(Disclaimer: see first chapter)

Beta: RedButterfly33. Thanks! :D

A/N: A big thank you to mandancie and emthereble for the lovely reviews! :)

5.

April 20th, 1998

Harry restlessly paced his cell. He had received a full bowl of gruel in the morning, and the abundance of food had given him surplus energy that only served to raise his anxiety.

It had been four days since Dumbledore came to visit. Harry had been counting the minutes on that first day in order not to miss the beginning of the following day, on which Dumbledore had promised to return.

But Dumbledore hadn't come.

And Fawkes had failed to show, as well. For the first time since his very first visit, a week after Harry's conviction, Fawkes had failed to come to him. Harry neither knew what had happened at the Weasleys', nor could he be sure that Dumbledore was indeed championing a revision of his case. He was, as usual, left entirely in the dark. And, also as usual, no one seemed inclined to change that.

It had always bothered him, but this time, it was worse than ever. He had gotten used to Fawkes being there for him. The magical bird had become his light and hope in the dark months at Azkaban.

And now he was gone.

First, Harry had put it down to the excitement he must have caused with his latest news. Surely, rescuing the Weasleys had claimed everyone's full attention and Fawkes must have been busy that entire day.

The second day could be explained that way, as well - even though Fawkes had promised him he would always come to visit, unless he had just had a Burning Day. Then, it would take three days... Very well, so that must be the reason, then.

The third day came and went. Harry consoled himself with the thought that Fawkes had been looking rather sickly lately and probably had burned. Three days it would take for him to fly and apparate again. Nervous, insecure, but still hopeful, Harry leaned back against the icy wall on the evening of that third day, as always fighting sleep, which was bringing him worse nightmares than ever now that Fawkes had gone missing.

But the fourth day was drawing to a close, and still there was no word from Fawkes.

Harry did not want to give up, did not want to give in to the fear that had become a deeply ingrained part of him ever since his arrest, if not before. He did not want to believe that even Fawkes had betrayed him.

But how else could he explain the phoenix's absence?

Fawkes had brought Dumbledore to him against Harry's explicit wishes. And had not returned to him since. Dumbledore's words were rattling around in Harry's head: "I will make sure your case is reopened, Harry, you will hear from me tomorrow... you will hear from me tomorrow... tomorrow..."

'Tomorrow' had been three days ago. Dumbledore had lied to him. He was not going to help him.

Maybe he had forbidden Fawkes from continuing to see him. I knew it would have been better not to tell Dumbledore. Why did he have to bring him here?! Or had Fawkes decided on his own that he didn't want to come visit Harry any more? Maybe Harry's mental attack had weakened Voldemort enough for the Order to finally defeat him?

Then the prophecy would indirectly have been fulfilled... And now they no longer need me. Who'd hang out in a cold dungeon anyway if instead they could be celebrating outside underneath the open sky? The idea that Fawkes might have only visited him regularly in order to gain information on Voldemort hurt; yet it was impossible to dismiss. And with every passing hour, it took hold more firmly in his head.

Betrayed.

As he had so often been. Why did he let himself be taken in by people again and again? Had he still not learned his lesson? Well, Fawkes was a phoenix; he could count that in his favour. Harry had stopped trusting in humans, but hadn't given up on animals yet. But it appeared now that magical creatures were just as untrustworthy as humans, after all.

And if the trustworthiness of wizards and Muggles were any index of magical and mundane animals, he would probably do well in the future to trust animals of any kind as little as he did humans.

Was it like this for everyone? Or did this just happen to him because he was Harry Potter?

Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore appeared before his inner eye, conferring about Voldemort's plans; Arthur and Molly Weasley, hugging; Hermione and Ron, squabbling, only to make up afterwards... Yes, there was faith and trust in the world. And it even seemed that other people could afford it.

Just not him.

Of course, why should anyone tell the Boy Who Lived the truth about anything? Just make sure he's kept functional. As long as he'll still hex Voldemort to the Happy Hunting Grounds, it doesn't matter how he personally feels about things, right?

Harry's lips tightened into a thin line. They all should have known better. Ron, Hermione, Hagrid, Dumbledore - how could any of them have believed he would ever switch to Voldemort's side? He hated the man!

They had not trusted him.

Fawkes had said he'd never inspired great trust, what with his secretiveness and all. Should he have poured out his heart to them? Would he not be here now if he had?

He snorted. Oh sure, because they so would have believed me! Just like the adults believed me in first year when I warned them about someone wanting to steal the Stone?

In my second year, I DID confide in Ron and Hermione - resulting in them thinking me crazy!

My third year brought about Sirius, living proof that I can trust neither the Ministry nor my teachers...

And in fourth year, Dumbledore permitted that I compete in the Tournament. And Ron ended our friendship out of jealousy, once again not believing me when I told him the truth!

Fifth year, there were those useless Occlumency lessons with Snape Dumbles forced on me despite my affirmations that it was no good at all; later, he even told me outright that he DIDN'T TRUST ME ENOUGH to teach me himself - for just because it says Harry on the cover doesn't mean it contains Harry, right?* After all, could be Voldemort looking out of my eyes.

Argh, how I despise them all! None of them ever truly took me seriously. Why am I still waiting for Dumbles, anyway? With the wonderful friends I have at Hogwarts, I might as well radio Voldemort to please get me out...

Unnerved, Harry wiped his face with his hand. Wonderful! Next, he would probably consider joining Voldemort. The only thing missing would be an intimate friendship with Malfoy and Snape. He grinned mirthlessly.

Before I join Voldemort, I'll have another go with that spoon...

*Allusion to the German Nutella ad that goes something like "For only if it reads Nutella on the cover there will be Nutella inside". Did they run that ad in English, as well? I couldn't find anything on it.