Chapter 3 – Don't leave me:
Phil's POV
Bright daylight streamed through the curtains, but that wasn't what woke me. Next to me, lay Dan, still asleep but twisting and turning. He was again, whimpering and writhing in pain. Granted it wasn't nearly as bad as yesterday, but it was still hard to witness the person you love most in agony, it always would be. I grabbed his head and pulled it up to mine so our faces were only centimetres apart, startled, he awoke, his hazel brown eyes full of panic and longing.
"Good morning beautiful" I smiled as I kissed him and he kissed back. It lasted for longer than the last, this one slower and filled with more passion.
"Good morning lion boy" he croaked back.
"You should get some more rest, it'll do you good" I could see him wincing as he felt where his head wound was
"What happened?" He asked, his voice was filled with a mixture of sorrow, dread and curiosity.
"Well," I started, "You wanted to come say hi on my live show, I protested but you insisted that you were fine, then I was just ending it so I could lead you back to bed because it was clearly visible that you weren't fine when you just…" It was hard to say the last sentence, to remember my panic and fear. I started to sob so Dan out his warm arm around me and pressed me on.
"When I just…" He urged in a calming voice.
"When you just fainted." I finished, the tears were properly setting in now. "I was so scared Dan, when you didn't wake up and your body just went limp," I was struggling to talk between my frequent sobs, "I, I, I thought th, that you were never going t, to w, wa, wake up. T, then I realised th, that y, you had hit y, your head so I b, b, bandaged it up, and it was s, so h, hard, I thought you were going to die." By now he was cradling my head in his arms.
"Oh Phil, I'm so sorry." Then we just sat in silence until he fell asleep, my head still resting on his bare chest. I laid there listening to his light snores for a while 'til I got parched; I figured Dan would probably be thirsty when he woke up too. Quietly I slipped from his grasp and made my way into the kitchen.
Dan's POV
I knew I wasn't awake, I knew this wasn't real, I just couldn't wake up. Phil was gone. He wasn't there. I kept looking and looking, but he wasn't there. I couldn't live with Phil not being here, I couldn't, so I killed myself.
There wasn't enough air; I woke up gasping, covered in sweat, but alive and back in my room, with… Where is he? He can't have left me, he promised he wouldn't, if I take my life now, I won't wake up alive. I had to look, I couldn't stop looking, even if he..abandoned me. Usually I didn't cry, but the tears just kept on coming, I hurt, I hurt so much, and I was so dizzy. But I had to find Phil, my precious Philly, the person who promised they'd never leave.
"PHIL HELP. PLEASE PHIL WHERE ARE YOU, WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?!" I screamed, "PHIL PLEASE, WHERE ARE YOU, PHILL!" I kept spinning, I could hear muffled voices but they weren't clear, and I fell. It hurt, oh boy did it hurt.
Phil's POV
Just as the drinks were poured, suddenly out of nowhere I heard a terrified shriek from Dans room.
"PHIL HELP. PLEASE PHIL WHERE ARE YOU, WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?!" Panic was rising up inside me.
"PHIL PLEASE, WHERE ARE YOU, PHILL!" I was running to his room, I could hear the pain in his screams.
"Dan I'm here, I'm here." He was lying on the floor, his face covered in sweat and tears "Oh my gosh, Dan," I embraced him as he sobbed into my shirt, "baby what's the matter? Oh Dan I didn't run away, I promise I never would, I love you much, so so much."
Dan's POV
Someone was holding me and speaking to me but everything was fuzzy, it was so frustrating, I screamed again, my vision was starting to go funny and I couldn't hold onto the light forever. I just wanted to die.
Phil's POV
I held him but he just tried to push away, I couldn't even imagine what trauma he was going through. Another scream erupted into the room, I didn't know what to do, I felt so useless, I couldn't help Dan when he needed it most, I let him down. This time I began to feel his body go limp in my arms; I couldn't deal with this, not again. My tears were now running into his hair as I heard him gasping for breath. All I could do was repeatedly say; "It's me, Phil. Dan I'm here, I always will be, Dan please come back, Dan I love you." Then I would kiss his head, his fluffy hair, I couldn't let him go, not now. He wasn't just fainting this time, he was dying.
Dan's POV
Suddenly I couldn't get enough air, and everything was just going dark. Finally peace, maybe I'll see Phil, my wonderful Phil. Maybe I'll see his ragged ebony hair, deep blue eyes and my favourite crooked smile. Maybe I'll embrace him and this time we'll never let go. I was distracted by the voice I could hear, that familiar voice…PHIL! I had to run to that voice, after all, I promised myself that I'd never stop running until I found it, but it just seemed so out of reach.
Phil's POV
Slowly his breath began to become steadier and he stopped shaking quite so vigorously. His eyes flickered open, still glistening with fresh tears, just like my own.
"Dan, don't ever do that to me again!" I was shouting even though I didn't mean to, I was just so relieved I thought I might explode.
"Phil" tears choked his words, but I didn't care. "You didn't abandon me, Phil, I thought you left, I was searching and searching but you weren't there and, and…" I didn't want him getting stressed out; I don't think I would be able to handle another episode like that.
"Dan look at me," He looked at me, straight in the eyes, it felt magical, "I would never leave you Dan, I love you with all my heart, you understand that don't you?" He nodded silently "Good" I whispered into his ear. With that I helped him back into bed.
"Can I lay on you; it will make me feel safer." He pleaded. He was so cute when he pleaded. "And can you tell me what happened?"
"Of course, but later, just make sure you get some proper rest, I promise I'll stay right here, with you." With that, we both fell asleep. Not for as long as I'd liked though. I was woken again, later that night by someone shaking me.
"What?!" I said in an exasperated tone "Can't anyone just ge…" Dan stumbled back into his own pile of fresh vomit and blood, the sight almost made me puke too. I looked up at dans face, it was red with his blood, his forehead was wide open.
"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED DAN?" I thought I was going to faint, I was watching my best friend, my boyfriend, die in front of me. "Oh shit Dan, please say you're putting this on, p, p, please." Cries of pain interrupted both of our words.
"I, I just w, wanted t, t, to get a d, d, drink ph, Phil. A, a, and I f, fell." Why had I fallen asleep instead of watching him?!
"Dan, j, just h, h, hold on. I'm going to c, call an ambulance" I went to pick up my phone, it was nearly impossible with my hands shaking so much.
"N, no Phil, I've h, held on l, long enough" Don't do this to me Dan…
"P, please don't s, s, say what I t, think you're saying Dan"
"I, I'm so sorry Phil, t, this b, b, bug is k, k, killing me, h, has killed me" NO DAN PLEASE
"YOU'RE NOT G, GIVING UP" At this point I was kneeling in front of him, in his blood and sick, but I didn't care, I wasn't going to lose him, I wasn't
"I, I already have." He kissed me hard on the lips, I had to keep the kiss going, I knew what was coming after we broke it up, and I wasn't prepared, how could I be?! "I love you Lion boy." He whispered into my ear.
"Dan…please" I was hysterical. "I'll do anything!"
"You've done enough." Then he looked me right in the eyes, his eyes were filled with sorrow and love, his beautiful hazel eyes, the eyes I dearly loved, I could never see again.