"Why don't you love me?" Rachel muttered to herself as she rested her hands on her lower back.
Jack looked up from the book he'd been reading as he lay on the couch and raised his eyebrows. "Whoa, I thought we were past this stage."
"I wasn't talking to you," she said a little crossly. "I'm just . . . ugh . . ."
His lips twisted in sympathy and Jack sat up, patting his lap. He made a point of not wincing when she settled on it, just wrapping his arms around her and resting his head on her shoulder. "Glowing? Radiant? Gorgeous? I can go on for a long time, you know." He pressed his hand into her lower abdomen firmly and concentrated. "Is it moving?"
"No, it's sleeping, thank God. Doesn't mean I don't feel like crap, though." She whimpered a little. "My back hurts so much . . ."
"Need to soak in the bath?" Jack whispered as he moved one hand to her lower back and rubbed.
"We don't have time; I need to meet with the Jenkins this morning and I really can't be late."
Rachel's tone of voice said it was a bad idea to try to reason with her, so Jack just rubbed her back and poked into her stomach. "Hey, you," he murmured, "give her a break, huh? She's working real hard for all of us. I don't want to have to tell you again, kid."
That made Rachel smile, at least. She cupped his cheeks and kissed him, her tongue slipping against his scars. Jack sighed into the kiss. He held her tighter when she moved her kisses up his scars, wondering why he'd ever thought she might not like them. A sigh escaped his lips and he smiled.
"We'll be late if you don't stop, baby," he whispered in her ear. Rachel shifted in his lap and moaned softly as she moved to the curled scar on his right cheek. Her nails were leaving visible marks on his neck, he knew, but it felt too good to push her away just yet. She'd reached a point where when she wanted sex, she wanted it now, and she was more responsive than she'd ever been.
"Are you actually refusing sex?" she asked in disbelief.
"And you don't know how hard it is to do, you really don't," Jack replied as his heart raced and his temples throbbed. It was almost getting too risky to get agitated in any way. He was going to miss her warmth against him. "But you've got things to do, otherwise we'll be late for the appointment, and I wanna know what we're having."
"It's not because I'm not thin any more?"
Jack laughed and hugged Rachel tightly. "Oh, Christ, Rachel, I'd roll around in bed with you all day if I could." He leaned over to kiss her stomach, running his hands over her and enjoying her new curves. "You're just . . . so . . . uuuugh, we need to go." He stood up and then had to sit on the arm of the couch, his head between his knees as he took deep breaths.
Rachel frowned down at him. She hadn't noticed his headaches until a month ago, but they seemed to be getting worse and she was getting worried. He hadn't said anything about them, but then, Jack never let on when he wasn't feeling well until he could barely move. He was like a cat in that regard, hiding all potential weaknesses from the world.
Still, this had gone on long enough. She ran her fingers through his hair and he hummed softly. "Jack . . ."
"Gotta go, come on," he said as he stood up and took her arm.
Rachel sighed as they walked out to the car. "Jack, how long have you been getting these headaches?"
He glanced at her, his eyes squinting a little with the pain. It had to have been bad, for him to show that amount of discomfort. "What headaches?"
"Don't lie to me, Jack. You've been getting headaches on a regular basis for at least a month and probably more."
He shrugged. "Hey, you're not the only one who's been stressed out, okay? You don't . . ." Jack sighed and narrowed his eyes at the road. "When we were fighting, I didn't . . . I didn't like it." Then he sighed. "It's not that simple. I mean . . . I need you to touch me, Rachel. I need to know that you want me to touch you. And . . . you didn't. And, well . . ." He scratched the inside of his ear. "It . . . got to me. And then you got pregnant, which didn't help at all. So . . . yeah, I've got some excess tension. I'll be all right."
Rachel was quiet for a few moments before reaching over and taking his hand, squeezing it. Jack relaxed. Maybe it was a tumour. That made his lips twitch. Yeah, a tumour, in his head, causing this incessant pain that made him want to shriek and claw and rend and tear until the world burned down around him.
Yeah. A tumour.
