A/N: Sorry for so much time passing between post. Life has been extra busy lately. I'm trying to get back any my schedule of posting every few days versus once a week. Anywho, thus started off as one lengthy chapter. I decided it was entirely too long, so I split it into two chapters. Here's part one...
Eight Years Ago
Emily was having a tea party with Rose and Mr. Fluffy, her two favorite stuffed animals, in her back yard. She was in the process of serving everyone when she heard the distinct sound of sniffles coming from the yard next door. She pulled one of her chairs over so that she could look over the fence.
"Are you ok," Emily asked the girl.
Paige, realizing she was no longer alone, wiped her tears and tried to put on her best brave face.
"Yeah I'm fine," Paige answered.
"You don't look fine. You look like you're crying," Emily noted.
"I wasn't crying. My eyes were just bothering me," Paige lied.
She crossed her arms over her chest and took a defensive stance.
"Ok if you say so. Hey I'm having a tea party. Do you want to come over?" Emily asked.
Paige scrunched up her face like she had caught a whiff of something rancid.
"Tea party?! I don't do things like that. Tea parties are for girls." Paige answered.
"In case you haven't noticed, you are a girl," Emily replied.
"I know but I don't do girly things."Paige said.
"Well what do you like to do?" Emily asked.
"Fishing, climbing trees, flying kites, building model planes. You know, cool stuff," Paige said.
"Tea parties can be very cool," Emily said.
"I really doubt that," Paige answered.
"Why don't you come over and I'll show you," Emily suggested.
"Sure, ok"...
Present Day
These last few weeks have been some of the most taxing that I have ever experienced. Swim practice has been crazy intense. Shana has been a woman of her word as far as being a constant pain in my behind. I try not to let it bother me. Paige tells me to use it as motivation to be even better. I wouldn't expect anything less from her though. She thrives off of the adversity. I've missed her these past few weeks. With the exception of swim practice, I haven't seen much of her. The three of us would usually study together a couple times a week, but Hanna has been spending massive amounts of time with her new boy toy. Whenever I suggest Paige and I studying together, she gets super antsy and always has a lame excuse why it isn't a good day. Something is going on with her, I just can't figure out what. If I didn't know any better, I would think she's avoiding me. Pair that with the stress of midterms and I feel like I'm about to lose it. I find myself in the library trying to cram as much information in my brain as humanly possible. I feel a light tap on my shoulder and look up to see a smiling Naya standing over me. The two of us have been spending a lot of time together to Paige's dismay. She feels Naya is conniving, manipulative and simply put, a bitch. I've come to realize that it's just a front she shows to people. A defense mechanism if you will. She's really a gentle soul when you get to know her. She sits down across from me.
"Hi beautiful," she whispers.
"Hey you," I answer back.
She gives me a sultry, soul piercing stare and I suddenly feel bashful. I find myself in an intense stare off with her. It's become kind of a game of chicken between the two of us. As usual, I lose this game and look away first. She gives me a quiet, triumphant chuckle.
"So what brings you to the library this fine afternoon?" she asks.
"Ugh, trying to wring every last bit of information from this psychology book that I can," I answer.
"And how's that going for you?"
"I'd rather poke my eyeballs out," I answer.
That makes her chuckle.
"And Shana has been making my life a living hell," I add.
"I will so kick her ass for you if you want me to," she says seriously.
"No need for that. I can handle her," I say.
"Are you sure?" she asks.
"Yes I'm sure. Besides I think she could take you," I joke.
"I seriously doubt that. Don't let the gorgeous face and amazing sense of style fool you. It goes down where I come from," she answers.
I smile at her and we're back to staring at each other again. I find that I really enjoy being around Naya. Especially with Paige being m.i.a. lately, she's been a welcome distraction. When I'm around her, I'm so relaxed. I laugh and I smile. I'm not thinking about trying to be an amazing swimmer or my deteriorating relationship with Ben. Ben. That's been a point of contention in my life lately. Naya sees the sad look in my eyes and reaches across to grab my hand.
"What's the matter doll?" she asks me.
I just shrug my shoulders.
"You know what you need?" she asks.
"What?"
