CHAPTER 10
The idea was so horrid that no one wanted to even give it the time of day. Miki Hiiragi on the other hand was different. As a mother, she was capable of untold amounts of love and affection, but she was also capable of great discipline and, if the situation called for it, extreme anger if it meant her daughter was either in trouble either by accident or design. She was the first one to state that she believed that Kagami had a drug problem.
While Kagami had quarantined herself in her room as the crack and heroin in her system began to wear off once again, the rest of the family was busy preparing dinner. It was a very awkward situation and they thought that it couldn't get any worse. Inori and Tsukasa helped set the table while they had no choice but to listen to their parents bicker back and forth about Kagami's apparent problem. Miki and Tadao tried to keep it subtle and on the down-low but their two daughters weren't stupid. They saw how Kagami acted outside and knew something was terribly wrong so why wouldn't they be talking and even arguing about it? The two parents stood above the stovetop while Miki continued to stir soup in a pot while Tadao stuck close so they could whisper.
"I will admit that I was alarmed when I saw that display too but I still have a hard time accepting the idea that Kagami is taking drugs." Tadao whispered, trying to protect Tsukasa's innocent ears from the dark conversation. "This is the same Kagami that refused to take aspirin when she had headaches for fear of it hindering her ability to concentrate on homework."
Miki nodded while staring at the spinning soup as she worked her wooden spoon. "I know, but you need to see her eyes. She's on something and I have a sinking feeling that if I check the veins in her arms I'll have both my proof and answer of what she's on."
Tadao gulped. "I really don't like the sound of that, dear. If that's true then I don't think that just a therapist will be able to help her. We might have to really dive into this issue because drug abuse is a mental illness and not just a physical choice. It has to be Matsuri and Kusakabe that's making Kagami take such things. If she's taking such things."
His wife nodded again. "God I hope I'm being paranoid about this."
"We're done setting the table." Inori suddenly informed.
"Okay. Tsukasa, would you come with me, please?" Miki asked and allowed her husband to begin dispensing the food.
Miki led her youngest daughter upstairs towards Kagami's room. She knew how close Tsukasa was to her at one point in her life but she was replaced with Kagami when the twins started high school. That was perfectly fine with Miki as she knew that Kagami would be a better influence for Tsukasa in the real world than her, the mother. Her duties were to raise her and show her love and Kagami took it from there by always sticking by her side in the outside world. Miki wanted Tsukasa by her side to try and open Kagami up. If Tsukasa wouldn't be able to crack through her sister's newfound hostility, it would prove to Miki without using a drug test that Kagami was mutilating her body.
Miki knocked on Kagami's door. "Kagami? It's dinner time."
A series of grunts and groans was Kagami's only retort, prompting Miki to open the door and walk in as Tsukasa stayed close behind her mother. They found Kagami once again curled into a ball on her bed as she wore a hooded sweatshirt with the hood firmly secured over her head.
"Kagami we need to talk." Miki said firmly as Tsukasa's emotions began to tremble. "I'm going to ask you this one time and I want the truth. Have you been taking drugs?"
Hearing this question made Tsukasa spin her head to her mother with a look of terror as she formed fists and held them to her mouth, as if she was ready to start biting her nails and fingers. She quickly glanced back at her sister with her back facing them and this time, Tsukasa took command and scurried around to the other side of the bed. Dropping to her knees and looking at her sister's face and closed eyes framed by the hood, Tsukasa's quaky voice tried to pry into Kagami's secluded life.
"Sis, please tell me that's not true! Please tell me that you haven't been doing such nasty things!" Tsukasa pleaded with thickening moisture in her eyes. "Remember when you woke up that one morning after your drinking and I was crying and you hugged me? You…you told me that this would never happen again. You promised me that. Please…I beg you…please don't tell me you broke your promise to me!"
To try and quell her rising panic, Tsukasa dug her hand under Kagami's body and fished around until she latched onto her sister's clammy hand. She dragged it into the open and held it tight in hers. When she saw Kagami open her eyes slowly but remain unresponsive, Tsukasa felt her hope was beginning to fade. Showing her desperation, she took Kagami's hand and nestled it against her cheek, hoping her affection would seep through and warm her ailing sister.