"Snow can wait, I forgot my mittens . . ." He was singing to himself off an on as he typed at his laptop outside the deli. "I put my hand in my father's glove . . ." He didn't really have anything to do for the day, aside from finding out what gender the baby was. Two years ago today. Two whole years. " . . . you must learn to stand up for yourself, 'cause I can't always be around . . ." And he didn't have a damned thing planned, other than this morning's breakfast in bed and a nice dinner. "When you gonna make up your mind? When you gonna love you as much as I do?" There was no reason for him to feel so melancholy about today, no reason other than the song stuck in his head. "Boys get discovered as winter melts; flowers competing for the sun . . ." Gentle fingers touched his hair and he leaned his head back, closing his eyes. "Skating around the truth, who I am . . ." They dug into his shoulders and he lowered his head, closing his laptop. "I tell you that I'll always want you near . . ." He was finding it more difficult to be content as the time went by. "You say I wanted you to be proud . . . I always wanted that, myself . . ."
"You shouldn't be depressed on your anniversary."
Her voice was a soft whisper and Jack pulled her into his lap, burying his face in the space between her neck and shoulder and inhaling deeply. She put packets of lavender in her dresser drawers and the closet because she knew the scent relaxed him. She knew him so well . . .
"Sorry," he murmured.
Rachel pressed a kiss to his hairline and held him tightly. "It's all right."
Still, he felt the need to reassure her. "It's nothing specific. Just . . . general."
"Jack, it's all right. Come on, let's go . . . if you're ready?"
He finally looked up at her, tracing the pearl necklace he'd given her the previous year, courtesy of Wayne, his fingers soft on her cheeks as she smiled at him.
"Okay." Jack nodded as he took a deep breath. "I'm ready." He knew Rachel hated it when he got like this, knew that she knew that he couldn't help it, knew that she understood, but . . . today, of all days, he should have been happy, or at least able to hide his depression better. She didn't let his hand go until they were in Dr. Howard's office and she was on the examination table. "Okay, Doc, gimme some good news."
The gel must have been warm this time, because Rachel didn't make a noise when Howard spread it over her abdomen. "Are we thinking pink, or are we thinking blue?"
"Purple," Jack replied. "I want a hermaphrodite." He was holding Rachel's hand and she smiled at him. They watched as the baby appeared on the screen, moving around in response to not only Doctor Howard's probing, but also the finger Jack was digging into Rachel's stomach. "Move, kid."
"Just a second . . ." Howard was making more of those infuriating notes and once again not explaining himself, but then the baby flipped over in response to a particularly firm jab from it's father and he raised his eyebrows. "Well, that was easy."
"What was easy?" Jack demanded. "What is it?"
Dr. Howard gestured at the image. "The baby's certainly not shy. See? It's curled up right now, but those are the legs, that's the buttocks, and that," he said as he pointed to the dark little triangle between the legs and rear, "is not a penis. Congratulations, you're having a girl." He turned to the parents with a smile.
Jack stared at the moving baby for a long time, feeling like the bottom of his world had once more dropped out from beneath him. Even Rachel's faint gasp as it turned over didn't distract him, not until she placed his hand firmly on her lower abdomen and pressed in. His eyes traced the movements of the baby for a while before his brain registered the corresponding pulses from Rachel that his hand was feeling. Then he turned to her with a sharp intake of breath and wide eyes.
"That's ---"
"The baby," she finished with a huge grin even as tears started falling down her cheeks. "Oh my God, Jack, that's the baby! I didn't . . . Oh my God . . . I've been feeling it --- her --- for a while now, I just didn't realise it! Can you feel her, Jack? Can you feel your baby?"
Jack looked back at the ultrasound screen and started laughing. "I can feel her," he whispered. He pulled Rachel into a one-armed hug, his heart aching as much as his head, now. He was smiling, the tiny flutters against his palm a welcome relief from his darker thoughts. This little girl . . . he needed her. "Rachel . . . you two . . ." He pressed his face into her hair and moisture leaked from his eyes.
"I love you, too, Jack," Rachel whispered back.
"Parlotto's?" Rachel asked with a smile.
Jack grinned. "Don't you worry your pretty vegetarian head; I had a word with the cooks. The menu's been taken care of."
