CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: Voldemort Can't Cope With Change

AUTHORS NOTE: Eighteenth installment of The Dark Lord Gets a Myspace! Thanks a bunch to everybody who has read and favorited and reviewed. I apologize for astounding laziness -- so, here you go, the pointlessness rages on.

DISCLAIMER: At this point, why even bother disclaiming it?

a) I've included 17 of these prior b) if I told you I created Harry Potter, would you believe me? You wouldn't.

End of story.

The Dark Lord had taken a leave of absence from civilized society... and by absence, we mean "dark" business in Transylvania... and by dark business, we mean crystal meth. Narcissa gathered the gang and set up an intervention when she discovered Voldemort's newfound fondness for hard drugs. He is currently two months clean and going strong. His efforts are now concentrated on destruction (and Myspace).

"We missed the old you. Welcome back" said McNair, who was currently playing Talk Dirty to Me" on Guitar Hero III, interrupted himself with an exclamatory: "50 note streak! Fantastic!"

Goyle cheered in support of McNair's video game success. Voldemort scowled. The Death Eaters were in the Crabbes' basement, sitting on dingy peas and carrots colored couches. The room faintly smelled of marijuana. "I told Vincent to stop smoking – told him the Crabbe family line is clean and pure. The boy is slow enough as it is." Crabbe Sr. says whenever somebody comments on the stench.

Voldemort was impatient. "Turn off that ridiculous game!" McNair continued to rock out; "CRUCIO!!" McNair flinched painfully, writhing on the floor. When the pain somewhat subsided, McNair turned the system off.

"Yes, Master. I got booed off, anyway." McNair retreated but Voldemort hadn't seemed to notice, and continued his rantings and ravings.

"Harry Potter lives and I was a complete idiot, completely mad to vacate my throne for such a time. Harry Potter is happily in love and I AM ALLOWING IT! I have been standing idly by while Potter fornicates with female Weasley, drinks firewhisky with male Weasley and spends time with the Mudblood witch. Whereas, I developed a meth addiction in Transylvania and you useless peons play Muggle trash with ruddy songs and waste your lives away in this basement like discontented American teenagers. "

"It is a little absurd" a voice in the back by the carrot sofa chimed in.

"Who said that?" No one answered their Master, in fear. "Wormtail! Fetch me my laptop. Wormtail? Where are you?"

"- he's in the bathroom, Master."

"Accio, computer!" He would do it himself. In Transylvania it was especially difficult to access the internet or a computer in general. Every bone in his body was aching for the familiar experience of surfing Myspace. He could have had an orgasm at the sight of the log-in page. He hurriedly typed in the appropriate information and waiting the mandatory three seconds for everything to load.

"WHAAAAAAT?"

Crabbe and Bellatrix, nearest members, jumped in surprise, "Master?"

"Myspace..." Voldemort surveyed the vast links and clickables on the screen. Nothing was the same. He snarled at the friend status report, snickered at the subscriptions, nearly cursed the 'applications'. "Myspace... has... changed..."

"I'm sure it's not that bad" said the voice by the carrot sofa.

Voldemort fetched his wand. "O RLY?" Voldemort raised his wand and aimed. "AVADA KEDAVRA."

"Luckily he was nameless." Lucius said to Zabini Sr. Zabini seemed to agree, and walked over to the fallen body with Lucius. "Who was that anyway?"

Zabini shrugged. "Think it's the plumber. Why would you hire a plumber, Crabbe? You're a bloody wizard." Crabbe shrugged.

Voldemort hurriedly showed his vile companions the changes in Myspace. The malice coursing through his body grew, he missed the old Myspace. "We must end this."

"You going to find Myspace Tom again?" asked Zabini. Bellatrix snorted, recalling the failed attempt to assassinate Myspace Tom, and could not imagine a second attempt to be a victorious feat.

"He and Harry Potter shall meet their downfall. Very soon. Bellatrix, grab my cloak, we're going to get some frozen yogurt first."

Chapter 18: complete. There will be more when I'm in the mood to write more, which I know, not a hugely promising guarantee. Tis' all I got for now. : ) Leave some reviews and friend Voldie on Myspace! You should all know the site by now & if not, it's listed in previous chapters these little end notes.