CHAPTER 4
Kagami sat outside on the back porch in the backyard letting the sun's warm rays heat her body. Sitting in the sun was helping her numbed senses return to normal while her sunglasses kept her still sensitive eyes from burning. What she liked the most about this spot was the fact that it was nice and quiet and far away from Matsuri and her ungodly whistle. Speaking of her older sister, Kagami was still intrigued by what her parents said earlier about her and her mistakes after drinking heavily. As she sat in one of the deck chairs on the porch soaking in all the sun's warmth, she still wondered what her older sister did that was so horrible that it brought her to tears before her own parents.
Kagami did have to admit as well that she never saw Matsuri cry ever in her life, but according to her parents, the middle Hiiragi daughter all but suffered a complete breakdown after she was discovered. What could she have done that made it so bad? One thing that did stick with Kagami was the incident in the kitchen where the first thing her parents asked her was if she had sex. Why out of all the questions that they could've asked did their minds jump to that one first? They could've asked her if she was hurt, robbed, beaten, or molested. They already knew she drank so they also could've asked if she also experimented with any drugs but instead their minds first went to perversions.
As Kagami continued to think of these things, she couldn't help but feel repulsed in all aspects. Was it true that her sister was both a closet drunk and slut? She always knew her older sister was rough around the edges but she never expected such behavior from Matsuri. Matsuri worked as a Miko with her at the family shrine and wore the same outfits and performed the same ceremonies as her so it almost seemed impossible that she would be capable of such dirty acts. The twin-tailed girl sneered at the thoughts of Matsuri disgracing her family's name that way. Kagami may have made a mistake but she knew that she didn't defile herself in that way, something she was proud of and couldn't help but feel disgusted by Misao in lieu of what she did last night.
What scared Kagami the most was that she vaguely remembered how she acted when she got home. She acted a fool and the worst part was how deeply she scared Tsukasa. Kagami still couldn't get the look in her younger sister's eyes out of her mind. She had never seen that kind of look before and Kagami still felt embarrassed and ashamed that she was responsible for that. Still, the twin-tailed girl took comfort in the fact that she was never going to get in trouble or do anything to hurt her family ever again.
The sliding glass door behind Kagami opened and she turned her head to see Matsuri walk out of the house and close the door behind her. Kagami quickly turned her head again and became uncomfortable as Matsuri pulled another deck chair closer to her sister and sat down. A long and unbearable moment of silence fell between the two sisters as Kagami continued to stare upward into the sky with the black glasses covering her eyes while Matsuri kept her focus on her twin-tailed sister.
"Are you feeling any better, Kagami?" Matsuri asked with real concern for her little sister.
Kagami remained silent and unresponsive with her arms folded across her chest.
"Look, I know you're probably still pissed at me and my treatment of you and your friend may have been a little extreme but I did it for you." Matsuri said with confidence. "I just don't want you to make a mistake and get hurt or humiliated or something like that. I've heard stories of things that happened like that…to my friends."
Kagami's ears perked up on her sister's hesitation in her last sentence. She felt her eyebrow twitch and her stomach churn and feared her parents may have accidentally revealed Matsuri's skeleton-ridden closet. Kagami felt sick inside her body and soul while Matsuri continued her lecture.
"And that's why I did what I did. I just want you to be safe and not make any mistakes you'll regret later in life." Matsuri began to finish. "Some things in life you only get to do once and other things will come back to haunt you either mentally or physically and even futuristically with your career. I'm just trying to set a good example for you, that's all."
Kagami turned her head and removed her sunglasses, showing her glaring face. "What did you do that made you apologize to mom and dad so emotionally?"
Matsuri's face suddenly transformed faster than Kagami expected it to and through different phases. Her face first changed from serious, to shocked, to confused, to anger, and finally, to fear. The middle Hiiragi daughter looked around anxiously as if she was paranoid that someone else was watching them or worse, she was being setup for something. Why would she be afraid of being setup and especially of people watching? After stuttering several times while looking around and finally concluding she was still alone with Kagami, Matsuri turned back and faced her little sister.
"They…they…told you?" Matsuri asked with a flustered face.
"They told me that you did something that I assume was very heinous which explains why you cried your eyes out and apologized to them and begged them not to throw you out." Kagami snapped. "And you say you're just trying to set a good example."
