Eddie
Why is Stephanie is going to marry that fathead, Dickie Orr? He always acts so superior whenever we all go out for pizza and a beer. At least I knew what I was getting into, when I proposed to Shirley. Sure, she has a tendency to whine a bit, but she has a good heart. Besides, she's got a reason, now that she has morning sickness. Good thing the wedding is already scheduled for next month. This won't be the first "premature" Burg baby.
I watched my future wife fondly. Man, her breasts were really starting to get big. Of course, the rest of her will be growing as well. Still, I prefer her real woman's body to the artificial one of Barnyard Barnhart. She isn't the fat bully from grade school anymore, but she still isn't my favorite person. I can just imagine Steph's reaction if she spots her. Maybe she'll get in a fight with her and the wedding won't happen. I wish.
Here comes Valerie, to join Shirley and Mary Lou at the front of the church. Got to hand it to these Burg girls, they're a fertile bunch. Wonder if Steph will have a baby by this time next year? They say the first year of marriage is the hardest, but I'm not worried. Of course, I've been dating Shirley since junior year of high school, so I pretty much knew what I was getting into.
Steph should be along any minute. Wow, she looks really good. Uh-oh. Smoke is coming out of her ears. She must have spotted Joyce. The only other person who ever pissed her off that much was Joe Morelli, and I didn't see him here. I doubt Dickie knows him, except maybe from court, if he has to testify against some perp he arrested, and for sure, Mrs. Plum wouldn't invite him. She's been warning Steph against him since first grade. Am I the only one who ever figured out that telling Stephanie not to do something is the quickest way to get her to do it?
Shirley sure looks pretty. Oh, she noticed me looking at her. I love that secret smile of hers. I wonder if things are going to change much after the baby? Hopefully, I'll make enough as a cop that she won't have to work full-time anymore. I wonder who the baby will look like?
The priest is almost to the part about anyone objecting. Would Steph kill me if I stood up now? Probably not, but her mother would.
Too late, missed my chance. Oh well, it's in God's hands now. If it was anyone but Stephanie, I'd think it might work out. I just don't think Dickie is right for her. First of all, what kind of stupid name is Dickie? And second, I don't think he understands Steph at all. She's got a helluva temper. I wonder if he knows about her running down Joe Morelli a few years ago. Nope, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes if he ever makes her mad. I could easily envision her trying to choke him to death.
The vision of Steph's hands around Dickie's neck kept a smile on my face all the way through the receiving line. "Congratulations, Dickie. Hope you know what you signed up for." I started laughing out loud at the puzzled look on his face. Steph kicked me in the shin, but that only made me laugh harder. Hungarian/Italian temper versus whining? No contest. At least I'd never have to worry about Shirley trying to kill me.
I give it a year. Tops.