Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce's world and characters (most of them are anyways)

Spring, 455 H.E

March 16 – late evening

We joined the Emperor for a late dinner today, but nothing of consequence was said. This is to be expected, for the court is in its final day of mourning for the Emperor's daughter, Princess Chisakami.

Oh, Chisakami! How sorry I am for your death. We were never close, but you are my own flesh and blood. I will send a prayer to Yama in hopes that you may sleep peacefully.

The evening sun striking the Emperor made him seem even older than usual. The shadows created new wrinkles, and made his pepper-and-salt beard look grayer. His face, which always seemed to wear a faint suggestion of anger, was even more sorrowed than usual. It was said that he took the news of his daughter's death harshly.

I have never liked dinner and am not hungry after the sun sets. During the evening I managed to get through the dried fish and the soup, but it was an effort to eat anything. I ate slowly, conversing with my two old friends, Yuki and Lady Teintaro.

While I dawdled over my food Lady Hebi, who had already finished eating, quietly rose and sat next to the Emperor. She watched me eating for a while in silence.

I wish I knew what was said, but left to join the other court ladies in a game of fan toss. It was most enjoyable; one of the ladies created a barrier to stop the rain from hitting us. We played outside, enjoying the fresh air. The rice fields looked unbelievably beautiful, a thick green maze that spread out as far as I could see.

March 17

I dreamed that I was flying through a grove of almond trees where a gentle drizzle was falling, and upon clearing the grove for an instant felt happy before waking up. A servant was trying to wake me: Nariko requested that I join the Imperial ladies for morning practice, and eat with them for breakfast.

Yuki -as well as a few other ladies distantly related to the Imperial line- was already present when I came to join them. I told Yuki my dream and she clapped her hands together in delight.

"It is another good sign, Cricket, I am certain."

The mention of my nickname made me smile. I have not been called Cricket since I was a little girl. But those were much happier times.

Lady Haname noh Ajikuro joined me in a stretching routine, murmuring court gossip to me as she did so. "Did you know the Emperor is looking to find someone else to marry the Torallan prince? Yes, he still wishes for an alliance. Your Tortallan friend, Keladry, and her family greatly impressed the Emperor."

I placed my hand on Haname's soft, delicate shoulder and felt a physical excitement which I could not explain.

March 17 - later

The Emperor and I were sitting in the springhouse by the edge of the ocean admiring the moon, when he suddenly spoke to me, "Shinkokami, might I have word?"

Despite the phrasing, it was not a request. I fluttered over to him and bowed low, my nose almost touching the ground.

I owe the Emperor everything, and he knows it. He could do anything to me, and yet he chooses to be kind. It will never cease to mystify me, how a man can be kind to his treacherous niece yet so cruel to his people.

He inquired of my studies, especially of my knowledge of Tortall. I replied that it was very well, and reminded him gently of my experience with their culture, through the ambassador and his family.

"Were you close to the ambassador?"

"Why, yes, Imperial Highness. Lady Keladry was a very dear friend; she taught me everything I know about Tortall."

We were silent, and the Emperor hemmed and hawed to himself. He remarked on my growing age, my betrothal, and my growing figure, which shocked me. I had to bring out my shukusen to conceal my blush.

The Emperor at this point rose from his chair and walked out of the room. He obviously had something to disclose to me. I warily tiptoed out behind him.

He stopped when he reached the wall hanging depicting the Imperial Family and said, "Time's are changing Shinkokami."

I could think of nothing to say, and decided that a bow would be an adequate response.

"I have done a terrible thing."

"Your Imperial Highness could not have done a terrible thing." I was almost in tears as I said this. He is sending me away permanently to live with Lady Hebi, not just for a three-month stay.

"I have betrothed you to the Prince of Tortall."

At these words I froze. I felt as if my legs were crumbling underneath me, I was so happy. The Emperor continued talking, explaining why he had done such a thing, pretending to ignore my embarrassing show of emotion. It is at times like this when I remember that he is human, despite all the terrible things he has done. Once in a while, he does something caring for a loved one, before unleashing venom upon his other subjects.

He has dissolved my wedding contract. That was the only thought that I could process through my numb brain. Even now, much later, I still have not absorbed the shock.

I am going to be Queen of Tortall. My blood has won over all else.

March 19

Today the Emperor made the official announcement of my engagement. I can not believe it has come to this. I am quite excited, though I know that there has been plenty left unplanned.

The ocean was smoldering in the rain as we stood there, close to a hundred men and women. We listened with all due reverence to his address, in spite of the drenching rain. The rain went through my outer kimono, penetrated my inner kimono, and finally soaked through my undergarments.

Lady Hebi was sitting next to me, her nostrils flaring in her fury. For the first time in my life I realized how horrible it must be to live a life like Lady Hebi. Yes, she is mean and stingy and scolds me. Yes, she is the kind of person who secretly devises way to increase her fortunes. But she is only trying to make her way in this court.

The pity was not long-lasted, however. She turned to me, jaw clenched, and commented that she believe that I was damaged goods.

Damaged goods.

My ears are still ringing. Would Lady Hebi really make up such a lie? Is she that desperate to link her family to the Imperial Line? There are dozens of other girls with such connections.

No, I decided. Lady Hebi is a snake: when they sink their teeth into something, they won't let go.

Note: Hope you liked it! Tell me what you think.