CHAPTER 24
Feeling her heart in her throat, Kagami kept her hand latched onto the doorknob of Kishimoto's office. She felt sweat begin to form across her forehead and she couldn't believe what she just heard. Did Kishimoto truly identify the street legend that thrived on the blood of others while ushering in new definitions for the word "psychotic" as well as redefining the very concept of perversion that was Yuka Miyakawa as her sister? It couldn't be. Kagami slowly turned her sweating face back to the therapist who still sat complacently in her chair.
"Wh…what…what did you…just…say…?" Kagami stuttered.
"My sister, Yuka Miyakawa. Would you like to talk about her instead of yourself and your issues, Kagami?" Kishimoto asked in an even calmer demeanor, only furthering Kagami's intimidation.
If Dr. Nagisa Kishimoto truly was the older sister of the depraved and cannibalistic drug master, stripper, and prostitute Yuka Miyakawa, why was she so calm about it? Kagami began to wonder if this was a setup and if Miyakawa wasn't her sister and that this was just a ploy. In Kagami's mind, there would be no logical possibility that any sibling of Miyakawa would be as civil, polite, courteous, and even professionally educated at the level that Nagisa Kishimoto was.
"You…you're fucking with me!" Kagami yelled at Kishimoto, who still remained unfazed by Kagami's emotions. "If you're truly her sister then tell me something about her that only she or I would know!"
"She has a 666 tattoo on her lower back as well as one on her back of a snake coiling around a red rose with the stem turning into a dagger and one of the grim reaper on a throne on her right bicep. She also has piercings in her ears, eyebrows, and navel." Kishimoto replied.
Kagami felt her heart speed up again and she gulped bluntly. All of those things about her were true and the twin-tailed girl now knew this session was going to change her and her perceptions of Miyakawa forever. Kagami simply stood before the doctor dumbfounded and unsure what to do now. This was a bombshell for her so all she could do was stand and try to contemplate her next move.
"Please sit down, Kagami. I believe we have a lot to discuss about not only you, but also my sister and your relationship with her. You've done things with her, haven't you? You've done drugs with her and…I'm believe that you had sex with her, haven't you?" Kishimoto's words remained disturbingly calm despite the graphic but still truthful accusations against Kagami. Kagami feared that this was a tell-all sign that Kishimoto was truly estranged from her sister if she could speak of such matters so casually.
Regardless, Kagami felt her frozen knees thaw and she began to carry herself back to the couch and she slowly sat down again. She was grateful when it was Kishimoto who broke the silence for them.
"Now then, I apologize if I frightened you when I made those allegations with you and my sister…but I believe that they are accurate. If they are, I just want you to know that it's not because you are the depraved or corrupted one, Kagami." Kishimoto said to the stunned girl. "It is my sister who is the depraved and corrupted one in this mess and Kagami, you wouldn't be the first one she ushered into the world you're a part of now."
Kagami tilted her head. "What…what do you mean that I'm…not the first?"
"My sister, in her own way, is a pimp in addition to all the other horrible things she does. She recruits girls who have their own personal issues and brainwashes them." Kishimoto continued. "She fills them with false promises of protection and even love. She tells all the girls she recruits personally that she not only loves them but that she's also in love with them. It's her sociopathic acting skills that warps and distorts these girls' concepts of love and they truly believe my sister loves them and will protect them as long as they 'work' for her."
Kagami gulped as this was starting to hit close to home and silence was her only retort, prompting Kishimoto to keep going.
"Kagami…I know that my sister has told you many things that I'm sure you've craved to hear, like that you're beautiful and that people envy your figure, or that she loves you in that intimate way because nobody ever has before…but they're all lies." The therapist informed. "She's lying to you. She doesn't love anybody except herself and the drugs and money. She and my cousin have had you pegged as just another cash cow the moment they laid eyes on you."
"…Ryuji…" Kagami uttered.
Kishimoto nodded.
Kagami began to tremble. "But…but Yuka…she…she always said she loved me. We…we made love…"
"She used you, Kagami, for her own satisfaction." Kishimoto countered. "I'm sorry…but that's what she does. She has no remorse or any regard for the welfare and feelings of others especially when it comes to these personal matters."
