Author's note: This chapter contains material that was used for Kagami's entry (#8) in a something titled Unlucky Black Holes, which describes what each of the Lucky Star girls would be like as Witches in Puella Magi Madoka Magica. It's a crossover with Madoka, but I have Faved it for simple access. (Unfortunately, the fic is pretty much dead by this point, but I've been considering continuing it myself. If anyone's interested in brainstorming ideas for that, I've created a thread on the Lucky Star Shrine Forum, under Media Share, specifically for it.)
CHAPTER 13
As horrifying as their last encounter was with Kagami, the Hiiragi family didn't expect to feel even worse when she didn't come home that night, or the next, or the next. By the third day, Kagami was still missing and no one had seen or heard from her since the family battle. To make everyone feel better, the family contacted the police to report Kagami as a missing person. Unfortunately for them, there wasn't much they could do because Kagami was a legal adult and was free to simply leave and never come back if she wanted. Miki took it upon herself and made an appointment with a therapist after they went through the process with the police and Tsukasa started another meltdown when she heard of the possibility that Kagami may never come home. Despite the fact that Kagami had broken her promise to Tsukasa, stole from the family, and even assaulted her, the only thing that was on Tsukasa's mind was getting her big sister back.
The Hiiragi family minus two members sat and waited outside of the therapist's office in a rather upscale and luxurious building. Soft and relaxing music was playing over the speakers hanging from the walls, a few small tranquility water fountains were sitting on tables and desks, and a single receptionist was busy typing on her computer behind her desk while the fractured family waited to be called. It was clear that the doctor in charge of this practice cared deeply about their patients and their number one priority was to help them.
In a typical setup with an entire family visiting, there was usually at least one member who didn't want to be there or didn't believe in the concept of therapy. Their solutions usually included ignoring the problem until it got better on its own or simply kicked the reason for them being in therapy to the curb. Thankfully, that wasn't the case for Miki, Tadao, Inori, or Tsukasa. They were all there on a mission; to learn how to properly corral the troubled and disturbed Kagami back into their lives so they could help her. It was Tsukasa's unyielding innocence and desire to get Kagami back despite what she did to her that persuaded everyone else not to give up.
The phone on the receptionist's desk began ringing and she answered it. She complied with the orders spoken to her and when she hung up the phone, she turned to the family. "Dr. Kishimoto will see you now."
The family stood and walked through the building and followed the signs guiding them to the therapist's office. Despite the harmonious acoustics that were created in the waiting room, the family, especially Tsukasa, was nervous. This was a whole new experience for them and they wished that they could say it was built on better conditions. They never would've suspected it would be them that would find themselves in family counseling one day as a result of the death of one of their own, followed by the mental tailspin of another.
Then the family arrived at an office door, they saw it was open with Dr. Kishimoto's name on it in a gold plaque. Tadao took the initiative and knocked on the door when he peered in and saw a woman sitting in an office chair dressed in professional attire while writing notes as she stared at them through her glasses. The knock caught her attention and she looked up with a smile on her face and delicate facial features. Tsukasa's heart was warmed in an instant as this doctor had striking features similar to both Miyuki Takara and her own mother combined. She had a face that gave off a maternal sense with long hair tied behind her head in a ponytail. The large desk behind her held pictures of her with a man at various vacation spots, which they assumed was her husband. Her voice was soft and chimed like a bell.
"Hiiragi?" She asked with an even softer voice as she stopped writing.
"That's us." Tadao replied.
She deepened her smile and stood for them. She bowed before replying, "It's a pleasure to finally meet you. My name is Kishimoto Nagisa. I've heard so much about your situation and please, let me first express my deepest sympathies to your whole family regarding your middle child, Matsuri. I know how hard it is to lose someone and to know the horrors of drug use so I truly share your pain."
When the Hiiragi family rose from their complementing bow, Miki added softly, "Thank you. It has been a very trying time thus far."
Kishimoto nodded and closed her office door for privacy while the Hiiragi family sat down on the long sofa in front of them. The therapist sat down in front of them again and crossed her legs to create an improvised table for her notepad. With all the formalities established, Kishimoto readied herself to take notes.
"Now, let me first start with you, Miki-san, since you decided to take the initiative and call me." Kishimoto began. "Please tell me why we're meeting today and what I can do for you and your family."