Matsuri began shaking and she looked as if she was getting ready to cry again. "But…but did they…tell you?"
Kagami turned away. "No, they didn't."
Matsuri couldn't help it when she breathed a deep sigh of relief. She covered her pounding heart with her hand and continued to shiver, catching Kagami's attention and this time she showed concern for her sister's body language. She had never seen this kind of fear from Matsuri, leading her to believe that it truly was bad in all aspects.
"Are…are you okay, Matsuri?" Kagami asked and began to feel paranoid herself as she sat up and felt guilty.
Matsuri had lowered her head until she snapped it up and showed a very angry face. Kagami became frightened as she had never seen a look this enraged in her whole life. Matsuri's eyes were leaking tears through a gaze of pure rage while she gritted her teeth and clenched her fists. The middle Hiiragi daughter's look was one of a woman pushed to the edge and she quickly shot up to her feet, making Kagami mimic the move out of protective reflexes.
"How dare you! How…fucking…dare you?!" Matsuri screamed so loud it echoed across the neighborhood and made Kagami jump. "You have no idea of the torture I had to endure! You have no idea what it's like to be humiliated and to see the look in mom and dad's eyes when they want to disown you! I never wanted that for you, Kagami, and you have no fucking right to talk to me like that!"
The sliding glass door suddenly flew open again and Miki rushed out. "What is going on out here?!"
"Mom, you better have a talk with your daughter!" Matsuri yelled, her eyes still leaking. "She needs to learn about boundaries and letting go of things that constantly haunt your everyday mind and you…! You told Kagami about what I did?!"
Miki's eyes went big. "No, no, no! We didn't tell her! All we said was that she made some of the same mistakes you did and that we don't want her to get hurt!"
"Hurt?! Hurt?! Is that the absolute worst of your concerns, mom?!" Matsuri screamed again. "What about how it would make me look in the eyes of my sisters?! I would think that all the suffering and humiliation would be enough from everyone in the world but if they ever looked at me differently, I don't know what I would do!"
"Matsuri, calm down!" Miki cried as she watched her daughter tremble from head to toe. "They don't know about it and I promise you that they never will! Some things are better left unsaid and so they shall remain!"
Matsuri began to calm down a bit but Kagami could still see something truly gut-wrenching was eating away at her sister. Whatever Matsuri did, it was bad enough to twice bring her sister to tears and a meltdown. Kagami began to feel guilty for what she said to her older sister and she was about to make amends but the quarrel wouldn't stay down.
The middle Hiiragi daughter turned back to Kagami, still holding her angry face and she wiped away her tears. "You better watch it from now on, Kagami! We're all capable of making mistakes that will forever be a part of us and in some cases, we'll have to keep looking over our shoulder everyday to make sure they don't catch up to us again one day! Don't screw this up for yourself! You have no idea what kind of shit you will bury yourself in if you do!"
Kagami's anger was boiling. The twin-tailed girl felt that now Matsuri was adding to her increasing paranoia that she wasn't strong enough or that she wasn't getting herself together enough to tackle college in the fall. The memories of Misao's speech in the train the previous night also flashed in her mind, especially when the brown-haired girl called her out on her strict lifestyle and how detail-oriented she was. To hear it come from her own sister deeply angered the twin-tailed girl. Kagami's rage inside her mind burned like fire as she too clenched her fists and gritted her teeth. The outburst she unleashed was one of pure impulse inspired by relentless anger and frustration that she didn't comprehend before it escaped her mouth and tore her older sister to shreds.
"I'm nothing like you, Matsuri! Unlike you, I do have common sense and a concept of honor! I may have made a small mistake but I can't even and don't even want to imagine the unspeakable things you have done with yourself! I'd be willing to bet that you defiled yourself with some perverted guys and you probably enjoyed it! If that's the case I can see why mom and dad wanted to disown you because if I was in their spot, I would have! No sister or even child of mine would ever get away with whatever you did and for you of all people to tell me to watch over my shoulder for the things I've done?! You're the problem, Matsuri! No sister of mine would do the dirty things you have so you have no right to speak to me the way you have! Why don't you just leave me alone or better yet just drop dead?!"
