Ugh. half year of not updating on this. Sorry. I accuse the writer's block. I had fun writing this chapter though. More action for some of the other members of the team. And some very long sentences in this chapter, I think I broke my record. Please notice me of mistakes and please do enjoy!
"Bruce, I swear to you, Loki needs serious help with this! You should have seen Loki, he was scared to death! Oh, and let's not forget to mention the panic attack he had when I put him inside the bath!"
Tony stalked angrily around in the infirmary. Thor had laid Loki down in one of the beds, and left the two scientists alone after that, not wanting another argument with Tony. Bruce stood looking at Tony and then went back to tending to Loki, who was dressed in a simple hospital gown now. Thor had left a couple of minutes ago, or better said, was chased away by Tony.
"You should have seen his face, he looked like he watched a marathon of horror movies at night on his own! And then right after he calmed down that stupid idiot brother of his came in!" Tony nearly growled out the last sentence and Bruce gave the engineer a judging look, clearly not approving Tony's harsh reaction to Thor.
"Well, I guess Thor should have known, but it's not okay to lash out at Thor like that, Tony. And you should know that. Thor is having a hard time himself too, he searched for a month for Loki. So don't you dare to lash out at him like it's nothing." The darker haired man scoffed in response and rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, as if you guys don't lash out me every once in while."
"You mean that one time with Pepper?" Bruce flashed Tony a small smile.
"Oh stop it, Dr Jekyll." Tony shot back, unsure whether he meant it or wished Bruce to continue joking, but the decision was already made for him.
"It's time to get serious." Bruce said, putting on his gloves and shifting his glasses. He bent over Loki's unconscious blue form. "Let's see what we have here..." Bruce examined the former god for a moment before turning to Tony again. "Seems he got a small linear fracture in his skull, nothing more. The injuries he sported before were much worse. He can handle this, though it may hurt for a while."
Tony shifted on his feet. "Does this mean he can still walk around 'n stuff? I mean, I don't want him to get stuck in the same place all day."
A soft noise disturbed the silence before Bruce could answer. The two scientists both quickly scurried over to the table where Loki lay, who was already sitting up and feeling around to get a picture of where he could be.
"Well well, look who's awake already. You're in the lab, Lokes, you passed out back there."
"I... Did?" Loki had a confused look on his face as he stuttered the words out. After that it seemed to settle in what happened and from confused his expression went to despair. "Oh no..."
"Loki, it's nothing, we are here and it's going to be alright." Bruce had already stepped forward to calm the Jotun down, who had started to breathe at a higher rate.
"Don't touch me!" Loki was recoiling fast from the gamma expert, threatening to fall of the table. Shit, not again, the thought of Loki breaking his arm or leg flashed through Tony's head. He was already running to the other side of the room to catch Loki when Bruce started to speak calmly, he had stopped to try to approach the hyperventilating former god of mischief. "Loki, please listen to me, stop crawling away. You're going to fall down."
At the last words Loki's eyes shot open and it was only then that he tried to feel the surface behind him, but there was nothing where he could rest his hand on.
"We're trying to help you, Loki, and panicking isn't helping with that. No one's gonna hurt you." Loki had visibly started to calm down, his breathing evening slowly.
Damn. Tony realized in this moment how much respect he had for Bruce, who always would know what to do and not freak out like he did. Because Bruce couldn't.
After a short while of calm quietness, Tony decided it was time to take the next step. He walked closer to Loki and sat down next to him.
"Hey, it's okay. It's okay to be afraid. Bruce is an expert being kind to people and stuff, and you're safe in this tower."
"Not from Thor." Loki's whisper was hoarse and shallow. "Nor from any other casualties like these."
Tony scratched his head at that. How could he know what triggered Loki? Again he has to thank Bruce for coming up with the right solution. Asking.
"Now that we're talking about casualties, would you mind telling us what happened in the bathroom?"
At this Loki seemed to pale slightly. "I'd rather not talk about that, but... I believe it might be better if you know..."
"Know what?" Tony interrupted, leaning in to hear the story better.
"Maybe you should let Loki speak. Loki, if you don't want to share it you don't have to." Bruce shot Tony another condescending glare.
The blue man shook his head. "It's for the greater good. Th-thor may have told you already, but I am Jotun of nature..." At the last part Loki's voice faltered, but he picked up his line again before any of the two scientists could interrupt. "This means I cannot stand... heat well, and this also goes for water. I may or may not have had a flashback to what happened... in Asgard back there."
Tony noticed how his mouth had opened from shock. Did they really do that in Asgard? Drown people in water too hot for them to stand? Damn, he wanted to punch something. If he only didn't chase Thor out of the lab.
"Wow, that sounds... Terrible." Bruce looked down at the floor, pitying Loki. "So this is how you got your panic attack?"
Loki nodded, swallowing hard. He looked a little sick to Tony. "I-I need a break..."
Tony then noticed how the gods' hands trembled. "Need me to show you the way to your room?"
