He'd been rubbing his scars all afternoon. Rachel finally reached out and covered his hand, and Jack looked at her in surprise. He'd been absent-minded the past few days, and she was worried.
"Are you all right, Jack?"
"Uh?" He dug his fingers into his left cheek, tugging at the scar tissue. "Yeah, I'm fine."
Rachel frowned. "You're not fine, Jack. What's wrong?"
"My . . . face just itches. That's all."
"How are your headaches?"
Jack slammed his fist onto the table. "Damn it, Rachel, I said I'm fine!" She jumped and so did Ava, kicking out in surprise. She hadn't expected him to react so angrily. "Would you get off my back about this?"
"Don't yell at me, Jack, I'm just worried about you." Rachel put her hands on his shoulders but he shoved them off with a growl. Ava kicked again and turned over, and Rachel rubbed her stomach soothingly. "You startled Ava."
His daughter moving normally distracted Jack, but this time he just held his head in his hands and snorted. "She'll get over it. Just shut up about my headaches, all right? They're no big deal."
Rachel sat across from Jack, the cold pit in her stomach getting just a little bigger. "Why are you lying to me, Jack?" she asked softly.
He rolled his eyes up to look at her darkly. "I'm not lying."
"Yes, you are. You're lying about your headaches, you're lying about who you go see at night . . ." She was trying not to cry, hoping that she was wrong, that it was just her being over-sensitive. Jack wasn't used to being around so many people all the time, after all, and she barely had any energy at all these days to devote to him.
"I come back, don't I?" he muttered.
Rachel covered her mouth to keep from sobbing out loud. "That's not the point," she whispered. "Who are you going to see?" He wasn't seeing someone else. He couldn't be. No matter how much stress Jack was under, he'd never cross that line.
He was quiet for a long time. Finally, "7440 Club."
"What?"
"The 7440 Club," Jack repeated a little too loudly. "That's where I go at night."
"Why?" Rachel asked. She couldn't believe that he'd rather be in a dingy bar than with her.
"'Cause I can drink and get into a fight there. What, you'd rather I stay home and yell at you and the girls?"
"No, I wouldn't. I just . . . why couldn't you just tell me that's where you were?"
"'Cause you don't like it when I drink," he mumbled. "And I don't have to talk to people there."
Rachel's shoulders slumped with relief. She'd just been a bit hysterical, was all, jumping to conclusions like that. She looked down at the table, feeling terrible about letting herself think he might be having an affair. "Well . . . why don't I have Charles take the girls to a movie? We could have a couple quiet hours to ourselves . . ."
Jack didn't say anything for another moment, and when he spoke it was with forced lightness. "Uh, yeah, sure. Sounds great."
"Good." Rachel pushed herself up and went outside, where Charles was teaching Janet how to fire a gun. Ava jumped with every pop and Rachel rubbed her stomach, feeling the kicks and punches against her hands. "It's okay, sweety. Daddy's not doing anything wrong; he's just stressed, is all. Daddy loves us both. Mommy just over-reacted. Charles!"
The former Marine looked up and tapped Janet on the shoulder before pulling her earmuffs off. Janet flicked the safety on, lowered the weapon, and took the magazine out before taking her own earmuffs off.
"What's up?"
Rachel rubbed her arms. October in Loleta was chilly. "Uhm, would you mind taking the girls to town for a movie or something?"
"Or something?" the blonde said with a tight smile.
She shrugged. "Jack and I just need a few hours to ourselves. There's just been so much happening, and we haven't had a lot of time for each other."
"Is Ava going to be here when we get back?" Susie asked.
Rachel tilted her head at the small bow the girl held. "Are you . . .?"
"Kid's a crack shot with the bow," Charles said as she ruffled Susie's hair. "Aren't you?"
"I'm gonna go to Gotham and be a superhero when I'm bigger!"
Rachel laughed. "Really? Who's your favourite?"
"I like Catwoman!"
Charles' fists clenched and she ground her teeth. "Catwoman isn't a superhero, Susie."
"But she's in love with Batman, and I wanna marry Batman!"
"I thought you wanted to marry Jack?"