Miki nodded and cleared her throat. "Well first off, thank you again for seeing us. We've been having some family issues behind closed doors that have mutated to the point where we can't solve them on our own. As I told you on the phone, I had four daughters and two of them have a history of not getting along that well and they are Kagami and Matsuri. Kagami and my youngest Tsukasa graduated high school over a month ago and Kagami attended a party with a friend where there was heavy drinking. Kagami came home drunk and it made Matsuri mad because she had an incident of drinking that manifested into an…adult act…and she didn't want Kagami to go down the same path. They had a fight and Kagami said some very mean things to Matsuri, which made her take a drive to cool off and that's when she died in the accident."
Kishimoto continued to write Miki's words.
"After that, Kagami's friend was murdered in a freak occurrence and she's been abusing drugs to deal with the pain. She's been acting irrational and even violent. She broke my husband's hand and even stole very valuable artifacts from my side of the family and sold them for drug money." Miki continued. "A few days ago she came home and I do believe she wanted to make amends but at the same time didn't want to give up the drugs. It led to us confronting her on her stealing and she snapped. She tried to swallow an entire bottle of aspirin and even slapped her sister, Tsukasa."
Tsukasa lowered her head in shame, still convinced that she was to blame for all of Kagami's behavior. Because she was the closest to Kagami, she felt that she would've been able to help her before either the rest of her family or even a psychologist. Sitting in this office wasn't helping her self-esteem either but she did know how important this session was to her mother so she complied. It was also Kishimoto's soft and maternal-like aroma that kept Tsukasa alive in the conversation instead of withdrawing into her own corner.
"I see…and what was Kagami like before that tragic accident and subsequent murder?" Kishimoto asked.
"She was an angel." Tadao added. "She was a straight-A student, she was involved in so many extracurricular activities, she was popular, had a great group of friends, and she was a great sister and daughter. Everything about her was perfect. I know we all say that no one is perfect but Kagami was as close to it as one could get."
Kishimoto continued to write. "That's very nice to hear. So you're saying that Kagami is acting this way because she feels guilty about Matsuri and her friend?"
The family nodded.
"Is there any other reason why she may be acting this way?" Kishimoto asked.
"Isn't that enough?" Inori suddenly snapped but instantly regretted it. "I apologize. It's just that…Matsuri and I were very close and when she died and when Kagami began all of this…it's just become so hard…"
Inori was the first one to tear up, prompting the doctor to reach towards her desk and grab a box of tissues. She handed the box to Inori while replying, "It's okay, my dear. You've suffered a horrible loss but I'm going to try and help you through it. Now, I was speculating on the idea that there could be another issue that Kagami may be hiding or simply unaware of that it's contributing to her drug usage. Can you think of anything?"
The Hiiragi family exchanged looks with each other and Miki spoke again. "We can't think of anything else. Kagami is the type of girl who would tell us if something was bothering her. I mean, she just graduated high school and she was happy."
Tsukasa began to shift her eyes back and forth while twirling her fingers. She had something on her mind that she wanted to say but her nerves were keeping her silent. The youngest Hiiragi daughter tried to send her own signals to show she wanted to talk but they remained unseen to them.
"I mean, Kagami was always complaining about her weight but that was something none of us could understand." Tadao added. "She and her sister and friends even performed this incredible cheerleading routine for their school's festival and you should've seen them. They were magnificent up on stage so I could never understand where the weight problem with her came from."
"She did say something about not having a boyfriend…" Inori speculated, drawing attention. "I remember her saying something about not being able to trigger any flags…or at least that's what her one friend was always talking about. You know, the blue-haired one."
"Um…excuse me…" Tsukasa whimpered loud enough to redirect attention to her. "But sis was talking to me a few weeks before our graduation about college and…how she was scared…"
This was news for the rest of the Hiiragi family and Miki was fully involved in it now. "What did she say, dear?"
Tsukasa's eyes continued to tremble in their sockets as her nerves were clearly getting the best of her. She struggled to make eye contact with the strange doctor despite that she continued to give off a peaceful and welcoming vibe. The youngest Hiiragi twin continued to try and talk until everyone could see that it was going to be a futile effort. Kishimoto however could see the nervous little girl in her eyes and she could only smile and release a small giggle.
"Hold that thought for a moment, Tsukasa-chan." Kishimoto said sweetly and stood from her chair and walked to a wooden chest and opened it. She fished around until she pulled out a small stuffed plush puppy.