The twin-tailed girl began to feel intense and burning anger upon hearing these words. She knew that she was being "used" by these men every time she would get in their cars, but she believed she was doing it to help better her and Miyakawa's lives. Kagami never admitted it but she was hoping that these nights prostituting herself would one day lead to a more financially secured life that she would be able to spend with Miyakawa. Now to think that Miyakawa was no better than those men who used and abused her for profit was beginning to break her.
"Yu…Yuka…she…she would never do that to me. Yuka loves me. She loves me." Kagami whispered to herself and trying to stay ignorantly blissful. "Yuka loves me. She told me that and I believe her. I will admit that I've done a lot of perverted things so far…but with her it was always different. It was always special between us."
"If she truly loves you Kagami, then why is she making you do all of these things? I know my husband loves me and he has never made me prostitute myself or got me addicted to drugs." Kishimoto countered. "I should know…because I was in your spot at one point too, Kagami."
Kagami quickly looked at her. "What are you talking about?"
Kishimoto began to roll up her sleeve and showed Kagami something that truly hit home for the twin-tailed girl. She gasped and covered her mouth when she saw many collapsed veins on the psychologist's arm, similar to the one she herself had recently. "I was addicted too, once. I became addicted after…the event happened to my sister…that transformed her into what she is today."
"Collapsed veins?" Kagami uttered.
Dr. Kishimoto nodded.
"I had one of those…but it went away. Yuka told me they always go away." Kagami quickly countered.
"Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't." Kishimoto replied just as quick. "Mine didn't. Mine are a permanent reminder of the true horrors of not only addiction…but also the horrors that cause addiction."
Kagami gulped again and looked back up at the therapist as she recovered her scarred arms. "What happened to Yuka? If that truly is Yuka Miyakawa as a little girl in that picture…something horrible must've happened for her to become who she is now. I know that she has a violent and promiscuous side…but she was always there for me and accepted me…even if you are telling me that it's all lies. Tell me…what happened to her?"
Another long an ominous silence fell upon the office and Kagami and Kishimoto locked each other into a staring contest. The psychologist knew that Kagami would ask this question and she tried to mentally prepare herself for it but she didn't know if she was ready. Kishimoto kept telling herself that this was not only for Kagami's sake, but also for her entire family's sake so she took a deep breath.
"Let's establish one thing right now, Kagami. The reason I am going to tell you the story is not for me…but for you and your family. You and I have a very beautiful thing in common; we're both big sisters. Yuka was just like Tsukasa is now. Sweet, pure, innocent, always smiling, always loving." Kishimoto said sternly. "The reason I'm going to tell you this is because you are on a deadly collision course to an abyss of no return. I see so many parallels between you, me, Yuka, and Tsukasa. If you keep going the way you are…one day you will be the next Yuka Miyakawa and Tsukasa will be in my position. Do you understand?"
Kagami nodded, though it was more to get the therapist to tell the story.
Kishimoto nodded back and took another deep breath. "Yuka wasn't a planned child of my parents…but we still loved her unconditionally. From her birth, she was always smiling and laughing. She loved literally everything and found no faults in the world she lived in. Everything to her was perfect and beautiful. She couldn't go one whole day without laughing or smiling at something because she loved doing those two things so much. She also loved to sing and dance for everyone and we all loved her dearly and treasured her. I was her hero. I was her big sister so she wanted to be just like me. She followed me everywhere I went and I loved her so much. We were inseparable."
"My relationship with Yuka for those first nine years of her life was perfect. We never fought or even raised our voices to each other over anything. Then…something happened. My uncle, Ryuji's father, and my father were brothers and also best friends like Yuka and I. My uncle bought a cabin in the mountains up north and that place became an expansion of Yuka's innocence. Yuka loved nature and animals so much. She wanted to be a veterinarian when she grew up and would always love to bring home stray cats which drove my parents crazy. That picture you see on my desk was taken at the spot where the cabin was." Kishimoto paused for several seconds, as if she was trying to muster all the strength she could to vocalize what was about to come next. "For Yuka's ninth birthday, my uncle took her up there for the weekend for a camping trip, which she was overjoyed about. It was a rustic cabin so it had no phones and we couldn't get any cell phone reception up there so it was just the two of them. For nearly forty-eight straight hours…my uncle raped Yuka over and over again."