Kagami's rage-fueled rampage depleted her of energy as she breathed deeply and trembled uncontrollably. She coughed several times as her outburst drained her lungs of air and she panted ferociously while her knees buckled and her eyes focused downward. Kagami expected a tit-for-tat scenario where Matsuri would yell at her, then she would yell back, and Matsuri would return fire of her own again. What Kagami didn't expect was complete and utter silence from her older sister and when the twin-tailed girl looked up again, her heart skipped a beat.
Matsuri's face was covered with shame and guilt. It was so clear that it could be read easier than a stop sign as her facial features were that of a scared and defenseless child. The look suddenly reshaped itself into an expression showing endless hurt as her mouth opened slightly and her eyes became bigger and sadder upon hearing Kagami's desire to see her sister die. Matsuri once again formed tears in her eyes and to Kagami's further shock and even horror, her older sister quickly covered her face and fell to her knees on the porch, following it up with a deafening and heart-breaking cry.
Miki quickly swooped in and kneeled down to her middle child and wrapped her arms around Matsuri's quivering shoulders. She held her close and tried her best to soothe her but Matsuri's crying remained consistent and relentless. Seeing her daughter in so much pain prompted Miki to form an angry face of her own and shoot it at Kagami, who still stood above them and still confused.
"I hope you're happy, Kagami! How dare you?! Matsuri has suffered enough since her own incident and your father and I have forgiven her and we've moved on!" Miki yelled, furthering Kagami's own paranoia that she just opened Pandora's Box. "How could you possibly say those horrible things to her?! You may not understand it but Matsuri loves you and would do anything to make sure you don't make the same mistake she did and this is how you treat her?! Apologize to your sister right now!"
While only post-shocked squeaks escaped Kagami's mouth, Matsuri suddenly jolted her head up, showing her angry face again and she stood up while Miki also stood with her. Matsuri glared at her sister and retorted, "You know what, don't bother, Kagami! I don't need your pity or fake sympathy! From now on, you do whatever the hell you want to and I won't be there to help you! I'm going out for a bit!"
Matsuri brushed past everyone and reentered the house as Miki quickly followed while Kagami also though reluctantly pursued into the house. The middle Hiiragi daughter grabbed her car keys hanging on the key hook near the front door and exited the house while Miki continued to call for Matsuri. Her words fell on deaf ears and Matsuri entered her car and began to speed away from the family home.
When Matsuri was out of sight, Kagami still stood in the hallway and now feared for her own safety as it was just her and her enraged mother alone. As Miki kept her back turned to Kagami and slowly closed the door, Kagami's heart continued to beat wildly in her chest as she gulped again. She knew she screwed up big time as the results of driving her older sister both to tears and out of the house to cool off showed.
Miki turned and reared a teeth-gritting glare, making Kagami quiver. The twin-tailed girl expected to be lambasted with loud and harsh words from her mother, but it still drove a knife into Kagami's heart when the kitchen lecture reincarnated itself. Miki's firm but non-shouting voice returned when she said, "You know what, I don't even know what to say to you anymore. I don't even know who you are anymore. How many times are you going to disappoint me in one day until you straighten up? Matsuri's right, you know. The more mistakes you make, the more you are going to be looking over your shoulder to make sure they don't become the death of you. You're an adult now so like what Matsuri said, you do whatever you want and we won't be able to swoop in and rescue you."
With her mind spoken, Miki abruptly left Kagami alone in the hallway of their home. Kagami clenched her heart again as her mother's own retort still constricted her self-esteem. For some reason, Kagami wished that her mother screamed her head off at her but every time she used the word "disappointed," it hurt so much worse. The only explanation she could come up with to this was the possibility that despite all her hard work, it still wasn't good enough to please her parents. Now because of her impulsive attack on Matsuri, Kagami felt even more guilt and pressure on her, as well as a feeling of unsatisfied closure. What did Matsuri do that was so odious that every time someone would mention it, she would fold like a map?
