Silence filled the apartment. They still had hours until Mika would wake up and neither of them was going to sleep anytime soon, they both knew that. At first they focused their attentions on the obvious task of planning out this journey to the Fire Nation. Luckily Sokka still had his old maps from traveling around the world and, even luckier, he's spent a considerable amount of time by the Jang Hui River and had visited the village floating on it.
"So your sister pretended to be this Painted Lady?" Azula questioned as the two of them sat on Sokka's couch, starring at the old map lit by the light of a lantern.
"Yeah and for the record I have no idea how it took me three nights to notice." Sokka answered but Azula only stared absently at the map, despite his obvious attempt of handing her a joke. "Azula" he started but he didn't really know how to follow it, but he almost hated that he didn't have to.
"If Katara needed to impersonate her, then how can we be sure The Painted Lady didn't abandon that village long ago?" She asked but Sokka only sighed.
"We can't. But it's out best shot" he reminded her and she let out a shaky breath
"If this doesn't work, if Mika does… just can you please promise that you'll get as far away from me as possible?" She was begging him, her voice cracking with the unshed tears.
Sokka looked at her in shock. For once in his life he was absolutely speechless.
"No" he finally said
"Sokka-" Azula began
"No, I told you I won't leave you and I meant it!" He tried his best to keep his voice quiet, "why would you ask me to do that?" He questioned softly; he had to know. He could never abandon her, especially if anything were to happen to her daughter. She may not admit it but that would be when she would need someone the most, he would never even think about leaving her alone in a time like that.
Azula inhaled deeply before she answered, and Sokka could hear the strangled sob in the back of her throat, which was trying so desperately to escape.
"Because during that year I spent in the institution… well I'll spare you the details but it was not pretty. But if something happens to Mika… I don't know how bad it will be or what I'll do, but I can feel that I'll go back to what I was, or something worse if that's even possible." She explained, just barely managing to hold herself together.
"Don't spare me the details," Sokka finally said, Azula looked at him incredulously. "Please, tell me what happened to you in that year. I need to know" he pleaded and at first Azula wouldn't meet his gaze, and he was so afraid that she wouldn't tell him.
She wanted to tell him, she really, really, wanted to tell him. She felt safe; she believed every word he said. She believed that be it as a friend or something more he would never abandon her. She could trust him, but her past was a dark and twisted place. Her past was something she hadn't really spoken of since Rafela first found her, and even then she never went into detail. There was little that even Hariko knew, he knew who she was and where she had been, but he never knew how hard it was. That was her fault though; she wasn't ready to talk about it back when he was around. But now she was and she could only hope that Sokka wouldn't hate her.
"I was angry" she started.
"Are you happy now mother?!" She screamed at the ceiling, she was lying on the dirt floor of her slightly better than a prison cell but she sat up as she screamed. "Huh? Are you happy?!" She screamed again; but again no response. "I'm alone and I'm miserable! Just like you always wanted!" She shouted and when she again received no response she let loose a feral scream.
She gripped tightly at the sides of her head, as if trying to repair her mind from the outside. At some point her scream turned to a fit of sobs and she collapsed back on the ground as she cried. Slowly, her hands slid down her face as she sobbed and eventually she rolled onto her side and into a fetal position.
"What? What did I do? What did I ever do!?" She asked aloud through her sobs, "I mean I know I wasn't the best kid, but I was your daughter! Didn't that count for anything?" She screamed her question and sat up again, but again was met with nothing but silence. "Ugh! Why do I even bother?!" She demanded, "You're never here when I need you! You never were and you still aren't!" She screamed.
Every night her mother came, and every night she preached to her daughter that she loved her and that her future still had hope; all she needed to do was accept the past. But how could Azula do such a thing? How could she ever forget all the lonely days of her childhood, the days that were actually just like the ones she was spending here in the institution? Those seven years without a mother, those were the only seven years she hadn't cried. Before that her life consisted of her mother scolding her, sending her to her room; and she would lie there against the wall crying because it seemed like no matter what she did she was the bad guy. Then to make matters worse she woke up one morning and her mother was just gone; didn't even care enough to say goodbye, much less take her along. So how could she forget?
Here Azula felt that she was reliving her past, the only difference was the room. The floor was dirt and the walls were painted white, the bed was pushed into the back corner and had white sheets. She could tell the nurses tried to understand why she chose to lay on the floor and cry; but she would never talk. She was the Fire Nation princess; she was supposed to be perfect. No one was supposed to know that she was unloved by both her parents, that when she was a child all she wanted was what Zuko had.
It wasn't fair! Whenever Zuko was upset mother would hold him, she would explain to him what happened and she would tell him she loved him! But when it came to her she was locked up in her room! Left to comfort herself! So to this day she lies on the floor because her mother probably believes she is unworthy of a bed, then she huddles against a wall because while walls may not be warm or soft they are sturdy and they listen. Walls couldn't get up and leave, a wall could always be turned to, and a wall would never be as cold and heartless as her mother.
"But that wasn't the worst of it" she concluded, "The worst was that somewhere, deep down, a part of me knew that I was wrong." She confessed; amazed that although her voice cracked throughout the story she never actually cried.
