Voices No One Else Can Hear:

"Hearing voices no one else can hear isn't a good sign, even in the wizarding world."

(Ron to Harry, in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets,Chapter 9, 'The Writing on the Wall'.)

DISCLAIMER: I did not invent any of the characters or the setting, they belong to JK Rowling. Nor did I invent the idea of the Potions Accident Fic. I'm grateful to whoever did.

WARNING: Contains crude innuendo, filth, depravity and nob gags but no actual smut.

A/N: Sorry, it's a bit short this time.

CHAPTER SIX: Corridors

"Oh, not again, Ronald!" Hermione denounced, glaring at long limbs curled under ancient iron for the second time that afternoon.

She helped to pull Ron to his feet, which was made all the more difficult by his attempts to clamp his hands over his eyes and ears at the same time.

"I'm going to be covered in bruises!" she complained. "I look like I've been flayed by --"

"No, don't want!" Ron mumbled inexplicably.

"This way!" She insisted shrilly, pulling him along by grabbing a handful of his robes.

For a while, the only communication which passed between them was in the form of directions and instructions from Hermione as she steered him past obstacles.

Eventually she sneered, "Oh, for goodness' sake Ron! Just look where you're going. There's no-one else here."

Ron lowered his hand and peeked out through his lashes. He chanced a quick glance at Hermione's ankle. He heard nothing. Boldly, he stared straight into her face. Nothing. He breathed a heavy sigh of relief, ignoring the slight pang of disappointment.

They walked a little way in silence. Then Ron took a proper look around him.

"This isn't on the way to Charms."

"Charms?"

"Isn't that the next lesson? Malfoy said."

"What did Malfoy say?"

"I'm not telling you!" Ron whelped defensively.

"Not telling me what?"

"It involved PVC and a whip. That's all I'll say."

"You mean that's what you heard in Malfoy's voice, don't you? Not what he actually said."

Ron was surprised to find a soft sigh escaping him. "No, what I heard in his voice was all lovely, all flowers and summer meadows and I don't remember if there was skipping but it was along those lines. Only then Malfoy actually said," Ron shivered, "all this filth about things he was going to do to me after Charms, with chains and gags."

"Oh well, maybe the Slytherins have got Charms next. We've got Transfiguration with the Ravenclaws," Hermione replied, worryingly unmoved by the hints about Malfoy's kinks.

"A gryphon-tamer's whip," Ron emphasised, sure she couldn't have understood, "my bare bum, his long boots. Hang on, this isn't the way to Transfiguration, either."

"No, we've got a five minute break and I've had enough of this. I doubt you've learnt anything useful today, you've been so distracted. There's only one person who can help us."

"Distracted? Hagrid wanking off that slug --"

"Fungorus Fenticulus!" Hermione interrupted.

"Whatever! While he was whispering sweet nothings. That wouldn't have distracted you? And Snape --!"

"You have no focus, Ron. You fail to prioritise your education. Frankly none of this would have happened if you'd been concentrating in Potions in the first place."

"Oh, yeah. That was different," Ron conceded. He had been remembering that dream then. Was that a coincidence? "You know what, 'Mione, maybe there isn't anybody thinking this stuff. Maybe my own fantasies are just running away with me. Like the dreams. The potion might just be playing back my own thoughts." The idea was chilling.

"What dreams?"

Trust Hermione to pick up on the one phrase he'd rather she hadn't.

He shrugged. "Oh, I've been having dreams recently."

"Erotic dreams?"

Ron nodded.

"That's perfectly normal at your age, it's due to hormonal chemicals --"

To cut off the Human Biology lecture he added, "About the Beater for the Canons."

"Oh, yeah. She's pretty."

"I suppose you'd like to see her in a negligee?"

"No!"

"And the drummer with the Wyrd Sisters."

Hermione grinned. "Now that's different. Was he wearing satin camis? Those ballet slippers with the ribbons criss-crossing up his -- Ow!"

Hermione backed away from the pillar she'd walked into, rubbing her nose.

"You have no focus, Hermione!" Ron chuckled. "Too easily distracted."

"That's not fair! You made me think about that drummer in his undies! Or my undies. Oh." She looked at Ron, her mouth frozen in a little circle. "OK," she went on, contritely. "I see what you mean. It's not easy. Here we are!"

Hermione indicated the door they'd just reached.

"Snape's office? Hermione? Seriously?"

"The problem is a potion," Hermione began spelling out very slowly as though Ron was slow-witted.

However, she did not need to complete her careful exposition because just at that moment two familiar faces appeared in the corridor behind her. Ron had a vivid recollection of a promise made by the owners of those faces regarding something they would do to him later.

"Crabbe and Goyle alert!" he hissed and dragged her through Snape's door.