A/N: Hello all my beautiful people. So I wanted to post this chapter eleven days ago, but haven't been entirely pleased with it. I've been having a bit of writer's block and it's been driving me crazy. I'm still not entirely pleased with this chapter, but I wanted to give you guys something so you would know I haven't deserted you. Oh, and just a friendly reminder before you read this chapter. PAILY IS ENDGAME!
So Emily has been spending her time at Naya's. I guess I can say I'm not the least bit surprised. The two of them have become close over the last few months. If she needs a sounding board for what she's feeling, Naya is the obvious choice. Hanna is probably too much pressure because she's very much Team Paige. Speaking of Hanna, I've lured her over to my place under the guise of wanting to study. I'm able to keep my ruse up for about an hour. My anxiety is starting to get the best of me, so I try to slyly change the course of the conversation.
"So I'm thinking about changing my major," I mention.
"Interesting. What were you thinking if changing it to?" she inquires.
"Dunno. Maybe something with music," I say.
"What brought on this change of heart?" she asks.
"Some sage advice from an unlikely source," I tell her.
"Well babe if you like it, I love it. So how have your classes been going otherwise?" Hanna asks.
"You would know if you spent more time studying with me," I tease.
"I know, I know," she says.
"Hey I'm not mad if the offer for a better study partner has come along. Speaking of, how have things with Caleb been going?" I ask.
"Great. He's really a great guy. I'd really like for you two to get to know each other better," she says.
"I'd love to. How does Emily feel about him?" I toss in.
"I wouldn't know. She's been kind of invisible lately," she says.
"She's still not spending much time at your dorm?" I ask.
"No."
"Hmm," I mumble.
"What was that for?" Hanna asks.
"Nothing."
"You wouldn't have lured me over here to pump me for information on Em would you?" she questions.
Before I can confess to my scheme, Hanna's stomach gives off the loudest, angriest growl I've ever heard. Saved by the belly.
"Are you hungry? I could whip something up?" I ask.
"Let me get this straight. Not only are you gorgeous, but you sing, play instruments, you're smart, funny, you're a beast in the swimming pool and you cook. How is it possible that every lesbian in a 30 mile radius isn't beating your door down. I'm two seconds away from jumping you myself," she says.
"I'm not as impressive as you make me sound," I chuckle.
"Yeah, ok," she says sarcastically.
"Did I tell you Shana and I went out a couple of nights ago?" I mention.
"Really?"
"Yeah and she kissed me," I add.
"Really!" Hanna exclaims.
I smile at her exuberance.
"And we've pretty much been together every day since," I add.
"So things have been getting hot and heavy between you two then?" she asks.
"No. I've been the perfect gentleman thank you very much," I say.
"Emily better hurry up and get her head out of her ass. She's just so crippled by her fear. I don't know what she's more afraid of. The gay thing or the dating you thing."
"I'd say the dating me thing. I'm pretty sure she's ok with the gay thing."
Hanna raises her brow.
"I have it on good authority that she's been spending massive amounts of time with Naya," I reveal.
"Oh," she says flatly
"Yeah 'oh' is right," I say.
"Damn. I'm sorry babe," she sympathizes.
"At this point it is what it is. Does it suck? Yes, but I can't let it stop me from living."
"Let me know if there's anything I can do," Hanna says.
"You're already doing it," I answer.
Our tender moment is interrupted by Spencer barging through the front door. She's mumbling incoherently and she looks eerily pale. Hanna looks like she's about to say something, but I give her a look telling her to do the opposite.
"Hi Spencer," I say.
"Hey. I can't talk I have a lot of studying to do," she rambles off.
"Ok I cooked if your hungry," I call out to her retreating form.
She doesn't reply.
"Something is seriously wrong with that chick," Hanna comments.
"She's just really focused is all," I explain.
"If you say so. Still, I think something is off," she says.
I shrug my shoulders.
"Now, tell me about your evening with Shana...
Do what makes my heart sing. It's has become my mantra since Spencer spoke the words earlier to me this week. I've found myself repeating it at times I feel like the pressure is getting to be too much. Or at moments when I'm not quite sure which direction to take. It's been my driving force. It has motivated and inspired me so much so that I've been able to transfer it to my performance in the pool. I've been able to accomplish that perfect moment when the water and I become one. I'm in my zone and I feel untouchable. I'm not the only one who notices the change, coach notices it as well.
"Nicely done Paige. You see that ladies? That's how you take a lose and use it to fuel you to the next level. Keep it up and you might just be anchoring at our next meet," she says.