Susie gave Rachel a Look and sighed heavily. "I'm going to be Ava's big sister," she said with attitude. "I can't marry Jack until she's big enough to take care of herself."
"So, we're done here?" Janet asked as Charles and Rachel laughed.
"Yeah. Get everything put away and get washed up; we leave in ten minutes." The girls scampered off and Charles turned a careful smile on Rachel. "Anything special planned for the night?"
"Just spending time together. I can't remember the last time we did more than kiss each other goodnight. I love your help, Charles, and I don't mind Susie and Janet, but . . ."
Charles looked around, then hugged her. "It's all a bit much?"
Rachel nodded as she returned the hug. "For him, for me . . . but mostly for him. Maybe . . . I mean, if tonight goes well, would you mind taking the girls out a couple times a week? I feel stupid for not thinking about this before. Jack's used to being alone all day, then we throw three people at him almost at once, and you and Janet can amuse yourselves, but Susie needs more attention than he's used to giving, you know?"
"I know," Charles nodded. "I understand. I'll take them out whenever you need me to."
"You're a live-saver, Charles."
"It's my job." They headed back inside. "Is he still going to that concert this weekend?"
Rachel nodded. "I think so. God, I hope so. He needs to relax."
"Okay. Janet likes that band, too. I'm sure Bruce will keep an eye on them for you." She kicked at the wall. "Ugh, I can't believe Susie likes that cat bitch . . ."
Rachel shrugged as she rubbed her lower back. "I'm sorry. I can't keep any of you straight any more."
"That bitch doesn't have a chance," Charles snarled. "If she keeps sniffing around my man ---" The stairs creaked and both women paused.
"You're supposed to change subjects smoothly when the person you're talking about walks in," Jack muttered as he rounded the corner.
"Surprisingly, not everyone's always talking about you," Charles said. "Not going to shave?"
He looked exhausted as he scratched the back of his neck, eyes a little wide. "Uh? No. Bath's running," he said to Rachel. "You're taking the girls, right?"
Charles nodded. "We're leaving in about five minutes. When do you want us back?"
Jack sucked on his lower lip and looked a little apprehensive. "Midnight? Is that too late on a school night? Wait, they're not in school any more . . ."
Charles patted his arm. "It's all right, Jack. Midnight's just fine. Janet! Grab the night-vision goggles!"
"Yes, ma'am!" the girl called back.
"Are you ready yet? Hurry!"
"Yes, ma'am!" Susie yelled.
Jack sidled up behind Rachel and wrapped his arms around her, leaning his forehead into the crook of her neck. He was breathing in sharply, then letting it out quietly, making it almost seem like he was crying. Rachel just covered his hands with one of hers and raised the other one to his hair, rocking from side to side as Charles herded Janet and Susie out the front door.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered.
Rachel thought she'd misheard him. "What?"
"I'm sorry. For the way I've been acting."
"I'm used to you sulking, Jack."
"No, it's . . . it's more than that. I've . . . I'm sorry, Rachel."
She turned in his arms slightly and slipped her arm over his shoulder, hugging him close as she kissed his cheek. "Jack . . . it's okay. Whatever you think you've done, it's okay. I love you."
"I don't deserve it," he mumbled.
Rachel laughed. "Since when do you not think you deserve the best of everything? Where'd your ego go?"
"Enough about me. Let's move on to you." That made her laugh again as Jack walked her to the stairs. "You are . . . gorgeous." He kissed her neck. "You are . . . smarter than I am." He kissed the other side of her neck while Rachel kept laughing. "You are . . . the mother of my child." He patted her stomach lightly. "You are . . . kind. And . . . generous. And . . . you've never not turned me on. Ever." Their clothes were coming off piece by piece, tossed on the stairs, the floor, anywhere.
"Even when I'm bloated and gassy and blaming it all on you?"
He nodded. "Even then. Sometimes I'm too tired or upset, but it's always an appealing thought. You're talented, and loving, and . . ." His voice lowered to a whisper as he shut the tub off. "And I wish I'd known you . . . before."
