"You're so cold, keep your, hand in mine. Wise men wonder while, strong men die . . ."
Rachel listened to the tenor downstairs while she packed, a smile on her face. He liked dark, violent music; this song was one of his favourites.
In the living room, Jack leaned his forehead against the window as he sang to himself. "You're so cold, but you, feel alive. Lay your hands on me, one last time . . . Show me how it ends, it's all right . . . Show me how defenceless you really are . . . Satisfied and empty inside . . . Well that's all right, let's give this another try . . ."
Fuck, Rachel was leaving the next day for California, and he couldn't go with her. It would be the second time in four years he'd gone an entire week without seeing her --- that damned vacation Bruce had sent her on had had him crawling the walls, desperate for contact with her. She'd called him every other day, but still, he couldn't see her, couldn't touch her. And now she was doing it to him again. What was the big deal about that conference, anyway? Jack needed her on this coast. Fucking lawyers, screwing his life up . . .
"It's all right . . . it's all right . . . it's all right . . . it's all right . . . it's all right . . . it's all right . . . it's all right . . ."
He'd put the song on repeat and now he slunk over to the stereo, turning it up. He honestly wasn't trying to guilt-trip Rachel; that was the last thing he needed. The tension had been increasing between them with each day he didn't give her an answer in regards to children, and he didn't want her to leave when she was mad at him. She responded to his advances only with extreme reluctance, which had never happened before, and Jack hadn't touched her except on accident in the last five days. Every time they tried to talk about it, it ended up in a fight, but he was hoping that for tonight, at least, before she left for a week, Rachel would willingly go to bed with him. He missed her touch, missed the pleasantly vacant look on her face when he'd done a particularly good job, missed being able to wrap his arms around her and just hold her against him. Now Rachel just pulled away or stiffened whenever he touched her
"If you find your family, don't you cry . . ."
Family. They could be a family. He could go with Rachel to the doctor's for a pregnancy test, hold her hand while they got the news.
"In this land of make believe, dead and dry . . ."
He could wake her up every morning with kisses dotted along her slowly expanding stomach, marvel at the new life they'd created together.
"You're so cold, but you, feel alive . . ."
He could hold a small baby in his arms, a baby with her green eyes and his curly hair, a baby who smiled and laughed for him, because of him.
"Lay your hands on me, one last time . . ."
He could go to those stupid childbirth classes with Rachel, hold her in his arms and rub her belly, feel their baby moving inside of her. He could massage her shoulders for her when she had to get up late at night to feed the baby, watch in awe as the small life suckled at her breast, hold them both against his chest and bask in their love.
The music faded but it didn't start again, and Jack turned to Rachel, standing by the stereo with the candles he'd lit flickering across her features. The shadows played softly against her tired face, reflected in her eyes as he slowly shuffled toward her. She wasn't walking away, which was an improvement, and Jack looked between the ground and her as he came to a stop.
He reached out for her hesitantly. "Rachel . . ." She didn't pull away when his fingers curled around her shoulders and that encouraged Jack. He pulled her close and shivered with gladness as he wrapped his arms around her, pressing kisses into her hair while she leaned into his embrace. She rested her hands at his hips and then slid them back and up, holding on to his shoulders and tilting her head up to kiss him, and Jack was lost. It was the first bit of affection he'd gotten in what seemed like forever and he savoured it, moulding his body against hers while he covered her mouth with his, waited for her to push their lips together before fully responding. His heart was pounding; he was as nervous as he'd been when he'd first kissed her, first invited her into his and Harleen's bedroom. He didn't want to screw this up, so he reached out and found the right button on the stereo, pushing it before turning the sound back up.
Soft, slow music filled the air around them, and Jack started swaying in time with it as he kissed Rachel. It was an older song that she found incredibly sappy and adored. Usually Jack just rolled his eyes at slow songs and refused to get up and dance with her, but he was making an exception tonight. Rachel sighed into their gentle kiss as he twirled her around the living room, then she pulled back and looked at him with eyes bright from unshed tears.
"Jack . . . are you being romantic?" she asked quietly.
He smiled down at her and cupped her cheek, brushing his thumb against it. "You deserve it."
"Why so sudden?"
Jack swallowed and licked his lips. "I don't want you to leave mad at me." Rachel glanced away as he went on. "I . . . I'll have an answer for you when you get back. I promise. I really can't stand the thought of not seeing you for a week when you're upset, and I just want to be with you tonight, without fighting."
She looked at him, fingers trailing along his cheek and he pressed into her touch as tears filled her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Jack."
That made his heart clench slightly. "What for?"
"I've been . . . taking this really hard, and ---"
"And I'm an asshole; we've been over this. Please, Rachel, not tonight. If we're okay tonight, I can survive a week without you . . ." He kissed her again, almost ready to crow with delight when her slender fingers moved to his shirt, unbuttoning it. It felt so good to have her touching him again, to know that she still wanted him, still loved him. It wasn't just about the sex; Jack loved sex to be sure, and he loved that he knew just how to drive Rachel wild and she knew how to do the same for him, but what he'd been missing the most was the physical closeness between them, the comfort of simply touching. It had been ten years --- six with Harleen, and four with Rachel --- since he'd discovered that skin-on-skin contact with another human was something to be sought out, even if it was as small as holding hands. Both women had made him feel wanted, desired, had gotten him addicted to their touch, and Jack wasn't complaining.
