A/N: I'M BACK! I have missed you all dearly. I've had this chapter nearly done for about a month now, but had to take a break. I won't bore you with the details of my hiatus. Instead I'll let you enjoy the story. Happy reading!
Life has been great lately. I'm still a little shaky over the whole Spencer incident, but talking to her regularly is helping to ease my mind. Swimming has been going amazingly. I finally feel like I'm hitting my stride. Emily and I are reconnecting. Things are really getting back to normal between us. Not to mention spending time getting to know Shana better has been a dream. Only hitch seems to be my choices in academia. I'm discussing this, amongst other things, with Shana as we take a leisurely stroll across campus. We both have some time to kill before class and decided to get some fresh air. It's a little blustery out, but she doesn't seem to mind the cold.
"So what it is that's really holding you back?" she asks.
"My dad. He's sacrificed so much for me. I don't want to feel like I'm disappointing him," I answer sadly.
"Trust me, I can understand more than anyone the desire to have your parents approval, but at some point you have to live for yourself," she says.
We walk hand in hand a little further and I think about what she said. I smile a little at the irony.
"What's that smile for?" she asks.
"Emily said something almost identical earlier this week," I say.
I think I see the forming of a scowl on that beautiful face.
"You're too pretty to make such an ugly face," I tease.
She playfully bumps her shoulder into mine and I laugh.
"I know you two are best friends and everything, but I don't trust her when it comes to you," Shana says.
"Emily is the most trustworthy person in the world Shana. She would never do anything to hurt me intentionally and I trust her with my life," I defend.
"Oh I know that but that's not what I mean. I don't trust her because I know she wants you," she states.
"Hardly. I told you I professed my love and she said we were better as friends. It was hard to except at first, but I have and we're moving forward from there," I say.
"If you say so. That still doesn't mean I have to like her," she says.
We continue to walk as I contemplate what to do about the women in my life.
"I think we should have a get together at my place?" I suggest.
Shana looks at me strangely wondering where my train of thought is going.
"It's just that I feel you and Emily haven't had the proper chance to get to know one another better. You are two of the most important people in my life. I want you guys to at least get along. I don't want to feel like I have to choose between the two of you," I explain.
She is giving me this big, toothy grin and her eyes are twinkling.
"What?" I ask her.
"I'm important to you?" she asks.
I start to feel shy and I know my cheeks are burning.
"You caught that, did you?"
She looks at me expectantly to continue.
"You are something wonderful and totally unexpected. I wasn't looking for you, but I'm so glad I found you," I admit.
Shana wraps her arms around me and we hug for a long time. She pulls aware and just looks at me.
"I'm going to kiss you now," she declares.
And that she does. Her lips feel amazing. They're soft and she taste divine.
"You better not break my heart," she whispers.
"I won't," I promise...
In keeping with trying to mend our friendship, Emily and I have reinstated the weekly study sessions at my place. Hanna joins us when she can, but lately she's been otherwise preoccupied. We're currently posted up in opposite corners of my living room. We're relatively quite while we study, but every once in a while I look up and catch her staring at me. We've been going for a while and I'm about due for a break. I know Emily could use one, too.
"You want something to drink?" I ask her.
"Hmm?"
"Something to drink?" I ask as I motion to the kitchen.
"Yes please. Water is good," she answers.
I get up from my place on the floor and stretch. I didn't realize how long I had been sitting in the same position until I moved. As I'm stretching. I can feel Emily's eyes on me. I try to ignore it and head in search of refreshment.
"I hope you don't mind this overly expensive, frilly water Spencer got. It's the only kind we have," I say over my shoulder.
She doesn't answer but I can still feel the heat from her gaze. I turn to see why she's unresponsive and I'm pretty sure I just caught her staring at my ass. She blushes and looks away when she registers that she's been busted. I push past the awkward moment and pass her the water.
"Thanks," she says.
"Sure thing. Are you going home for Thanksgiving?" I ask.
"Yep. Momma Fields insisted on it. Oh and she told me to tell you that your presence is required at our table as well," she says.