I grin like a fool as I make my way out of the pool. The bubble of bliss I had been residing in during practice is soon popped when we're in the locker room. I have the unfortunate luck of Emily's locker being right next to mine. She's standing In front of it brushing out her hair. I proceed to get dressed as well.
"Hey," I say.
"Hey," she replies.
She doesn't even make eye contact with me. It's the most uncomfortable I've ever been around her in my entire life. Thank goodness I'm saved from the awkwardness of this moment by Shana.
"Hey Paige I'm ready to go for dinner if you are," she says.
"Ok here I come," I answer.
"See you around," I tell Emily.
"Sure," she says.
I somberly make my way to Shana. I pray there's some way Emily and I can get passed all of this. I really miss my best friend...
"You were on fire in practice today," Shana says in between bites.
I want to be sad about how things are between Emily and I right now, but it's kind of hard to when you're sharing dinner with a beautiful woman. We decided to take our chances in the dining hall for a quick bite to eat.
"Thanks. I'm starting to feel like myself again," I tell her.
"Good. I'm glad to hear it. So, have you heard about the Halloween party that everyone seems to be going to Friday night?" she asks.
"I've heard about it, but I don't think I'm going," I say.
"It's going to be so much fun. We could go together. We could even coordinate our outfits," she says excitedly.
She has a child like enthusiasm and her eyes are sparkling with excitement. It's hard not to give her anything she wants.
"I have a feeling that you're very rarely told no," I say.
"And you would be correct," she smiles.
"Oh alright," I say.
"Yes! So what should we go as?" she ponders.
"You could always go as Lady and The Tramp," Naya says from over my shoulder.
"Excuse me?" Shana says.
"Oh I mean no disrespect to you lovely. All my hostility is directed towards Paige," she smiles.
"Naya, this is Shana. Shana this is the bane of my existence," I say.
"It's nice to meet you," Naya says.
"I'd say the same, but that would be a lie," Shana remarks.
"Oh I like her Paige. Do keep her around," Naya says.
"What do you want Naya?" I ask.
"I was coming to make you an offer that you couldn't refuse," she taunts.
"You have nothing, and I do mean nothing, that I want," I tell her.
"Don't be so hasty in your refusal. You don't even know what the proposition is," she says.
I cross my arms over my chest and give her a face that lets her know I have zero patience for her foolishness today.
"Would it be safe to assume that you had a great time performing with me the other night?" she asks.
"It would be an accurate assumption," I answer.
"How would you like to do that more often and in a more structured way?" she suggests.
"Go on."
"You know Chloe who organizes open mic night? Well she and her boyfriend are trying to start a band. It wouldn't be anything serious. Just an outlet to get out all of our musical creativity," she says.
I have to admit that she has piqued my interest. I can't make it that easy for her though.
"I'll let you know," I reply.
"Okay, but don't wait too long or you'll miss out. It was nice meeting you Shana," she says and takes her leave.
Why do I feel like that last comment was a subtle dig about Emily? Am I being overly sensitive?...
To say that this party is epic, would be grossly discount how spectacular it really is. I don't think I've every seen this many people in one place. I'm pretty sure we have to be violating some kind of fire code. After much debate, Shana and I decided to go as Batman and Catwoman. Shana easily puts every Catwoman that's come before her to shame. The leather outfit she has on hugs her body like a second skin and what a body it is. The whip and claws she has to complete her costume have me thinking all kinds of dirty and inappropriate things. I can tell by the looks she's been giving me that my batman costume is having the same effect on her. She grabs my hand and I give her a smile as we make our way deeper into the festivities. I'm astonished by the array of things people decided to dress as. It never ceases to amaze me how creative people can be. We see a couple of people from the swim team and make our way over to chat.
"Do you want something to drink?" Shana whispers to me.
"Yes. Grab me whatever," I say.
"Ok be right back," she says.
I return to the conversation I was having. I'm listening to Sydney describe her technique to improve her times, when I catch sight of Emily over her shoulder. She's making her way over to us. I feel my heart rate speed up and I'm a ball of nerves. After our interaction, if you could call it that, at practice I have a bit of trepidation of how this is going to play out. I see Naya close behind her and my trepidation soon turns to dismay. It's one thing to have suspicions of something. It's another thing to have those suspicions confirmed. I put on my best 'unaffected by this situation in the least' face and continue to converse with Sydney.
"Hey you guys," Emily says.
"Hey Emily. Wow, look at you two!" Sydney gushes.
