to ask him about some thing. You think he's okay?"
"Cass can take care of himself."
"I know, I'd just feel better if he weren't out there alone."
"The list?"
Sam held up the notebook and tossed it to Dean.
"You know this doesn't change anything?"
Sam shook his head. Leaving he shut the door behind himself. Pulling out his cell phone he headed to his own room as he dialed Cass.
"Sam?"
"Hey Cass, can I ask you a question," Sam asked walking into his room.
"Sure."
"Have you ever heard of demons being able to heal?"
"Themselves?"
"Others."
"No."
"Do you think it can be done?"
"I don't know. Why? What did Crowley say now?"
"Said he doesn't know either. He wanted to try to heal Kevin's mom."
"You realize he could be using this as a ploy to get the cuffs off?"
"I doubt it. He's one of the strongest supporters for keeping them on."
"Crowley wants to keep them on?"
"Uh, I'm not sure if he wants to keep them on, but he's siding with Dean about not taking them off."
"Strange."
"So what do you think?"
"It should be a matter of directing the effects outward. I've never heard of a demon actually healing anyone, though."
"He's worried he might make it worse."
"It is a possibility. When did he wake up?"
"A few hours ago. Probably around nine or so I'd say."
"Just as well. I wasn't able to find out anything useful."
"You coming back soon?"
"On my way back now. I should be there in another three hours or so."
"See you then Cass."
"See you Sam."
Hanging up Sam stared at his phone as he thought about everything. If they were seriously going to consider this he needed to talk to Kevin and his mom before hand.
*Crowley POV*
Having been left in the dining room when Sam left to talk to Dean Crowley decided to wander. His curiosity was usually what got him into trouble. After inspecting a few rooms casually he realized he had ended up back at Sam's room. Figures, he thought. Knocking Crowley waited but there was no response. He knocked again and opened the door. No sign of Sam inside the room. Closing the door Crowley sat down in the only chair in the room. Sam obviously wasn't big on decorating, he noted.
Still having the notebook would have been useful. It would have been nice to make a list of all possible options. Sighing Crowley mentally crossed off another option. There was still a small handful of options available but the list was dwindling. Pretty soon someone was going to ask him how to get rid of Abaddon. He needed to know what to tell the brothers and what not to tell them.
*Sam POV*
After inspecting a few rooms including the dungeon and still not finding Crowley Sam was getting ready to ask Dean. Like that would go over well? 'Hi I know I was supposed to watch Crowley but I seemed to have lost him. Have you seen him lately?' Checking his room was his last ditch effort. Opening the door he peered into his room. He found Crowley sitting in the chair and leaning over the desk completely asleep. Walking closer he watched the demon for a few more minutes. There was no way he could be comfortable like that. Reaching out he shook Crowley's shoulder carefully.
"Crowley?"
Crowley's head shot up and his hands jerked to knock Sam's hand off of him. Sam backed up and held his hands up in front of him.
"Whoa, easy. It's just me."
"Sam?"
"Yeah, you okay?"
Blinking several times Crowley turned and inspected the room.
"Yeah," he said as he turned back to face Sam. "Sorry."
"No, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to startle you."
Crowley bit his bottom lip and turned away. Sam was starting to recognize the unconscious gesture. Sighing Sam moved to sit on the bed.
"You know you can talk to me about anything right?"
"I'm fine," Crowley stated without turning to face Sam.
"Cravings?"
Crowley shook his head. "Not too bad yet."
"Then what's up?"
"Nothing."
"You bite you're lip when you don't want to say what's on your mind."
Finally Crowley turned back and stared at Sam. Crowley started to bite his bottom lip again but stopped himself.
"Talk to me. Please?"
"Not about this. Not right now. Some other time?"
"I'll let it go for now if you give me your word you'll talk to me about this later."
Crowley hesitated briefly before finally nodding. "Later."
Sam gave a single nod and finally stood. "Okay so I have a plan. You're worried about making things worse if you tried to heal Mrs. Tran?"
"Yeah, I've never healed another. It's not exactly some thing demons do an awful lot."
"Okay. So we take a test run."
"What?"
Sam pulled out his pocket knife and rolled up his sleeve.
"No!"
"Yes," Sam answered as he made a cut across his forearm.
"Damn it Sam! Bloody hell!"
"It's not life threatening Crowley."
"I don't know what's going to happen if I try this. I'm not testing it out on you!"
"Cass says it should simply be a matter of directing the effects outward."
"Bloody angels think they know everything," Crowley sulked.
"Even if it doesn't work we're no worse off than we were."
"Unless I screw up and make it worse."
