A sky. Stars. Then slices of dawn.
A window.
The sea. I hear it.
A bed, bolted to the ground so I can't move it.
Where is Aspen?
These aren't my clothes.
A sky. The moon.
Where is Aspen? Where are my Pieces? Where are my friends?
Steven Stone walks in and pauses when he sees me in the window seat.
"I heard you wouldn't talk to your psychiatrist," he says, sitting on the bed. The late sun burns fire into his grey hair. I don't move from my position, knees pulled up to my chest, head facing the window. "Brendan, look at me."
"I need answers," I creak, my voice rusty from disuse, but I don't clear my throat. Let it rust. I don't want to speak any more than I have to.
"I'll give you whatever answers I can. But please, don't sit there. You've been there for hours. I feel like the sun is going to burn a hole in your retinas."
I do not turn.
Where's Aspen?
"Where's Aspen?" I ask.
"Your team is with your father right now. I've been giving them daily updates about you."
"Aspen should be in here with me."
"Do you want me to arrange for him to come to you?"
All my joints whine when I unfold myself slowly off the hard wood and settle myself next to Steven.
"I... I want my... my stepmom. My mom. I want my mom." And when Steven takes my hand, I feel the tears start to blur my vision immediately. His eyes are somewhat like my own were, calculating, distant. But he wraps his own fingers around mine. He does not say a word. "I love A... Alex," I choke out her name, "I love her so much," my throat is convulsing. I am shaking. "Because she is pretty and I couldn't... couldn't have pretty things all my life and I wanted this so badly to be the exception." It's not just the outside. She's the woods at night. She's the ocean on a calm day. Through and through. I don't know how to explain this to Steven, but he nods. He understands. "But I can't have her. I am... afraid... of something I cannot explain or name." I am hiccuping. I am crying. "He said if I didn't stay away from her... he'd kill her... he'd kill my family. He proved it and killed one of my Pieces. I buried one of my Pieces, because I loved a girl. So why is it that you-!" And here, the jealousy and hate do nothing more than crush my heart into my ribcage. "You are allowed to be next to her, to love her. But I am so afraid. I am so afraid."
"Of who?" he asks softly. He strokes my back, soothingly, but I am doubled over with the pain that seems to puncture every blood vessel in my body.
I cry.
I cry until I can no longer feel the sun on my back. I cry, kneeling in that small bed until Steven puts my head on his lap. I cry until I'm not seventeen any longer, but four years old again, asking where my mom is in a thick, painful accent. All through it is Steven's hand in mine, his thumb brushing my arm.
"WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME?!" I scream. I don't know to whom. "I WOULD LOVE HER. I COULD LOVE HER." More quietly, "I don't want to die. I am so afraid. I want my mom."
"I'm sorry," I hear him whisper.
Then, I know that some of these tears on my cheeks are not my own.
"It's been a long time since we've been here," I say. The memories of last time crowd into the back of my throat and I swallow them down so they can burn in my stomach instead. Wally's not here. Even if he was here, I will not let him hurt me again.
I'm not alone, though I'm walking by myself. Skyra and Skye wheel above me in chained loops. When I put my fingers in my mouth and whistle, Skye waves and floats down in large, lazy circles. Skyra gives her a full minute head start and then folds her wings abruptly. Slowly and then faster and faster, she spirals to the earth in a hurtling line, overtaking Skye. Right before hitting the ground, she angles forward and opens her wings, bracing her feet on the dirt to send her sliding a few feet away from me, dust staining the legs of her jeans. Skye lands next to me with a neat pat.
"Mommy, your clothes are dirty now," Skye says, slipping her small hand into mine. Skyra shrugs. Her jeans shimmer gold for a brief second and then dim; all the dirt has disappeared.
"Clothes are just clothes," the Swellow says dismissively. "Who are you using for the gym battle?"
"Torrent and Briar," I answer back, taking off my backpack and taking their two PENs. "I'll be back soon, so could you find a place to stay at the Piece Center?" Skyra nods and gestures to Skye. As they walk off, I see Skye wedge her head into the crook of Skyra's elbow, nuzzling. Skyra runs a thumb over the Swablu small cheek, begrudgingly affectionate.