With one violent and sudden action, Kagami ripped her hand away from Tsukasa's face and turned her body to the other side to face her mother. Kagami's idea of reassurance to Tsukasa was, "Get the hell out of here! I'm tired and I have a headache so leave me alone!"
For Miki, this was all the confirmation she needed to tell her that one of her own was on drugs. As upsetting as it was for her, it was watching her youngest release her tears and start wailing in agony. What made it even worse was when Tsukasa climbed onto Kagami's bed and scooted closer to her. She hugged Kagami as hard as she could and continued to cry.
"Sis…! Please…! Please…! Tell me it isn't true! You just have to!" She cried and continued to try hugging a response out of her cold sister. "You promised me! You promised me this would never happen again! You promised!"
The commotion attracted Inori and Tadao to the dramatic scene and they stared at the twins, one spilling her heart out while the other remained as cold and emotionless as a tree stump. Tsukasa continued to cry on Kagami's shoulder, who still kept her distance emotionally, thus only furthering the youngest twin's pain.
Miki stepped forward. "Kagami…I want you to get up now and we're going to have dinner as a family. After that, we're going to make a few phone calls and get you some help. Saying I'm disappointed in you doesn't even begin to express how angry I am right now."
Kagami cringed on the inside. All the reasons why she was taking drugs in the first place began to replay in her mind. The academic pressure she would have put on herself, the fears of screwing up to the point that it would become public knowledge and ruin her, her parents' disappointment, Matsuri's death, and Misao's demise. The drugs in her system were telling her that she was surrounded by enemies, not loving family members that only wanted the best for her. Kagami's anger began to boil inside as she heard her mother command her once again to get off her bed and join them for one last peaceful dinner, or as close to peaceful as they could make it.
Kagami finally pulled herself up and walked downstairs, brushing past all her family members and drawing more tears from Tsukasa. Miki quickly rushed in and collected her youngest and held her close. She stroked her crying head gently as Tsukasa buried her face in the refuge of her mother's bosom.
"We're going to help her, Tsukasa. We'll do whatever it takes. We won't lose her." Miki whispered and was able to make Tsukasa calm down a bit.
All Tsukasa could do was wipe away more of her tears and nod weakly. She sniffed a few times until she nearly tore Miki's heart out when she asked through her sobs, "Did…did I do this? Did I make sis hurt? All I wanted to do was…help her. Now…now she's doing these…dirty things!"
Miki hugged Tsukasa again. "No, Tsukasa. You didn't do anything wrong. Kagami is very lucky to have a sister like you. Anyone would be lucky to have a sister like you."
Tsukasa pulled away from her mother again. "But…she said that yesterday. She said that she loves me and that she's lucky to have a sister like me but she…did that."
Miki nodded. "Like I said; your sister isn't well and needs help…and that's exactly what we're going to do. Get her help."
For the first time since this morning, Tsukasa was able to smile. It warmed Miki's aching heart to see her youngest present her trademark smile that always charmed and brought life to everyone who was fortunate enough to see it. Hope was still alive for them and Tsukasa followed her mother downstairs to the dinner table.
Kagami was sitting at her usual spot, still with the hood of her sweatshirt wrapped around her head. Her eyes and face were both completely lifeless as Tsukasa also took her usual spot to Kagami's left and Tadao sat at the head of the table to Kagami's right. As Inori returned with some of the food in large bowls and plates, Kagami slowly lifted her head and looked in front of her. It only sent more pain into her heart when she saw the vacant spot in front of her where Matsuri used to sit. It prompted her to lower her head again.
When all the food was passed around and their plates were full, everyone began to dig in. Though Miki's desire for a peaceful dinner was granted, she also had to take it with a bitter side dish of awkward silence. The only sound that kept life in the house was the clattering of dishes being passed around or eating utensils scraping against the plates. Even chewing sounds were welcomed as one of the only sources of entertainment.