Regardless, Kagami still felt ripe with guilt as she slowly turned, her legs feeling like goop, and walked away. She didn't really know where to go at this point even though she was still in her home yet she somehow felt unwanted or even in a foreign land. The silence that followed after the fight was probably the worst part of it all. If she thought the calm before a storm was bad, she now felt as if she was engulfed in the calm after a battle in a war. The first thing Kagami had on her mind was to call Matsuri on her cell phone and apologize but she knew it was too soon. Matsuri would hang up on Kagami or just ignore her call altogether so the twin-tailed girl believed the best thing to do was to give her older sister some time to cool off before they could talk again. It had always worked in the past so Kagami thought this time was no different.
Kagami walked upstairs and found her bedroom, though she wasn't expecting to see Tsukasa sitting on her bed, as if she was waiting for her. The twin-tailed girl sighed when she saw her fraternal twin sitting on her bed and clutching a stuffed animal to her chest as if it was a shield and her face illustrated a child ready to cry. Her eyes weren't red or puffy so the river of tears didn't start yet but they looked as if they could if Kagami didn't say or do something for Tsukasa.
"Did you hear all of that?" Kagami asked as she sat down next to her sister.
Tsukasa nodded while whimpering slightly and hugging the stuffed animal to her chest.
Kagami gently placed her hand on the top of her sister's head and stroked it gently, making Tsukasa nestle closer to the warm touch. What Tsukasa said next however gave Kagami a chill. "Sis…why are you so angry?" She asked in a sad voice.
Hearing the question come in a meek and frightened voice depressed Kagami and she moved her hand from Tsukasa's head to her shoulder and she pulled her close. "Because…I'm only human. I'm sorry you had to hear that and I take it all back. I didn't mean any of those horrible things I said to Matsuri. I don't know what's going on with me. I've been feeling…strange…since the graduation ceremony yesterday. I feel anxious and paranoid and I don't know why."
Tsukasa turned her head to look at her sister. "Is there anything I can do to help you because you know I would do anything for you, sis."
Kagami smiled and pulled her tighter. "I know you would, Tsukasa, and thank you. But this is something that Matsuri and I need to work out together. I may not know what she did, but whatever it is, it still doesn't change the fact that she's our sister and mom is right. I need to apologize to her."
Tsukasa began to feel better as she heard her sister's calm voice. This wasn't the first quarrel Kagami and Matsuri had with each other over the years but it still was considered one of the worst. However, Tsukasa was taking comfort in the fact that it was over and despite the harsh words and revelations that were unleashed onto each other, it appeared that Kagami was serious about wanting to make amends and was sincere in her regrets. Tsukasa hugged her sister closely with a smile, who happily returned the loving gesture.
(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(- )-(-)
Matsuri Hiiragi had always been one of the more social ones of her family as her life in college and her regular outings with her friends showed. Her friends were always a reflection of the good times she had and also served another important purpose. They were also her escape every time a heated argument would arise within her family so now she needed to be in the crowd more than ever. She called one of her best friends from college and said she needed to meet and talk for awhile, which her friend instantly agreed to.
They met at a restaurant they always liked to go to during their down time and Matsuri sat at a table waiting for her friend. While she sat and waited for her friend, Kagami's venomous words continued to run throughout Matsuri's mind and soul, poisoning her mentality and inner strength. Matsuri slowly spun her cell phone on the table with one hand while she rested her head in the other with her elbow on the table. Matsuri was anxiously waiting not for a call from another friend, but from Kagami. The middle Hiiragi daughter didn't want Kagami to be forced to apologize to her, but at the same time she wanted to hear that Kagami didn't mean what she said because of how deeply it hurt Matsuri.
A young woman came up behind her and sat down in front of her while sitting her purse on the table. She smiled and said, "Sorry I'm late."
Matsuri returned the smile and shook her head. "Not a problem, Koyomi. I'm glad you could meet me on such short notice."
"Well I was in the neighborhood anyway so it was convenient so what's up?" Matsuri's friend from college asked.
"I…I just had a fight with my sister so I just needed to get out of there for awhile." Matsuri sighed, her eyes still glancing at her cell phone.
"Kagami again?" Koyomi asked.
Matsuri couldn't help but chuckle. "Kagami again."
The two girls had to laugh again as Koyomi continued. "What happened this time?"
Matsuri sighed and gulped. "Well, she graduated high school yesterday and went to a friend's graduation party. Long story short, she came home late last night drunk."
