Chapter 1: A Plunge in the Deep End
Caroline stepped out of the taxi, grabbing her handbag as she went. The taxi driver hopped out to grab her mid-sized suitcase from the trunk while she shut the car door and came around to the back of the car to bid him thank you and hand him his fare. "Welcome to Chicago," he said kindly. She only only smiled and nodded. Gathering her belongings closer to her side, she watched him pull away from the curb.
Despite the shining sun, the crispness of the October air was giving her a slight chill She buttoned her sweater a little higher before looking up at the building. It was beautiful. The sight of the brick stone building covered heavily in ivy eased only some of the tension she felt in her heart. There were a few roses left on the rose bushes that she was sure wouldn't last much longer with the impending cold temperatures. Leave it to Katherine to find a place with just the perfect amount of soul and beauty, Caroline thought.
The building might not have been located in the heart of downtown Chicago, but it was certainly close enough. There was a comforting calmness to the neighborhood, most probably due to its being a quiet Sunday afternoon. Her right hand clung tightly to her purse's shoulder strap which hung comfortably from her right shoulder. She resisted the urge to remain rooted in her place, knowing full well that as soon as she stepped across the threshold of the building there would be no going back. She was vaguely aware that, standing here in front of what would soon be her new apartment building, the axis upon which she previously stood was tilting ever so subtly.
She was moving to Chicago. It was as official as the gold paint lining the front entrance of the building. It had taken her a month after the funeral to accept that she needed to leave Mystic Falls, another month to narrow down her move to Chicago, and three months after that to finalize the sale of the house. She had put in her notice at work. Carol Lockwood, sympathizing with Caroline's plight after the passing of her mother, had not only accepted her resignation and understood her need to move away, but had even encouraged her to do so. She had always been fond of Caroline, Caroline being exceptionally driven and Liz Forbes having been a close family friend throughout the years. Mrs. Lockwood had written Caroline a glowing recommendation on behalf of her own firm and had sent Caroline on her way with the best of wishes for her success. Within the next two months, Caroline heard back from the design and project management firm to which she'd applied that she'd been accepted for the position. She had rushed to finish up with the last of her mother's affairs, a tedious and hectic process exacerbated by the time crunch, but finally completed in the end.
Her friends from home had teetered between restrained support and blatant apprehension. Of course, no one believed she would actually go through with it until they saw the "For Sale" sign swinging carelessly from its post in front of her house. The rapidly spreading word of her resignation from Lockwood+Perry only added to their shock and grudging acceptance that she was really doing this.
She couldn't help but feel like the world was moving on without her no matter how hard she tried to ignore it. Elena's relationship with Damon, whom she had met while in UVA's graduate program a year prior, had taken off quickly and she was even considering moving in with him into his home in Richmond once she finished the final semester of her program. Bonnie had accepted a teaching position in New York in order to be closer to Jeremy, Elena's younger brother. Even Matt was moving forward with his business plans to acquire the Grill and make it his own. His relationship with Sarah was getting serious and Caroline could tell how happy he was that the pieces of his life were finally coming together seamlessly.
While the painful experience of selling her childhood home had been enough to make her question her decision, it was hugging Matt goodbye and looking into his kind blue eyes that had made her nearly drop her bags and call off the whole thing. He had been there every step of the way, never leaving her side, and stepping in as the brother she never had. Although her best friends checked in on her as often as they could, they were all off in other cities living their lives. It was Matt, one of the few like her who had decided to move back home after college, who was able to be the physical presence of comfort in her life that she so desperately needed. He was supportive of her, and in the end, had given her the final push to move on from her life in Mystic Falls and start a new one in Chicago.
It was thus, seven and a half months later, that she was showing up on Katherine's doorstep. Katherine, in a move that surprised most everyone, had offered Caroline the empty second bedroom in her two-bedroom apartment, usually preferring to live alone and only making an exception for her baby sister's best friend.
Caroline continued to stare at the building. "What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?" she whispered furiously to herself, cursing the moment she came up with this ridiculous idea all those months back. She could have just stayed in Mystic Falls and avoided this potentially catastrophic disaster. What the hell was she getting herself into?
