CHAPTER ELEVEN: Voldemort, The Trio and Tina Titties.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Chapter inspired by review idea from Geek Squared 1307. Thanks for the inspiration. With no further hesitation…the chapter.
JUST KIDDING, DISCLAIMER FIRST: If you sue me, I'll sue you for unrightfully suing me.
Hermione Granger sat perched on her bed at her Muggle home with a HP laptop in front of her. Two of her closest friends sat next to her. Their eyes were wide with excitement --- this was their first exposure to Muggle technology. Hermione found it positively amusing how they were so inquisitive. If only they had been this enthused about Transfiguration!

"What's this do, 'Mione?" Ron asked with a mouthful of cookie.

"It's the backspace button…don't touch it…no…Ron…don't..."

Ron touched it. And the text she was typing in the search engine magically disappeared.

"Ugh, Ronald Weasley!"

" 'orry 'Mione…." he took another mouthful of cookie.

Harry was just simply watching. "Show us something else!"

"Like?" Hermione paused. "Oh, I can show you myspace."

"Myspace?"

"Yes. Myspace…a place for friends."

She typed the address in the browser and a webpage loaded. Harry watched calmly and Ron stuffed the rest of the cookie in his mouth and devoted his full attention to the screen. She logged in and accessed her profile.

Harry looked dumbfounded. "What's the point?"

"Who cares?" exclaimed Ron "I want one! Hermione…let me see."

"Ron, honestly…I don't think that's such a bright idea."

"Why not?" inquired Harry. "If you have one why can't Ron?"

"Whatever, fine, fine."

She had a sneaky feeling she would regret succumbing to peer pressure. She let Ronald take over the computer and at first she wanted to smack her head against a hard surface. But eventually he got the hang of it and had managed to create a Myspace account. He opted to keep the default layout and skip directly to adding friends.

"Harry, mate…come look!"

Harry directed his attention towards the image Ron was pointing to.

"Look at these knockers!" Ron exclaimed, happily.

"Tina Titties?"

"Oh, please. That's so immature!" interjected Hermione.

"They're nice. 'Mione, do you think she'll accept if I add her to my friends list?"

"Probably. She looks like she'd accept just about anybody."

Harry nodded in agreement. "Hey who's that?" he asked Ron.

"Oh…says here that it's Shelby Shagmerough."

"Friend her." Harry offered as he looked at the default picture, which basically consisted of a girl wearing leather boots, a low cut top and very revealing shorts.

"You both make me sick."

As Ron was adding Shelby to his myspace friends, Harry noted something peculiar about Shelby Shagmerough's top friends list. Voldemort was on it.

"Is that who I think it is Ron?"

"Yes, Shelby Shagmerough. I told you mate…"

"No, Ron…number 6 on her friends list."

All three sat in silence and said "He who must not be named!" in unified realization that their sworn enemy indeed had a myspace profile. More disturbing was the fact that the one and only Lord Voldemort went out of his way to friend Shelby Shagmerough.

"Should we friend him?" asked Ron.

"No, no, no…it's probably a fraud" said Hermione reasonably.

"I don't think so, Hermione. I know the Dark Lord. I think this is legit."

"Right, Harry. So the most evil, powerful Wizard of all time has a Myspace profile? You've got to be kidding me. Least of all, he wouldn't go befriending such distasteful women."

"He's friends with Fluffy…and the Dementors." added Ron.

"Ron, that's not the point. Don't friend him."

"Friend him!" Urged Harry. "If it really is him, maybe we can keep tabs on him and find out his whereabouts before he gains ultimate power and tries to kill me again."

Ron friended him. "If it's just a fraud as you say Hermione, then it'll do me no harm."

"Ughh. Ronald Weasley!"

---

Meanwhile, in Death Eater Headquarters Voldemort received a New Friends Request alert and had to stop himself from smiling with joy. Dark Lords just don't do that… it's against the rules.

The would-be smile quickly turned into a grimace of disgust when he realized it was none other than Potter's friend that requested him. A rather dirty, redheaded individuaL. A Weasley.

"Ron Weasley (future Chudley Canon!)… what a beyond idiotic default name!"

Voldemort was alone tonight so he couldn't even discuss this insulting gesture with his useless cohorts. How would he vent?

Perhaps he would create a myspace blog. Yes, that's it. A blog.

He clicked "Post a New Blog".

Subject: I'm Voldemort. I don't need a bloody subject.

Body:

First off, I would like to state for the record that I'm shocked the Weasley's could afford a computer. They are lowest of low in the entire Wizarding world. I am also shocked a Weasley could manage to operate a computer, seeing as intelligence doesn't favor them either. Although, they do have a penchant for Muggle trinkets. After this hideous display I shall concentrate a lot harder on their demise, regardless. What say you to torching their house with dragon fire? Where would I even obtain a dragon?

I don't care. I'll find one. There are probably thousands of dragons at my disposal. I'm Lord Voldemort, I must stop forgetting my identity. I still don't know whether I should accept his friend request though.

My dignity is obviously at stake if I do. However, I might be able to use his profile to my benefit. Perhaps he'll post pictures of him and his friends, or write blogs discussing their whereabouts. I can then attack Potter, seize him, destroy him and reign supreme. So…it's been decided that I will indeed accept the Weasel's friend request. I can play it off like I am not the real Voldemort, as if I'm just another part of the Muggle fan base. I can be a "role-player", a Voldemort impersonator. Oh, I'll fool Weasley all right. I'll fool the whole damn trio.

Naturally, of course, I am going to make this a private blog.

I'm not stupid.

I hereby declare my ultimate brilliance. I knew myspace would pull through for me.

Voldemort filled out the required fields for music (which he put none) mood (which he put optimistic), and settings which he selected as private. He then hit "Preview and Post" followed by a quick click on "Post blog."

Ta-da. Brilliant.

Last but not least, before signing off he accepted Ron Weasley's friend's request.

----

Author's note part II: Be sure to add Voldie for yourselves just as Ron did. Just type in www . myspace . com / i love the dark mark & send a friend's request. If that doesn't work for you search Display name as "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named".

Love forever,
admiral jaye.

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