Koyomi's eyes went big. "Wait are we still talking about your Kagami? As in straight-laced Kagami Hiiragi?"
Matsuri nodded. "None other."
"Wow…I…I'm actually shocked. I never thought I'd live to see the day." Koyomi responded with a stutter.
Matsuri shook her head. "Same here. But it was what she said to me that still has me shaking."
"What'd she say?"
Matsuri averted her eyes, telling her friend that it was bad. "She said that if she was in my parents' spot, she would disown me. I think she's catching on about what I did."
Koyomi's eyes widened. "You…you mean she knows about the—"
Matsuri promptly shushed her before she could finish her sentence. The paranoid Hiiragi inadvertently looked around, as if she felt that all eyes were on her and everyone knew of her misdeed. She soon remembered that she was among strangers who didn't even know her name let alone what she did so she took a deep breath and continued.
"No, I don't think she knows about…the item exactly…but she knows that it was something…dirty." Matsuri said with shame in her voice. "To this day I'm still ashamed of what I did and it hurts so much. I can't even look at my parents the same way anymore because I know every time they look at me, they're constantly reminded of that incident. It's like I can't even be their regular daughter anymore and…it hurts…"
Matsuri sheltered her flushing face from her friend but she was there for the ailing Hiiragi girl. She latched onto her hand and held it in hers and said, "It was a mistake, Matsuri, not a federal offense, and you are sorry for it, I can see it. Your parents have forgiven you and they clearly haven't disowned you so you can't keep beating yourself up over this and forget about what your sister says. You know her. She says something mean one minute and then regrets it the second minute. She's probably debating whether to call you right now and apologize. And hey, if all else fails, you can always make that special paella for her and the family again. Remember that time you, me, Tomo, and Kagura came here and we ordered that and you wouldn't leave until you got the recipe from the chef?"
Seeing Matsuri smile and even chuckle warmed her friend's heart. It was a fond memory for Matsuri and one of her prouder moments when she brought that special recipe home. However, it still somehow resulted in a fight between her and Kagami, but everyone brushed it off as business as usual. Matsuri and her friend continued to talk for another hour until the middle Hiiragi daughter decided to head home. She felt refreshed about her situation and Kagami's earlier words were old news.
Matsuri suddenly got an idea as she walked out of the restaurant with her friend. She had entertained the idea of calling Kagami and to apologize for her rough treatment of her and her hangover, but got a better idea. A new shooting game had just come out and Matsuri knew that Kagami had her eyes on it for weeks. She decided she was going to get it for her as both a graduation and apology gift. Her friend in Koyomi decided to tagalong for the ride as she was also into gaming and had a few things she wanted to check out as well.
The two friends got into Matsuri's car and the middle Hiiragi daughter started driving them down the street. While driving and still talking, Matsuri's car soon approached a four-way intersection where she had a green light and saw a large semi truck approaching in the other lane towing a large trailer. As the girls approached their green light, a businessman driving a black sedan approached his red light while holding a cup of coffee in one hand while propping his cell phone against his ear with his left shoulder and began to stop. He was disgruntled because his company wasn't doing very well amidst a financial crisis that was not only devouring his enterprise, but others across the world, an ominous sign of the world's future financial condition.
In his furious anger, the cell phone slipped from his shoulder and bounced away. In a futile and ill-fated move to try and catch it, the coffee lid popped off the cup as he hit the brakes, spilling the scorching black liquid on his lap. The burning sensation made him jump and holler in charring pain, making his foot slip off the brake pedal. His car moved forward into the path of the oncoming semi truck, catching the driver's attention.
He panicked and honked the horn fiercely as he also swung the steering wheel the opposite way in a desperate attempt to avoid a collision. The massive and powerful truck horn and sudden movement caught the eyes of Matsuri and Koyomi and the two girls looked just in time to see the large iron grille of the truck cover Matsuri's driver's side window and windshield. A deafening and unholy smash suddenly echoed across the intersection.
(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(-)-(- )-(-)
"I'm getting really worried about her, dear." Miki said to her husband with concern as she couldn't help but glance out the window. "She's been gone for three hours now and she hasn't picked up her cell phone or called or anything."