He was in a black button-down shirt and black jeans, and Rachel didn't know where he'd gotten black cowboy boots but he'd found them. With his dark blond hair loose and curly, he made her mouth water just looking at him. In fact, she'd jumped him the moment he'd come downstairs in the outfit, and he'd been sewing buttons back on until he'd told her to pull up to the restaurant. Her own outfit had survived in much better condition on account of being stretchy and cotton. The black dress had spaghetti straps, a square neckline, and ruched top. The skirt fell from the empire waist down to mid-thigh, at which point the ruffles started, looping from the middle of her calves in the front to the floor in the back.
"Ah, Jack, Rachel, there you are. You're a bit late." Mr. Parlotto was smiling as Jack held the door open for Rachel, then pointed a finger at her.
"She jumped me."
"Can you blame me?" she replied, her cheeks flushing a little more. She was deliriously beautiful, and getting more so by the day.
Parlotto laughed. "You're absolutely stunning, Rachel. I hear you had another ultrasound today? Or do you not want to know what the baby is yet?"
She beamed up at Jack. His chest puffed out as he returned her grin. "It's a girl," he declared proudly.
"Oh-hooo," Parlotto laughed as he showed them to their table. "I don't know who I pity more, you or the baby."
"What do you mean?" Jack asked. His smile was starting to fade.
Parlotto slapped his shoulder in what he probably though was a reassuring manner. "Well, just think of what she's going to look like in fifteen years. I mean . . ." He gestured at Rachel and raised his eyebrows pointedly. "If she looks anything like her mom, the boys'll be chomping at the bit." Jack's face had frozen in a partial smile, but it held no humour. "Sparkling cider?"
Rachel reached out and took Jack's hand and he looked back at her slowly, a muscle in his cheek jumping a little. "Yes, please."
"I'll be right back."
"Jack? Are you all right?" Rachel was trying not to laugh; he looked so horrified.
"I'm . . . uh . . . yeah. She's grounded until she's forty." Oh, shit . . . Jack looked Rachel over carefully and shook his head. "No, no, I'm rethinking this baby. I can't handle ---"
"If we're lucky, she'll turn out like Janet."
"Oh, yeah, Janet," Jack mumbled. "Head over heels with the first bad boy older man she sees. Much better." Rachel's eyes got bigger and he smirked. "What, you didn't think I'd noticed she wants me? Come on, give me a little credit, Rach."
She snorted, still smiling. "And you figured this out . . . when?"
He shrugged. "About a week ago. I uh, I heard some of the girls in class talking about it."
That made Rachel laugh. "I thought so. So . . . is this the wrong time to ask about names?"
He gave her a hard stare. "Yes." Rachel covered a laugh and the shine of the low lighting on the slave bracelet she'd attached to her wedding band for the night caught his eye. He rubbed his fingers over it and smiled at her. "You haven't worn this in a while."
She raised her left hand to cup his cheek and he leaned into the contact. "I thought you might need to be reminded who you belong to."
One eyebrow went up. "You're the one with the slave bracelet."
Rachel laughed low in her throat and Jack's heart almost stopped. "You wouldn't do the splits right here if I asked sweetly?" She'd curled her hair and Jack's lips pursed as he toyed with one, not meeting her eyes.
"Yeah, well . . . Just don't let that get out, all right? I've got an image to maintain." Rachel laughed again. She caught his hand and brought it to her upper chest, where he wrapped his fingers around her pearl necklace and tugged gently before he licked his lips. "So . . . what, you want diamond-encrusted rope tonight?"
She flushed and looked around, leaning closer. "I'll take the silk hankies, thank you."
"Really." Jack was enjoying this, the way she was shifting in her seat as her eyes darkened, and they'd only just gotten their drinks. "Top or bottom?"
Rachel swallowed sharply. "Well . . . you've been working hard, Jack." She looked up at him through her lashes and he had to remind himself to breathe. "I think you ought to lay back and . . . relax . . . tonight." His skin was on fire where it was touching hers; he was breathless.
"Well," and he swallowed, "I'm yours to command." He wanted her. He wanted her so badly, so very badly. "What should I do first?"
"I'm not talking dirty with you where people can hear us," Rachel whispered. Jack leaned far across the table and took her face in his hands, kissing her firmly. Rachel gasped a little before responding, and then Jack sat back.
"Couldn't help myself," he murmured. "You're so beautiful tonight . . ."
"Six months along is a good time," Rachel replied as she dabbed at her lips, making sure he hadn't smeared the dark red lipstick she had on.