The days are so long now.
Torrent stretches when he comes out, long muscles forming the graceful curve from the inside of his wrist down his ribs to his ankles. Then he smiles at me and pulls me closer. I barely reach his collarbones now.
"Ready, Lexa?" I nod and he grins at Briar. "Ready to roll, Briar boy?
"Try to keep up, babe," Briar flips back. I'm surprised to see that Torrent doesn't flush, but merely laughs, eyes shining like lakes do under stormy skies.
Maybe we all move forward.
Petalburg Gym is dark, just like last time. Empty. Desolate. Warm with wood colors and the scent of cinnamon.
"You're back again." Again, in the far shadows, Tavor waits for us.
"I'm back," I agree.
"If you're looking for a fight, you won't find much of one here," he says, throwing out a PAL. There's a red flash and the Vigoroth I saw so long ago, when Torrent was still a Mudkip, stands before me. "I used to have three Pieces. Now I have two. Wally put down the Vigoroth I used to beat him with. He disconnected him with the PAL."
"You stood up to him?" I ask, surprised. Torrent looks just as shocked.
"I - I..." Tavor's voice shrinks, "I was once... a strong man. As I... as I said I was... the last time I saw you." He pauses and then nods. "Once a strong man."
All of a sudden, my heart hurts and my hand flies up to claw at my chest.
"Torrent," I choke out, and he holds my other hand, squeezing. "What... why?"
"Pity, Baby Girl," Briar whispers, shaking his head. Tavor waits for us, hair as thin as ever, baggy clothes rustling. "You're feeling pity. Come on, Torrent. Let's get this over with."
Briar disappears and then reappears in front of the Vigoroth, impossibly fast, already halfway turning into a kick. His foot connects with a crack, and the Vigoroth is slammed into the wall, breaking the wood panels in half.
"Nice Mach Kick, you dumb Breloom," Torrent catcalls. He elbows me, trying to get me to laugh, so I do. "Why don't you Mach it better?"
"I'm not even going to grace your alarmingly terrible pun with an answer," Briar retorts and dodges the Vigoroth creeping up to him. "Feint Attacks are really easy to see, Tav-!" In the next instant, the Vigoroth's clawed gloves rip a line from the bottom of Briar's ribcage to his shoulder. Molten gold spurts out, following his heartbeat, echoing the frantic beat of my own, but I stay calm.
"Briar, Mega Drain," I say. The Vigoroth is dragged forward by the force of his own life sinking into Briar's bronze knuckles. "Leech Seed."
Torrent looks at me, confused.
"Why not finish him off?" he asks.
"Leech Seed for the next Piece," I say. Vigoroth coughs up blood, the room hazy with spores. Sharp blades of grass push up from the floor, centering around Briar, whose chest visibly knits together. It's always thrilling to watch Nature bend to Briar's or Torrent's or anyone's will. It's heady. It's terrifying.
The Vigoroth makes a last-ditch lunge at Briar, but the Breloom lashes out first, fist connecting this time. Tavor recalls the Vigoroth before he hits the floor. There's another flash and a giant, looming Piece has taken the Vigoroth's place. The muscles along his bare arm and back ripple and when he widens his stance, the ground tremors under his weight. The sharp grass pays no attention to his stature and worms its way into the Slakoth's legs.
"Shit," Briar coughs.
"Switch out, Briar," I say. Briar limps back to me while Torrent walks out. I take one look at his chest and grind my teeth to stop them from chattering.
"Don't look at me like that, Baby Girl," Briar says, accepting the Super Potion I hand to him. "It'll heal."
"He hit an artery."
"Critical hit. Slash tends to do that." He reaches out and streaks his blood on my face. It smells like vanilla. "Come on. Torrent's waiting for you. Look ferocious." I make the nastiest face I can and he grins, "There's my girl."
"Slakoth, Focus Punch," Tavor says. The Slakoth slowly sways back and forth, rocking harder and harder to some terrifying end. Torrent pulls the dial on his gun and shoots a jet of water point blank at the Slakoth, knocking him off balance. "Get up, Slakoth. Focus Punch." Torrent jumps forward, meaning to Tackle him, but Tavor barks, "Deflect!" The Slakoth blocks and Torrent bounces off, almost harmlessly.