Kagami gasped loudly and covered her mouth again.
"He said that he would kill me and our parents if she didn't do everything he said. So for nearly two days and two nights, my uncle raped her. No breaks, no mercy, no food, no water, nothing. If it weren't for two passing hikers, it would've kept going on. They were passing by and heard Yuka screaming inside the cabin in unspeakable agony. The cabin was so deep in the woods my uncle decided to let her scream all she wanted but the hikers came running. When they found what he was doing to Yuka…they started crying and vomiting on the spot and subdued my uncle until the authorities arrived. They were never able to get Yuka to stop crying…the best thing they could do for her was stop her bleeding from the lacerations and scars all over her body. Unfortunately by the time the authorities arrived…it was far too late." Kishimoto choked towards the end and Kagami remained silent with her frozen look of horror. "I won't tell you every single thing my uncle did to Yuka because it's irrelevant. However, she had to spend three weeks in a hospital bed recovering from the physical injuries he inflicted onto her body. She was only nine years old…"
Dr. Kishimoto reached for a box of tissues and dabbed her eyes but kept going.
"Yuka transformed right away. She had nightmares every night of what happened to her and had to be prescribed medication to help her. How do you explain to a nine year old girl that her uncle, a family member, a man who she could trust with her safety, was responsible for hurting her so deeply?" Kishimoto asked Kagami, who could only reply with a blank stare. "Yuka became very agoraphobic and screamed every time we tried to pick her up to carry her out of her room. She had to be homeschooled for awhile until she had to go back or else she would fall too far behind. I'll never forget one night Yuka screamed herself awake from a nightmare and she cried in my lap all night and towards the end, she looked up at me with her teary eyes and all she could ask was why. Why did her uncle do that to her? Why did it hurt so much? Why was she so scared all the time now? She didn't even know what he was doing to her so do you know how hard it was to try and explain all of that to someone like Yuka?
Kagami glanced away to mask her growing uncomforted feelings amidst this discourse.
"The police ordered the cabin to be destroyed because my uncle had turned it from a family getaway location into a chamber of sexual torture with all the devices they confiscated as evidence to use in the trial. My uncle was charged with over one hundred and twenty different sexual and violent offenses against a child…all of which he was found guilty of and he was sentenced to life in prison without parole. I was there in the courtroom during the whole ordeal from the plea to the verdict. I never witnessed a judge, an entire jury, or even the bailiffs cry all at the same time upon hearing and reading the testimony of what he did to Yuka in that cabin." Dr. Kishimoto kept going. "We thought the drama was over with my uncle's sentencing…but we were terribly wrong. My father blamed Yuka, our mother, and me for his brother being sentenced to life in prison because of how truly disturbing and graphic the weekend he put Yuka through was. Every night he started beating my mother in front of me and Yuka when she was trying to recover from all of this emotional turmoil. Sometimes he would also abuse Yuka. By that point she was already on five different medications to help with depression, sleep disorders, and overall post-traumatic stress disorder. All of that for a nine year old girl…"
Kishimoto wiped her eyes again and kept talking as Kagami gulped again.
"I started abusing heroin to not only deal with my situation at home…but also to deal with the fact that I let my sister down. Yuka wanted me to come with her for her birthday weekend in the mountains…but I wanted to go to the movies with a boyfriend I had at the time and attend a friend's bachelorette party instead. I convinced myself I let him do all of those horrible things to my little sister. Little did I know that at the time I was turning myself into an even worse sister. I recall a few nights where my dad would start beating our mother relentlessly in the kitchen and I was high. Yuka would come into my room crying and would literally get on her knees and beg me to let her sleep in my bed with me because she was scared our father would come into her room and start hitting her again. His brother, my uncle, raped Yuka and my father blamed me, my mother, and Yuka for it." Kishimoto paused momentarily to allow herself to vent a small sigh of anger. "I was always too high to reply to Yuka or even give her a hug. She would just stand there tugging on my clothes or my quilt and crying her eyes out until she would either leave brokenhearted or crawl under my bed where I would hear her cry all night while she was forced to listen to our father beat our mother. My family broke apart permanently about a year later. A few days before Yuka turned ten, my father finally left my mother, who had already crawled inside a bottle and lived there ever since. So for the next year, Yuka was forced to go to school alone and come home to an empty house where she had a deadbeat alcoholic mother and a junkie sister. She never recovered psychologically from what happened to her at that cabin. She could have…if we were there for her…but we failed her. Yuka finally ran away from home at age eleven."