Mustering up the courage to finally go inside, Caroline rolled her small suitcase through the building's front entrance, mentally thanking herself for having the foresight to ship the bulk of her belongings beforehand. She opted for the elevator instead of the stairs, not wanting to lug the suitcase up, despite its small size and lightness in weight. The apartment was on the fifth floor, also the topmost floor, and was on the side facing the street. "5A," she whispered to herself before rapping her knuckles twice on the door.
It quickly swung open. "It's about time, Blondie!" Katherine said loudly, her long brown locks dancing wildly below her shoulders. "What the heck took you so long?" Not bothering to wait for a response, Katherine's slender arms wrapped around Caroline's frame in a hug. "Hello to you, too, Katherine," Caroline said into Katherine's hair with a small smile.
Katherine pulled back. "Welcome to your new home," she said with a flourish of her arms, her brown eyes dancing with mischief. "Come on, let's go inside."
Caroline's anxiety returned as she passed through the threshold. This was Katherine she was moving in with, she reminded herself. Katherine, as in the same insolent girl from high school who was a cold-hearted bitch on a good day and a raging psycho on a look-at-me-and-I'll-snap-your-neck day. Despite her warm welcome, Caroline knew better.
"Jeez, Caroline. Did they start rationing meals in that hick town or were you just thinking of trying out for Miss Virginia?" Katherine cocked her head to the side and pretended to think. "Because you might usually have the whole bubbly and blonde thing going, but I'm pretty sure they like their girls hearty and healthy down there" she said, gesturing to Caroline's thin frame, unimpressed. Points for tact, thought Caroline.
"Oh no, darlin'. I just wanted to take after my one true role model, Katherine Gilbert. I hear she's on this new diet called air and lettuce," Caroline mocked back with a faux Southern twang, referring to Katherine's own slender frame.
Katherine only threw her head back and laughed, never one to let anything get to her. "Well, I've got clients to see and deals to land. We can't have those extra pounds weighing me down, now can we?" she laughingly continued, matching Caroline's exaggerated Southern sass. Caroline rolled her eyes and let out a small chuckle.
"How was your flight?" Katherine asked normally this time. A more appropriate question would have been, "How are you feeling?" but Katherine tended to avoid emotion like the plague.
"It was short. I mean, it was only two hours and I barely blinked before I realized we'd landed." Caroline had an urge to wonder out loud why Katherine didn't come home more often if the flight was so short but then thought better of it.
"Yea, it's convenient that way. Now," she abruptly changed the subject, "remind me again when you have to be back at work."
"My first day is next Monday, so I have all of this week to get settled in."
"Good. So, did you want to eat first and then pack or," Katherine led.
"Thanks," Caroline replied. "But I'm not really hungry. I think I'm just going to start unpacking. I want to get everything organized now so that I can figure out what I still need to buy."
"Want any help?"
"No, I think I'm good," Caroline replied, wanting to be alone as she adjusted to the first few hours of her new life.
Katherine nodded and showed her to her bedroom. "Let me know if you change your mind," Katherine told her as the girls parted ways.
Caroline spent the rest of the afternoon organizing her new bedroom. After Katherine showed her around and explained the basics, she had left her to get settled. The boxes that had been previously sent to Chicago from Mystic Falls were neatly stacked in her room, and in only a matter of a few hours, though there was much to be sorted and put away, Caroline had everything neatly organized and arranged in her spacious bedroom. Like those who stress cleaned or ate away their nerves, Caroline found organization to be her particular brand of catharsis. In this case, it was tiresome and even physically strenuous, but all the more satisfying—anything to get her mind off of what was truly plaguing her heart.
Ever since her mother had died, a distinct fog had settled over her senses. She was still very much keenly aware of the reality around her and her emotions, of course, were still very much in full-swing, but there was a certain dimness in her that appeared to have taken up permanent residence. She was helpless against its power despite her fervent desire to be rid of it. She used to hope for happiness—a naive, innocent hope, but her sole hope, nonetheless. And when she had finally achieved it, had had the chance to finally sample its sweetness, it had escaped her feeble grasp and torn her to pieces.