The psychologist turned back to Tsukasa and allowed her to take it and the youngest Hiiragi twin wasted no time in snatching it and hugged it to her chest. Kishimoto smiled and giggled lightly again and sat back in her chair as the rest of Tsukasa's family continued to watch with intrigue.
"Now Tsukasa-chan, my dear, that puppy you hold is also very sad and has a lot on his mind and I think you might have a lot in common with him." Kishimoto said with a smile. "He also has a big sister that has been hurting a lot recently and I believe for many of the same reasons. I believe you know what that puppy wants to say so please Tsukasa-chan, tell us what you think is on his little canine mind."
Tsukasa held the stuffed dog closer and gulped. Taking a deep breath, Tsukasa began to relax and respond. "The puppy's older sister…is also sad…like me. The puppy's sister…she always wants to be the best…and also set a good example for him…but it…it sometimes makes the puppy's sister…sad. The puppy's sister…she wants to make everyone proud and to work hard…but it gets to her sometimes. She…she feels the pressure and…sets high expectations for herself. Whenever she fell short of one…she didn't know how to deal with it…and she was very hard on herself. She…she would confide in…this puppy at night sometimes. She would say that she's having second thoughts on…everything. About college…about careers…about life. The puppy's sister…she would cry sometimes…and it would also make the puppy sad. The puppy…he loves his big sister so much. He wanted to help…but didn't know how. The puppy's sister…she was always the one with all the answers…but when she started coming to the puppy with questions that he couldn't answer for her…it made the puppy even more sad. Now…the puppy's sister is…is…"
That was all Tsukasa could communicate through the transitional object until it came too close to home. She quickly hid her face from the setting and held the stuffed puppy to her head to hide her tears. Her family was beginning to see the root of Kagami's problems. The weight of the world was closing in on her, which made her constrict inside so she felt she needed a release somehow, which led to her decision to go to the party. Matsuri's subsequent treatment of Kagami added to her paranoid belief that she wasn't ready to tackle the weight of the world, which led to her fight with her that ultimately cost Matsuri her life. Kagami's guilt only became another hurricane cloud that collided with her already existing storm of stress to create one giant maelstrom of horrors. Misao's death only furthered the daunting torture that Kagami had to endure and it was after her demise that the twin-tailed girl was convinced she wasn't strong enough and needed help to deal with the pain. That's when Ryuji came in for her.
While the rest of Tsukasa's family was comforting her, Kishimoto continued to write her notes with a small smile on her face until she finished and once again replied in her delicate voice that kept Tsukasa calm. "Tsukasa-chan…did your big sister ever talk to you and say that she was scared or sad or depressed, just like the puppy's sister did?"
Tsukasa nodded quickly. "We…we would stay up late at night sometimes…and sis would be depressed and look to me for comfort. I…I wanted to help her…but I didn't know how. I…I felt so useless. Kagami…she's out there because I couldn't help her…"
Miki hugged Tsukasa closely and kissed the top of her head as both of them struggled to hold in their tears. Inori offered her tissue box to them and they both wasted no time in taking the white sheets and vented their shattered emotions into them.
"Well it appears to me that Kagami's problems go further back than just her fight with her sister and the tragic events that followed. Let me ask another question and this is an open floor question so everybody's opinion is important. Would anyone consider Kagami as a prideful girl or someone who would want to be an overachiever?" Kishimoto asked.
No one really knew what to make of the question and the family exchanged confused looks with each other until Tadao answered first. "Well, uh, Kagami always put her studies ahead of everything else and always strived for greatness but I wouldn't go so far as to call her prideful or an overachiever."
Miki however disagreed. "I'm afraid I have to say otherwise, dear. When Kagami and Tsukasa were children, I remember Kagami always lecturing Tsukasa on doing well in school. I remember that's when Tsukasa really started to look up to Kagami and she would always look prideful but only when Kagami was always complimented by Tsukasa."
"But she never rubbed it in Tsukasa's face…" Tadao added and turned to his youngest. "Did she, Tsukasa?"
Tsukasa glanced away and held the stuffed puppy tighter. "Not…not really. She…she would show off her grades to Kona-chan every now and then."
