CHAPTER 6

No one would've believed it if it was said that Kagami Hiiragi would lose her sister and one of her closest friends all within the same month. Regardless, it was a dual tragedy that took everyone affected by it completely by surprise, no matter how closely or distantly they were involved with the latest victim. Upon the death of Misao Kusakabe, Kagami once again withdrew into an impenetrable shell of silence that no one could crack. The twin-tailed girl never spoke since her encounter and the testimony she provided to the police, which led to the drunken man at the graduation party being arrested and charged with the crime. However, upon arriving home from Misao's funeral, Kagami once again secluded herself in her room while her parents sat in the living room and disagreed on the best course of aiding their distraught daughter.

"We cannot force her into therapy if she's not a direct threat to either herself, us, or anyone else!" Tadao exclaimed to his wife as the two bickered. "Now Kagami has suffered two incredible losses this past month, but you have to admit that none of us have seen any signs of self-harm or drastic decisions on her part. She's smarter than that and she knows how terribly it would hurt all of us."

Miki couldn't help but agree with her husband. She lifted her face upward towards the ceiling, where Kagami's room was one level above them. Sighing, she rested her head on her hand and added, "First her sister…now her friend. How could fate be this unfair to a girl like her? Ever since Inori was first born and all our daughters after her, we always taught them that if they work hard and preserve even in the toughest times, good things will happen to them and this is the end result of Kagami's hard work. This is nothing short of a nightmare."

Tadao nodded. "I know that and I know that you want Kagami to start talking about everything but she doesn't want to. I mean we were barely able to get her to write her testimony for the police but luckily it was enough to charge that bastard with Kusakabe's murder. Did you see how she acted at her funeral today?"

The Hiiragi housewife rubbed her forehead in anguish for her daughter and nodded. "She wasn't crying or making any gestures at all and this was practically worse than Matsuri's death. I mean, that girl bled and died in Kagami's arms. She was covered in her blood and it was without a doubt a horribly traumatic experience…but I still can't get over how she acted."

Tadao nodded again, this time nervously. "I did. She wasn't crying or anything. She just sat there and watched it from beginning to end. What alarmed me the most was that I watched her the entire time and she didn't move once. I mean, not a twitch, not even to scratch her nose, nothing. The only movement she did was blink."

"I think she was trying to block it all out." Miki said. "She's been through enough and she has a lot on her plate with that party, then Matsuri, and now this."

"Honey you haven't told me one thing so far that I don't already know and I get why you want Kagami to open up about this, but she's not doing anything dangerous or threatening to either herself or anyone." Tadao retorted. "I support your idea of her talking to someone but like I said, Kagami is an adult and we can't force her into a therapist's office if her only red flag is not wanting to talk. I do understand your concern because…to not say a single word for a whole week."

Miki glanced away. "This…this isn't how I envisioned Kagami's life. When she was a child and every time I saw her play with and hug Tsukasa, I always knew that her life was going to be filled with joy and happiness, but then…this…"

The Hiiragi housewife covered herself as Matsuri's face suddenly flashed in her mind and she began to weep. Tadao's natural instincts kicked in and he scooted over to his wife and hugged her, who returned his warm embrace. She sniffed and huffed several times while thinking about the untimely departure of her middle child. Tadao held himself together for his wife's sake and allowed her to vent her agony over Matsuri's death, which she did stridently.

As he held her close, Inori and Tsukasa slowly walked into the living room, the oldest with her arm around the youngest who continued to cry. Inori guided Tsukasa to a seat and continued to rub her shoulders while the entrance grabbed their parents' attention.

"Any luck?" Tadao asked.

Inori turned her head to him and shook it with remorse. "No. We tried to get her to come out but she wouldn't say a word to us. Tsukasa couldn't even get her to come out."

Hearing this only made Tsukasa weep harder as she believed that she was failing her sister. "I…I feel so bad. Sis is in…so much pain…and I can't take it away from her. I just…I just want her to…smile again."

Tsukasa once again began to cry while taking her tears away, prompting Inori to hold her tight again. "There, there, Tsukasa. You didn't do anything wrong. Kagami she…she needs time to mourn. She went through two very harrowing experiences."