You see, it was the expectation and the ultimate disappointment that had been her undoing. She had known better, she had chastised herself. She had known it was just a matter of time before the other shoe would drop because, let's face it, this was her life and the other shoe always dropped. But she had lost herself in her contentedness, gradually weaning her heart off its ever-present vigilance until her secret pessimism and her constant need to suppress her hopes lest she be disappointed had become a thing of the past.
She was sorry for her mistake at first. She regretted getting so caught up in the normalcy of her life that she had forgotten to remind herself of her happiness's inevitable untimely conclusion. But then she had changed her mind. She had protected her heart against disappointment for so long that it was hardly reprehensible that she would allow herself to forget for awhile. It had been a long time before her family was able to recover from the divorce. The tension present before the split lingered in every cranny and crevice of that home long after the bags were packed and the papers signed. Her family was barely over that calamity before the next one hit with the sudden death of her father. He had been out of the house and absent from their lives for quite sometime but the blow was no less paralyzing. Her pain had been manageable, but it was the sight of her mother wordlessly withering away that had tangled her child's heart into a mess of a thousand knots. It wasn't until she had moved away to college, having the chance to discover life on her own, and having commenced a steady correspondence with her mother via telephone, that the knots of her heart slowly disentangled. She was healing without even realizing.
It's funny, she would later muse, how easy it is to forget your grief and torment once you've had the chance to heal. But what was the use of remembering any of that now when none of it remained? Her mother was gone and Caroline was the only one left. All of that healing and happiness had gone to hell in a handbasket and all that remained was a much duller version of what she could have been. Obviously, it wasn't her first choice to be this way. It wasn't even her fiftieth. But such is life, and so we must learn to survive anew.
In the first few months after her mother's death, when she would arrive home from work to an empty house, she would allow the haunting silence and reality of solitude to seep ceaselessly into her bones. Shock therapy, she had rationalized. Maybe, in some twisted, masochistic way, if she let the demons attack her mind and torture her spirit all at once, the pain would leave sooner rather than later. She was, of course, no stranger to pain, but its relatively long absence from her life had left her with a sentiment quite the opposite of fond nostalgia, and so it wasn't at all with a warm embrace that she allowed it back into her life.
It didn't take long to realize that her masochistic plan was failing. Her friendship with pain had been severed after her teenage hormones had eventually settled and she was not shocked to discover that she no longer desired its companionship. Maybe it was a renewed survival instinct or maybe it was just weakness, but all she knew was that she didn't want to suffer anymore. She refused to believe that she was doomed to a lifetime of unhappiness. She had tasted the sweet wine and now she wanted it back, however hard it would be. She would be damned if she was going to let life get the best of her again.
It was with this outlook that Caroline had decided to move away from Mystic Falls. Being surrounded by all of those memories, good and bad, was doing unspeakable things to her delicate grip on sanity. While she wanted so badly to breathe in every last ounce of her mother that she could, she knew that it would all be futile if she remained rooted only to memories. And though maybe she could have learned to get over it eventually and learn how to move on in spite of the painful memories, all she knew then was that she wasn't eager to stick around and find out.
She had set out with the task of relocation with a new fire blazing within her. This fire didn't heal her nor did it ease her sorrow. It was simply the unmistakable fire that accompanies one's desperate need to expel one's demons in a hurry. She couldn't stay there any longer. It was just too damn hard. And so, upon Elena's suggestion, Caroline had pinpointed the precise location where she would reconstruct the falling pieces of her life. She would be rid of this fog if it was the last thing she did. Chicago would be her city of deliverance, of that she would make sure.
Katherine stood up from her desk and stretched her arms high above her. After Caroline declined her offer to help, she'd decided to catch up on some paperwork she hadn't had a chance to get to earlier in the weekend. She hadn't anticipated it would take this long, and what began as an hour-long task quickly stretched into an hours-long one. She'd stopped only once to eat dinner with Caroline—takeout from the Thai place around the corner—before both of them resumed their respective tasks.
Katherine shut off her desk light and walked over to Caroline's bedroom to check on her. Her door was open and Katherine could see that she had fallen fast asleep on the covers with an old picture album lying open next to her. Katherine sighed. It was obvious that the girl didn't want to let go of her memories. At least they were good memories, she thought.