"A little tension reliever," she answers with a suggestive look on her face.
"Naya what exactly are you proposing?" I ask her.
"Get you mind out of the gutter. I was just thinking of a little get together. A little food. A little music. Some liquor and a few friends. A good time will be had by all," she says.
"And where would this take place? My dorm room is hardly big enough for a party."
"Doesn't Scooby have an apartment? I'm sure she'd be willing to let you have it there," she says.
"Her name is Paige, Naya. Why do you two dislike each other so much?" I ask.
"I can only speak for myself, but I don't dislike her. The name calling is all in good fun. I just think there's tension between us because we want the same thing and neither one of us likes to lose," she answers.
"And what prize are you two fighting for?" I ask.
"If you don't know doll, then I can't tell you. So are you going to ask her or no?" She asks.
"Yes, I'll ask," I say.
"Good. Just let me know the where and when and I'll take care of the rest. Oh and invite whoever," she says.
She stands to leave and waves goodbye. I wave back and smile at her retreating figure. Yea, I really like her. I send a text to my long lost bestfriend.
Just making sure you're still alive.
Haha. I've just been busy.
Well I miss u.
I miss u too.
I'd like to see u soon.
Ok when?
How about we have a get together at your place.
Cool just let me know when.
Ok.
Looks like we're having a party at Paige's...
This little get together is proving to be exactly what I needed. Paige and Hanna have us laughing so hard that my sides hurt. Naya and Paige are actually being civil to each other. Even Spencer decided to join us. She's still a little aloof, but I can tell she's trying to make an effort. I'm trying to focus on the story that Hanna is telling, but Naya is driving me to distraction and I can't explain why. She's managed to sit as close to me as humanly possible without us actually touching. She has her body angled in a way that she's able to interact with everyone but it's clear that I'm her main focus. Her head is resting on her hand, which is resting on the back of the sofa, and I can feel her breath on my neck every time she laughs. I get goosebumps every time she does it. She has been flirting with me incessantly ever since she arrived. Even more so than usual. Part of me feels guilty for letting her flirt with me. I mean, I have a boyfriend. Another part of me doesn't want her to stop. It has been so long since I've felt completely and unequivocally desired by someone. Naya wants me and makes no bones about letting anyone know that. On several occasions she's said that if Ben doesn't get his head out of his ass, she'll swoop in and steal me away. I'm at such a lost as what to do about he and I. I try to reach out and connect with him, but nothing seems to help. I think our relationship has run its course, but I just can't bring myself to say the words out loud. I don't know at what point I checked out of the conversation, but I'm brought back to the present by a gentle caress on my arm.
"Hanna asked you a question doll," Naya says to me.
"Yea Em. I asked how are things going on the 'Ben' front?" she asks.
I sigh.
"They aren't," I answer.
"I can talk to him if you want," Paige offers.
"Don't worry about it. I've got it under control," I say.
"So Spencer, where are you from?" Hanna asks.
"Rosewood actually," she answers.
"Really? Em aren't you guys from there?" Hanna questions.
"Yes we are but I'm afraid I don't know you from anywhere, Spencer," I say.
"You wouldn't. I went to a private school. My father is an acquaintance of Paige's father. They run in some of the same circles," she answers.
I see a look of recognition cross Paige's face. I guess she does know more about Spencer than she originally thought. Our conversation is interrupted by a knock at the door.
"That's probably the pizza. I'll get it," I say.
I grab my wallet and head to the door. I open it and am greeted by the most unwelcoming of sights.
"Fields," Shana says.
"Shana," I answer flatly.
Next to Shana is the devil herself with a satisfied smirk on her face.
"Alison," I say.
"Well hello Emily. It's lovely to see you again. Are you going to invite us in or are we expected to stand at the door all night?" she asks.
I yell over my shoulder,"Paige some friends of yours are here."
She makes her way to the door and I can tell she's less than pleased. Shana, on the other hand, is more than happy to see Paige. Her whole disposition has changed.
"Hey Paige. I hope it's not a problem that I brought Ali along. You said it was just a little get together. I figured you wouldn't mind another person joining the fun," Shana says.
Paige looks in Alison's direction and forces a smile.