Kishimoto hummed with curiosity while writing, catching their attention. "It's beginning to make sense to me now. I believe that Kagami may have a very mild but still existent case of Dependent Personality Disorder. It's a personality disorder that can range from very mild to full-blown but from what I've been hearing, it's very mild in Kagami's case but sometimes that's all she needs for it to metastasize. I believe that Kagami is a type of girl that needs people to know that she's doing well and that she's making everyone proud in order for her to garner strength. That's what makes her study and work so hard; so that she'll be constantly reminded of how good of a person she is because without a never-ending show of affection, she would become an emotional wreck. It would explain her determination to get good grades and all her extracurricular involvement. She needed constant validation and approval. What Tsukasa-chan told us earlier is very important. Kagami was confiding in her for a long time because she would be going to college soon. A whole new world where no one would know her or even care if she was doing well in school or not and she would be all alone, so she felt that without the security blanket she would get from her friends and family, she would fail. It was constricting for her so she believed that if she went to that party with her friend, it may have numbed her fears and she wouldn't be afraid but when she came home and got in that fight with her sister, it only furthered Kagami's fears that she wouldn't be able to tackle the world without her friends and family so she got angry. Matsuri's death, as well as her friend's death took away from her security blanket and added to her fears and guilt and she became convinced that she was a hollow shell beneath her hard and confident exterior."
The Hiiragi family gulped upon hearing Kishimoto's hypothesis. It sounded grim and irreversible but Miki still refused to admit defeat. "Is…is there anything we can do to help her?"
Kishimoto nodded. "Yes, we can help her and even save her, but it won't be easy. What I need more than anything is for you to find Kagami first and even try to convince her to see me so I can give her a fair psychological assessment. If I determine that she is a threat to either herself or society, I would be able to make a recommendation to the court system and Kagami would be detained and placed under psychiatric watch, maybe even institutionalized."
The Hiiragi family shot glares of contempt at Kishimoto. Inori vocalized the question all four of them were thinking and asked, "Institutionalized? What does that mean, like an insane asylum?"
Kishimoto nodded with remorse. "Yes but we don't call them that anymore. It's the politics of discourse. We believe that terms like 'insane' or 'asylum' or even 'nuthouse' don't help an already stressful situation and they add stigma to the sick and their families."
The Hiiragi family remained deafly quiet in this session. They couldn't believe that it had already come to this and how quickly it happened. They felt so ashamed that they missed so many warning signs. Tsukasa felt the worst because of how much Kagami meant to her and to even think of seeing Kagami in a psychiatric hospital drove a dagger into her heart. Because of all the years of experience Dr. Nagisa Kishimoto had with situations like these, she knew what to say to reassure Kagami's family.
"Of course, you are under no legal obligations right now. Everything we've said and talked about is classified and will never leave this office. I'm merely giving suggestions and you are free to take them or find alternatives." She informed calmly. "I still would like the opportunity to sit down and talk with Kagami, if nothing else and don't forget, everything I said is merely a hypothesis and not a diagnosis. Kagami may just need a few therapy sessions so I can talk to her and even teach her better coping methods to deal with her losses and not have to resort to drugs. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I've encountered people who would choose drugs over food and water to survive and they're now living regular, drug-free lives and even have successful careers and marriages."
The Hiiragi family continued to exchange ideas and stories with Kishimoto until the session was up and the family decided they wanted to keep seeing her. Kishimoto happily setup weekly appointments for them until they felt they got what they needed out of her time. At the end of their appointment, Tsukasa tried to give the stuffed puppy back to her but she simply smiled and shook her head. She wanted Tsukasa to hold onto it for her, which Tsukasa happily complied with. The transitional object, which was usually reserved for child psychology, worked wonders for Tsukasa's pure and innocent mind and it allowed the family to leave the therapeutic session on a high note.
When the Hiiragi family left however, Kishimoto asked her receptionist to hold her next appointment so she could have a moment to herself. The doctor retired to the bathroom and splashed some water on her face and she fought back her own emotions. Kishimoto had some demons of her own behind closed doors and she revealed it when she rolled up the sleeve of her left arm. It revealed old wounds. Several black, blue, and green marks on her veins illustrated her past life before she was able to find herself and put her way through school and become a psychologist.
She sighed deeply and as she recovered her collapsed veins, she whispered, "I hope I can save this girl. Heroin is a horrible, horrible thing."
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Despite the dreadful situation her friend was in, Miyuki Takara was still able to see the beauty in the day she stepped out into in her upscale neighborhood. It was once again another beautiful spring day and the peaceful atmosphere of its existence were able to flow into Miyuki's body and warm her already affectionate soul. The pink-haired girl took a deep breath as the cherry blossoms fell from the trees and she looked at her watch. Today she was planning on spending some time with a childhood friend before she would make her incredible trek into France to begin her medical studies.