"You're being a terrible sub about this all, anyway," he said quietly later, as Rachel held him tightly, body still quivering.
She laughed into his shoulder. "Well, you're being a terrible dom, not taking care of your sub's needs. Besides, I didn't sign anything that said I have to follow every single command you give me." She bit his shoulder and he pinched her rear, which made her squeak, and he laughed.
"And here I was, thinking you couldn't live without a good spanking once in a while."
She snorted, kissing the red nail marks she'd just left on his shoulders. Jack hummed with approval as he ran his hands over her back. "You're so narcissistic."
"Yeah, well. What's new?" Rachel laughed again and started to push herself off of him to lay down, but he tightened his grip. "Hey, where are you going? I'm not done with you yet."
She raised her eyebrows at him, but he was busy covering her breasts with kisses. "I have to get up early, you know."
"And Thomas is giving us a ride to the airport; we can sleep in the car." She tried to push at his chest but he grabbed her hands and pulled one behind her back, clicking handcuffs on her wrist as he looked up with a grin. "C'mon, gumdrop."
"Jack, I really need to get to sleep." But she had tilted her head down to look at him through her eyelashes, a look that said that no matter what came out of her mouth to the contrary, she was willing to play with him.
"And I really need to have sex with you. My ego's bigger, I win." She rolled her eyes and he lifted her off of his lap, his tongue flicking over his lips as he looped the handcuffs around the bars on the headboard, then secured her free wrist and grinned down at her. Rachel stuck her tongue out, which made him laugh. She was testing the handcuffs, pulling against them, arching her back and twisting her body, writhing on the sheets and for a few moments Jack could do nothing but stare at her. He knelt beside her and lowered his lips to her stomach, tracing patterns as he moved up her torso, over and across her breasts and up her throat, biting gently enough that she moaned and leaned into the contact, finally reaching her lips as Rachel panted from his kisses alone. It was good to know that he hadn't been the only one missing the intimacy of their relationship.
Rachel finally got to sleep an hour later.
***
"Is she all right?" Thomas asked as Jack carried Rachel to the car.
He grunted an affirmative, bonking his head with a wince as he leaned down to slide her in the back seat. "Damn it. Didn't get much sleep." There was still a smile on her face, and Jack looked up at Thomas as he got in after her. The man was trying not to grin. "What's so funny?"
"Absolutely nothing," was the reply. He watched Jack buckle his wife up, then himself, and then pull her tightly against him and kiss her temple. "Things better between you two?"
"For now." Rachel hadn't woken up when Jack had gotten her dressed, and she didn't seem like she would be waking any time soon. "I have to give her a definite yes or no when she comes back."
"My advice? Toss the birth control and get knocked up."
"I know," Jack replied with a glare. The two men had been talking with each other without really talking with each other, edging into a sort of hesitant friendship. It helped that Helna had taken a liking to Jack and started inviting him and Rachel over to dinner. Rachel had reacted by inviting the other couple over to dinner, so for the past two weeks, Jack's privacy had been invaded five times. Not that he was one to hold a grudge or anything, and Rachel having girl-talk with Helna had given him and Tom the opportunity to not discuss the effects of an abusive past on being a father and other topics, but still. He could have been sulking if they hadn't insisted on ruining his perfectly bad moods.
"And . . . ?"
"And what? I'm not giving you an answer before I give Rachel an answer. Shit, I've still got a lot to think about, you know?" His voice got lower as his eyebrows furrowed. "Plus there's those murders."
Tom was silent for a while. "You think they're after you and Rachel?"
"I . . . possibly."
"Any idea who it might be?"
Jack snorted. "Too many possibilities to start guessing. Ignoring the mob, there's, oh, the whole of Gotham for starters. Not to mention any nut job across the country who's decided to become the next Joker. I fucking hate copycat killers. I mean, plagiarism may be the highest form of flattery, but I liked being unique." He looked up at the police officer and cleared his throat. "Well. Past tense."
"And if you have a baby on the way ---"
Jack shuddered. "I don't even want to think about it. Word gets out Rachel's knocked up . . . no. No, no, and hell no." He cuddled her to him, tucking the blanket he'd bundled her in around her more tightly as her head rested on his chest. "I couldn't do that to a kid, you know? Rachel picked a really bad time to bring this up."
"No argument there. Still, it's not like you're completely defenceless, Jack."
He raised his eyebrows. "What do you want me to do? Be the Joker again to protect my wife and kid? Sorry, but the Joker doesn't work like that. He'd probably kill Rachel just for the hell of it."