Kagami remained lifeless and even slumped a little in her chair and only stared at her food with a depressed expression on her face. Tsukasa couldn't take her saddened eyes off her sister while throwing looks of concern and fright regarding her unresponsive persona. She had no idea that Kagami suddenly shifted her eyes towards a knife resting on the table and the withdrawal was once again making her think violent and hostile thoughts. The drugs were telling her that the people surrounding her were not loved ones, but strangers whose only focus in life was to keep her away from her newfound friends. The bladed utensil looked more and more appealing with each passing second.
"Please eat something, Kagami." Tadao said calmly as he watched his daughter.
Kagami remained motionless in her chair. "I'm not hungry."
"But you love tonight's entrée." Inori interjected. "We worked hard to make sure its extra special for you."
"I don't care." Kagami stated coldly, still motionless in her chair.
The twin-tailed girl began to sway back and forth in her chair. She looked tired and ready to pass out in her food, which only furthered Tsukasa's fright as she turned her head to Miki searching for guidance on this sight. Miki sighed as she could now see that a peaceful dinner wish was going to be in vain and she added to the situation.
"Okay, Kagami. If you don't want to eat we won't force you. However, I'm not going to give you another moment of peace until you start talking to us. You have been taking drugs, haven't you?" She started and dropped her fork on her plate and pushed it away. "I want you to take off that sweatshirt so I can see your arms because I think I know what you've been taking and I have to tell you that that's disgusting."
All eyes shifted to Kagami as she continued to simply sit. "You have no right to search me. The fact that you—"
"Yes, actually I do have a right to search you." Miki bluntly interrupted. "As long as you live in my house and you eat my food, I have every right to know what you're doing. If you're taking drugs in my house then we're going to have a real big problem here, Kagami."
Kagami's body began to tremble but her eyes remained cold and lifeless. She quivered like she was cold but it was hard for them to believe that was the case because of the warm weather and the sweatshirt she wore. Her breathing deepened and her teeth chattered as a result of the continuous withdrawal and beads of cold sweat formed across her face. She began to hear her mother's voice echo in her mind while her own warped logic told her she was in danger. Her mother was trying to keep her away from her friends.
"Kagami, are you listening?" Miki asked with frustration.
Kagami didn't respond.
Tsukasa's lips puckered and she made the fateful move. She slowly moved her hand towards Kagami's with the intent of holding it to show her love and support no matter what Kagami was doing. The family watched it from start to finish. Tsukasa's small and petite hand started to cradle Kagami's. The warm and loving touch detonated the powder keg.
No sooner did Tsukasa's touch her sister's hand, it sent Kagami over the deep end. Suddenly, the twin-tailed girl shot up from her seat and screamed her lungs dry, making Tsukasa scream in sheer terror as the piercing screech echoed in the house. Before anyone could stand, Kagami latched onto the table and pushed it forward with all her might, tipping Inori over and she fell to the floor with a violent thud with some of the food until Tadao quickly rose from his chair. Before he could make an effort to subdue his daughter, she read his thoughts and rammed her head forward, making sharp contact with his stomach and knocking the wind out of him.
As Miki pulled Tsukasa out of harm's way, everyone shrieked when Kagami snatched the knife sitting on the table and held it in front of her. Her eyes were alive once again though not in the way her family hoped for. They burned angry like two red hot coals as she gritted her teeth and continued to scream at them. She wasn't forcing out any words but rather an inaudible shriek of hostility.
"Kagami, calm down! Why are you doing this to us?! We just want to help!" Miki shouted as the screaming and crying Tsukasa took refuge behind her mother.
Kagami suddenly threw the knife at her mother and she was able to duck the flying object. Using it as a distraction, Kagami turned and ran with all her might towards the stairs as Tadao and Inori gave chase for fear she would hurt herself. Tsukasa's screaming and crying continued as Miki hugged her tight while stroking her soft hair.
The twin-tailed girl finally made it to her room and dashed in as Tadao and Inori followed. Kagami stopped in her room and turned back to them, still showing a face of pulsating and relentless fury. She tore her hooded sweatshirt off and threw it at her father to show the damage she had done. The first thing they saw was the heartbreaking red marks on Kagami's veins in her arm. They could see several needle wounds and red trails that led further up her arm, a souvenir left by the heroin.
