Here is the next chunk in Edward's POV. I'm hoping that the next chapter is just the rest of the conversation but it's slow going because I'm trying to add in his feelings and thoughts as I go instead of just changing pronouns! As always, I appreciate your reviews- thanks everyone!
"Edward, I just want you to know how sorry I am." Of course she would feel sorry for not loving me anymore, I just wished there was some way I could relieve her guilt. She continued though, "For everything. For what happened with Jacob—," I could not help but to wince even though I figured she would bring him into the conversation at some point, "I just, I… I know there's absolutely no excuse for what I did. I want to tell you that it was because I wanted to save him, because I thought I could save him from killing himself, but I would be lying if that were the case." It was true. She loved him. She had chosen him. I gasped as the pain of the reality set in. If I were human, the agony would have knocked me unconscious. I tried to focus—I knew that my job was still to protect Bella, I had to make sure that she felt no guilt in her decision.
"I understand completely, Bella," I told her, starting to get up to walk her out of my home for probably the final time.
"No, Edward, please listen! I'm not finished." What more could she have to say; she'd made her point pretty clearly. Nevertheless, I stopped and waited for her to continue, "I'm not sure what possessed me to… to kiss Jacob but I know that it's because I'm a selfish, awful, ungrateful person who doesn't deserve you." Oh love, how untrue this was. I was undeserving of her—her warmth, her love, her trust, her kindness. "I kissed Jacob because I'm a terrible person. But I didn't kiss him because I don't love you." This didn't make sense, we had already established that she no longer loved me, that she had moved on and had chosen Jacob. "I love you so much and I want nothing more than to marry you and be your wife and spend forever with you… if you'll still have me." I barely noticed that Bella had started crying, I was trying to process her words.
She loved me. She still acted out of feelings for Jacob, but she hadn't stopped loving me. For the first time in our conversation, I had to break eye contact with Bella. I needed a break from the insightful gaze of her brown eyes to think of a response. How would I respond to her? How would I alleviate her guilt but still be honest with her? Not knowing what exactly was going to come out my mouth, not entirely in control of my speech, I began