A/N: Thanks for all the love and support. This is a short author's note. The chappie is pretty self explanatory. It doesn't require much setup. It continues on from Halloween night. Hope it answers some of the questions you've been having. Also, I hope you all enjoy...
"How is it possible that you look better than Beyonce does in that outfit?" Naya flirts.
I laugh and shrug her compliment off. We're snuggled up on one of the lounge chairs in the common area of her dorm. I wasn't really feeling the party after all, so we decided to spend the rest of the evening alone. With everyone out celebrating Halloween, the building is practically deserted.
"I'm serious. I know I tell you this all the time, but you really are so beautiful," she says to me.
I blush profusely and soak up every bit of the attention. I feel my phone vibrate and glance at the screen. It's Hanna calling. I decide to ignore the call.
"Something important?" she asks.
"Nothing more important than what's going on right now," I reply.
"Doll if you keep saying things like that you're going to make me think you like me," she teases.
I'm about to come up with a witty reply when my phone vibrates again.
"Maybe you should get that," she says.
"Maybe I should. Don't you move a muscle. I'll make this quick," I say.
I head down the hall a bit to take the call.
"Hanna you really have the worst timing in the world," I say.
"Emily. There's been an accident," she rambles out.
The fear I hear in her voice makes all the life drain from my face. My first thought is that something has happened to Paige.
"Hanna what's wrong with Paige?" I ask.
"It's not Paige, it's Spencer, but she's freaking out. She really needs you right now," Hanna explains.
"Where is she at?"
"They're going to the hospital right now," she answers.
"I'm on my way," I say and end the call.
I make my way back to where I left Naya to let her know I'm leaving.
"I, I have to go," I stutter.
Naya takes one look at me and is immediately by my side.
"Emily what's wrong? You're shaking like a leaf," she says.
It isn't until she mentions it that I realize I'm trembling. I put my hands to my cheeks and can feel the wet stream of tears that I didn't even know was falling down.
"Paige, Spencer, accident," I stammer.
"Calm down Em and tell me what's going on," she says.
"There's been an accident. Paige needs me," I tell her.
"Where are they now?" she asks.
"The medical center."
"Then come on let's go."...
I'm ever thankful that Naya insisted on coming with me. If it wasn't for her, I don't think I would have been able to hold it together. I'm in such a state of shock. It isn't until I see Paige slumped over in a chair in the waiting room that I final come to my senses. I make my way to her and place a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"Hey," I murmur.
She looks up and I can feel my heart breaking. Her eyes are red and puffy. She looks so fragile. I grab her hand and pull her into a tight embrace.
"Oh Love, I'm here now," I say comfortingly.
"Em," she manages to get out before she breaks down.
She starts bawling and I just hold her. We stay like that for a good five minutes until I start to feel her calm down.
"It's all my fault," she sobs.
"How is it your fault?" I ask her.
"I've noticed she's been acting strange for weeks. I should've known something was wrong," she explains.
"Paige, listen to me. There was no way you could have known what was going on. You're not to blame," I tell her.
"But," she starts.
"But nothing. This wasn't your fault," I reiterate.
She gives me a heavy sigh, but looks like she's accepting my reasoning. I keep a hold to her hand as we sit down side by side. I glance around and notice that Naya is purposely hanging back to give Paige and I some space. We sit in silence and wait for word of Spencer's condition. Not too long after, I see Hanna and Shana making their way over to us. They're carrying two cups of coffee a piece.
"Em you're here," Hanna sighs in relief
I stand up so we can hug. I accept one of the cups of coffee she hands to me.
"We thought we might be here for awhile and figured coffee was in order," Shana says to me.
I know she's trying to be cordial because of the circumstance. I suppose I can follow suit.
"Thanks for being there for Paige," I say to her.
"It was no trouble," she answers.
"Hey I'm going to go let Naya know what's going on," I say to the group.
I make my way to where she's been waiting.
"Paige said they took Spencer back and we're just waiting to find out what's going on. Hanna's here too, so you don't have to stick around," I say.