"Did you ever see her again?" Kagami finally asked.
"Just once three years later. I found her in the Aku District prostituting herself." Dr. Kishimoto gulped. "I watched her get out of some pervert's car counting money and I tried to help her. Three years had passed and I got clean and enrolled in college and I wanted to help Yuka. I begged her to come home and live with me in my apartment so I could take care of her and be the big sister she deserved. She retorted by holding a knife to my throat and promised to kill me if she ever saw me again. I was so shocked to see such a barbaric transformation in a girl who only five years earlier believed in everything from Santa Claus to the Tooth Fairy."
"Is that why you became a psychologist?" Kagami added.
Kishimoto sighed. "Yes."
"And did you find your answer?"
Kishimoto gulped again. "I believe so. The Yuka we know today seeks power and control, not just for herself, but over others. When she was raped and also in the manners of which she was raped, all ideas and concepts of her safety and her power were stripped away from her. I believe the way she is now is a result of her never-ending desire to take back control and she believes the only way to do that is to cause endless pain and suffering to everyone she meets because that's how true power was defined for her by our uncle; through pain, suffering, torture, and physical control. Her weekend at that cabin was nothing short of atrocious and at only nine years old, she was introduced to things that a girl her age should've never been introduced to. The very concept of dominant power of another human among everything else. I already know my sister is a prostitute and her promiscuity is her way of 'redoing' that weekend at the cabin. She wants to be in control of her sexual situations, no matter how lewd they may be. She was only nine years old when she was raped so some of the things she's into today don't faze her because she was already exposed to them that weekend. By this point it's all old news to her and because of that she feels that she has all the power when it comes to her prostituting encounters."
Kagami was silent until she added, "If you know about the prostitution…then you obviously know all about the drugs."
Kishimoto sighed again. "Yes, though I do not know how far her business reaches. Ever since she ran away and started to learn the ways of the street, violent crime spiked in the Aku District, as well as drug related violence and I always knew it was her. To this day it's still hard for me to accept that my little sister is doing all of this. The little girl that was my sister sixteen years ago, the one who loved to laugh, smile, sing, dance, draw animals for our family's refrigerator, the one who literally only knew how to love…is dead. That little girl died in that cabin and was replaced with what we know today. The Yuka of today was created by a perfect storm of circumstances gone terribly wrong."
The twin-tailed girl shivered upon hearing every single detail of Miyakawa's childhood. The only things Miyakawa shared with Kagami was the drug, stripping, and prostitution collaborations with her cousin, her boss at Teasers, and the boss's brother who owned the pawn shop that helped finance everything with stolen goods. Never did Kagami ever suspect that Miyakawa was the victim of unspeakable sexual abuse as a child. Despite what she just heard, Kagami felt betrayed by Miyakawa. Kagami's perspective was still warped because of the drugs and she still saw Miyakawa was an honest lover who was keeping this a secret from her. Now the only thing on Kagami's mind was finding her and comforting her.
"So do you understand why I told you all of this, Kagami?" Kishimoto asked. "I divulged all this to you because I believe that both you and your sister have the potential to become the latest victims of my sister. I know you probably even feel sorry for her and want to run and comfort her and tell her that you love her…but Kagami…that won't do you any good. You still don't know what my sister is capable of. If you bring this meeting up to her…I fear that she'll try to hurt you."
Kagami snapped her head back at Kishimoto and glared. "I believe it is you who doesn't know your sister! You don't know what the fuck you're talking about! Yuka loves me and I love her! I was always there for her and she was there for me when my sister and friend died because of me! She accepted me for who I was and what I wanted to do to ease all the pain that haunts me! She never judged me or 'used' me as you put it! It's my family and my so-called friends! They're the enemies! They don't understand me!"
As Kagami vented her bubbling anger, Kishimoto remained calm in her seat and took in every word and when Kagami paused momentarily to catch her breath, she retorted. "Kagami, please take a deep breath and relax. I understand why you're saying all of this…because I was there too once. What you just said about your friends and family and that my sister is who you need…all of that is the addiction and my sister's and cousin's influence talking, not you."