Loki shook his head in response. "I can find it on my own."
"You'll walk into things!" Tony exclaimed. "I'm coming with you." And Tony stood up to aid the Jotun, but he was harshly shoved away.
"Leave me be, Stark, I can do this myself."
Bruce stepped forward to catch Tony from falling. Loki may have lost nearly everything he had, but he still had an unnatural force of power inside him. Probably his Jotun nature, Tony guessed as he stared with wide eyes at Loki, who had stood up in the meanwhile. As Loki started walking slowly away, limping and feeling across objects to not bump into anything, Tony turned his head to see Bruce, who simply shrugged. Thank heavens he was not angry with him.
At some point Loki nearly fell down, caving in on himself and it was only the sink next to the door that held him upright at that point.
"Are you sure you need no help with this?" Tony called after him. "Jarvis can help you find your room."
No response followed and Tony worried. He screwed up. Again. Loki had called him 'Stark'. Tony felt so helpless.
"Maybe we should give him a cane..." Bruce's voice was calm as always.
Not worthless, not a monster. I will show them I cam be useful to them, I'm not useless not useless not worthless.
Loki struggled to feel his way through the tower, but with help from Jarvis he managed to find his won room after what felt like an age. There he started to find his way towards his bed and when he found it, he finally broke down. The restraints.
They were still there. Why did nobody trust him? Loki smiled sadly when he realized. Of course, no one would trust a Jotun. He wouldn't too, would he?
Something wet fell on his right hand.
Loki wiped away the tears on his cheek away with his left and stood still. Then he walked backwards slowly, until he felt the other bed. Starks' sleeping place. It reeked of alcohol. Definitely drunk last night, Loki told himself as he thought of Tony.
He felt across the bed but aside from the restraints, it felt the same as the bed he slept in. So he was near equal here?That surprised Loki.
Feeling the soft covers and the fabric, the Jotun wondered what colors it had. Blue, like him? Red, likes his own eyes? Or maybe it was just plain white. Cursing his eyesight, he decided to lay down on Tony's bed. Maybe he should just go to sleep. He picked on his wrist slightly.
"Sir, may I inform you that Mr Stark wishes to see you during lunch?"
The voice from the ceiling scared Loki out of his thoughts. Then the pain settled in. He felt a small trickle of blood run down his wrist, and Loki regretted picking on it in an instant.
Why did he always end up hurting himself?
After a short time of contemplating Loki told Jarvis. "Tell him I'm not hungry." Even though he was. Loki could let it gnaw at him for a little while longer.
He laid his head down and curled in on himself, he needed not to pull the covers up. He could handle the cold anyways. That, until someone came in.
Natasha put the newspaper down in front of her. She doesn't need to read it since S.H.I.E.L.D. gave her everything she needed, but it was amusing. Sometimes. Clint was sitting next to her, deeply lost in thought, not even paying attention to what was in the book in front of him. The Black Widow had seen Clint do this often enough to know what he was thinking about. Sighing, she put her hand on his shoulder. The living room of Stark tower was quiet for once.
"Don't let it bother you so much." She tells him. "The past is over. You know that."
Clint looks at her, smiles. "It's not the past I'm worried about, Nat."
"I know."
The door from the living room opens. Tony and Bruce walk in, chattering about Loki.
Clint stands up from his seat. "Didn't expect to see you back so soon. 'Thought cap would've returned earlier."
"Peggy lives at least two hours from here Clint, he won't be back soon." Natasha interrupted before any of the two scientists could say something in response to the archer. Tony and Bruce stared at each other for while before looking down at the floor right after.
"I'm gonna get a drink."
"Tony, it's not even two PM yet." Bruce was so concerned about Tony's health.
Tony shuffled awkwardly away from Bruce, slowly going towards the bar.
"Not before you tell me what happened." Natasha stepped into the engineer's way.
Bruce and Tony nearly started stammering out at the same time, talking through each other.
"Well okay, he had some sort of panic attack-"
"Tony tried to give him a warm bath-"
"But he freaked out 'n stuff at the hot water"
"And then Thor came in which caused-"
"Speaking of which, where is he right now?"
"And in the end he left on his own."
Bruce looked apologetic at Natasha while Tony gave her his best 'What?' look.
The Black Widow sighed. Clint stepped forward to hand Tony a drink, which he had gathered in the meantime. "I don't know, maybe you can ask if he still wants lunch."
"Already did, birdbrain. He refused." Tony opened the new his new bottle. "Speaking of which, why are you so concerned. Nothing on you, but Loki's the one who messed up your mind after all."
Clint glared harshly at Tony. "When he brainwashed me... He told me I had heart."
Natasha had stepped closer to the three men and folded her arms over each other. "Enough of this, boys."
She looked at Tony. "Where is Loki right now?" The soft tone in her voice suggested she was not taking pleasure in all the fuss about the former god. Tony quickly shifted his eyes to Bruce and then answered.