The youngest Hiiragi daughter sniffed twice and nodded. "Kagami…I…I love her so much…!"

Seeing her youngest daughter in grieving pain, Miki swooped over and also hugged the sniveling Tsukasa. Though Tsukasa could feel the love flowing from her mother and oldest sister into her, this still didn't take away from the fact that she knew her fraternal twin and idol was still in her room, a broken girl.

As he watched the scene before him, Tadao slowly turned his head towards the staircase that would lead to Kagami's bedroom. Even though he knew Kagami well and always believed in his heart that she would never resort to something as foolish or grotesque as self-mutilation to deal with pain, it still didn't take away from the fact that she was in riving pain from her losses. It was because of the extent of her suffering that led Tadao to believe that the tragedies could cloud her usually good judgment and make her do things that she would later regret.

He had given Kagami a lot of space since the death of Matsuri and tried to let her sisters break her out of her dark cloudy storm, but so far all their attempts ended badly. The man rose to his feet and informed his family he was going to try and talk to her and he walked up the stairs while Tsukasa continued to mope.

Upon arrival at Kagami's door, he knocked twice and said, "Kagami, can we talk?"

No answer.

"I'm coming in now so I hope you're decent." He said and opened the door.

He found his daughter still on her bed and curled into a trembling ball with her flooded eyes staring out the window. Tadao closed the door behind him and sat on his daughter's bed. Though she was in a horrible predicament, the father was able to look past that and see her colors that always seemed to glow. Even in her darkest hours, all Tadao could see was beauty in his daughter, Kagami Hiiragi, both inside and out. Resurrecting his old teachings and preparing them in his mind, he first began by resting his hand on Kagami's head, feeling the silky smooth follicles of her long, grandiose hair.

"You know Kagami, I know I've told you this before, but you never got a chance to meet your grandfather, Taichi Hiiragi. It's times like these that remind me that that is a real shame. You would've gotten along so well with him and he probably would've been your idol." Tadao said softly for his daughter. "You know, your grandfather always saw girls like you and women in general a lot differently than most boys and men do. He believed that all women have a strength deep within them that cannot be measured or compared to even the most masculine of men. He believed that women, by their very nature and creation, are the strongest entities on Earth and whenever I look at you, I know he's right."

Kagami blinked several times and tilted her head towards him, telling Tadao that she was listening so he persisted.

"Think about it, Kagami. Women have not only the ability to bear children, thus ushering in a new life, but they also have the ability to bear the pain involved with it. In addition to being forced to feel horrible pain from childbirth, they can also somehow feel relentless love and affection for the children they bear and the men that vow to protect them. It's because of all the burdens they have to bear that is why your grandfather believed that women are godlike and sacred creatures that need to be protected and loved at all costs."

Kagami rested her head on her pillow again but Tadao added more.

"My point is that you are a young woman, Kagami, and you are stronger than you could ever imagine. I know you have been dealt a horrible set of circumstances with Matsuri and Kusakabe and I can only imagine the pain you feel, but Kagami, you are strong enough to overcome all of this." Tadao began to gently rub his daughter's head. "Your mother wants you to see a therapist to talk about all that you feel, but I don't believe you need one because of how truly incredible you are inside. If you want to see one, we'll call and make an appointment for you, but you know your whole family is here for you. We also just want to hear your voice again, Kagami. We love you so much."

Upon Tadao's completion of his rant, Kagami slowly pulled herself up, making him shift back a little on her bed to give themselves more space. Kagami rubbed her watery eyes, sniffed, and looked at her father. She choked, "Am…am I being punished, father?"

"Punished for what and by who?"

"By the gods…for my drinking at the party." Kagami whimpered as she averted her eyes. "I can't help but feel that my sins are catching up to me by taking Matsuri and Kusakabe away from me. Matsuri did something that she regretted at a party and Kusakabe confessed to me that she did too before she died. Is this my punishment?"

