A/N: Sorry to keep you all waiting so long. It's been a hectic week. This one is a bit shorter, but is necessary to progress the story. To answer the one question that seems to keep turning up I'd like to say a few things. First and foremost, I'm a diehard Paily shipper. The only couple I ship almost as hard as Paily is Spoby. Sorry you guys! No Mchastings loving in this one. Now with that being said, some people have to take the long way around to recognize what is right in front of their face. You could say that is the case for a few of the characters in this tale. But enough of my ramblings. On to the story...
Nine years ago
"Come on Paige don't be such a chicken," Ben taunted.
"I'm not chicken. I just don't want to get in trouble," Paige countered.
"Chicken, chicken, chicken," Ben teased.
Paige looked at the unlit firecracker in her hand and was conflicted. She knew what they were doing was wrong, but she couldn't look like a baby in front of her cousin. Even though he wasn't only a few months older than her, Ben was like the big brother she never had. She felt like the sun revolved around him and that he could do no wrong. Ever since her mother passed, Paige felt that Ben was the only one she could depend on to always be around. He father was working himself to death to deal with his grief. This often left Paige alone. Ben was the only person who always kept her company. He told her it was alright to be sad about her mom and would offer comfort on the hard days. She would do anything to stay in his good graces.
"It's just a harmless prank. Besides Toby is a real jerk face and deserves it," Ben reasoned.
Paige still looked unsure. Ben said the one thing that he knew would push her over the edge.
"You don't want to disappoint me do you?" he asked.
Paige took a deep breath and lit the firecracker. She threw it in the shed Toby was playing in and ran. She didn't even stay to see what happened. It wasn't until much later that she learned the consequence of her actions...
Present Day
"What would you describe as the main dilemma of the protagonist?" I mumble to myself.
I have a ten page paper due for English tomorrow and I'm barely two pages in.
"What would you describe as the main dilemma of the protagonist?" I say again.
For the life of me I can't seem to process what the question is asking me. I turn up my IPod and feel the calming effects of the music start to work its magic. The saying that music soothes the savage beast couldn't be a truer statement. There's something about music, whether I'm listening to it or performing it, that puts me at ease and puts all the troubles of my life in prospective. Just when I'm really getting into the drum solo that is playing I hear a knock on my bedroom door.
"Paige there's some man here for you," Spencer says.
Some man, I wonder. I haven't the slightest clue who it could be.
"Ok I'll be right out," I answer.
I save what little I have of my paper and make my way to the living room. As soon as I turn the corner, I stop dead in my tracks.
"Dad?"
He stands to face me.
"Hello Paige."
"What are you doing here dad?" I ask.
"I assumed since I'm paying an arm and a leg for you to attend this institution, I'm entitled to make an appearance when I deem necessary," he replied.
"I didn't mean it like that Dad. I'm just surprised to see you is all," I stutter.
"So how are things going?" he asks.
"Good I suppose. Just trying to juggle everything and maintain my sanity. Some of my classes are a little more demanding than I expected."
He just nods his head in reply.
" Swimming is going very well. It's a lot of early morning workouts and evening practices. It's kind of taken over my life for the most part. Nothing that I can't handle, though. We have our first meet in a couple of weeks and my chances at having a spot look pretty good," I say.
"Swimming isn't interfering with your studies, is it?" he questions.
"No sir. I didn't mean it that way. I was just,"
"Paige," he cuts me off, "You know our agreement. I agreed to let you come here to swim as long as you maintained your grade point average. You need to make sure that you're an excellent candidate to transfer to Wharton in a couple years. I don't need your little hobby hindering that."
"It's not just a hobby Dad. Its important to me and I'm very good," I interject.
"If you were as good as you claim, you would've gotten a full scholarship. I need you to stay focused and fulfill you're academic responsibilities. You wouldn't want to disappoint me, now would you?" he asks.
"No sir, I wouldn't," I answer sullenly.
"Good. I don't want my money wasted while you 'find yourself'. Speaking of my money being spent, I trust you find your living arrangements satisfactory," he says.
"Yeah sure," I mutter.
"Paige don't mumble. It's hardly becoming of a young lady," he scolds.
"I said I didn't need all of this, but it's fine."
"Good. Now where is Benjamin? It's been awhile since I've seen him last and I miss my boy," he says fondly.
"I haven't seen him in a while. He's gone a lot due to football."