"I'll do whatever you want me to. If you want me to stay I'll stay. If you don't want me here, than I'll go," she says.
"It's not that I don't want you here, but I really want to give Paige my undivided attention and that's kind of hard to do when you're around," I explain.
"Are you saying I'm a distraction?" she teases.
"Yes, but in the best kind of way," I answer.
"Ok, I'll go, but only if you promise to keep me updated," she compromises.
"I promise."
We hug for a long while and she places a tender kiss on my cheek. I thank her again as she makes her way out. I return to Paige's side and take a seat.
"Your girlfriend had to leave?" Paige asks snidely.
"She's not my girlfriend. If you're going to be snarky, I can leave as well," I say calmly.
"I'm sorry. I'm just on edge. We've been here for two hours and I still don't know what's happening with Spencer?" she explains.
Right at that moment, a doctor appears in the waiting area.
"Are you guys the ones who brought Ms. Hastings in?" she asks.
"Yes," Paige answers.
"Can we know what's going on?" Hanna interjects.
"I'm sorry but we can only give that information out to immediately family members," the doctor explains.
"Please, we all care about her and we're worried sick," I plead.
The doctor appears to struggle for a second. She can see the concern in all of our faces and decides to throw us a bone.
"Ms. Hastings overdosed on dextroamphetamine. We had to pump her stomach. She's stable right now, but we need to monitor her condition overnight."
I feel Paige shaking next to me and I grab hold of her hand again.
"Thank you for telling us that," Shana says.
"You're welcome. There's nothing else you can do for her tonight. I suggest that you all go home and get some rest," the doctor says.
"I don't think we should leave. Spencer shouldn't be alone when she wakes up," I say.
"She won't be. Paige called her parents. They should be here soon," Shana supplies.
We decide to take the doctor's advice and head home. Paige is in such a delicate state that I don't want to let her out of my sight for even a second.
"Hey I'm going to stay with Paige tonight," I whisper to Hanna.
"Good cause if you weren't, I was," she says.
I hug her and thank her for calling me. Shana offers to walk Hanna back to the dorms and we go our separate ways. Paige is practically a zombie as I lead her back to her place. I manage to get her to her room, get her in pajamas and in bed with very little resistance. It isn't until I turn out the bedside lamp that she finally speaks.
"Em where are you going?" she asks.
"I was going to crash on the couch," I say.
"Could you stay with me please? I don't want to be alone."
I hesitate for a second.
"Please," she begs.
I look at her and see the ten year old little girl who lost her mother all over again. I can hear the desperation in her voice and push to the side the all the things we still have yet to address. I borrow some pajamas and climb in next to her. She latches onto to me like she's hanging on for dear life and just weeps...
Two Weeks Later
Naya and I are on her bed studying. I'm laying with my back against the head board while she lays across the bed with her head in my lap. I'm lazily playing with her hair while we both read books for our classes. There's been an insane amount of tension between us ever since I admitted my attraction to women. I know that she wants to be with me, but she also understands I'm not ready for that yet. She's been practicing an extreme amount of restraint which I'm greatly appreciative of. We flirt and cuddle, but haven't really done anything more.
"Gorgeous can you pass me my phone? I want to check on Paige," I say.
She gives me a confused look at my use of the endearment.
"What?" I ask.
"Gorgeous?" she fires back.
"I've never called anyone that before. I was seeing how it feels," I explain.
"You think I'm gorgeous?"
"Yes I do," I say with a smile.
She rolls over and is all of a sudden very much on top of me. She has her hands on either side of my head and has wrapped my legs around her waist. There's something very playful about the way she's looking at me.
"I know that these things you are feeling right now are new and exciting and scary all at the same time. That's why I'm being very patient," she says.
I nod in the affirmative so she knows I'm paying attention.
"You do understand how hard it's been for me to behave?"
Again, I nod in the affirmative.
"You understand that I've been fighting the desire to run my hands over every inch of your beautiful body. I've resisted the urge to kiss and touch you until you blackout because the pleasure is too much," she says.
I answer her with a breathy 'yes'.