Rachel had often wished the same thing, wondered what their lives would have been like if they'd met each other before he'd gone completely crazy. She liked to think that she could have saved him from the madness before it had consumed him so totally. She sighed as she lowered herself into the bath tub, letting the water take a lot of the baby weight off of her lower back. Jack slid in behind her and crossed his arms over her chest, resting his cheek in her hair. They were both quiet for a long time before he spoke.
"I've been . . . trying to remember. Really remember, not just something I've made up for the hell of it. I want to . . . be able to explain to Ava, if I'm not as affectionate toward her as you are, why that is. I don't want her to think that I don't . . . love her." Rachel was quiet, just leaning her head down enough to kiss Jack's arms. He moved his hands over her stomach and pressed in, laughing a little when Ava pressed back. "I know that, uhm, I came to Gotham from Chicago. I don't think that's where I started, but . . . I've had military training. I wasn't in the military, but someone who had been taught me most of what I know about bombs and weapons. Tactics." Jack sighed and hugged her tighter, and Rachel ran her fingers through his hair. "I don't know how long my mother was in the picture. I don't really remember her being there, but I do know that I hated my father. He was . . ." Jack shook his head sharply and whined a little in the back of his throat, pressing his face into the soft skin of Rachel's neck. "It's just that . . . if I ever treated you or Ava the way he treated me . . . I'd rather die than let that happen."
Her usual assurance that he would be a wonderful father died before it left Rachel's lips. What Jack needed right now was something solid to ease his fears. So she turned her head to kiss him while she pressed his hands into her belly.
"Is this why you didn't want a baby?" she asked quietly. Jack nodded. "The fact that you're worried about hurting us tells me that you won't, Jack. Right now . . . right now I think that you're worrying too much about it. I think you'll calm down a lot after Ava's born. Would you . . . rather we not leave you alone with her for a while?"
"Please," he whispered. "Are you okay? You've been really out of breath."
"Not much room for my lungs any more," Rachel replied. "But look, she's waking up more."
Jack watched her stomach move and distort as Ava started rolling over. "Ugh, that is so weird."
Rachel laughed. "It feels weird, too. But it means she's healthy. Count with me."
Kick counting had become one of Jack's favourite sports once he'd learned about it. It let him bond with Rachel and Ava, in addition to making sure that Ava was doing just fine. Now his hands were following his daughter's movements and he was counting under his breath, occasionally poking Rachel's stomach to get the baby to move how he wanted her to. Rachel relaxed in his arms and felt all of her earlier tension melt away. She hadn't quite realised until now that she'd been tense with their full house, too, but between the warm water, Jack's strong hands on her skin, and the comforting feel of him against her back, she felt so very much better about everything.
"So, what's on the agenda tonight?" he murmured in her ear.
Rachel smiled. "You."
"Me? That uh, that leaves a whole variety of options open. You might want to, uh, narrow it down a bit. I mean," and he chuckled, "unless you want me to take dirty pictures of you."
He'd been enunciating more clearly for a few days. Which was good, because Jack had the tendency to mumble, but the particular speech patterns made Rachel's lips try to tug into a frown.
"That depends on if you plan to sell them or not, and if you do, how much of a profit am I getting, and can you assure me that my mother and Bruce won't ever see them?"
That made Jack howl with laughter, which made Ava kick sharply. Rachel winced as he hugged her. "Oh, damn, there goes my plan to get rich."
"You know, taking dirty pictures of me while I'm pregnant might turn Ava into a porn star when she gets older. You wouldn't want to be responsible for that, would you?"
"Gyah! Damn it, Rachel, why do you do that to me?" Jack was shuddering with disgust as she laughed at him.
"Relax, honey, she won't be a porn star because of dirty pictures."
"Whatever. Does this mean I can take them?"
"No, it doesn't."
". . . Can we have sex, now?"
She laughed again and shifted back against him, rubbing just a little. Jack sighed heavily as he gently cupped her breasts. "Yes, we can."
"Oh, good. I like tub sex."
"Jack, you like all sex."
"Not my fault," he claimed as one hand found its way over and between her thighs. "Harleen said I could either channel all my anger into arts and crafts with the rest of the kooks at Arkham, or --- oh, crap, keep doing that --- or have lots of sex."
"And," Rachel panted, "being a man, you chose sex."