The panting twin-tailed girl turned away again. "You're full of shit you bitch. You can't help me."
"Maybe you're right. Maybe I can't help you. I'm a psychologist…not God." Kishimoto replied quickly. "Believe it or not…I didn't expect or even plan on helping you today. To be perfectly honest…I don't have any interest in helping you."
Kagami formed a surprised expression on her face and gulped. Despite all of Kagami's intimidating anger, it didn't faze Kishimoto once. She couldn't explain it but for some reason she felt subdued and even intrigued by the psychologist's frigid words so she remained silent.
"To still be honest with you, Kagami, I'm more interested in saving and protecting your family from you…especially Tsukasa. The girl Yuka was is the girl Tsukasa is now." Dr. Kishimoto added with growing sternness, a strange twist in her initial feminine and soft voice that reminded Kagami so much of Ayano Minegishi. "When I first met your twin sister, I immediately saw Yuka before she was abused and I want to save your sister from you. It's clear to me that you're choosing addiction over your own family."
"That's not true!" Kagami yelled back.
"Then tell me what it is, Kagami." Kishimoto calmly replied. "Prove me wrong. Persuade me that you still love your family and that you're willing to do whatever it takes to keep them in your life."
Kagami tightened her frown at Kishimoto and began to grit her teeth. She stuttered several times in futile attempts to formulate a clear sentence but all attempts ended in failure. Kagami eventually sighed and shrugged and Kishimoto nodded.
"I see. You want to still be a part of your family's existence…yet you don't want to do the work involved. You want to have your cake and eat it too." Kishimoto sighed. "I won't lie to you, Kagami. Recovering from addiction is nothing short of a fucking nightmare."
Kagami inadvertently gulped when she heard the feminine voice of Kishimoto vocalize such a profane word.
"Like I said…I was there. I got addicted…I made my mistakes…I went through the rehab…and every step was an endless Hell. To this day I still feel like Sisyphus, the late king of Ephyra damned to forever roll that boulder up that hill as punishment for deception against his kingdom. Every day is a struggle, especially knowing that my little sister is still out there and committing all of these horrific atrocities against herself because I was too damn selfish to help her when she needed me the most." Kishimoto stated.
Kagami looked away again. "Are…are you telling me to go to…rehab?"
"A few days ago I requested a warrant to detain you for psychological reasons." Kishimoto replied, making Kagami snap her head back at the psychologist with a fresh glare until she added more. "About an hour after I received your phone call making this appointment, I received another call from the attorney I was consulting on this issue and he told me that my request to detain you and keep you under psychological hold was denied. They did a background check on you and after seeing your school records, they decided that you don't meet the necessary symptoms to qualify."
"You…you think I'm crazy?!" Kagami yelled at her.
"Addiction is a mental illness, yes, but I believe your issues are much deeper than that." Kishimoto replied. "I believe that you may have a personality disorder that makes you crave constant validation not because you're an egotist, but because you need the verbal and emotional support of others to function. Without it, you'll collapse. I'm not telling you to do anything, Kagami, whether its rehab or something else that will help you. Tell me, Kagami, were you scared about starting college?"
Kagami felt more anger boil within her when she heard the issue that started all of her worries circle around and visit her again. The twin-tailed girl huffed and looked away. "I already dropped out."
"Do you think you made the right decision?"
"No…but I don't care anymore." Kagami snapped back. "What was that shit you were talking about earlier about protecting Tsukasa and the rest of them from me?"
"It has to go back to what I said about my sister. The Yuka that used to resemble the current version of Tsukasa is dead and what replaced her is a monster that is threatening to consume your whole world, Kagami." Kishimoto retorted with haste. "Like I said before, I am not fully up to speed with the true depth of my sister's depravity but I do know a few things about her and what is going through her mind. You many not believe me, but you are literally nothing to my sister no matter how many times she said she loved you or even had sex with you. My sister is using you for profit and you are still valuable to her in some way, shape or form…but the very second you become useless to her, she'll either cast you out or she'll kill you personally. Until then, Yuka will continue to do whatever she feels is necessary to brainwash you into thinking your friends and family are your enemies. She wants to drive a mental wedge between you and the people who truly care about you and make no mistake about this, Kagami, my sister will take matters into her own hands if one of your friends or family members tries to swoop in and save you. And to be perfectly honest…I'm worried about your little sister the most and what Yuka will do to her if she tries to pry you away from her personally."