"Then as long as you understand, I can keep being patient. But you calling me sweet names and looking all breathtaking isn't making it any easier doll."
She rolls off of me to retrieve my phone from her dresser.
"I'm going to go forage for some food so you can have some privacy. Come find me when you're done," she says.
Naya hands me my phone and places a kiss on my forehead. She leaves me in peace in her room to place my call. It's been two weeks since Spencer's accident. I've made a point to keep tabs on Paige. Ever since she lost her mom, she's been super fragile when it comes to dealing with death. Spencer's close call has her on edge and I'm worried about her. I listen to the phone ring while I wait for the call to connect.
"Hey Em," she answers.
"Hi Love. What are you doing?" I ask.
"Nothing. Just getting ready to head out," she says.
I can hear voices in the background.
"You and Hanna are hanging out?" I assume.
"No it's Shana."
"Oh," I answer dejected.
I don't know what it is, but the fact that she's spending time alone with Shana makes me exceedingly jealous. I know I'm the one who ran away from the possibility of us being together and I have no right to feel this way. I can't seem to help it. The thought of her kissing and touching Paige makes me want to break something. I can tell she can sense the displeasure in my voice.
"You're welcome to join us if you'd like," she offers.
"No. Two is company. Three is a crowd," I reply.
"Ok, but I'd really like to see you soon," she says.
"Do you want to go to the football game tomorrow?" I ask.
"I never figured you to be one who's big on football. Especially considering," she trails off.
"I'm not but we never get a chance to go to any of the sporting events. How often do we have a break from swimming when there's a home game? I kind of want to see Naya cheer," I reply.
"I suppose we can go show our support for the home team," she concedes.
"Then it's a date. I'll see you tomorrow," I say.
We say our goodbyes and disconnect the call. I'm supposed to be finding Naya, but instead I'm stewing over why I'm so pissed that Paige is hanging out with Shana. Naya finds me in the same state upon her return.
"Your phone call not go as planned?" she asks.
"You could say that. I didn't really get to talk to Paige. She and Shana were heading out," I pout.
She makes a face like she's privy to information that I'm not.
"What's that face for?" I inquire.
"Nothing you just seem awfully agitated that they're spending so much time together. You wouldn't be jealous would you?" she comments.
"No."
"Sure about that?" she questions.
I cross my arms over my chest and huff in an exaggerated fashion. Naya doesn't say a word. She just looks on amused.
"Ok maybe I'm a little jealous," I admit.
She feigns surprise.
"Oh do tell," she says.
"I'd rather not talk about this with you. I know you have feelings for me," I say.
"And I know you have feelings for someone else," she counters.
"And yet you still pursue me. Why is that?" I ask.
"Emily I meant what I told you that very first time we hung out. I'm drawn to your inner light. I can't help but feel lucky that you see fit for me to bask in its glow. I plan to ride this thing out for as long as I can," she says in all seriousness.
I can't help but feel a little tug at my emotions from her response. Naya is really a great catch. Anyone would be lucky to have her. Too bad my heart desires someone else...
Paige and I meet the next day outside of my building to head to the stadium. Our walk is filled with light hearted chitchat about what's been going on in our lives. Over the last couple weeks, we've both made an honest effort to reconcile our friendship. We've yet to talk about the reason why we were estranged in the first place. It's been the elephant in the room lurking around the corner. I think we have both been so grateful to be talking again that we are afraid to deal with anything heavy. We manage to make it to the game a little bit after kick off. This is my first college game that I've attended. It's easy to get caught up in the excitement of it all. A great deal of the crowd has their Penn State apparel on. There's shirtless guys with letters painted on their chest. I thought that kind of thing only happened in movies. It's hilarious to see in real life. I can't help but notice two girls sitting in front of us. One of the girls is wearing a jersey with Ben's number on it and they both make a big fuss whenever he's on the field. I overhear part of their conversation.
"Your man Ben is on fire tonight," one girl tells the other.
"Isn't he. We're going to have to celebrate properly tonight if you catch my drift," she answers.
"You guys have been hanging out for awhile now, haven't you?"
