A/N: Thanks for all your continued support and interest in this story. This chapter is the first part of another two parter. It was impossibly long as a single chapter. Forgive me for any spelling/ grammatical errors. I'm beyond tired but didn't want to make you guys wait for this one. I appreciate all the comments, follows/favs, reviews and pm's. Please keep them coming. With that being said, on to the story...
It's been two weeks since I went out on a limb for my happiness. Fourteen days since my life has been turned completely upside down. Three hundred and thirty six hours since my heart was ripped from my chest. Twenty thousand one hundred and sixty minutes since I received the text that changed my life. I remember it like it was yesterday. Emily was in my arms. She was kissing me. I felt the earth trembling and the planets aligning. Everything was as it was meant to be. Then in the blink of an eye, it was over. Emily was retreating, speaking words of uncertainty. I had no idea that my first kiss with her would turn out to be my last. I was left feeling devastated and on cloud nine at the same time. And then it happened. The seven hardest words I'd ever have to read.
I can't. It's too hard. I'm sorry.
She didn't even think enough of me to deliver this news in person. She sent me a text and I haven't heard from her or seen her outside of practice since. The only solace I've been able to find is that Hanna has been giving me regular updates. From what I hear Emily isn't fairing much better than I am. Hanna says she hasn't seen much of her but when she does, Emily is quiet and sullen. She's been exactly the same for the brief moments that I get to see her at practice. She's dejected and reserved. If she's feeling so terribly about her decision, why did she run from her feelings for me? There's no way in hell she didn't feel something. It was too beautiful and moving for her not to feel it. I can't help but wonder that if she hasn't been in her room much, where has she been and who has she been with. My own existence as of late has been much better. I'm fact, it's been pretty pitiful. I'm either in class, at swim practice or in my room. I haven't even had the desire to sing at the cafe. All I've wanted to do is sit in the dark and mull over where my life went so horribly wrong. Sitting in the dark staring off into space is exactly how Spencer finds me when she arrives home.
"Paige are you ok?" she asks.
"Sure," I mumble.
I've noticed over these last couple weeks that she's become an unlikely ally. We share meals when the two of us are home. We muse about the meaning of life and other great philosophical mysteries. We've even managed to study together a few times. She's wicked smart and actually pretty cool once you get past her whole ice queen act. She makes her way over to where I'm sitting and turns on a lamp. You would've thought I was a vampire being hit by the sun.
"Well you don't look ok," she says.
"I'll survive," I tell her.
"Would you like a friendly ear to vent your frustrations?" she asks.
"No," I say.
"Well at least give Emily a call. I'm sure she'll be willing to help with whatever's the matter," she proposes.
I give a sarcastic snort to that suggestion and Spencer picks up on it right away.
"Oh. So Emily is the cause of your distress," she comments.
"Understatement of the year my friend."
"You want to know what I think?" she asks.
"Not really," I reply.
She continues on anyway.
"I think you shouldn't hinge your happiness on anyone. Whether you experience joy or sorrow should directly lie in your own hands. My experience with life is that people rarely do what you want them to and very often disappoint. Do what makes your heart sing and you'll always come out on top," she says.
Just when I think I have her figured out, she surprises me. An enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a quandary that Spencer Hastings is. She gazes at me for a moment before she stands to take her leave.
"It will all work itself out in the end," she says.
"I sure hope you're right," I say.
I'm again left to my solitary contemplation. I let Spencer's words take root in me and really think about what it is that makes my heart sing. I sit for all of five minutes when I realize she's right. I'm not going to accomplish anything sitting her pining away for Emily. I need to get up and get back to living life. With that decision made, I pull out my cell and start to scroll through my contacts. When I find the name I'm looking for, I send out a quick message. It's time that I start doing me...
The little hole in the wall that I'm meeting Shana at is decidedly crowded for a Monday night. It's some where I found on accident one day. The music is good and I can get in with my fake i.d. I'm posted up by the bar when I catch her making her way over to me.
"Hi," she smiles.
"Hi," I smile back.
I take a minute to check her out. She's wearing black boots and black jeans. She has on a tight, deep purple shirt with a cute scarf to finish her outfit off. Her hair is down and she has on the barest hint of make up. Not that she needs it. She's absolutely beautiful. When I finally meet her eyes, she has this amused look in them. I've been busted.
"You see something you like?" she asks me.
"This might sound silly, but it feels like I'm seeing you for the first time," I answer.
This makes her smile one of those gorgeous smiles I feel like she reserves only for me.
"I have to say, I'm surprised you suggested meeting here tonight," she says.
"Why is that?" I ask.
"I would have never pegged you as a rebel. Using a fake i.d. to get into a club. I've always taken you as the straight laced type," she teases.
"There's nothing straight about me," I say with a wink.
"I guess I walked right into that one," she laughs.
"That you did," I laugh back.
We both order something to drink and find a table to sit at. We watch the scene while we talk about the trivial and mundane things of our respective weeks. The D.J. spinning tonight is on fire. The dance floor has been full since the moment we walked in. Shana keeps bopping back and forth in her seat and I can tell she's anxious to get on the floor herself.
"Do you want to get out there?" I ask.
"Uh yes!" she replies.
She hops up and practically drags me to the middle of the crowd. It's so packed that we don't have much choice but to dance really close. I don't mind it in the least. I find myself reveling in the nearness of her. I can't help but notice the way she's grinding up against me. Or how she puts a little extra into it when a favorite part of the song comes on. Being this close allows me to really drink her in. I'm able to observe the way the light flickers off of her auburn hair. Her glowing skin looks as good as it feels. I can feel the ripple of the muscles in her arms. Not to mention she smells heavenly. Her perfume is strong but feminine. We dance like this for five songs in a row.