"Of course," he whispered as he rested his forehead against the back of her neck. "She also, uh, also . . . she used words like fire, and burning . . . explosion . . . hard to choose Crayola when she was being soooo damned --- nnn! --- persuasive." He bit into the soft flesh at the base of her neck and lifted Rachel enough to slide into her, panting. "Shit, that woman liked to talk dirty . . ."
"Sorry I'm so vanilla," Rachel whimpered as he held her still. She lay her head back on his shoulder and gasped.
"Oh, no, you're much more fun; you let me tie you up and order you around." Water was getting everywhere but neither cared at the moment. "You know what would have been great?"
"You shutting up about Harleen?"
He snorted. "No, a threesome with you two."
Rachel groaned, then bit her lip as it turned into a squeal when he pinched a sensitive nipple. "What is it with you and group sex, Jack?! First Hideki and Raoul, now me and Harleen . . ."
"Don't get me started on fantasies with you three," was his growled response. "Unless you're actually interested in doing it."
"That would be like doing my brother," Rachel whispered as she closed her eyes. She drew her knees up a little more and gripped the sides of the bath tub tightly.
"Wanna watch?" Jack teased.
"No."
"What about you and Helna?"
"Jack! Shut up!"
He laughed but did as he'd been told, tilting her head to the side to kiss her lips. Rachel grabbed the hair at the back of his neck and held him there. It felt so good, even with Ava flip-flopping around in protest. Jack moved one hand to rub her belly and the baby kicked harder, which made him laugh into their kiss. After a while he pushed her gently forward until she was on her knees, whispering into her ear to make sure she was comfortable. Rachel just pushed back against him in reply, her lips barely grazing the water in the tub as she begged him to take her harder.
"If you insist," he moaned against her neck, and Rachel almost screamed as he stopped being careful with her. She grabbed on to the edges of the tub on either side of the tap to keep from cracking her skull against it, pushing her hips back against Jack and crying out encouragement. Her breasts were going to ache after this was over, but Rachel accepted the consequences gladly.
It didn't take long for Jack to finish, his fingers digging into her hips and leaving bruises. Rachel wasn't long after, thanks to his very talented fingers and tongue, and then he pulled her back again and she curled up on her side, her head resting on his chest as they both panted.
"You are so amazing," Jack whispered in her ear.
"Mm, I try." Rachel tilted her head up to kiss him gently before snuggling back down into the cooling water. "Charles says she'll take the girls out a couple times a week for us, so we can have more time together. I'm so sorry, Jack, for bringing all these people into our home so suddenly. I forgot that you might need longer to adjust to them."
"It's . . . thank you. I don't mind them being here; I like the girls, and you're safe with Charles. I just . . . need a bit more alone time than I thought I needed." Jack sighed and pushed her up gently, wrapping a towel around them both after they were standing. "But hey, I'm all for them all getting out of my hair every few days. I don't need Susie running in, thinking I'm beating you to death or anything."
Rachel laughed. Jack wasn't taking his hands off of her for more than a moment as he dried her off and bundled her in her terry-cloth bathrobe, pulling her slippers on and then drying her hair off. "We might have to move Ava's room downstairs, in that case. Or learn to be quiet."
He rolled his eyes. "Eh, we'll just soundproof it and leave one of those baby monitor walkie-talkie things in there."
That made her laugh again. "Yeah, sure, we'll do that."
"Good! Now, how about a movie and some popcorn?"
"Sounds great," Rachel sighed as he pulled his own robe on and then helped her down the stairs. "Backrub?"
"Of course."
"What movie?"
"Porn?"
She hit his shoulder lightly. "I am not watching porn with you. We don't even have porn." His face was carefully neutral and Rachel hit him again. "Jack Dawes ---"
"Fine, fine! I don't have any porn, honest. Sheesh . . ." He was grinning as he settled her on the couch and dimmed the lights. "I'll be back with the popcorn." Rachel turned around and crossed her arms over the back of the couch, resting her chin on them with a smile as she watched Jack disappear into the kitchen.
When Charles got home with the girls, they were both asleep on the couch. She smiled and covered them with a blanket before herding Janet and Susie into their room and laying out some spare bedding on the floor to sleep on.