"Sorry to hear that I missed him on this trip. I couldn't be more proud of him. S tarting wide receiver for a Big Ten university. If he stays focused and on track he could be drafted to the league in no time," my dad boasts.
I can't stand another moment of the 'How Great Is Ben' club. I decide to make a break for it.
"Dad, you know, I have a paper due and I was actually on my way to the library when you showed up," I fib.
"Then I won't hold you up. By the way, tell Spencer to tell her father 'hello' for me would you? He hasn't been at the country club in a while."
"Sure thing dad I'll see you later," I say as I walk him out. He couldn't have come at a worst time. My concentration is completely shot now. Might as well wonder around campus and find a suitable distraction...
My wondering brings me to one of the many on campus coffee shops. I order my cappuccino, a banana nut muffin and find a nice quiet corner to people watch. I've always found it interesting how people behave when they assume nobody is watching. You learn the most about people when they are their truly unguarded selves. I'm brought out of the revelry of my people perusing by a soft tap on my shoulder.
"Hi sorry to bother you," a girl says.
I just look at her for her to continue her line of thought.
"My name is Chloe. I'm passing out fliers for an open mic night her at the cafe. It's this Thursday. Maybe you or someone you know would be interested in performing," she says.
I take one of the fliers and look it over. Might be worth my while.
"Thanks Chloe. I'm Paige, by the way," I tell her.
"Nice to meet you. Hopefully I'll see you there," she says as she walks off to another table.
I look at my watch and notice I have ten minutes to make it to class. Looks like a brisk jog is in order...
"Why is Econ so brutal?" Hanna complains.
"Because they want to make sure that we're serious about our major. The only way they can discern that is if they torture us first," I joke.
"Do you want to go grab something to eat?" she asks.
"I would love to, but I have to get this English paper done," I tell her.
"Ok well I'll see you around. If you see Em tell her I miss her. Lately we've been like passing ships in the night," she says.
"I think you said that kind of backwards babe, but how poetic of you," I chuckle.
"What can I say, I'm a regular Elizabeth Barrett Browning," she replies.
We hug and head off in opposite directions. I'm in the most sullen of moods all of the way back to my apartment. Between the visit with my dad and my Econ class, I feel like this day couldn't get any worse. I unlock my door and find Emily sprawled out on my couch watching t.v. Just like that, a ray of sunshine has poked out from behind the storm clouds of my life. It's moments like this I'm so glad I made her a spare key.
"Hey Em," I call out to her.
She peeks her beautiful face over the back of the couch.
"Hi love. Hope you don't mind I'm here eating all of you junk food and hogging all of your cable," she says.
"Of course not. That's why I gave you the key Em," I answer her.
I make my way over to her and tell her,"Up."
She lifts up her head and I take a seat where it used to be. She lays her head down on my lap and I feel a ball of lead drop in my stomach. I let out a long, slow breath.
She turns her head to look at me and asks,"Are you ok love?"
"Yeah I'm good. Just a long day is all," I lie.
"Want to tell momma about it?" she asks.
"I'd rather not bore you with the details," I reply.
She turns her attention back to the t.v. I close my eyes and bite my lip. I'm trying with all my strength to control my body's reaction to her. Her proximity to me has me about to crawl out of my skin and she's laying in my lap oblivious.
"Paige, scratch my head," she request.
She looks up at me and I raise a brow.
"Please," she begs.
"Oh alright," I acquiesce.
She gives me a satisfied smile and returns her attention to the show. I run my fingers through the softest silk I have ever felt and almost die on the spot. Emily watching has been demoted on my lists of guilty pleasures. Playing with Emily's hair has official become number one.
"Mmm you're so good to me," she moans and I feel something in a place a little lower than my stomach. I try to refocus my attention before I spontaneously combust.
"Em, what in the world are you watching?" I ask her.
"Really, Paige? It's not possible that you're not up on The Real Housewives of Hollywood," she chides.
"Em, you know I try not to kill my brain cells whenever I can."
"Its not that bad, so stop being so dramatic. I'm allowed a guilty pleasure or two. We all have guilty pleasures. I'm sure you have some interesting ones," she comments.
"Uhhhh," I respond.
"Are your guilty pleasures that dirty and sordid that you can't share?" she inquires.
I don't offer her any reply. She sits up and looks me in the eye. I turn away embarrassed.
"Oh my gosh!" She exclaims. "Paige McCullers what dirty secrets are you keeping from me?" she asks jokingly.