Emily and Naya naturally would decide to be Beyonce and Jay Z. They look like they stepped fresh off of tour. Naya is very much the part of Jay Z complete with skully, sunglasses and American flag t-shirt. And Emily. That beautiful body of hers is in a black leotard and a see through face mask. How she manages to be breathtaking in everything she wears is mind boggling.
"Of course you're Batman. Always willing to play the part of the hero," Naya comments.
"Sweetie I think you look amazing," Shana says as she returns with our drinks.
"Thanks," I tell her.
"Meow," Naya purrs when she sees Shana's ensemble.
Emily smacks her playfully in the shoulder and smiles.
"What? She looks hot. Tell me she doesn't look hot," Naya cajoles.
"You look very nice," Emily compliments Shana.
We all exchange pleasantries and continue our conversation. Emily and I are practically ignoring each other. I don't think we have spoken one word to each other during this entire discussion. Every now and then I can feel her eyes on me, but I don't dare look in her direction.
"Paige, have you giving anymore thought to my offer?" Naya asks.
"I have."
"And?" she waits.
"And I told you I'd let you know," I reply.
We have a brief, nonverbal exchange. I can tell she's less than pleased with my answer, but right now I really don't give a damn.
"Do you hear that doll? They're playing our theme song. Shall we?" Naya asks Emily.
Emily gives her a smile that could melt ice in the winter time. Naya takes her hand and off they go. I'm trying to pay attention to the people I'm suppose to be talking to, but my eyes are tracking Emily's every move. Her and Naya are dancing very close. They seem so at ease with each other. The smiles, the subtle touches, the flirting. I can't help but feel like that's supposed to be me. I feel Shana gently tug on my hand to get my attention.
"Hey, are you here with her or are you here with me?" She asks.
"I'm sorry," I say.
"Don't apologize, but if you're going to be here with me, then be here with me," she emphasizes.
"You know what, you're right. I haven't been paying you nearly the amount attention you deserve," I say.
"I know right. I mean, you do see how good I look in all this leather don't you? I'm pretty sure I could get whoever I wanted at this point," she jokes.
I pull her close to me.
"Then let me stake my claim," I murmur.
I lean in and give her a soft kiss. I can feel her pulling away put I hold her tighter. When I think my point has been adequately made, I step back just a little. Shana lets out a sigh and slowly opens her eyes.
"Where has this Paige been hiding? I like her," she comments.
"I guess she just needed the right motivation to come out and play," I respond.
"I'll have to keep giving her a reason to stick around," she says.
I spend the rest of the evening wrapped up in Shana. We drink and dance. We even manage to play a few party games. I'm having an extraordinary time and I even manage to not think about Emily. It's getting pretty late, so Shana and I decide to leave. We make the trek back across campus hand in hand. We chat and laugh and talk about all the craziness that happened at the party. Our conversation comes to a natural pause. I feel Shana stop and I turn to see what's the matter.
"Paige, I have something I need to tell you," she says tentatively.
"Ok," I reply.
"I have really enjoyed hanging out with you lately. I know you're not ready to have a relationship, but I want you to know that I don't want to spend my time with anyone but you," she says timidly.
I'm kind of taken aback by her shyness. Shana is all brash and get what she wants by any means necessary. The fact that she's actually nervous about what she is telling me, let's me know how serious this is to her.
"Shana you are an incredible person. This time I've spent with you has been nothing less than wonderful. Just so you know, I don't want to hang out with anyone else either," I admit.
"Really?"
"Yes, really," I say.
This makes her smile. She takes my hand back in hers and we continue to walk.
"I'm not ready to go home yet," she says.
"You could come back to mine," I suggest.
"Ok."
We make it back to my place and I let Shana in to a dark apartment.
"Head to my room. Im just going to go check on Spencer. She's been a little weird lately," I tell her.
I knock on Spencer's door and wait for her to answer. When she doesn't, I knock again so she knows that I'm coming in. When I open her door, the sight in front of me makes my blood run cold. Spencer is laying on her floor unconscious. I touch her skin and she's burning up. I look around and notice an empty prescription pill bottle.
"Shana! Shana come quick!" I yell.
She's in Spencer's room in no time.
"Oh my gosh Paige, what's going on?" She asks.
"I don't know but call 911," I say.
She runs back to my room to grab her phone.
"Spencer what the hell have you done to yourself," I whisper.
I don't know what else to do to help her. I hold her close and can feel her heart beating erratically. I silent cry and pray that the ambulance hurries up.