"Of course it isn't a problem. The more the merrier. Please come in and make yourselves comfortable," Paige answers.
"Thanks Paige. This is a nice little place you have here," Alison says.
They make their way to the living room and have a seat on the couch across from where Hanna and Paige are sitting on the floor. Ever the hostess, Paige goes about making introductions.
"You guys, this is Shana and Alison. Shana is on the swim team with Emily and I and Alison is,"
"An old friend," Alison answers for her.
"Right," Paige says. She continues,"This is Spencer, Hanna and Naya."
"Shana it's nice to meet you, but I'm afraid Alison and I are very familiar with each other," Naya says.
"That's interesting, how so?" Hanna asks.
"We know a lot of the same people," Alison answers.
"Yea and I tend to like to keep my eyes on sneaky, back stabbing skanks. So of course I'm quite aware of who Alison is," Naya says.
"Oh kiss my ass," Alison responds.
Naya rises from her seat.
"Bitch make me!" she shouts back.
"Whoa ladies calm down. No need for all the hostility. Why don't we let cooler heads prevail and have a seat," Spencer says.
"I'm willing to bury the hatch for tonight if she is," Alison says.
"As long as I can bury it in that hoe's head," Naya spits out.
I grab her by the arm.
"Come on Naya. Let's just enjoy the night. Remember this was supposed to be my stress reliever. Play nice for me, please?" I ask.
"Ok I'll be civil for you. But one word out of line and I'm giving that broad the business," Naya says.
We all return to our seats. No one says a word and we just look at each other. The tension is getting to be a little ridiculous. Thank goodness for Spencer.
"Ladies lets play a game," she suggests.
"A drinking game?" Hanna asks.
"Is there any other kind?" Spencer replies.
"What's the game?" Paige asks.
"I Never," Spencer says.
A sly smile crosses Naya's face.
"Oh I like this game," she laughs.
"How do you play?" I ask.
Spencer stands and distributes a beer to everyone first.
"Well the rules of the game are simple. When it's your turn, you make a declaration and pose it in the form of the statement 'I never'. Everyone who has done what it is you say you haven't takes a drink."
I give her a confused look.
"I'll go first," Naya says.
"For example, I'll say 'I've never attended Penn State.' Since all of us go here, everyone takes a drinks," she explains.
We all take a drink from our beers.
"So who's next?" Naya asks.
"I'll go," Paige volunteers.
"I've never swam for a collegiate team," she says.
She, Shana and I drink to that one.
"My turn. I've never dated a jock," I say.
Everyone but Spencer drinks to that one.
"I've never kissed a hot nerd," Hanna chimes in with a smile.
She and Spencer take a swig of their beers.
"You have a thing for nerds, Spencer?" Naya asks.
"What can I say. I enjoy someone who is my intellectual equal," she replies.
"Ladies this is really dull. 'I Never' is supposed to be a lot more titillating than this," Alison interjects.
"Why don't you go next then?" Paige suggests.
"I'll go," Shana jumps in.
"I've never wanted someone I can't have," is her statement.
Paige looks at me for the briefest of seconds before she looks away and takes a drink. I see a little flicker of hurt before she does. Naya, Hanna and Spencer take a sip as well.
"You've never wanted someone you couldn't have Alison?" asks Hanna.
"Ha! I get any and everyone that I want. You can bet that," she replies haughtily.
Naya rolls her eyes.
"Emily didn't drink either," Shana points out.
"Umm, do you not see her? You'd have to blind or insane to turn her down," Naya answers.
I look over and see Paige roll her eyes.
"Alison, it's your turn," Spencer says.
"I've never slept with another girl's boyfriend," Alison states.
She looks Paige dead in the eyes while she drinks her beer like she's daring her to say something. Paige looks like she wants to leap across the room and strangle Alison. I glance to my right and notice that Hanna and Naya take a drink as well.
"What!? I didn't know he had a girlfriend when I slept with him," Hanna defends herself.
"I've never kissed a girl," Shana goes again.
Alison, Paige, Shana and Naya all take a drink. I hesitate and look up to find Alison staring at me. She looks like she's ready to out me at any second. I reluctantly take a drink of my beer. Paige almost chokes on the swallow she's taken when she sees this.
