I'm useless. I'm not useless. I am useless. What can I even do? I'm disgusting. I'm a murderer. How can I help? I can help. I can't. I can't do anything. I burn everything I touch. I burn everything. I burn everything. Why didn't I just drown? Why couldn't have it all been over then?
As usual, I'm awake.
For the last hour, I've been watching the little bubbles that appear over Torrent's head when he's tired. It's not unusual for Pieces to do this; it's like a leak of energy when our self control is not so good. Skyra makes little eddies of air gently blow through the room and Briar scatters the tiniest, most perfect flowers I have ever seen. And since they sleep next to each other, standing near them feels like you're in a mild, warm snowstorm. Skye, since she's little, exhales little clouds at every breath, like a natural humidifier.
Me? I probably set fire to the bedsheets or something. Or maybe I puke live coals.
One of the bubbles float over to me, glancing off the tip of my finger before popping. There are more bubbles than usual and I can see Torrent's bed glittering with tiny pebbles, which only happens when he's exhausted. It makes sense. He hasn't slept for forty-eight hours, watching Alexa to make sure she was alright through the night.
I'm about to turn around and try to sleep when Alexa sits up in bed. I get up fast and stub my toe against the bed frame trying to reach her.
"What's wrong? Hungry?" My hands automatically move through her hair, an urge I thought was weird until Torrent confirmed that all of us felt it. I didn't fight it after that. "Thirsty? Do you want water?" I don't expect her to speak because she hasn't for the past two days, so when she does, I jump a little.
"Dark."
"Do you want me to turn on the light?"
She looks at the sleeping bodies around her and shakes her head. But then, she repeats, "Dark."
I hesitate, but she's already reaching for my arms, moonlight in her big eyes.
"Make it light," she says, trusting that I won't accidentally burn her alive.
Useless. Don't do it. You'll burn her. You'll kill everyone. Don't do it. Stop! Stop! You can do it. You can't do it! Don't try! Try! Don't! Do!
Focusing on the light thrumming of her heartbeat, I cup my hands and breathe into them, trying to get the light, but not the heat, of fire. Slowly, the edges of my fingers start to glow.
"Not yet. It's hot," I say quickly when she reaches out for it. She pulls back obediently while I control the heat. When I open my hands, a small, harmless ball of warm light wafts forward, highlighting the wondering expression on her face in a rich yellow. It's her first expression in two days.
Did I do that?
"Can I make it brighter?" she asks, and I touch the orb slightly with the tip of my finger. The brightness increases.
"You can do that, too," I say, handing it over to her, "You also have the light inside." She turns to me and smiles wide, making her eyes crinkle at the corners.
Did I make her smile?
"When did you learn to say cute things, too?"
I feel the sudden pricking of tears and tightness of my throat, and don't answer. I think she understands, because she strokes the turtle that swims down to me wrist as if it were alive. It flips over, letting her pet its belly. The silence lasts for a while, the glow of the ball between us, the turtle swimming up and down my arm.
"Where's Brendan?" and although she doesn't show it, I know she's distressed because Torrent rolls over uneasily in his sleep.
"Steven found him and took him to the hospital he runs in Mossdeep. It's known for it's neurological and psychiatric staff, so he'll be fine."
"Did Steven say anything about him?"
"He just said that he was fine. You can call him later to find out, right?"
"Did Flannery bury Valkyrie?"
I'm still not used to the way her thoughts derail sharply at any point in time. The way she jumps from topic to topic gives me whiplash.
"I - uh - well, I saw a fresh grave on the outskirts of town. So - yeah. I guess."
"I wanna call Steven."
"It's pretty late. Do you think he'll pick up?"
"He'll pick up," she responds assuredly, sliding off the bed.
"Alright. You should put some clothes on, though."
She finds her shorts on the ground, and slides them on, zipping up Torrent's jacket around her shoulders. But when we get to the door, iPhone in one hand, the ball of light in the other, I hear a sharp intake of breath.
"Lexa?" Torrent calls, wrenching the blanket off him.
"Hello."
"You alright?"
"Yeah. Gonna go call Steven."
He exhales something that sounds like "thank Cresselia", gets up, clattering the pebbles onto the floor, and hugs her tightly.
"You need a bath," he says when he lets go.
"I know. This is the hot spring place, right?"
She trots forward and Torrent grabs my hand with his cool one and squeezes tightly, making my heart stutter in surprise. I can feel the relief in his fingers. He stays like that down the hallway, the points of his fingers digging into my palms, whispering thank-you's under his breath.
"Did you make that?" he finally asks, nodding at the ball.
"Er, yeah."
He lets go of my hand, the spots where his fingers used to be achingly cool.
"Didn't know you had it in you."
"I didn't either."
He reaches forward to take Alexa's hand, which she gives willingly, putting the phone in her pocket. He bends down to rub noses with her, brown skin next to pale skin.
We walk through expensive rooms. The hallways are all lined with dark wood, polished until cool. Giant windows show the surrounding forest on one side, and the sprawling hot springs on the other, making the hallways seem like part of the outside. However, at this time of night, you can only see what's inside the soft glow of the lanterns. Whenever employees pass us, they ask if we need anything and bow when we say we don't.
Finally, we reach the lobby, another room designed with strips of mahogany and teakwood. The windows extend here, too, but one entire side is completely open to air, letting in the night breeze that ruffles the leaves of the potted plants. The wooden wind chimes return the soft hiss of leaves.