"Required you say,"
"Yes. She knows your dad will probably be working and she doesn't want you to be alone in your apartment. She said you should be around family."
"I love your mom," I smile.
"And she said you could bring a friend," Emily adds.
"Hmm, maybe I'll ask Shana," I say to myself.
"Uh negative. There's no way I'm spending the holiday, in my house mind you, with her," she says.
"C'mon Em. I really like her. Besides she doesn't have any family here and she can't make it back to Georgia," I say.
She looks like she's thinking it over.
"You're serious about this girl, aren't you?" she asks.
"I don't know if serious is the word, but I do care about her a great deal," I say.
"Maybe I should ask Naya if she wants to come. She can be a buffer between the two of us," she says.
"And who's going be a buffer between her and I?"
"I'm sure you two can manage to play nice for a little while," she says.
"So what's going on between the two of you? I know you claim she's not your girlfriend, but you guys seem to be together all of the time," I say.
"She's a very good friend that's helping me figure some things out," she replies.
"A better friend than me?" I inquire.
"Not better, just different. I can say and do things with Naya and not worry about what they mean. I'm free to explore and discover on my own terms," she explains.
"Explore? Is that what you're calling it now," I say flatly.
"Paige, don't be like that. Not all of us are as fortunate as you to know who we are from day one. Some of us are still figuring it out as we go along," she explains.
"And what have you discovered so far?" I ask.
"I think," she pauses to collect her thoughts.
I give her my undivided attention because I know she's about to reveal something important about herself.
"I think I'm finally starting to acknowledge something that's always been apart of me. Remember the last get together we had here and you found out I kissed a girl?" she says.
I nod my head yes.
"Well it was Alison."
"Get the hell out! For real?!" I exclaim.
"Sheesh you don't have to sound so happy about it," she says.
"Sorry for the outburst, but seriously Em. Alison?" I ask.
"I know she's a viperous snake, but at the time I couldn't see that. She was sweet and she made me feel so special. At least at first she did," Emily says.
"So what happened?" I asked.
"Alison did what Alison does best. She exploited my weakness for her own personal gain. I really thought she was feeling the same things that I was. When I worked up the nerve to confess my attraction, she laughed in my face. She told me that I was just practice for when she did the real thing with boys. I was crushed. I convinced myself that what I was feeling was silly and not normal. I just suppressed my desires. I figured if I started to date a boy then all the emotions she stirred up would go away."
"Em, why have you never told me this before?" I ask.
"Since the day we have met, you have had the weight of the world on your shoulders. It didn't seem right burdening you with my stuff."
"That explains why you were so keen on me hooking you up with Ben," I say.
"Yeah that was doomed to fail from the beginning. I kind of have to laugh at the irony though. He and I have the same taste in women," she says wryly.
I once again can feel the guilt eating at me. Here Emily is baring her heart and soul with me. The least I can do is come clean about my knowledge of Ben's infidelity.
"Em there's something I've been meaning to tell you," I start.
"What is it Love?"
She's looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes so full of trust and love. I know what I'm about to tell her will break her heart. We've just finally gotten back to a good place. I can't stomach the thought of losing her again.
"I was just going to say that you've given me another reason to throttle that bitch," I lie.
"My knight in shining armor. What would I do without you?" she smiles.
"I'm sure you'd find some way to manage."
We exchange smiles and I can't help but feel like we are really going to be okay.
"Tell me something good?" she asks.
"I'm glad that we're able to talk to each other like this again. I really missed the closeness between us," I say.
"Skittles, we might go through our ups and downs, but there's nothing you could ever do to make me not want to be around you."...
Dear Father,
I am writing to notify you that I intend to change my major. I regret to inform you that I no longer plan to assume the position of CEO of the family business.
I'm in the cafe trying to find the right way to tell my dad that I don't want to take over the family business. I figure an email is the most effective and efficient method to contact him.
Hi Dad,
I wanted to let you know that I'm not majoring in business anymore. I don't have the desire to follow in your footsteps. Instead I have decided to follow my heart.
