CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Three cheers for Life and Lovers!
AUTHORS NOTE:Three cheers for starting my second year of University. I know I've been a bit of a jerk in regards to never updating...& for any of you who read the 7th book (which hopefully by now, you all have) I'm ignoring/changing Voldie's fate at the end of it, otherwise this story cannot continue. Will contain spoilers, so DO NOT READ ON IF YOU HAVEN'T READ DEATHLY HALLOWS.
Continued - I also forgot exactly which Death Eaters died in the battle. I read the book quite quickly and several months ago. To my momentary disadvantage, my copy of the latest one is in the possession of someone I lent it to. So correct any inaccuracies.
DISCLAIMER: Just for the record, I own absolutely nothing. Actually that's a lie. I own plenty of things, just not anything pertaining to this fanfiction.
The Death Eaters were solemn. Nott and the elder Crabbe were sobbing over the loss of their beloved master and their reputation. Many of the Death Eaters were stung by Snape's betrayal and the personal losses they suffered.
Some were even angry at Voldemort and blamed his helpless addiction to Myspace.
"If only he hadn't spent so much time on that goddamn thing, then maybe we would've stood a fighting chance!" Narcissa sighed, sadly, as she plopped down on an easy chair in the Manor.
Most of the "meetings" now took place in the Manor. However, in their grief and trodden spirits, they usually just wound up playing Guitar Hero (which they commandeered from a Muggle household sometime within the last month).
"Who is going to take his place?" asked an unnamed, irrelevant Death Eater in the farthest right hand corner of the room, waiting anxiously for his turn to play Guitar Hero.
"No one is going to take his place!" Nott said, offensively.
They remained in awkward silence, albeit the noise of the game.
Right in the middle of a very intense verse of some 70's song, a door slams open and standing in front of them is a very pirate-esque looking figure, the rest of the deceased Death Eaters and Voldemort himself.
"Who are you?" Nott asked the strangely dressed man.
"Argh, Captain Barbosa to ye." He said in really badly written pirate-speak.
"Huh?"
The rest ignored this figure and gasped in surprise "MASTER!"
Voldemort gave the guitar in Traver's hands a quizzical glance before once more looking at the awestruck group.
The Death Eaters embraced their friends and bowed to Voldemort. "We thought you were ... well ... "
"Dead? Arghhh!" Captain Barbosa interjected.
"We went to World's End... he" Bellatrix spoke and motioned to Barbosa "brought us back from the dead. I know he has no motives for doing this, there's nothing in it for him, and this isn't a Pirates of the Caribbean: III story or crossover... but I'm not in a position to complain."
"Arghh." Barbosa said for the last time. He then disappeared from the plot, thankfully.
- - -
Life was starting to feel a bit back to normal and most everyone was glad. Wormtail had the honors of bringing The Dark Lord his beloved laptop. Voldemort scowled in
appreciation. He had grown a lot more bearable, although still insufferably coldhearted and evil at heart.
He acknowledged each one of them. Minus Snape, who was still chillin' in the afterlife for now. He then set off to his home, which he sorely missed, and logged onto Myspace.
It's been too long.
He was surprised to see that people still left him comments, some condolences of his unfortunate loss in the Deathly Hallows. He was happy to see he had a message from his old friend, Shelby Shagmerough, from Chapter eleven.
It was a very detailed message of all the naughty things she'd do to him, when he had been alive. He felt a tingle somewhere in his body that he ignored. Death had a really shitty affect on his emotional state of being. Yes, he would admit to having several of these exchanges with Shelby in the past. But c'mon, every Lord must have a lady... right?
NO, WRONG!
Terribly, awfully wrong! But is casual cyber sex okay?
He wrote back, nonetheless.
Shelby,
I am not gone or deceased any longer. And you know how I feel about all of the above, especially the handcuffs. I must regain my reputation amongst my followers and redeem myself but I think it would benefit us both to meet in person and ...Sod it, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever written. We're going to fuck and you're going to like it. Let's meet in person.
Most Wickedly,
Lord VoLd3m... Erm, Voldemort.
He felt confident with his message and sent it. He began to log off myspace and look around his residence for all the familiar things he had left behind. Where to start picking up the pieces?
He would think about this after he summoned a good supper and had a decent night's rest.
Second note – Thanks to all those who requested the "online girlfriend" idea. I didn't want to jump right into having him "in a relationship" simply because I couldn't figure out how to write it without transitioning it. And I sincerely apologize for not finding a better way for them to resurrect themselves. Hence brief, yet terrible POTC III crossover. Leave lots of love, ideas and friends requests for Voldie!
- Jaye