"Shit, was that really six months ago?" he wondered aloud.
"It was," Rachel nodded. "We're halfway there." The made her eyes crinkle as she smiled. "Sometimes I don't believe it. Then I get up to pee for the fifth time and it's hard to ignore."
Jack chuckled. "Still, it's nice to have someone to share my insomnia with, even if it is just long enough for a trip to the bathroom." He took her hand and kissed it.
"You're sure you won't take medicine for it?"
He shook his head. "I take too much medicine already, babe. I've dealt with it for as long as I can remember, and I'll keep dealing with it." Then he grinned. "Besides, it means you can sleep through the late-night feedings."
That made Rachel's face light up. "God bless the insomniacs." She reached into her purse and pulled out a long white envelope, pushing it across the table to him.
That made him pause mid-bite and he raised his eyebrows. "What's this?"
"Your anniversary gift. Not as fancy as a necklace you made Bruce buy, but I'm sure you'll love it."
"What, am I supposed to use your own money to buy you a gift?" Jack asked cautiously.
Rachel laughed. "I didn't say I was upset. Open it."
He took his time, enjoying the shine of excitement in her eyes and her impatient wiggling. Then he took out the two tickets and his eyes got huge. "Raped by Zombies tickets?! No way!"
"Yes, your favourite goth metal girl band. They're playing in Gotham October twenty-sixth."
Jack looked up with a frown. "You'll be eight months by then. Can you go?"
Rachel sighed. "I wasn't planning on it."
He shook his head. "Well, I don't want to go if you're not coming with me. I mean, thank you so much, Rachel, but without you, it's not really worth it." Plus he'd have to leave her alone in Loleta. All alone, almost ready to give birth. Alone.
Rachel smiled. "Well, as it turns out, Charles likes them, too. And Hideki and Raoul said they'd stay here that weekend, so I'll be perfectly safe." She took his head again. "Look, we'll see what happens, Jack. If Philip says I can travel to Gotham, I'll go and stay with Mom for the weekend."
"Come on, Rachel, I've heard you singing 'Midea's Fratricide' before."
"And that's the only song of theirs that I like."
He laughed. "Come on, Elizabeth Tess' voice is amazing. Did you know that's not her real name? Elizabeth is her middle name; Hollyn's her first name."
"Is that why it's on your name list, then?"
Jack shrugged innocently. "It's a pretty name. Rachel's a pretty name, too, but uh, that would get a little awkward. I don't know how people can stand naming their kids after themselves." He shuddered a little, then again when her fingers trailed along his neck. This was a good shudder, though. Jack's pulse raced as he watched her from under lowered eyelids. His voice was a little husky when he spoke again. "I thought we might go dancing after dinner . . . unless . . . ?"
"Home," Rachel whispered. "Definitely home."
Jack smiled.
Half an hour later there was a roaring fire in the fireplace and he was on his knees, his hands tied behind his back, his tongue sweeping over Rachel's clit as she moaned on the couch. He'd stopped humming a while ago. It distracted him from the delicious sounds that Rachel was making. She was crying, which always made him pause until he was sure it was just from an overload of good emotions and she didn't want him to stop, then she grabbed him by the hair and pushed him back on the floor.
Jack fell with a grin, licking his lips. Just his wrists were tied, which allowed him to prop himself up on his elbows with little to no discomfort as Rachel settled on his hips. His eyes rolled back as he groaned. She certainly knew how to drive him wild. He loved it; he loved her nails digging into his chest and shoulders, he loved her hair in his face, he loved the weight of her stomach against his, he loved her half-closed eyes and open-mouth moans, loved how her thighs clenched around his hips, how she bit her lower lip, how her entire body arched as she orgasmed.
He even loved how his wrists and shoulders howled in pain when she leaned forward and pressed them into the carpeted floor, but only for a moment.
"Ow," he whimpered.
"Oh! I'm sorry, Jack."
"'S all good," he mumbled, then kissed her when she reached behind him to untie his wrists. "Comfy here?" He lay her down next to him and pulled the comforter off of the couch, covering the both of them.
"Perfectly," Rachel whispered with a smile.
"Good." He pressed his forehead against her collarbone and took a deep breath. "I love you, Rachel."
That simple admission made her sniff and tighten her arms around him. "I love you, too, Jack."