"You won't and Cass will be here soon."
"Even if I wanted to I couldn't." Crowley lifted his hands and jingled the chains.
Sam reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out the keys.
"Dean would kill me the second he finds out about this."
"You let me worry about Dean."
"Damn it, Sammy."
"Yep."
*Dean POV*
By the time Dean had finished reading through the list he was beginning to think Sam might have had a point. It was difficult to read some names and the random color changes were a nightmare. Maybe they should have let Crowley use a pen. Rubbing his eyes he finally closed the notebook. It would take quite a while to check on all the names. Right now there were other things that needed their attention. If the list was real then Crowley was finally cooperating. It might be worth seeing if he had any information on how to kill Abaddon or how to get rid of Metatron.
Hopefully Sam had returned Crowley to the dungeon but it paid to be thorough. Dean made his way to the dining room; no Sam, no Crowley. That much was good. As he turned to make his way to the dungeon his cell rang. Pulling it out he checked the caller I.D. as he continued walking. Dean sighed in relief, finally Cass. Flipping open the cell he pressed accept.
"Hey what's up?"
"Not much. I made it back to the bunker. Is the door open?"
"No but I'm close. I'll unlock it."
"Thanks."
Flipping the phone closed he changed course and headed to unlock the door.
"Hey," he greeted when Cass finally entered the bunker.
"Hey," Cass answered.
"So Crowley's back in the land of the living."
"I know."
"You know?"
"Sam called."
"What did he have to say?"
"He wanted to know if I knew about demons being able to heal people."
"Heal?"
"Apparently Crowley wants to try to heal Kevin's mother."
"What the fuck? Damn it Sammy!"
Turning Dean rushed to the dungeon.
"Sammy," he called out as he neared the room. He rushed down the stairs and to the shelves. Grabbing the shelves he yanked them open. The dungeon was empty.
"Sam," Cass asked coming up behind him.
"No and no Crowley either."
"Where next?"
"You check on the Tran's, I'll check Sam's room."
With a nod Cass was heading back up the stairs just ahead of Dean.
*Crowley POV*
"Sammy!"
Suddenly the bedroom swung open and banged loudly against the wall. Crowley's eyes shot to Dean's face. He had just enough time to truly appreciate how screwed he was before Dean began stalking towards him. Sam stood up and put himself between Crowley and Dean. Standing up off of the bed Crowley began backing away until he reached the far wall.
"Dean, stop."
"Move Sammy," Dean growled.
Sam held out both arms and placed his hands against Dean's chest to slow his brother down.
"He didn't do anything wrong. You promised."
Dean glanced down to Sam's arm and Crowley winced.
"What happened to your arm Sammy?"
"I did that to myself."
"I'm supposed to believe that?"
"You really think if Crowley was trying to hurt me he wouldn't have done more than that?"
"Why would you cut yourself?"
"We were testing something."
"Testing?"
"Dean," Castiel called from the hallway.
Sam had said the angel would be back soon.
"In here Cass," Dean called out.
After a few tense moments Castiel entered Sam's room as well. "What happened to your arm Sam?"
"I did it, not Crowley."
"Why?"
"To test something."
"Him healing," Castiel asked.
"Yeah."
"He's a demon Sam. Demon's don't heal people," Dean growled.
"He can heal himself," Sam pointed out. "We're trying to figure out if he can direct it outward."
"I've tried to go along with this Sam. I only had two rules. You've definitely broken one of them. What happened to the chains stay on?"
"I was going to put them back on, Dean."
"You should never have taken them off in the first place."
"At least not without one of us present," Castiel added.
"Ever," Dean argued.
"It was my fault," Crowley blurted out suddenly. The other three people in the room turned around to stare at him and he wished he had kept his mouth shut. He just couldn't stand them blaming Sam for this. He hadn't wanted to test this out on Sam, but it was still his idea initially.
"It was my idea to try to help make up for some of what I've put Mrs. Tran and Kevin through."
"You really thought they'd agree to this," Dean asked.
"Honestly? No, but even if they did I was willing to try."
"And Sam's arm," Dean pressed.
"His idea actually. He wanted me to test it on him first."
"And you agreed to this?"
"Are you daft? Of course I didn't. Why would I willingly-" Crowley snapped his mouth shut. Stupid, stupid, stupid he berated himself.
"Willingly what," Sam asked.
Of course Sam would question it. No way he was getting out of this without answering. "Why would I willingly test something on you that might hurt you? I'm not completely stupid, you know. You're brother would kill me. If it all went to hell and he walked in at just the wrong moment?"