"That's not what I meant," Tom said. "You and Rachel are respected members of the community. Well, Rachel is," he amended when Jack snorted, "and half the women in town would lynch the police department if we let anything happen to you."
Now Jack was puzzled. "Huh?"
"Don't tell me that you honestly haven't noticed that almost every woman in this damned town wants you, Jack."
Jack's brow smoothed out. "Oh, yeah. That. I've noticed." There was a smirk on his face, fully self-satisfied and unrepentant about his sex appeal. "Must kill 'em that I don't sleep around."
Tom rolled his eyes at his semi-friend's ego. "Yeah, well, let me give you a list of the women to avoid while Rachel's out of town. Some of them, man, will try to get in your pants every minute she's away."
"And why's that bad?" He got a wide-eyed stare and shrugged. "I'm not going to put out, so let them try."
"That ego's going to get you in trouble one day, Jack."
"It gets me in trouble all the time. Why do you think I sleep on the porch swing so much?" He grinned and kissed Rachel's hair gently. "She always forgives me."
"Yeah, well, trust me on this, Jack. I've seen you flirt with other women and I know you're not serious, but someone like Veronica flirting with you over dinner is very different than her trying to get you to have sex with her. There's a difference, a huge difference, and you'd do best to stay as far away from a woman serious about an affair as you possibly can. Rachel will be pissed if you lead someone on to think they're actually going to sleep with you, whether or not you had any intentions of doing so."
"She's one to watch, then, is she?" Jack mused. He wasn't surprised. She'd been eyeing him more and more as the tension between him and Rachel mounted, and she'd managed to find him and strike up a conversation almost every time he'd been in town the past two weeks.
"You didn't hear it from me," Tom said firmly. "I'm sure Helna will give you an earful of advice when you come to dinner tonight. You are showing up, yes?"
"I promised Rachel I'd be sociable," was the reply. "Y'know, my first wife's parents were Jewish."
That got Tom started in on Judaism, which meant he wasn't bothering Jack about keeping his dick in his pants --- not that he needed telling. Now that Rachel wasn't mad at him any more, there was no need to sleep around. And there hadn't been a need in the first place. Jack had told her once that he wasn't going to drop her if a better offer came along, and in his mind, there was no better offer.
Well. Maybe if she had a twin sister, and he could have both of them at once . . .
Their arrival at the airport brought Jack out of his pleasant daydreams, and he unbuckled Rachel before unwrapping her, kissing her firmly.
"Hey, Tinkerbell, wake up. Time to get on an air plane and go get sunburned."
Rachel yawned and stretched, then blinked up at Jack. "Hm?"
He smiled at her and kissed her again. "Hurry up, before I sneak into your checked baggage, lollipop. You don't want me to pop out at your law convention thing, do you? I'll be naked."
She was laughing, holding on to his arm tightly as she got out of the car. "Jack, you got me dressed?"
"Well, I might have forgotten to put panties on you or something, but yeah." Her eyes got wide and he grinned at her as Tom helped him with her luggage. "Don't recall if I took them out of your bags, either. Might wanna check that out when you get to San Francisco."
"Jack, you didn't!" She glared at his smile and clenched her thighs together tightly. "You're an asshole."
They'd gotten to the tiny terminal gate and he pulled her against him. He tried not to cling, tried to kiss her like he was going to see her in a few hours, but Tom had to cough politely to get him to let her go and he pulled away with extreme reluctance. Rachel hugged him with tears in her eyes, then ran her fingers over his cheeks and kissed each one.
"I love you, Jack. It's only a week."
"You better call me every single day," he ground out as his own fingers dug into her hips.
"I will, I promise."
"Every night before you go to bed," he insisted. "And call me when you change flights, and when you get there."
She was smiling, letting him ramble at her. "Want me to call you on my lunch breaks?"
He nodded. "And when you wake up."
"Do you know how much our phone bill's going to be if I call you that much?"
Jack lowered his lips to her ear. "Not half as big as the welt on your ass is going to be if you don't." He reached down and cupped said ass, squeezing quickly before Rachel jerked away. She shook her finger at him and he just grinned past the pain in his chest. "Now go away, before I drag you back home."
She stepped close for another kiss and he returned it quickly, then Rachel thanked Tom and slung her purse over her shoulder, taking her laptop case from Jack. He watched as she went through the minuscule security checkpoint, then she turned around at the gate.
"I love you!" she called.
He couldn't let her leave without telling her. "I love you, too," Jack called back, and the delighted smile on her face was worth the effort it had taken to get the words out. Then she was gone and Jack insisted on waiting until the plane took off before he and Tom left the airport, watching as it disappeared into the early morning haze. Then he turned as the other man slung an arm around his shoulders.
"Relax, man. It's only a week."
"Yeah, well, let's go before I chase after the damned thing." Jack slid into the passenger seat and grabbed the blanket from the back, holding it to his face and inhaling Rachel's scent deeply. "Mmm . . ."
Tom laughed as he backed out of the parking space. Jack was wrapped around Rachel's little finger. There was no way he would be able to tell her he didn't want a kid.