"I knew it!" Naya exclaims. "I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew you had taken a dip in the lady pond before."
"Why is this the first time I'm hearing this?" Paige asks.
"It wasn't a big deal," I say nonchalantly.
"Emily sweetie I hardly think you can discount the first time you kissed a girl. Besides, if she convinced you to kiss her, she must have been an exquisite creature," Alison says.
"Well according to her, it wasn't real. It was only practice for when we would be kissing boys," I answer.
"She must be an idiot then, because there's no way in hell I'd consider kissing you to be anything less than heaven on earth," Naya says.
"Maybe she was just doing Emily a favor. You know, helping her find herself," Alison responds.
"Maybe she was a manipulative, scheming bitch who was out to play on Emily's feelings for her own personal gain," Naya answers.
Naya and Alison stare each other down and the room has gotten eerily quiet. Paige is still trying to process that I kissed a girl and never told her. Spencer is watching the play by play like she's at Wimbledon. Hanna is sitting silently, but I can see the wheels turning in her head. She's way too perceptive and it's making me nervous. Thank goodness I'm saved by the bell.
"That must be the pizza for real this time," I say.
I get up to retrieve it and am grateful for a break in the action. I return with the food and everyone digs in. We decide to take a break from the game.
"Shana, how do you and Alison know each other?" Hanna asks.
"Ali and I go way back. Her grandmother lived next door to my family down in Georgia. We'd hang out every summer when she would come to visit," Shana says.
"Shana has always had a special place in my heart," Alison says.
We continue with light conversation as we eat. Naya leans over to whisper to me.
"It's getting late doll. I think I'm going to head out."
"Let me get my stuff and I'll walk back with you," I tell her.
"You don't have to do that."
"But I want to," I say.
We stand together to make our leave.
"Naya and I are going to go," I announce.
"Are you sure Em? You're always welcome to crash here," Paige offers.
"No, I don't want to let Naya walk alone this late," I say.
She looks disappointed that I'm leaving. I grab my things and we say our goodbyes. As soon as we're outside, we can feel the briskness in the air. It is chilly this time of year. I put my hands in my pockets to keep them warm. Naya intertwines her arm with mine and presses herself against me as we walk.
"Can I ask you something?" she says.
"Sure," I reply.
"Alison was the girl you kissed, wasn't she?"
I stop and look at Naya's face. She knows the truth so there's no point in lying to her.
"Yes. How'd you know?" I question.
"It was written all over your face the moment the words left her mouth. That and the fact that she had an awful lot to say about the experience. It wasn't hard to figure out for someone as intuitive as myself," she says.
"Dammit," I whisper.
"What?" she asks.
"If that's the case, I think Hanna knows as well."
"I wouldn't put it past her. That Hanna is a smart one," she says.
I sigh exasperated.
"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," she says. She wraps her arm back in mine and we continue walking.
"You do know that now that I know you've kissed at least one girl it makes me want you more now than ever right?" Naya teases.
"Naya, you know I have a boyfriend."
"I do, but you can't blame a girl for dreaming."
I laugh and shake my head. Naya is nothing if not persistent.
"In all seriousness Emily, you do know that I desire you, don't you?" she asks.
I swallow hard and shake my head yes.
"Yet you still spend time with me knowing that I want more than a platonic relationship with you. Why is that?"
I shrug my shoulders in response. We continue to walk in silence, both lost in her own thoughts. Being around Naya lately has me questioning all sorts of things about myself. She makes me feel things that I shouldn't. Things that only Ben used to make me feel. When I'm around her I feel like I'm finally breathing. Like the skin I'm in is so perfectly right. Not to mention she makes me feel so wonderfully beautiful. I'm told how attractive I am all the time, but when she says it, I actually feel it. I lean in closer to her and let out a breath. She lays her head on my shoulder.
"Promise me something doll. When you figure out why you like having me around, I'll be the first one you tell?" she asks.
I don't answer her, but I think about her question. I think I've known the answer for a while, but I afraid to admit it to myself. Could I be... gay?