Katherine moved forward to place the album on the nightstand. She rolled Caroline slightly to the left so that she could pull out the blankets from under her and cover her body with them. Caroline made no move to wake up, probably because she was so exhausted from the flight and the unpacking. Katherine smoothed her blonde waves out of her face and bent down to kiss her forehead. "Sweet dreams, Care," she whispered. She shut off the bedside lamp and moved toward the door, shutting it softly behind her.
Caroline, for all her trying, was not alright. Katherine could see the hidden scars reflected in Caroline's eyes. Her forced smiles and feigned interest in the conversation were blatantly apparent to Katherine who considered herself somewhat of an expert on the matter. Katherine knew very well how hard it is having to pretend to the world that you're better than you actually are, all the while fighting against your own internal decay. Katherine had fought that battle and suffered a humiliating loss. It's exhausting and painful and, what's even worse, is the overwhelming thought that maybe the fight isn't even worth it.
As she observed Caroline that night over her own plate of pad thai, she reflected not for the first time how similar the blonde was to her, though she'd be hard pressed to admit such a thing out loud. Of course, there was the obvious similarity that both of them had lost their parents, but the similarity ran far deeper than that. They had both suffered through their demons, were still suffering through them, and there was not a single other soul who could fight alongside them in this uphill battle. They were tangled messes in a world of tangled messes, and the gaping scars on their heart would surely haunt them for the rest of their lives. Because, what most people failed to understand, was that it wasn't the traumatic events themselves that had left them with these lasting wounds. It was, rather, the tailspin of turmoil they were already born with and which was then fueled in the aftermath that had tested their warmth and fucked with their strength.
This little girl was trying with all her might to fill the void she no doubt felt within her. Caroline might appear to a common stranger to be back-broken and defeated, but Katherine could still see the fight in her eyes. She had had her doubts about her all those months ago outside of the Grill on the day of her mother's funeral. Caroline had gone from looking wild with despair at the chapel to looking like life had beaten her to a pulp and trounced her unsparingly as she escaped the wake to go home. The vacant look in Caroline's eyes that night outside the Grill had inspired a surprising dose of post-traumatic stress in Katherine, for it brought her back to all those memories she could never quite seem to keep buried. The other mourners there had probably seen in Caroline that same look, though she was sure none of them derived from it as much fear as she did.
That night, and in the couple of nights after, Katherine had wanted nothing to do with any of it. The only reason Katherine had stepped foot back in Mystic Falls in the first place was because Elena had begged her to be there. Elena, ironically, had wanted to make sure that, on the day commemorating Caroline's newfound solitude, she would be surrounded by all the people who still loved and cared for her. It had been a long time since Katherine had been close to Caroline and her return to Mystic Falls had been more of a favor to her desperate little sister than anything else.
It was in the later months, after she'd returned to her life in Chicago, that she had a surprising change of heart. Caroline, particularly the last version of Caroline that she had witnessed, didn't deserve to feel any of that pain. Despite the overwhelming discomfort she felt at having to empathize with Caroline, she understood how deeply she must be hurting. She found herself hoping that Caroline would not make the same mistakes she had in her attempts to cope with her grief. So when she received the call from an unsure Elena attempting to discreetly enquire as to whether Caroline would be welcome with her in Chicago, Katherine didn't hesitate to offer up her second bedroom, though only after chastising her sister on her lack of stealth.
As Katherine lay in bed that night, she closed her eyes and silently wished for things to be different. Seeing Caroline's pain today had reminded her of her own, instantly making her regret her decision to let the girl stay in her apartment. All they both needed was some peace of heart and the strength to move on, but how was Caroline supposed to heal if she was forced to live with a person as damaged as she? Katherine had a feeling this wouldn't at all be easy. It never is, she reminded herself before drifting off to sleep.
AN: Hello, all! First and foremost, I hope you guys like it so far and I just want to apologize for the wordiness of this chapter. I know it's kind of annoying, but there's just so much backstory that I wanted to reveal first before getting into the good stuff. And I promise the next chapter has good stuff ! I also wanted to let you know that if the story continues the way it has in my mind, then it will probably be morphing into both a Klaus/Caroline and a Katherine/Elijah pairing. I'll officially add those characters to the description once I'm fully sure. Thanks again for reading and don't forget to post a review!