I erase that one as well. How do you tell the man who sacrificed so much to give you a charmed life, screw him and you're going to do your own thing. I'm mulling over my options when a banana nut muffin and a latte are placed on the table in front of me.
"You look kind of stressed. I thought you could use a break," Naya says.
"This isn't poisoned, is it?" I ask skeptically.
"Of course not Paige. It's a peace offering."
"Paige? Oh now I really think you're trying to poison me," I say.
"Look Underdog, I'm trying to be nice and bury the hatchet. Can you at least try and meet me half way?" she asks.
I partake of the goodies in front of me. Naya gives me a slight annoyed look.
"So I have to insult you to get you to trust me?" she asks.
I shrug my shoulders as I swollow my bite.
"I've always wanted to ask you, what's with all the kanine references?"
"Because they're very fitting. When it comes to Emily, you're as loyal as a Golden Retriever and as protective as a German Shepard," she explains.
Her logic is sound and I can't find fault with her reasons. She can tell that the mention of Emily's name has me bristling a bit, but I'll never admit it to her. I take another bite of my muffin and regard her for a while. She seems unphased by my scrutiny.
"May I ask what has brought about this new found need for harmony amongst us?"
"You mean besides the obvious?" she asks.
"And what's the obvious?"
"That we're both in love with the same girl," she announces.
The casual air in which she delivers this news has my blood boiling.
"Your in love with Emily?" I ask incredulously.
"Thats beside the point Lassie. We can revisit that later. I need you to focus on the discussion at hand."
Where before I was mildly amused by Naya's appearance and the subsequent conversation that followed, I've now reached a point of annoyance.
"What do you want?" I snap.
"I want for us to be besties long enough for us to put this band together. I asked if you were interested and you said that you'd think about it. That was weeks ago?" she whines.
"Oh my gosh could you please not whine. It's highly unattractive."
"Please! There is nothing that is not attractive about me. And Emily thinks it's cute when I whine, but I digress. So are you down or not?"
"Tell me when the first practice is and I'll check it out," I say.
She claps her hands excitedly and pulls out her phone.
"Give me your number and I'll text you the info."
We exchange info and I consider whether I should ask her this next question. My good nature gets the best of me and I decide to go for it.
"So I'm having a get together at my place. Nothing big, just a few friends. In the spirit of our new found camaraderie, I'd like to invite you," I say.
"So we're friends now? I'm almost touched."
"I wouldn't go as far to say we're friends, but as you've pointed out, we do share a common bond of sorts," I explain.
"In that case me and our common bond would love to attend your little soirée. Catch you later."
I might not approve of Emily's decision to "explore" with Naya, but I suppose if she's going to be around I might as well learn to be cordial...
Deciding to have a get together at my place is proving to be a better plan than I imagined. Everyone is actually getting along very well. There hasn't been any arguments or confrontations. It's been a really mellow and chill atmosphere. I don't know if that's because of the alcohol or the haze of weed, supplied by Hanna, in the air. Either way, I can't complain. Naya and Emily are attached by the hip for most of the night. I'm still a little agitated by Naya's admission in the cafe, but I try not to let it show. It's kind of hard to begrudge her when she seems to have such a positive effect on Emily. She seems so happy and carefree. She smiles so easily and laughs so freely. I see the Emily I know and love shining through so clearly. I can't help but feel that maybe Naya is the better choice for her. I still want to discuss the comment she made and see my opening when Em excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
"Are you enjoying yourself?" I ask.
"I have to admit McCullers, you do know how to show a girl a good time," Naya answers.
"I'm glad I could be so accommodating."
"So..."
"So..."
"Do you want to tell me the real reason you've cornered me the second Emily walked away?" she asks.
"Do you want to explain what you meant when you said we're both in love with the same girl?"
"Geez you're like a dog with a bone. You don't know how to let sleeping dogs lie."
"Cut the shit Naya and give me a straight answer," I demand.
She takes a long drink from the beer bottle in her hand. When the bottle is empty, she places it on a nearby table and looks at me straight on.
"I am insanely and deeply enamored with one Miss Emily Fields. I feel like a complete fool because I know she'll never return my affections because she's in love with someone else," she says.