"Yep it's been two months now. I think I'm might have him at the point where he's ready to commit," the girl gushes.
I hear her last comment and feel like I've been punched in the chest. Two months. That means Ben was messing with this tramp while we were still together. I feel the walls starting to close in on me and I feel the need to flea. I get up and head to the nearest exit. Paige is close on my heels.
"Em what happened back there?" she asks.
"Can we just go please?" I beg.
"Yeah. Come on."...
Paige convinces me that going back to my room to wallow in my sorrows alone wouldn't be a good idea. We end up at the coffee shop. We find a nice secluded corner to relax.
"How has Spencer been?" I ask her.
"Shes getting better. It's a one day at a time process. She's bummed that her parents made her move back home, but they think it's for the best. I try to talk to her every other day," she says.
"You're such a good friend. i know she appreciates your calls," I say.
Paige just shrugs. She never could take a compliment.
"Do you want to tell me what that was all about earlier?" Paige asks me.
"I overheard one of the girls in front of us talking about Ben. Turns out the two of them have been messing around for the last two months," I say.
I watch an array of emotions cross Paige's face as she contemplates what she's going to say next. The one that appears to be most prevalent is rage. I continue with my train of thought.
"How long had he been playing me for a fool? I've never felt so betrayed in my life. I mean, how can someone claim to love you, but at the same time be so dishonest with you," I lament.
I see a new emotion appear on her face. This time it looks like guilt. It makes me wonder what she has to feel guilty about. She couldn't possible be blaming herself for Ben breaking my heart. We sit in silence for a minute while we contemplate our respective thoughts. I decide that now is as good a time as any to address the elephant.
"Are we ever going to talk about it?" I ask her.
"What is there to talk about? I told you I loved you and you pretty much told me you didn't feel the same way," she answers.
"It isn't that simple Paige."
"But wasn't it. I mean you couldn't even tell me in person. You sent me a damn text message," she says angrily.
"Paige."
"No Emily it's fine. I told you that if you didn't feel anything that I'd let it go. Obviously, you didn't feel the same things I felt," she deduces.
"That couldn't be further from the truth."
"Then why did you run?" she asks.
"Cause Paige it scared the mess out of me. It's like I've been walking around my whole life with blinders on. I've only been able to see what's straight ahead of me. Then in one moment, it's like this world I never knew exsisted is presented to me. It's different and exhilarating and I'm trying to decipher my place in it all. Hell I'm still scared," I explain.
"You don't seem that scared to me. You're awful cosy with your girlfriend," she comments.
"Naya isn't my girlfriend. We're good friends and that's all," I say.
She doesn't look satisfied by my answer.
"Love do you have any idea who you are to me? I could never enter into a relationship with you lightly. I'm still not even sure if I'm,"
"Gay," she finishes for me.
"See I can't even say it. There's so much history between the two of us. That's a lot of pressure. With Naya everything is fun and easy. She's allowing me the space to figure things out without any expectations," I clarify.
"So you feel like I'm pressuring you?" she accuses.
I groan frustrated.
"Have you listened to anything I just told you? I need to figure me out before I can think of anything else," I reiterate.
"Fine Em, I'll accept that. I still don't like that she's helping you with your 'self discovery'," she sulks.
"Well you're going to have to get over it. Just like I have to get over the fact that you and Shana are getting 'close'," I say whike making sure to emphasize the last word.
"What do you have against Shana?" she asks.
"Besides the fact the she's a bitch supreme and gets off on making my life as miserable as possible. I don't think she's good enough for you," I say.
"For starters, she's really a sweet girl. You two just got off on the wrong foot. Secondly, I gave you first dibs to be with me," she counters.
I'm shocked into silence. There really isn't a good way to respond to Paige's last statement. She looks quite pleased with herself for catching me off guard. She knows she has me but I refuse to accept defeat. I stick my tongue out at her and she laughs. It warms my heart to hear that beautiful sound come from her.
"Tell me something good M&M," she asks.
"It feels so good to finally be getting back to us. I've missed you," I say.
"I know the feeling Em. I've missed you too."