Tadao on the other hand seemed more reserved in his calm demeanor as he sat at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. "I'm sure she's fine. You know Matsuri. Whenever she gets mad and leaves to cool off, that means she doesn't want to talk to anybody so she ignores all our calls."
Miki walked back from the window and sat across from her husband. "You do have a point there. It just gets to me whenever our girls fight like that. This time it was different too. You should've seen the look on Matsuri's face when Kagami said all of those things to her. I haven't seen a look like that on her face since…well…you know when."
Tadao nodded, his attention still focused on his newspaper. "I know, but this is an issue the girls need to work out for themselves. Kagami is old enough to get drunk like Matsuri did once so I hope she's old enough to make peace with her sister whenever they fight."
Miki looked away and sighed. "It's times like these that I sometimes wonder if we truly did our best to raise them right. I mean you and I never did the things these kids do today when we were their age. It's like they honestly aren't afraid of anything anymore or worse, simply don't care. It appears to me that they have no idea that what they say or do to each other now or even on the Internet nowadays has severe repercussions. I once read this story in the newspaper about a teenage boy who was bullied over the Internet until he committed suicide."
The male head of the Hiiragi household folded his newspaper and placed it aside. "I understand where you're coming from but I'm not going to buy into that when we start to link our daughters to that. Despite their different personalities, none of them would ever berate or belittle anyone or themselves without care and especially not on a place like the Internet where everyone in the world can see. We raised four beautiful, smart, and above all, respectable girls and despite some of their mistakes, nothing could taint their perfect hearts. You should be proud, honey."
Miki couldn't help but grin as she folded her hands. "I am. But I still can't help but worry about them sometimes. You know, I was shopping with our neighbor the other week and when I told her about Kagami's and Tsukasa's graduations, she smiled and said that I've officially retired."
Tadao tilted his head in confusion. "Retired?"
"Yes. What she meant by that was that it's a mother's job to be there and love her children and support them in no matter what they may do or pursue and then the day comes where they'll be on their own." Miki sighed. "Hence, my job at mothering them and swooping in to save them is over. I'm retired now."
Tadao chuckled. "You'll always be their mother. I know you, Miki, you could never retire from being their mother."
Miki giggled back. "You know me so well."
As the husband and wife sat in the kitchen and continued to reassure the other, their phone began ringing. Inori walked into the kitchen before either of them could get up and she was originally heading towards the refrigerator. She redirected her route to the phone and picked it up.
"Hiiragi residence." She opened.
The new conversation the oldest Hiiragi daughter was starting didn't even register in the minds of Miki or Tadao. Not until a pause and Inori spoke again.
"Um…Matsuri is my sister and she does live here. May I ask what this is about?" She asked.
The parents turned their heads and Miki slowly stood with a confused expression. She couldn't understand any words but could clearly hear a voice coming out of the phone into Inori's ear. A sudden feeling of déjà vu swept Miki when she saw her oldest daughter create a remake of the last expression she saw on Matsuri's face before she drove off in a sad and angry stupor. Inori's breathing changed first as she breathed deeply and sporadically, bordering on hyperventilating. Her eyes suddenly flooded and her face became red as she shook her head no while registering all the voice was telling her.
Her knees buckled and she suddenly slid to the floor and began crying. Miki and Tadao quickly rushed over to Inori and Tadao grabbed the phone from her grip as Miki comforted her oldest daughter.
"Hello? Who is this?" Tadao asked anxiously and listened to the voice. "Yes I am Matsuri Hiiragi's father."
Amidst the growing chaos, Kagami and Tsukasa entered the kitchen together. The youngest Hiiragi daughter looked at the scene and began to panic instantly when she saw Inori's reactions despite the absence of intel for her to comprehend. She snatched Kagami's hand and squeezed it tight. She squeezed it even harder and began to cry herself when she saw Tadao quickly stand and start yelling, "No!"
"What's going on here?!" Kagami exclaimed.
Inori looked up. "Matsuri was in a car accident! She's dead!"
Tsukasa screamed loudly as full-blown panic suddenly took control of the Hiiragi family. Kagami's eyes went big and her pupils shrank as sweat formed across her head. Her heart nearly exploded and it felt as if she was gutted when she suddenly remembered the last words she ever spoke to her sister.
"Why don't you just leave me alone or better yet just drop dead?!"