Hopefully Sam thought he was more scared of Dean killing him than he was of hurting Sam. To be perfectly honest both thoughts terrified him right now so at least it was an honest half-truth. Please don't let him question it, Crowley prayed. Sam cocked his head and frowned as he continued to stare at Crowley. As Sam opened his mouth Castiel spoke up before Sam could.
"Why would you volunteer to heal someone?"
"I told you. I wanted to make up for things."
"Yes but why not wait for me to heal them?"
Crowley pressed his lips together, unwilling to be the one to tell Castiel how much he knew.
"I told him about your grace," Sam finally answered.
"I see."
"He was already questioning it. It was only a matter of time before he realized something was seriously wrong with you."
"This does present us with a better alternative," Crowley interjected.
"Oh," Dean asked crossing his arms. "What's that?"
"I could test this out on Castiel. If the injury is small enough he wouldn't have to use his grace to heal it."
"You're out of your mind," Dean growled.
"It's actually not a bad idea," Castiel answered.
"Have you lost your mind? You really trust him?"
"I can take care of myself Dean."
"No you can't. That's the problem. For all intents and purposes your human. We don't have any idea how human Crowley was or is still."
"I'll be fine Dean. Besides, better he test this on me than Sam. If it does backfire I'll know immediately and I'll be able to stop any truly negative effects before they become a problem."
"I can't believe you're seriously considering this."
"You still have the demon blade right," Crowley interrupted. "You could keep it on me while I try this."
"I'll do it," Sam volunteered.
"No you won't. I can't trust you to keep the cuffs on him because you feel sorry for him. You think I'd trust you with Cass' life?"
"All you've wanted to do is gank him. How do I trust you with Crowley's life?"
"It's better if it's Dean Sam," Crowley replied.
"Seriously? You trust him?"
"If he gives his word? Yes," Crowley answered honestly. "Castiel's grace will let him know if anything is going wrong immediately. He's also more experienced in healing. He can help give me pointers about how it should be feeling, what to do different, that sort of thing. Dean would never allow us to do this if he's not the one holding the blade. I haven't touched my powers since before the church. You're attention would be too torn between the two of us to notice any minute details. It's better for all parties this way."
Sam turned to his brother. "I swear if you use this as an excuse to kill him because you hate him-"
"That's why I want to get his word first," Crowley reminded Sam. "You're word Dean, you won't kill me unless you're absolutely positive I'm harming Castiel on purpose."
"Whatever. Let's do this," Dean replied rolling his eyes.
"No," Crowley stated flatly. "I do still happen to have some self preservation left. You're word Dean Winchester."
"Fine. I promise I won't knife you if I don't seriously believe you're harming Cass."
"On purpose," Crowley reminded him.
Dean rolled his eyes again. "On purpose," he agreed.
*Sam POV*
Dean had insisted they attempt this in the dungeon. Crowley had been adamant about not wanting to leave Sam's room. Cass decided not to get into the middle of the disagreement. Sam had to put his foot down and tell Dean they were doing this in his room and that was final. They were already doing some thing everyone was uncomfortable doing. If he could make it slightly more comfortable for anyone he would. In the end they wound up with Crowley sitting on one side of the bed, Dean standing behind him with the knife at Crowley's throat. Cass sat on the opposite side of the bed with Sam standing behind him and watching Crowley.
"Ready," Cass asked.
"Not really," Crowley answered. "Ready as I'll ever be I suppose."
"Touch your powers," Cass instructed.
Seconds ticked by before Crowley finally nodded.
"Usually I'd say focus on the emphatic aspects."
Crowley cocked an eyebrow.
"Yeah well, whatever part you draw from to heal yourself, focus on that."
Crowley gave another light nod.
"When you heal yourself your power is directed inward. We need to work on directing that outward."
Crowley cocked his head slightly. Finally Crowley straightened. Taking a deep breath he locked eyes with Cass and gave another small nod.
Cass held out the arm with the cut. "When you're ready relax. Focus the power. Feel it, visualize it."
Crowley reached out a hand and hovered just over Cass' arm. Sam watched Crowley's teeth sink into his bottom lip. Finally Crowley placed the tips of his fingers against the cut and Crowley's eyes slid closed.
"Crowley," Cass asked quietly.
Crowley bit into his lip harder.
"Relax Crowley. Don't force it."
Taking a few more deep breaths Crowley opened his eyes.
Cass cocked his head slightly. "Better. You need to relax more and you're still not projecting."
"Grace," Crowley muttered.
"I know," Cass answered. "I have to, to be able to feel your power though."
"Cass," Dean questioned.
