Joyce
I can't believe that ditzy Plum is finally getting married. All of her attendants are already married, and unless I'm wrong, they all have buns in the oven. Idiots. Not wanting rugrats is what did in my first marriage. Still, he did pay for the boob job and I got a nice house out of it. Not bad for an eighteen month investment of time. Unlike that stupid Plum chick. Dickie might be good looking, but he was still paying off law school loans. Serves her right if she has to keep working at that stupid underwear job.
I have hated her since I first laid eyes on her in grade school. She was skinny, with lots of curly brown hair and blue eyes. She always seemed to be in her own little world. I wanted to make sure that she knew who ran the playground. I was bigger than the rest of the girls, and none of them were brave enough to disagree with me, except for her. No matter what I did, she never let me intimidate her, and I hated her for it.
On the plus side, making her life miserable made school a lot more entertaining. She never knew how to fight back. Too much daydreaming. Well, I heard that Dickie has an eye for the ladies, so maybe I can do something about that. It would serve Plum right. She still owes me, because of her, only one guy ever slipped through my fingers, and that was Joe Morelli. Actually, it was kind of insulting that he didn't give me a tumble. It's not like he was discriminating. I had it on good authority that he wrote a poem in the men's room about the blushing bride.
The first time, was still in high school. I had finally lost all my baby fat, and my teeth were straight. I knew what boys liked, and I had heard that Morelli was good. He'd finally broken up with Terry Gilman, and I was ready to make my move. I spotted him heading into the Tastykake bakery, and I decided to "ambush" him when he came out. Next thing I knew, the closed sign went up, and he didn't come out. I peeked in the window, and he was behind the eclair case, kissing Stephanie Plum. Within minutes, he'd pulled her down behind the case. I couldn't keep standing there, so I retreated across the street and watched the store. After about half an hour, Morelli headed out and Stephanie walked to the door. She watched his retreating back, and she had a strange look on her face. Holy crap! This must have been her first time.
Morelli left for the Navy a couple of days later, so I never got another chance. He came back on leave right after my fiancé had sprung for my new cleavage. I was coming out of a store, when I spotted him just ahead of me. Luckily, I was wearing a low cut top and tight shorts. He wouldn't be able to ignore me this time. I smiled, and headed for him, already planning my next move. I was about about ten feet from him, when a blue and white behemoth crashed onto the sidewalk and ran him down. I could tell his leg was broken, and I'm no Nurse Nancy, so I held back. Who should get out of the car, but that maniac Plum? She ran him down on purpose. It's like she was deliberately ruining my plans.
Morelli's back in Trenton now, but he's a rookie cop. There's no money in that, and I'm not going to waste this boob job on just any boob. The five year plan is to keep marrying up. Victim number two is already in my sites. He's not very good looking, but he's loaded. Once I've got him, he's going to have to pay to get loose. I'm too much woman for most men, plus, I get bored easily.
Maybe I'll give Dickie a tumble. He sure wouldn't say anything to my boyfriend, since it's one of his firm's best clients. This would kill two birds with one stone, fun and revenge. What would really be fun would be for her to catch us. What better way to get through this boring wedding than thinking up my revenge. I must have been smiling, because Sugar Daddy leaned over and whispered, "You must really enjoy weddings." I gave him a look that I knew would stir him up, "I think I'd enjoy a honeymoon with you." His eyes widened, and I knew I had him then, just had to reel him in. I guess I'll have to put Dickie on the back burner for a while. But not forever. Stephanie Plum will get what's coming to her, or my name isn't Joyce Barnhart.