"I need to hydrate," I whisper in her ear.
She grabs my hand and leads me back in the direction of the bar.
"Same as before?" she asks me.
"I was thinking more along the lines of water, but another drink won't hurt," I say.
We decided to take a break for a while and partake of a few more rounds in the process. I feel the alcohol slowly but surely loosening me up. A slower song comes on and I see Shana's face light up.
"I take it you like this song," I comment.
She doesn't answer. Rather she grabs my hand and pulls me back on the dance floor. We find a spot and she turns to face me. No words are spoken as we assume our positions. She places her arms around my neck and clasps her hands together. I hesitantly place my hands on her waist.
"It's alright for you to put your hands on me Paige," she utters in my ear.
I close my eyes and my breath hitches. I move my hands to her hips and follow her lead. She's moving against me impossibly slow. Her fingertips are ever so lightly tracing patterns on my neck. She has every one of my sense on high alert and it's driving me crazy. I can feel my liquid courage really starting to kick in as my hands start to roam. I get dangerously close to her backside and she pulls back to look at me.
"Sorry," I say.
"Uh uh, don't ever apologize for touching me," she responds.
She has this fire in her eye that's a mix between longing and hunger. I think I might go up in flames at any second. Thankfully, the song ends.
"Maybe we should go," I suggest.
"Ok," she says.
We walk quietly back to campus. The chilly night air helps to sober me up a bit. During our journey, she takes my hand in hers. I must admit, it feels nice.
"Well this is me," she says as we stop outside her building.
"Thanks for coming out with me tonight," I say.
"Thanks for inviting me. I had a great time. I certainly hope this is the first of many," she says.
"You can count on it," I reply.
There's a brief moment of awkward silence. The look Shana had in her eyes at the club has returned.
"Paige?"
"Yeah," I murmur.
"Can I kiss you?" she asks.
I silently grant her permission and she doesn't waste anytime acting on her desire. It's soft and sweet and magical, yet it pales in comparison to the kiss I shared with Emily. Of course my mind picks the most inopportune time to wander to Emily. I haven't thought about her all night. My brain couldn't hold off for two more minutes so I could enjoy kissing a girl who actually wants to be kissed by me. Go figure. I feel guilty thinking about another girl while kissing Shana and I pull away. She smiles at me and I return it with a smile of my own. She gently caresses my cheek.
"Good night Paige."
"Good night Shana."
"Text me and let me know you made it home alright," she request.
"Ok," I say.
I walk back to my dorm room feeling infinitely better than when I left. I'm anxious to tell Spencer that her advice is already having a positive affect on me. I can see light coming from the bottom of her door and give it a light knock before I enter.
"Hey Spencer..." I start but abruptly stop.
She's starting off into nothingness and doesn't blink once. Her hair is disheveled and it looks like she hasn't slept in days. I don't even think she knows I'm in the room. I tap her shoulder and she jumps.
"Oh hey Paige. I didn't even hear you come in," she says.
"Are you alright?" I ask.
"Yeah I'm fine. What's up?" she asks.
"I just wanted to say thanks for the advice," I say.
"Sure anytime," she says.
I turn to leave. I don't know what's going on with her but she's in serious need of a study break...
My renewed vigor for life hasn't diminished one bit since the begin of this week. I decided to do the one thing that does indeed make my heart sing. I'm nervous but excited to be performing again. I haven't done an open mif night since I put my heart on the line and sang for Emily. Tonight feels decidedly different. I didn't even tell anyone that I was coming here. I wanted the chance to really let loose and let myself go. I scan the room while I wait for my turn. I see a flicker of something sexy in red. When I get a good look it turns out to be Naya.
"Hey," she says when she's close.
"How's it going?"
"Good. Long time, no see," she says.
"I've had a lot going on that took precedent," I say.
"Understandable," she replies.
We regard each other for a while before she speaks again.
"Have you signed up already?" she asks.
"Yep. Have you?" I ask.
"Not yet, but I was wondering if you could do me a solid," she says.
She gets this devilish look in her eye and I'm a little wary of the proposition she's about to make.
"I came over when I saw you because I was thinking maybe we could do a duet tonight," she proposes.
I think it over for a minute. Regardless of how I might feel about her, Naya does have a great voice. We would sound pretty good together.
"Sure, why not. As of late I enjoy living life on the edge," I answer.
"Good because I already put my name down with yours," she smiles.
"Are you always this crafty Maleficent? I ask.
"Only with you Snoopy," she replies.
"Snoopy?"
"What? I thought you'd appreciate that one. He plays the piano. He's all musical and shit just like you," she says.
I actually laugh out loud at that analogy.
"See! You know you liked that one," she grins.
We banter back and forth awhile longer until we're called up to perform.
"Ladies and gentlemen we have a special treat for you. Let's welcome Naya and Paige," Chloe announces us.
I take a seat behind the piano and Naya grabs the mic.
"This was kind of a spur of the moment thing, so bear with us," Naya says.
She then turns to me.
"Try and keep up will you," she says.
I start on the piano and she waits for her part to come in. We rock the house something serious and I must admit I'm enjoying myself. Naya has amazing stage presence and is every bit the performer. We actually have great chemistry when performing together. When the song comes to its end, we make our way off stage to a standing ovation. I grin at her and she's shoots me a wink.
"Not bad up there," she says.
"Right back at you," I compliment.
She's about to make another comment when her phone rings. She looks at her screen and her expression rapidly changes.
"Really hate to sing and run, but I have to take this," she says.
"Ok I'll see you around," I say.
I watch her retreating figure go, but not before I hear her answer the call.
"Hey Em, what's up?"