Her last question has me instantly feeling remorseful. I look down and think about what I am really keeping from her. The guilt has been eating me alive for a couple months now and an opportunity has presented itself for me to come clean. To hell with what Ben has on me.
"Actually Emily," I begin
"No,no,no. You don't have to tell me anything," she interjects. "They're your secrets to keep. Besides, I know you would never hide anything important from me. I trust you with everything," she says earnestly.
She might as well have picked up a knife and stabbed it through my heart. It would've been a lot less painful. I decide to change the subject.
"Are you hungry? I haven't eaten since this morning," I ask her.
"Sure, I could eat," she says.
"Ok, I'll order something. What do you want?"
"Pizza!" she says enthusiastically.
"Aww Em, again?" I gripe.
"What can I say. I love pizza. It's the greatest food ever," she responds.
My sweet, beautiful Emily. What's not to love about her?...
After the awkward encounter with Emily at my place earlier this week, I've been making it a point to avoid alone time with her. I've managed to make it all the way to Thursday, but she's starting to get suspicious. I'm sitting with her and Hanna at the coffee shop trying to come up with a plausible reason why we can't study together at my place tonight. Usually it would be the three of us, but Hanna has a date. That would leave only Emily and I. I'm not in the appropriate mental space to be one on one with her right now.
"Come on Paige. What else do you have to do that's so important?" Emily asks.
I look up and notice Chloe across the way. A lightbulb comes on in my head.
"Actually, the coffee shop is having an open mic night here this evening and I was planning on checking it out," I answer proudly.
"Why didn't you say anything McCullers?" Hanna asks.
"Because it was kind of a last minute decision," I say.
"We could come with you," Emily offers.
"No need to change your plans. Besides I want to check it out on my own first," I reply.
"Sure thing," Emily says.
"So Hanna. Landed yourself a hot I.T. nerd have you?" I tease.
"Caleb is far from a nerd. Hot is an accurate description though," she says.
We all laugh and continue discussing our plans for the rest of the week...
The open mic night has a better turn out than I thought it would have. I'm fifth on the list to perform, so I take a seat and watch the other students do their thing. There's a bit of something for everyone. This seems to be the place to be if you're in the mood for a little self expression. I brought my guitar with me, but when I saw that there was a keyboard, I decided to go a different route. The guy doing spoken word had just finished his piece and it was now my turn. I approached the stage and took a seat behind the keyboard.
"Thanks for having me this evening," I say. "This is a song that I don't get to do often, but it's one of my favorites."
The room is dead silent. I hesitate for only a split second. I press me fingers to the keys and it's like a release valve opens up. I close my eyes and open my mouth to sing the first few notes. All the pressures that I faced during the week start to fade away. My dad, the constant pressure to please him, living in the shadow of Ben. It all disappeared into nothingness. I can't explain what magic I experience whenever I perform, but it's a high like no other. I continue to play and can feel my heart and soul spill into every note that comes forth. The only thing that I can't seem to shake is Emily. If anything she becomes more present in my mind. It's like no matter what I do, I always comes back to her. Then again, it's always been her so I see no reason for that to change now. I finish the song. I was so lost in the song and the emotions it stirred in me, I didn't realize I still had my eyes closed. I opened them a received a raucous round of applause. I was kind of embarrassed by the amount of adoration, but I graciously took a bow anyway. I returned to my seat to watch the rest of the students perform. The night was winding down and the last performer was about to take the stage. Nobody was more surprised than me when I see Naya approach the mic.
"Thank you everyone. I hope I can close out this night with a bang," she says.
I sit back to see what she can do. I must say she does indeed deliver on her promise to go out with a bang. I had no idea she was as talented as she is. I just assumed she was all mouth and no substance. When she's walking back to her seat, I stand up to congratulate her.
"Very nicely done Naya," I say.
"Right back at you Paige," she replies.
"Oh so you do know my name," I retort.
"Look Lassie, I was just trying to show you some love cause I thought you were hot up there. Clearly you don't know how to take a compliment," she answers.
"So you think I'm hot?" I ask.
"Of course that's all you heard. No offense, but your not my type. I only have eyes for Emily. And something tells me I'm not the only one," she states.
I look away and blush. Do I have an 'I love Emily Fields' tattoo on my forehead that everyone can see except me?
"You're going to need to do something about that. But don't worry Fido. You're secret is safe with me," she pauses, "For now." With that she sashays out of the door.
She was right about one thing, I did need to deal with my feelings for Emily. Now if only I could figure out how.