"I told him Jarvis could help him find the way to his own r-"
Natasha had already left the group.
Tony stared at Clint, looking slightly pale.
"Don't worry, after a while you'll get used to it." The archer replied plainly to him, as if it was nothing.
After gathering some soup, Natasha swiftly entered Loki's room, making her presence loudly clear by shutting the door after having walked quietly through the hall. "Don't worry, it's just me." She looked around the room before letting her eyes land on the darker-haired man. She quirked an eyebrow when she noticed he was sitting on Starks' bed. Quickly glancing at Loki's own bed, she realized. The restraints. Of course this would be more of comfort to him.
"Who's me?"
Mistake one. Natasha mentally slapped herself. "I'm Natasha Romanoff, but Nat is fine too."
She walked over to Loki's bed and sat down on it. "Can I sit next to you for a moment?"
Loki recoiled slightly. "That's okay too." She shot him a smile, even though she knew he wouldn't be able to see it. It was hard to make Loki trust her, but easier since he wouldn't be able to read her expressions.
"Tony told me you weren't hungry, but I think you lied about that. Here, I let it cool down for you." Natasha reached over to where Loki lay and handed him the plate of soup.
"Th-thanks?"
"It's nothing. Why haven't those two given you cane yet?"
"A cane?"
"It's like a stick to feel around with."
The silence between them lasted long after that, only interrupted by Loki eating his cold soup slowly.
"I'll get you one."
Loki's head shot up. There's no need to do such thing, I don't... Need it." Loki's voice trailed of, and Natasha couldn't help but remember how bad he was concealing his emotions compared to the last time they talked. There he had been waiting patiently, waiting for an opportunity to strike, but not before listening carefully to what she told him, trying to find out her weak spot. "Everyone can use a bit of help. Even you. Just using something to make your life easier doesn't make you worthless. I did so too."
Loki sat there, swallowing his last bit of soup. He rested the plate on his lap. "I just don't understand."
Natasha leaned in to him. "Torture does things to one. I can tell you all about it, if you wish to." The silence after this was so long the assassin had to interrupt it herself. Mistake number two. The Black Widow wouldn't allow another to happen.
"So, can I sit next to you now?"
Loki looked in her direction. "I won't stop you..." He put his empty plate aside.
After having seated herself Natasha picked the conversation back up. "So, you're sleeping in Starks' bed tonight?"
Loki nodded grimly. "If he doesn't mind."
"Oh he won't. He got about twelve other rooms in this tower alone and besides, those are not is only sleeping places. Stark falls asleep everywhere where he possibly can." Natasha reminded herself of the day where she had found Tony snoring loudly on the kitchen floor, a slice of still half-warm pizza in his hand. When Clint had followed her he had left almost immediately to get his marker. Tony was slightly more aware now that he shouldn't fall asleep when Barton was near. Natasha let a small smile pass her face for a moment.
"You know, it's not hard to understand you prefer this bed. Life's hard when you have the feeling nobody trusts you. And it's not your fault you have that feeling." She put her hand on Loki's blue shoulder. Loki had a cold touch, but he didn't recoil from her. That's good.
Loki glanced sideways to face her. "I believe we might have a lot in common, Natasha." He said softly, giving her a sad smile. The wetness in his eyes doesn't go unnoticed by the Russian assassin.
"I just wish I could tell someone everything." Loki chokes out, a stray tear rolling down his cheek. Would he notice he has closed his eyes? Natasha wrapped her arm around the Jotuns' upper body.
"It's alright. You can tell me. I can keep a secret." She nearly whispers the last few words.
And he tells her. He tells her.
And she listens. Listens to the horrors Loki has gone through after his arrival on Asgard, the sewing, after that the dark place he had been kept all time and how he had woken up there first, without a clue, he tells her about how he slowly lost hope, how he thought he would never be anywhere except in his cell anymore or how how scared he was all on his own with his nightmares and at some point Natasha just cradles him in her arms and starts slowly rocking him through his sobbing as he chokes out his story, softly stroking his hair out of his face every once in a while.
And in return, she tells him everything. She tells him why he woke up restrained and while Loki fills her in with the knowledge that he was beaten in his cage she manages to continue on, telling him about how had tried to take over an entire city and how he had killed in the name of something bigger, how Clint had explained them only a little bit, but enough for the Avengers to realize that not everything was entirely Loki's fault, how Thor had struggled afterwards with the mind control Loki and Clint both had experienced and how put off Thor had been with Loki's reaction towards him and at that moment Loki realizes how harsh all of this must have been for Thor too. Loki sobs as he tries to comprehend the fact that Thor didn't want to kill him.
"Why did this ever happen?" Loki's cries and sobs are heart wrenching, but Natasha doesn't cease stroking his hair softly. As Loki cries himself slowly to sleep, Natasha notices Loki left something out. She doesn't ask him though. Everyone has their own secrets.
In the end, Loki falls asleep on her lap, her hand still stroking his hair softly.