Kagami glared again. "Why is everyone telling me this?! Tsukasa is not in any danger by Yuka! I already confronted Yuka on this and she promised me that she harbored no ill feelings towards Tsukasa and would treat her like a sister, too!"
Dr. Kishimoto shook her head. "And you believe that, Kagami? Really? Think about all the things that Yuka has done to you, whether it involved sex, drugs, or violence. Ask yourself that once again, Kagami. Are you willing to stake literally everything you have on the word of my sister when she says she would never do anything to harm your sister?"
A long and disturbing pause settled upon the office. The only sound keeping any life forces present in the room at all was the ticking clock. Kagami couldn't help but ponder the question and she suddenly felt a strange sensation in her mind as Kishimoto awaited her response. Kagami's heart wanted to say that she trusted Yuka…but somehow her brain was in the midst of a civil war. Half her brain wanted to agree with her heart but there was one part of her brain that was telling her to believe Kishimoto and her hallucinations of Matsuri and Misao telling her Tsukasa was in grave danger. The room remained quiet until it was soon shattered by a digital beep coming from Kagami's wrist. The twin-tailed girl looked at her wrist and sighed.
"That's one hour and one session with you." Kagami said bitterly and stood. "I'm leaving now…and I trust I'll never see you again."
As Kagami stood and walked towards the door again, Kishimoto gave her final statement. "Kagami…good luck."
The twin-tailed girl didn't turn back to look at Kishimoto. She turned the doorknob and stormed out of the therapist's office, leaving her alone in her office and fearful for what the future had in store for Kagami. She removed her glasses from her face and rubbed her eyes while releasing a disappointing sigh.
Kagami finally arrived outside the office building and began to walk down the street until she spotted a small figure with blue hair and green eyes waiting for her. The twin-tailed girl sneered at Konata Izumi as she approached her and soon brushed passed her without giving her a second glance. Konata sighed and began following Kagami once again and walked by her side.
"So…how did it go?" She asked with genuine concern.
Kagami remained silent and narrowed her glare while keeping her stare facing forward.
"Listen, I know you probably don't want to see me or talk to me right now, but I just wanted to let you know that I still care a lot about you. I only recommended this because—" Konata was adding but was stopped when she felt Kagami suddenly turn and push her.
The shove was quick with so much angry vigor in its thrust that it caught Konata completely off guard. The shorter girl was no match for Kagami's push and she tried to land with her back against the wall of a building but she kept falling. Kagami pushed Konata into the entrance of an alleyway, but not just the average one. Konata landed with a squishy crash on several moldy bags of garbage that were piling around a rusted, overflowing dumpster. Konata's bodyweight broke through one of the bags and the contents of it exploded and landed on top of her.
When Konata recovered, she was covered in moldy, stinky, revolting garbage and flies began zipping around her head as Kagami stood above her with a deep and sinister stare of hate. Konata quickly removed a moldy banana peel from her hair and brushed green sludge out of her hair and off her clothes as she returned a look to Kagami, though hers was expressing more shock and hurt.
"I want you to stay away from me, Konata. I never want to see you ever again." Kagami sneered quietly but with nothing but pure and bitter sincerity in her voice. "If I ever see you again…I will fuck you up beyond all repair!"
Kagami quickly turned and kept walking down the street with her arms folded across her chest and Konata slowly pulled herself out of her filthy landing pad. She brushed more garbage off her as she watched with green eyes slowly beginning to fill with thickening moisture at the last friendly gesture her best friend gave her. She tried to hide her sniff until she felt her cell phone in her pocket vibrate.
Konata pulled her phone out and opened it to see a new text message from Hiyori Tamura.
My letter and Patty-chan's letter are done. Are we still on for Kagami?
The blue-haired girl looked up at her twin-tailed friend becoming smaller and smaller down the street and Konata texted back.
We're on. This Saturday. Remember the plan.