She calls Steven when we get to the changing rooms. As she thought, the phone rings twice before it connects. But it's not Steven who picks up the phone, but an Aggron with shaggy black hair and rich blue eyes. As I dissipate the light ball, I hear both Alexa and Torrent gasp.
"It's the little princess," the Aggron says, tipping the flat metal mask on top of his head like a hat. "Looking for Steven?"
"Cobalt?" I hear her soft voice break towards the end. Her fingers inch towards the screen. "Cobalt?"
"Ah," his eyebrows draw together in grief. He slides the mask over his face, the metal fangs stopping just over his chin, until only those deep blue irises glow out of his face. "We all have these eyes, princess. It's best to forget about the little one."
At this, the spell breaks, and I can hear the steel creep into Alexa's voice.
"I don't forget. I won't forget."
"Damian!"
The Aggron half-turns and I see Steven in a white coat, a metal and rubber bendy thing around his neck.
"Steven!" Alexa grabs the iPhone, "Is Brendan okay?" Steven stops and I see him take a sharp breath, as if in pain, but his voice is smooth.
"One day, I hope you will call me just for me," he says quietly, then continues, "Brendan's fine. He's awake and calm."
"Can I see him?"
"No."
"Steven!" I growl.
"No, both of you," he says, this time with rare authority in his voice. "You might make him unstable. He's scheduled to talk with a psychiatrist very soon and I don't want that to be harder than it is. It's what's best for him."
Her breath catches in her throat before rushing out.
"Fine," she says.
"What about you? Are you okay?"
"I miss my brother," she whispers.
"I don't."
Another ragged breath.
"We need to go, Steven," Torrent says, glancing at Alexa, who is squeezing the phone hard enough so that it creaks. He hangs up quickly and pries her hand open, saving the phone from an untimely death. "C'mon, Lexa. Bath time." He needs to say it several time before she responds by taking off her shirt. "Look away," he growls at me.
"What? From what?"
"Her. It's a human thing. It's weird to stare for them."
"Oh." I look away, studying the flammable whorls and patterns carved into the wood that lines the huge mirror. I turn back when I hear the rustle of a towel and see Torrent stripping, too, after wrapping a towel around Lexa. "Have you gotten darker than me?"
He pauses, looking at his own skin.
"Maybe. We get darker as we get closer to evolution. More mud-colored."
"In my world, you'd be called caramel-colored and beautiful," Alexa says, serious, but not looking so lost anymore. Torrent smiles and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "When you evolve, I think you will be much taller than me. Even taller than Briar."
"Yeah, Briar's pretty short," Torrent laughs.
"Do Pieces have reproductive genitals?"
"No," Torrent replies without missing a beat, leaving me, again, with whiplash. But the logical question of "then how do they reproduce" doesn't seem to follow.
Nobody's outside at this time of night, except us, of course. The steam curls around my shirt, asking me to take it off, but I firmly pull it closer to my body, not planning to come anywhere near the water. Torrent, on the other hand, releases Alexa's hand and dives into the water with hardly a sound or a ripple. I see him in the water for a moment, and then he almost melts away into the ground, his camouflage kicking in.
"Are you scared?" she asks me, one foot already on the natural, rough stone steps leading into the water. She doesn't give me time to respond and instead, holds my hand lightly. "Don't worry. I'll hold your hand."
So I strip off my shirt, my insides quaking and the turtle turning screwdrivers across my chest. Torrent watches low in the water, only his hair breaking the surface. I almost slip on the steps, but she grasps my hand firmly and I feel the water solidify around my free hand, steadying me. Torrent smiles.
The warmth steadies the tremor in my legs as we sit down on one of the many stones. Alexa swims from stone to stone to the deeper end under Torrent's watchful eye while I lean back, still in the shallows.
The voices are still.
The day before we leave for Petalburg, we meet Flannery again.
We walk in the woods, Briar, Alexa, and I, before we have to go back to the city. It's a strange walk; I've never been alone, sort of, with Briar before and he doesn't go out of his way to talk to me, instead pointing out the edible plants to Alexa and feeding her honeysuckle. Insects hum in the air, though staying away from us, and the trees rise like pillars into a heavy sky. Then, between the gaps of the trees, we see fiery red hair.
"Hello, girl," Flannery says and nods and Briar and me. She looks neither angry nor sad. Just tired.
"Hello," Alexa replies cautiously.
"Are you going to Petalburg next?" Alexa nods. "Tavor doesn't seem to like you very much. Stay on your toes." Flannery moves to leave.
"I'm sorry about Valkyrie."
The gym leader stops and looks back.
"There's no need to be sorry. Death isn't the worst thing that can happen." Flannery glances idly at the dark clouds roiling above us. "Valkyrie was a fighter. Bred to fight, with two aggressive parents. That's what they used to do, before PALs, to make sure that the Piece wanted to fight. But when PALs finally started to become popular, I didn't let her fight anymore. I think she would have rotted from the inside out if you didn't come along. I certainly would have." Flannery looks at neither Briar nor I but straight, and only, at Alexa. "That is the bond between C-Key and Piece. You must be willing to die for your Pieces, as your Pieces are willing to die for you. Do not flinch at death. There are worse things."
"Like what?" Alexa asks.
Flannery looks at her for a long time.
"I think you know what, girl."
She picks a long-stemmed flower from a nearby bush and leaves.