"Why subject yourself to that? What do you possibly have to gain?" I ask.
"Emily is the sun and I am but a mere planet caught in her orbit. I'm warmed by her light and helpless against the gravitational pull she has on me."
I'm awe struck by her unwavering honesty.
"I don't expect you to like it or understand it, but it is what it is," she says.
It pains me to confess that my initial assumption of Naya's character might be inaccurate.
"You better be good to her," I threaten.
"Of course. I would hate to incur the rather of you Rex."...
It's been awhile since Emily went to the bathroom. I know she's pretty wasted so I decide to go check on her. I make my way to my room and expect to find her in the bathroom. Where I find her is on my bed looking like she's in her own world. She notices I'm in the room and gives me this sexy little smile. I know I have no business being alone with her, but I can't seem to fight the force that's drawing me to her.
"Hey Love," she greets me.
I give her a 'what's up' head nod. She is very much amused by my hi jinx and does this cute girlish giggle. In the back of my mind, the warning bells are going off, but I'm too far gone under the haze of alcohol and Emily. I know she wants me to come closer but I don't move from my spot.
"Are you going to stand there all night looking at me or are you going to come closer?" she asks.
"I'm going to stand here all night?" I say.
"Smart ass," she replies.
"But you love my smart ass," I say.
She bites her lip and chuckles.
"I do love your ass," she admits.
She stands and starts to approach me. I feel like the world is moving in slow motion. That or the shots I took are really starting to kick in. Either way I can feel the temperature in the room change the closer she gets to me. When she's within an inch of me she stops. She runs her hands from my wrist, up the length of my arms to my shoulders. There is where they temporarily stop their journey.
"Em, what are you doing?" I ask.
She doesn't answer me right away. Instead her hands continue their trek further up my shoulders to my neck. Once they reach my neck, her hands part ways. One ends up in my hair while the other slow ventures back down the center of my chest. My hands seem to have a mind of their own. I don't know when it happened, but they somehow have managed to make their way to Emily's waist. I close my eyes and hold my breath while I search for some will power.
"Have I told you how incredibly good you look tonight?" she asks.
My lids slowly flutter open at her words. Nothing in my life has prepared me for the look she's giving me. She looks like if I give her the word, she'll devour me in a second.
"Emily, we can't do this," I tell her weakly.
"Can't do what Love? We're just talking. Besides, didn't you say earlier you missed the closeness between us?" she says.
"We are doing so much more than talking and this isn't what I meant by close," I explain.
"But isn't it?" she reasons.
I'm trying to concentrate, but during our brief exchange, she has closed the distance between our bodies. I can feel each and every point of contact between us and its wrecking havoc on my resolve. She takes my silence as permission to continue. She pushes me back an inch and I'm trapped between the wall and her. I close my eyes again and lean my head back. It feels like her hands are everywhere all at once. How is that even possible? Then it happens. The gentlest caress of her lips against my neck. I moan at the feel of her which causes her to moan in response.
"Paige, I'm going to kiss you now," she declares.
That is the second time this week that I've heard that phrase. Remembering who else has said it is like an bucket of ice water on my arousal. I'm quickly brought out of the fog that intoxication can bring. I open my eyes and firmly, but gently grab Emily by her arms. I untangle from her and put some space between us. I take a deep breath and look for the right words to say.
"Emily, for as long as I can remember, I've wanted you. And for just as long, I've wanted you to want me in return. But this isn't right. I'm drunk. You're drunk. I don't want to hurt Shana over something you'll regret or even worse, won't remember in the morning," I say.
"You don't want to hurt Shana? Just earlier this week you said you two weren't that serious," she accuses.
"Emily, just let me explain," I say.
"No explanation is needed. You changed your mind about how you feel about me. It's all good. I will say one thing. You and your cousin are killer on a girl's ego," she says.
Being compared to Ben is like a gut punch. It's a low blow and she knows it.
"I better get back out there before Naya wonders where I've gone," she mumbles.
I flop down on my bed frustrated as ever. Just when I think Emily and I are getting back to a good place, things get royal screwed up. Again.