Sokka was holding her now; he had put his arms around her even before she told him about the loneliness. It felt so good, to have someone. For someone to hold her, for her to talk about her past and KNOW that it's all over.
"Just please, I don't know what Mika's death will do to me but if I have to find out I don't want you anywhere near the aftermath" she begged. She didn't want to be alone again, but talking about the last time she broke is one thing; Sokka seeing it would be another.
But he didn't let go, in fact he held her tighter and because her back was against his chest he was able to press a kiss to the top of her head.
"You won't have to find out," he told her.
They sat in silence for the remainder of the night. Azula fell asleep before Sokka and the quiet left him wondering about how he had come to be here. This isn't the Azula he knew, the Azula he knew was strong and would never dare cry. But he had never bothered to put much thought into what her childhood must have been like. He knew Zuko had it bad but he never gave one ounce of thought to Azula, now he wished he had. Azula may not have had anyone back then but things have changed, and he meant every word he said to her.
Azula and Sokka woke up in the morning to a loud CRASH! Snapping awake they scanned the apartment for the source of the noise only to find Mika standing in the kitchenette with guilt written all over her face and a mess of bowls on the floor. Upon seeing Mika the two quickly scrambled away from each other and Azula hurried into the kitchenette.
"What happened?" She asked
"Sorry. I was hungry but I didn't want to wake you up so I was gonna make breakfast but the bowl fell and so did the rest of the pile" Mika apologized and while Azula looked to be at a point far past that of frustration Sokka was chuckling as he began cleaning up the mess.
"Well hey nothing spilt, nothing broke, and we needed to get up anyway so no harm done," he said.
"Sorry" Azula said to her friend but he merely shrugged while setting the pile of bowls back in the cabinet.
"No big deal" he insisted before he turned to Mika with smile, "now should we tell her about the trip?" He asked, obviously pretending to be talking to Azula.
Mika let out a gasp as her face lit up and Azula couldn't help but smile, her daughter may be fighting for her life but during the early morning she was always still very much herself.
"We're going on a trip? Are we going to see Grandma and Grandpa?" She babbled, bouncing excitedly in her spot.
"You know Hira'a isn't that far from Jang Hui" Sokka suggested but Azula shot him a look.
"We'll see," she said, though judging by the tone in her voice and the look on her face she actually meant I don't want to go and I will think of an excuse later.
"No, we're going to see one of Sokka's friends. You and me are going home to eat and pack a few things, then we're leaving" Azula continued and although it was plain to see that Mika was upset they weren't going to visit the family she was still yet to meet she followed her mother excitedly out the door.
"Why can't I come?" Bumi whined from his seat in the hay pile. Air Temple Island was home to many of the Sky Bison left in the world and so he was often playing in the barn where they kept the hay and other supplies. Uncle Sokka had come over and asked dad if Appa, since Appa remains as the only Sky Bison Uncle Sokka has been around regularly, would be up for a trip. Bumi didn't know exactly how the conversation went but Appa was going with Uncle Sokka, wherever Uncle Sokka was going.
"Because one, this isn't a vacation and two, your mom would kill me if she found out I took you out of the city with me without telling her again." Sokka answered his nephew as he fed Appa.
"So tell her this time," Bumi suggested as if it were obvious.
"Sorry sport, but you're staying behind this time." Sokka said again.
Bumi was going to argue but that was when he saw Mika and Azula approaching the field and he hurried to go say hi to his friend.
As the two kids talked Azula went over to Sokka who was just finishing feeding Appa.
"Thank you" she said
"Thank Aang, Appa's his bison" he replied
"I will but thank you for everything, it means the world to both me and Mika" she said awkwardly, clearly not knowing how to go about saying this.
"You're welcome" Sokka replied, a bit caught off guard, the slight tension between the two was interrupted when Appa lightly sniffed Azul and then proceeded to lick her.
Sokka chuckled as she made a slightly disgusted face at the bison's antics
"See, Appa likes you," he said as he took her bag from her and threw it up onto the saddle with his own bag.
"Strange considering he growled at me last time" Azula commented and Sokka shrugged.
"I may have been talking to him," he sheepishly admitted
"You probably bribed him to" Azula accused with a smirk
"No!" Sokka defended but Azula only laughed at his outburst and went to collect her daughter.
"Why does she get to go when I don't?" Bumi whined, training at Azula's heels as she led Mika over to Appa and Sokka.
"Enough Bumi" Sokka said in frustration while he carefully watched the girl's climb up onto Appa. He was more worried about Mika than Azula, though he also kept his eyes focused on Azula since she was half carrying her daughter and hauling herself up with pretty much just one hand. "Tell your parents we'll be back soon," he instructed once Azula and Mika were in the saddle and he climbed up to take the reins.
"I still want to come" Bumi mopped but this time Sokka just flat out ignored him and turned his focus to the sky.
"Yip yip".
Author's Note: Hey guys, i know this chapter is a little shorter than the last couple, i promise it is the only one and the next one will be longer! Also thanks for reviewing and please keep it up, the reviews really make my day and help me write! Also the credit for the idea of brining in the spirits into this goes to Guillo1988, thanks so much for the idea!