"You want the fucking truth?! Fine, I admit it! I am a junkie bitch! I shoot heroin and started smoking crack today! I hear voices and see Matsuri's face on a daily basis so I decided to start these drugs and I have to tell you, life is fucking great when I do it!" Kagami screamed her lungs out. "I can't take the guilt or the pressure anymore! I don't want it anymore! I don't want to remember my sister! I don't want to remember Kusakabe! I don't even want to go to college anymore! Fuck all of that! I just want all the torment to stop! I can't fucking sleep anymore without feeling this hell that tears me apart! I need those drugs!"
Kagami began coughing loudly as her throat turned dry and raspy.
"Calm down, Kagami!" Inori cried. "You don't need drugs! We can help you! Let us help you get through this as a family! We're the ones who love you!"
Kagami's burning eyes analyzed ever single inch of her oldest sister and her father. Her eyes saw their rising panic and they were determined to stop Kagami's emotional meltdown. It was a genuine attempt by her family but the intruder surging though her system was telling her something different. Kagami trusted the drugs now more than anything else and she knew her family was going to try and take them away from her. Her irrational anger was motivated out of fear more than anything. She was so afraid of facing the reality over Matsuri and Misao and dealing with their deaths and her self-imposed pressure without the substances that completely took all her fears and anguish away in the blink of an eye. She knew that without the drugs, her road to recovery was going to be long, arduous, and borderline impossible. As a result, Kagami was acting what she believed was self-defense and self-preservation.
"Get out! Get out! Get the fuck out!" Kagami screeched and began swinging her open palms at her father and sister.
The two instinctively backed up while still screaming Kagami's name and for her to calm down. Kagami's vicious assault continued as she forced her two family members out her door but Tadao made a costly mistake. He latched onto the open doorframe as Kagami simultaneously grabbed her door and pushed it shut with all her might. Tadao's fingers on his right hand were still in the doorframe when the heavy door slammed on them, making him scream in pain and Inori added her squeal of horror and Kagami opened and slammed the door quickly again, striking his fingers again and deepening his scream. Kagami held the door shut as her father continued to scream for her to release him but her screams of withdrawing pain overlapped his of pain. Kagami began to push the door harder and harder, sending more pain into her father and draining more of his blood.
With the heavy door still holding his fingers hostage and drawing blood, Tadao was forced to pull his hand back with all his might, tearing the skin off and making the blood fly freely as Kagami's door finally slammed shut completely. Tadao fell to the floor and Inori collapsed next to him and grabbed his pulsing hand that was now covered in the red liquid. Crying and screaming herself, Inori helped her father downstairs and into the kitchen, where Miki and Tsukasa only added more cries when they saw the blood and scraped flesh.
Miki took a washcloth and wrapped several ice cubes in it and quickly applied it to her husband's hand as he continued to vocalize his discomfort. She rounded up her other two daughters and ordered them to get into the family car to go to the hospital. She feared Tadao's hand was broken as the budding bruising was beginning to indicate. Though she was still concerned about Kagami, Miki knew they couldn't afford to have her in her current state with them in the confined space of a car. She had no choice but to roll the dice and leave her alone as she rushed her panicked family to the hospital.
Kagami watched from her window as they sped away from the house and she realized she was alone. For once, she was happy she was alone with the last of the drugs pumping throughout her body. However, the chills and cold sweats coming from the withdrawal prompted Kagami to once again conclude she needed a fix. Of course, she once again found herself in a bit of a financial bind. She blew through all the money she got from selling her mother's heirlooms and was back to square one.
There had to be some cash in the house somewhere. Kagami once again knew that she was going to be forced into thievery to get her fix and she quickly entered Inori's room. Her oldest sister's room had a traditional girly setup with a large table and mirror in front of it with her cosmetics and skin care products but Kagami bypassed all of them. She found her sister's purse under her bed and this time, spared no restraint in tearing into it.
As her breathing and sweating continued and the pain constricted tighter around her brain, Kagami dumped everything out onto the floor. It infuriated the rogue twin-tailed Hiiragi to see mostly makeup, breath mints, house keys, a movie ticket stub, and a few loose coins fall out of the purse. Even Inori's wallet was thin and it included mostly personal effects like her driver's license, student ID card for college, credit and debit cards, and public library card. The small amount of cash she had in her wallet wasn't even enough for a small hit of heroin but Kagami snatched it nonetheless and left her sister's room with her purse and the contents of it scattered all over the floor.