Miyuki exited the front gate of her large house and smiled when she saw her friend, Minami Iwasaki standing on the other side of the road with her dog Cherry on its leash and ready to go for a walk. Miyuki walked across the street and joined Minami on the other side, who held her usual small but still sincere smile and the two friends began walking down the street with the nearby park as their destination in mind. Cherry walked ahead of them on its leash while Miyuki and Minami were able to converse.
"So are you nervous about going all the way to France, Miyuki?" Minami asked softly.
Miyuki giggled. "I suppose I am, but I expect that's normal. It's a fear of the unknown more than anything. I have been practicing my French quite a bit and I believe that I'm becoming quite good at it."
"Let me hear some then." Minami replied with a smile.
Miyuki instantly blushed. "Oh dear, please don't make me nervous, Mi-chan. Practicing my French in public…it's so embarrassing."
Minami replied with her own small giggle. "I'm sure you'll be fine. You were always so great in school so I don't think you'll have any problems abroad."
"I hope you're right. So what is new with you, Minami?" Miyuki asked with sincerity.
Minami's expression of complacence was suddenly wiped away and replaced with a look of worriment. "Well, actually I was hoping for advice on something. Yutaka has been calling me every day for the past few days and she's very upset about her cousin. It seems that Izumi-san was able to confront Kagami-san on the street a few days ago and she promised Izumi-san that she was going to get better. From what I heard, there was a fight at the Hiiragi household and Kagami-san has been missing. Yutaka has been telling me that Konata is a nervous wreck now."
"Oh dear," Miyuki sighed with remorse. "What a horrible string of tragedies a family like that had to endure. Life is so unfair because they didn't deserve any of that. I feel so bad for all of them. I can only imagine what this is doing to Konata-san. She and Kagami-san are so very close after all."
Minami nodded. "This thing with Kagami-san is starting to hurt me as well because it hurts Izumi-san, which hurts Yutaka, which hurts me. I want to be there for Yutaka but what could I possibly say to her that would make all of this go away?"
Miyuki sighed again. "I wish I could tell you that there are magical words that would take all of their worriment and pain away, but there simply isn't, Minami. The only thing you can do for Yutaka is always be there for her whenever this horrible issue with Kagami-san hits too close to her. I worry a lot about Konata-san, too. She doesn't really seem to have a lot of…well…how do I put this…? She doesn't really seem to have a lot of…mainstream friends…but Kagami-san was always there for her. I wonder how much this will affect Konata-san if this keeps going downhill for Kagami-san."
Minami shook her head. "I guess we both will have to take your advice, Miyuki. All we can do is simply be there for them and let them confide in us whenever they have to. I know that Yutaka was always a good person to talk to whenever I was feeling down because she never judged me for being quiet in school. I really want to return the favor."
Miyuki nodded. "I understand, Mi-chan. You're a good friend and Yutaka-chan is too."
The two friends rounded a corner and were suddenly startled when they saw a police car with its lights flashing and a police officer was talking to a man who owned another upscale home in the luxurious neighborhood and they were talking in front of the citizen's expensive sports car. As the two friends continued to walk past the house on the other side of the street, they saw the man's sports car was broken into as the shattered window illustrated. It was clear that a burglar broke into the car and they overheard the police man recite in his notes that the car's stereo was stolen, as well as a few other personal belongings from the vehicle.
"That's strange." Minami said as the two friends walked past the crime scene. "That's the third car broken into in as many nights. I believe we're in the middle of a crime wave."
Miyuki sighed once again as the amount of dark reality the world had to offer was piling up. All she could ask was, "What is this world coming to?"
Author's note: The actual time for Miyuki's trip to France might be a bit problematic, given how she's supposed to miss that in later chapters courtesy of Kagami. While Japan does not have a consistent school schedule with that of America (Blood's original version notwithstanding), I have Googled that the schedule in France does match America's. Given that it's still spring in this version of the fic, meaning that Miyuki might have time to schedule a new flight, this might conflict with stuff to happen even later in the story. (Honestly, don't blame me for "butchering" his work; it is already unfeasible that the main characters would have spent a total of four years at a school where people are supposed to spend three, complete with multi-month time-skips.)