"This is going to take forever," Torrent groans.
"Forever's better than dead, Marshtomp," Briar growls. "Pay attention."
"Pay attention to what?" Torrent asks, pointing the gun at the Slakoth again, and knocking him down with a Mud Shot.
Is he trying to make me laugh?
"I'm not joking, Torrent," and Briar's voice has a dangerous edge to it. Tavor watches with glittering eyes.
"Get up, Slakoth. Slack Off. Then, Focus Punch."
Torrent sighs, deep in his chest. The Slakoth starts rocking again. I look up at Briar, and I hear the gears whirring in his head.
"Pay attention," Briar smiles, showing all his teeth, eyes crackling.
"Fine," Torrent grumbles, and shoots his Water Gun while turning back.
It misses the Slakoth by a millimeter and crashes into the back wall. Tavor smiles.
"Focus Punch!"
I don't give Briar a chance to react. I dive in front of Torrent, facing the oncoming hit, pushing Torrent behind me. I don't close my eyes.
"SLAKOTH, STOP!" The giant figure doesn't; it's too late to stop. But he does avert his path so that he roars past us, the energy of the missed blow hitting us so hard, my neck snaps back. I take Torrent's jacket and I spin him around.
"Water gun!" I shout.
He doesn't raise his gun. Instead, I hear the screech of pipes bending and a geyser of water from the ground blasts the Slakoth backwards like a rubber ball. The flood doesn't stop. Pipes burst from several other places, hammering into the Piece. The water swirls up fast, until I'm clutching to Torrent, trying to stay on top of the water around my neck.
"Torrent!" I look at him and find his eyes swirling grey, a frightening expression on his face. "Torrent!" I scream just as the water closes over my head. Suddenly, it drains, just as fast as it rose up. I cough the water out of my lungs.
"Girl, are you crazy?!" Tavor shrieks, wading through the water in his broken gym. "Do you have a death wish?!"
I grab his hand, laughing. I don't know why.
"There are worse things than death, Tavor," I manage to say between coughing and laughing. "And the easy thing to do would have been to kill me. Gym Leader," I hug him on impulse, grinning, "You are not a coward."
When I pull back, Tavor looks at me with a strange expression. It seems like he's looking at a different person, a different time.
"You remind me of my son," he says quietly. But in a moment, his usual expression comes back. "No, I suppose I'm not a coward."
Something wet and vanilla-scented splashes the back of my head, and I turn to see grass blades, as sharp as needles and as thick as cables, pierce through Torrent's arms and legs. A couple go through his stomach and rib cage.
"BRIAR!"
But he's not paying any attention to me.
"What did I tell you, Torrent?" Briar hisses softly while Torrent vomits blood. "Who is my priority?"
"Lexa," Torrent gurgles, bubbles of golden blood floating to the wet ground.
"Briar, stop!" I trip over obstacles trying to reach them.
"Who is your priority?"
"Lexa. It was an accident-"
"She almost died, you arrogant, unloved-"
I remember Steven. I reach up and seize the clothes around Briar's neck and pull him down until I've locked gazes with him.
"I said stop, Breloom," I snarl. The grass retreats as he looks away almost immediately.
"Yes, Alexa. Sorry, Alexa."
I let go of his clothes and stumble to Torrent, hurriedly taking out the tiny vial of Hyper Potion that I always keep in my pocket. I open his jaw and spray it directly into his mouth. He convulses and I see his eyes roll back into his head as the holes in his body close.
In a moment, he opens his eyes, the grey color foggy.
"You shouldn't have done that," I say severely. "You were trying to make me laugh, weren't you?"
Torrent shut his eyes again.
"I didn't want to see you sad. You were sad for so long back in Lavaridge. I didn't want that to happen again."
"And you almost got killed because of it."
"No. I almost got you killed because of it," he says, "I'm sorry, Lexa. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I don't know what to say. We are both always more concerned of the other. "Briar, babe," he continues, "you okay there?"