Kagami couldn't stop. Her conscience was still numb as the withdrawal continued its vicious onslaught within her, even telling her that her very life was in danger if she didn't get more drugs. Kagami dashed for her parents' room, sweat still trickling down her face and dripping onto the floor. She found her father's wallet sitting on his dresser and dove for it. Also tearing it open as she panted and trembled in agony, Kagami found enough cash to get a few hits of heroin but it was still the crack cocaine she desired and craved the most. For now, she knew that she would have to settle for the lesser drug for the night until she could start all over again the next day.
The twin-tailed girl tore into the nighttime atmosphere outside and ran with her cell phone. She made another call to her drug dealer but for once, she encountered a problem as she ran. He wasn't picking up. She tried calling him over and over again until she reached her twelfth attempt in only two minutes that was also met with rising anger and panic. Why wasn't he picking up? Though Kagami didn't see it this way, it proved she had an addiction problem when her anger exploded and she threw herself to her knees in the middle of the desolate street and started screaming and cussing Ryuji. The mentality of believing that she wasn't going to get her fix tonight sent every negative emotion possible into Kagami as she continued to wander the streets aimlessly and angrily.
She had no idea how long she walked or where she was by this point, but that wasn't on her mind. The voices continued to plague her mind and as Kagami continued to stumble down the street, they kept talking to her while constricting her very essence. Did everything at her house truly happen or was it all a horrible hallucination? Did she truly pull a knife on her family members and possibly break her own father's hand? The withdrawal was becoming so intense that Kagami was beginning to lose her true grip on reality. The guilt started to eat her up and the only way she saw out of these horrid feelings of self-contempt was to further divulge herself into the drugs. She tried Ryuji for a thirteenth time after wandering the streets for nearly an hour.
As the dial tone continued, Kagami was finally able to comprehend the fact that she had wandered far away from her neighborhood and into the slums of the district not too far away from the pawn shop where she sold her mother's heirlooms. Kagami's feet carried her under an overpass where she was blasted by the smell of urine and garbage, though her senses were numbed to it. Graffiti was painted everywhere on the cement pillars holding the overpass up as the cars drove overhead and Kagami felt herself become weaker and weaker with every step.
Suddenly, the dial tones stopped and she heard Ryuji's voice on the phone.
"I…need…you…" She whispered and the strength in her knees began to give.
"Of course. What do you want, how much, and when do you want it?" He asked.
Kagami's blood-shot eyes lingered to her left and right in the darkness until a street lamp illuminated an old, moldy mattress sitting next to a dumpster. Her eyes absorbed it and her mind interpreted it as a real bed and her fatigued body went on autopilot to guide her to it as she replied to Ryuji.
"Everything…and now…" She replied with a cough and glanced her eyes upward above the moldy mattress. "I'm at the place…where the black sun meets the stars…and where the grim reaper takes the souls…"
The phone slipped from Kagami's grip and it bounced on the dirty cement as the ailing girl's legs finally gave out and she fell downward. She collapsed onto the moldy, urine-soaked mattress that was also covered in spray paint and Kagami passed out completely. Ryuji was still on the line and his voice could be heard calling her name over and over again. His voice and the crickets were the only noises in the cold night.
Above the mattress where Kagami unconsciously rested, the random shapes, symbols, and even gang signs that were the graffiti transformed into several clear artistic images. The images she described for Ryuji included a sun painted on the overpass pillar that was turning black by an eclipse and the stars were following it, as if all the light in this new world was slowly disappearing and turning into a cold and infinite night. Directly adjacent from the blackening sun was a painted image of the grim reaper as it held its scythe over its shoulder while reaching its other arm forward, the skeletal hand taking in additional images of human souls floating towards it as they ascended from another painted image of a graveyard.
What made the image more ominous was the fact that the grim reaper's hand and face was focused directly on top of the unconscious Kagami Hiiragi.