Chapter 1
You know what bugs me the most? When I go shopping, and don't get me wrong I like to shop but just being with a crowded store and everyone bumping into one another. I am the type of person that does not like to be touched at all. I like to keep to my self and I am a very still person. I only start fidgeting when I'm nervous or expecting something to happen. I'd tap my foot, tap my fingers, breathe harder than usual, and I am a very irritable at these times.
If I was asked to describe myself I wouldn't be able to do it without messing up. When I do look in the mirror all I see is a silent character. She looks innocent enough, her smoldering golden brown eyes. These eyes don't belong to me just her. Her dull pink soft lips that is a little too full for her age. Her very prominent but delicate high cheeks bones. Only 15 years old and models wish to have her face. As beautiful as she is she cares nothing about her looks.
When I look in the mirror I don't see me I see her. She's everything I'm not. She is angel that I see everyday of my life. I despise beautiful people but she is not like all the rest. She cares about everyone she lives with. She tries to give them the care she needs and sometimes that doesn't seem to be enough, I can care for myself. I love all my two brothers and my two sisters. They are to ones I look in the eyes and promise to my self that they need me and I have to stay for them.
I hate the place I grew up in, a small town. I wish to leave but when I look into my siblings' eyes when I'm ready to go and think about what they would say and do when I'm gone. Every time I have my bags packed and I go down stairs for a last glimpse of them I just unpack all my wasted effort. Then I lay in bed that night thinking of why can't leave and my reasons are always the same the look on their faces, my sisters will cry my little brother will miss me and Sam the oldest of them all will convince them over and over again that I will come back. He will sit with them and they will all cry themselves to sleep. When all the young ones are asleep, Sam would go up stairs and breakdown alone. He alone would talk to my mom. My mom has struggled the most and when she finds out that im gone, her oldest daughter she will cry and cry longer than the rest. She would think she raised me wrong and I won't be there to tell her its not her fault.
And when I sleep to the crying in my head I dream of leaving and going beautiful, Paris. Going to the plays every night in the theatres. Finding an orphanage so that I don't have to sleep in the streets, Attending French schools. My life would be like that about now if i wasn't so giving.
The even worst part of my life is school. I am hated by almost everyone, most of them I have never said anything to them. Micheal the only person that has the kindness to give me a chance to be their friend. Yet even he feels distant at times. I feel I don't have to make him suffer by telling him of my wishes. My wishes to leave this place and never return. When he sees me I see his face light up with such an immense amount of joy, I still wonder why he does this. He has been apart of my life since junior high.
In seventh grade I was tripped purposely in the cafeteria by the queen of the damned, Angela Vanderginst and when everyone laughed me he helped me up and gave me his tray to eat. He's like my brother in many ways my real brothers are not. When I was too ill to make my way through school he would bring back my assignments and my favorite candy, Jolly Ranchers. On my birthdays he would sing all my favorite songs at the top of his lungs thorought the school day. His singing voice was not all that great but I appreciated it either way. Then he would call me at the time I was born, three fifteen in the afternoon. We had separate sixth hours now but he would still call. Detention does not intimidate him.