"Skyra's going to kill me," Briar says. "But yeah. I'm good now. Thanks, Baby Girl. The energy went a bit haywire." As Briar bends over to pick Torrent up, Tavor sticks the Balance Sticker on my face.
"Balance Sticker, Facade TM. Please get out of my Gym."
We walk out and I look behind me to see him watching us. I raise a tentative hand, and just as hesitantly, he raises his back.
"There are worse things than death, Gym Leader Tavor," I call, and face forward.
Outside, in the bright sun, Briar takes a moment to press his forehead against Torrent's and take a long shuddering breath.
"Aw, that's hella gay, Briar," Torrent mutters.
"Never stopped you, did it?"
Torrent laughs as best as he can with his lung partially punctured.
"So you knew all along?"
"All along," Briar says. I look away, not wanting to embarrass him. I hear Torrent wipe Briar's eyes very softly. "I'm sorry for... a lot of things. Maybe in a different life."
"Not even in a different life. You know that, Briar," Torrent says, disapprovingly. "Fucking near-death experiences make all of you weird. The funny thing is, you're the one that caused that near death experience. Skyra's gonna-"
I turn just in time to see Briar kiss him. Torrent's hand falters and then curls in Briar's hair and his eyes slide shut with an expression I've never seen before. Then, Briar freezes and drops Torrent before he's smashed back into the Gym by Skyra's dive bomb.
When I reach Torrent, he's laughing. He pulls me closer and kisses me, too, just not with the same expression. His tongue licks the roof of my mouth.
"Just so it isn't weird," he says, snickering.
"I think it's supposed to be weird, regardless, Torrent," I say propping him up. Skyra strides up to us and sits down, hard.
"Briar's an idiot. You okay, Torrent?"
"I'm alright. Lexa almost died. I deserved it."
I'm pulled to her chest in a rare, fierce hug.
"You're not mad at Torrent and Briar for kissing?" I ask, my voice muffled by the wings that wrap around me. I reach around and scratch her between the shoulder blades, where she can't reach.
"Different species get upset for different things. We all have different customs. Besides, Briar is my... soulmate. I guess that would be the closest word. Our hearts are made of the same material, connected with the same string. It'll always pull us together, no matter what life. Although right now," she's angry when she pulls away, "he can scrape himself off the wall."
In one motion, she scoops up Torrent and sets a straight course for the Piece Center.
I pick my way over to Briar, who lies in the rubble and grass. Already, the plants here are greener and taller. I lie down beside him and he tucks his arm under my head in a makeshift pillow.
"Why did you kiss him, Briar?" I ask after a while, confused. This is all very strange. He lifts himself slightly and pecks me on the mouth. I'm surprised. He's never done that before.
"I was marking him."
When I feel my lip, something like peach chapstick comes off on my fingers. It tastes sweet.
"You're just like a giant fruit," I say. "But that's not the real reason."
"Adrenaline rushing. I almost killed my best friend because I let emotions overcome me. My energy spilled out, just like Torrent's did when he was protecting you. I'll stabilize in a while. Or maybe I just kissed him for the hell of it. I'm not really sure, Baby Girl. I like knowing the reason for everything, but sometimes, there just isn't a reason." He gives me a sidelong glance. "Why? Is it confusing you?"
"Sorta," I say and snuggle closer to him. Overhead, a vine blooms in vibrant colors.
"In the end, Baby Girl, logically, it doesn't matter. Kiss whoever you want. Boys, girls, and everywhere in between and beyond. Pieces and people. If anyone judges you, I'll eat them."
"You're vegetarian."
"No, I'm not. I'm a decomposer. I eat dead things. The point is, kissing is a form of love. Whether innocent or not, who can make you feel bad for that? As long as you don't broach upon the rights of others, like Tavor did, or used to do, with that Vigoroth, and as long as there's consent, do whatever you want. And to hell with anyone who's narrow-minded enough to think otherwise."
"That's easy. I like that."
He chuckles.
"I'm glad."
A long, lovely silence.
"You told him. You told Torrent."
"Yes, I did. Near-death experiences do that sometimes."
"I'm glad you told him."
I realize, much later, when we're walking back hand-in-hand, that I have seen that expression that Torrent made while kissing Briar.
Just on someone else.