Tadao shook his head. "No, Kagami. You're not being punished by anyone or anything. Your sister and your friend made mistakes and they were just tragically taken from us. That's all. Nothing more and nothing less so please don't read too much into superstition when thinking about this."

"I'm glad that grandpa isn't alive to see all the things that happened. If he saw what I did and all the things my friend did, he would be so ashamed." Kagami sniffed again. "Even though I never met him, I know he wouldn't see me as jewel. I made a fool of myself at that party, I drove Matsuri away and she died, and Kusakabe died trying to protect me. Everyone close to me dies."

"Now, now, don't talk like that, Kagami." Tadao ordered sternly and scooted closer to Kagami on her bed and to her surprise, he scooped her up and held her close in his arms. For once, his hard-nosed daughter accepted his warm gesture and held onto him as well. "Your grandfather would be very proud of you and all that you have accomplished so far. He would hate to see you like this, though, so come on. Let's go downstairs and see the rest of your family again. I'm sure they want to see and hear from you again, especially Tsukasa."

To his surprise, Kagami suddenly pulled herself out of his hold on her and scooted away upon hearing the request. What surprised Tadao even more were the two words that escaped Kagami's mouth. "I'm scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Scared of how they'll see me from here on out. No matter what I do or say, it will never take away from the fact that I was the one that upset Matsuri so much that I drove her out of the house and she died. It's because of that that I'm so scared that every time they'll look at me, they'll only see me as the one responsible for Matsuri's death. Especially Tsukasa." Kagami began to cry again. "I finally understand what Matsuri meant the day she died. I also wouldn't care if the entire world thought I was the worst human being alive, but if any of my sisters saw me as a murderer, I couldn't go on. I wouldn't want to!"

Kagami shielded her face from her father and continued her relentless sobbing as she sat on her knees. Regardless, Tadao placed his hand gently on Kagami's head again and pulled her close. He kissed her softly on her forehead while she continued to struggle with her tears and trembling.

"You're talking crazy, Kagami. You know your sisters, your mother and I don't see you as a murderer. Matsuri loved you and she still does, as well as your friend who died protecting you." Tadao reassured. "I can see that this still has you deeply upset so would it make you feel better if we called a therapist. Don't feel pressured to answer either way because you know your family only wants the best for you, right?"

Kagami slowly nodded. "I…I just want to be alone. I need my space. I…I think I should also call Konata. I said some pretty…mean things to her at Matsuri's funeral. I think talking to her will help."

Tadao formed a small smile and nodded. "Okay, dear, I understand. I'll leave you alone but don't forget that all the love and support you could ever want is just downstairs waiting for you."

Kagami nodded again. "Thank you, dad."

Tadao took his daughter's hand and squeezed it gently. "Remember what I said. You are stronger than you could ever imagine and you will pull through this."

With all he needed to say finally out in the open, Tadao stood and gave his daughter the space and peace she needed. He closed the door behind him, leaving Kagami alone once again in her room and silence engulfed her as before. Hugging her knees to her chest, Kagami continued to sniff until her body swayed and she landed on her side on the bed. She took a deep breath and sighed out more of her pain and crawled back to her pillow.

As she buried her head in her pillow, she tried to remember everything her father told her about her inner strengths. She always knew that she was tougher than the average girl but right now she felt weak and exposed in all aspects, especially after the death of Misao Kusakabe. She thought that if she was so strong, why did she lose her temper and drive Matsuri away or why did someone have to die to protect her like Misao? Kagami did her best not to think about these things but knew it was a losing battle, especially when she accidentally reminded herself that she was already supposed to start college.

The fact that she had conversations with Matsuri weeks before her graduation where the older sister promised to help Kagami with them every step of the way only further deepened the twin-tailed girl's dismay. She couldn't stop thinking about all the other times she and Matsuri quarreled and sometimes the two made amends while other times their problems remained unresolved. Now she truly understood what people meant when they say you never truly know what you have until it's taken away from you.