"Shh. Not right now Dean. Follow my grace. Trace it back to me."
Suddenly Crowley winced and let out a hiss of pain.
"Shh, I know. I pulled it back, the pain will pass. Crowley?"
"Better," Crowley ground out.
"Again?"
Crowley nodded.
"Focus on the trail of Grace. Don't touch it," Cass ordered. "Feel it?"
"Yes."
"Okay. Slowly follow it backward." Minutes ticked by and neither moved.
"Good. You're starting to project it outward."
Suddenly Cass jerked.
"Cass," Dean asked again.
"Fine," the angel murmured. "Need to concentrate."
"I can't," Crowley stated.
"You can. Relax. Don't over-think it. Let it flow."
Cass twitched again, though less noticeably this time.
"Yes, just like that. I'm dropping the Grace Crowley. Just relax and let it flow."
For a while nothing happened. Cass shivered slightly and Crowley's brows lowered.
"You're doing well. Don't force it," Cass whispered.
"Hurts. Grace."
"I know," Cass soothed. Cass cocked his head again. "Crowley?"
No response.
"Crowley, stop."
Crowley shook his head.
"Stop now," Cass ordered yanking his arm back.
"What is it," Dean asked instantly.
"No I almost had it!"
"It was hurting you too much."
"That was nothing," Crowley argued. "I've been through worse."
"I will not participate in you causing yourself that much pain."
"I almost had it. Again, now," Crowley insisted.
"No," Cass repeated.
"Please. I need to do this."
Cass inspected his arm and looked back to Crowley. "No. It's too much pain for too little result."
"I can handle the pain."
"No."
"Crowley," Sam stated. "Don't do this. Please?"
"I have to."
"Why," Sam asked.
Crowley shook his head.
"I am asking you, for me, please don't do this." Crowley bit his lip again and Sam shook his head. "Fine, but I won't be a part of this. You want to punish yourself you do it without me."
*Crowley POV*
Crowley's head shot up as Sam's words. He was just in time to see Sam storm out of the room and slam the door shut. Sam was wrong. He wasn't trying to punish himself. He was trying to help people he had hurt. The fact that it cost him no little amount of pain was inconsequential to him. He had to force himself not to follow Sam to try and explain.
"Someone want to tell me what just happened," Dean asked breaking the silence.
Crowley turned and scooted backward to lean against the headboard. Drawing his knees up he wrapped his arms around them.
"I miscalculated how painful it would be for him to heal me," Castiel finally answered.
"For just him or both of you?"
"Both, although it seems to have been exponentially worse for him. Crowley?"
Crowley refused to answer. Why couldn't they just leave?
"We'll be downstairs if you need us," Castiel said softly.
"You want to leave him here?"
"Come on Dean. I'll answer your questions downstairs."
"Shouldn't we take him back to the dungeon first?"
"No. Come on, we need to talk."
Crowley barely noticed the two leave.
*Dean POV*
"What the hell Cass?"
"He needs time alone right now."
"Unchained and free to roam where ever he wants?"
"He's not going to do anything."
"How do you know?"
"Because of Sammy. He knows harming anyone in the bunker would hurt Sammy."
"Because he's 'in love'?"
"Yes. I didn't realize how much until our energies touched. Right now he's probably still feeling the after effects of touching my energy. To use my Grace I have to actually touch it. I underestimated how much of it he would feel when our energies connected. To heal we connect briefly. Grace in an inherent part of me, of my energy."
"So simply put?"
"Basically he pulled his own energy and pushed it into me thus surround it with Grace."
"And that hurt you?"
"It was... uncomfortable. Demonic energy is never pleasant for angels but it is tolerable. I was trying not to touch my Grace to make it easier for him. It took me a while to realize some thing was wrong. The amount of pain he had to be feeling? I don't even want to contemplate it. I actually had to touch my Grace to get him to back off."
"Back off?"
"Pull his own energy back. During that time I got a very in depth look into Crowley."
"And?"
"He would do anything in the world to keep Sam from hurting. Including leaving so Sam can find someone 'good enough' for him."
"Good enough?"
"His thoughts."
Dean ran a hand through his hair. "Damn it."
"He's pushing himself so that he can make reparations. That's true enough. It's just not the most important part to him."
"What is?"
"Sam's opinion of him."
"You're sure he's not going to leave Sam's room?"
"He feels safe there. He also believes Sam hates him now. He might leave Sam's room eventually if he thinks Sam would want him to leave. If he did he would probably end up back in the dungeon. Going anywhere else would risk Sam becoming more angry at him." Cass shrugged.
"Damn it."