Feeling swallowed by this infinite solitude, Kagami slowly rose and sat up again, still hugging the pillow to her chest. She suddenly began to feel something beginning to form inside of her at her body's core where the pain continued to burn wildly. This bubbling sphere of unrelenting sorrow and pain continued to build and metastasize inside her core, yet she felt her entire mentality start to become numb. Everything began to turn cold for her and the next chill she felt formed goose bumps across her arms, prompting Kagami to hug herself tighter and rub her arms quickly. She began to suspect something strange was beginning to take place in her body and Kagami feared it was a transformation.

All the anguish and suffering she was feeling was still there, yet it seemed that her mentality was beginning to distance itself from all the pain. She hoped that it was all part of the recovery process, but it wasn't happening fast or efficiently enough. If she was recovering, then why was she beginning to think so many bad thoughts about herself and what she could do to block all the pain and forget about the trauma? She was always renowned for her good decisions and her seemingly never-ending supply of rationality, yet she was considering doing something that many would see as horrible and it would hurt her family so much.

Yet despite all of these horrible repercussions, Kagami still considered the idea of suicide. Her intuition was beginning to split where she would actually weigh both the "positives" and the "negatives" of committing suicide. She was beginning to treat the idea of suicide as deciding on buying a new appliance and would weigh all the positive and negative things she liked or didn't like about it. When someone starts to weigh the possibility that there is even one "positive" thing about suicide, it's a tell-all sign that something's wrong.

Still sitting on her bed, she began to shift herself to the side until she stood up and began to pace inside her room while still hugging her pillow. The things she believed about herself completely contradicted her father's earlier words about her so-called responsibility in Matsuri's and Misao's deaths. Kagami was completely innocent in these tragic turns in her life, yet she still felt guilt for both of them as she continued to pace and began to mutter with the pillow covering her mouth.

"If I do it…I would want it to be quick. If I had a gun this wouldn't be an issue. I don't want to feel any pain or see a lot of my blood. I could just go downtown and jump off a building. There is plenty of tall buildings downtown so I wouldn't feel a thing when I landed…but then I would have the fall to deal with. What if I get up there and I can't do it and somebody notices?" Kagami's grim hypothetical scenarios made her voice tighten. "They'll think I'm crazy. They'll think I need to be in an asylum or something. So I either have the choice of my family seeing me as the associate to murder or the crazy person who tries to commit suicide."

As these morbid and macabre thoughts continued to storm in her mind, something suddenly clicked on the night of Misao's death. Kagami froze in her footsteps and turned her head to the clothes hamper. She dropped the pillow and dashed over to it, pulled the lid off, and began to dig in the pile of dirty clothes looking for a specific pair of jeans. After pulling all her dirty and wrinkled clothes out, she found the jeans she sought and began to dig through the pockets. The first one she dug in was empty but to her further astonishment, her budding happiness went through the roof when her fingertips touched a crumbled piece of paper.

She grabbed it and pulled it out, and opened it. She held the piece of paper containing Ryuji's name and phone number and according to Misao, he knew how to get a hold of certain commodities that could take immeasurable amounts of pain away. Her heart pounding as she took her cell phone and dialed the number, she twirled her long pair around her fingers waiting for the dial tones to end.

A male voice soon picked up on the other side, making Kagami stiffen.

"He…hello? Ryuji?" Kagami asked. "This is Kagami. You met me and…Kusakabe…at the party."

Ryuji remembered her and was also up-to-date regarding Misao and offered his condolences to Kagami as he knew they were close.

"Thanks. Listen. I'm…I'm in a real, real bad spot right now and…I'm thinking some really bad things because…this pain." Kagami paused and more tears forced their way out of her eyes. "I was hoping that you…that you had…anything…that could get me through this. I don't know how much more of this shit I can deal with before I snap and go crazy. So…do you have…something for me?"

Ryuji gave Kagami a quick crash-course in the business he was the proprietor of and it didn't seem to faze Kagami or flare her angry side. She barely knew what she was getting herself into but also knew she was a rookie at this kind of thing and was going to need his help. Her emotions were so distorted and fractured by this point that it was clouding her good judgment and common sense as she setup her first of many encounters.

"Okay…I'll meet you at the clock tower in the park tomorrow at noon." Kagami finished.

Kagami lowered the phone away from her ear and closed it.