I'm glad this chapter was mostly complete - this week has been exhausting. I spent all afternoon yesterday finishing a project that I kept messing up so it took me until nearly three in the morning. But it's done, turned in, and over with! Just two finals to go and one presentation and I am done with school forever!
But enough of me ranting - Confrontations! Yay!
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Chapter 9: Paternal Bonding
"Dad?" Hiccup asked over the music.
Stoick Haddock spun with speed that defied his massive size. His hands were balled into fists and his brow furrowed over his piercing gaze.
"Where the devil have you been?" He hammered. He didn't need to shout over the music. His voice was naturally amplified and that was why he always sounded like he was yelling, or so Hiccup had reasoned.
"Uh, what?" Hiccup stuttered.
"I thought you were dead!" Stoick thundered.
"Sorry to disappoint." Hiccup shrugged. He adverted his eyes to the floor, to his shoes, to the spots on the walls, anywhere that wasn't his dad.
Stoick released a sigh with the power of a small tornado. His frustration was evident, although Hiccup was unsure how his face looked otherwise, and it only ebbed into disappointment. Whether he meant to or not, he shook his head at his son, his beard waving over his chest. Hiccup always thought me looked more like a lumberjack than a business man, or at least three thousand years behind the average.
Hiccup swallowed and dug for his keys. Stoick stepped out of the way as Hiccup unlocked the door and let it swing open. He dreaded his father's reaction to his pitiful apartment. No doubt there was a lecture in his immediate future. Sure enough, it began as soon as Hiccup stepped over the threshold.
"Frank Miller called me and said that your car'd been towed." Stoick explained as he shut the door behind him with more force than necessary.
Hiccup held in a groan. Nothing in a small town was confidential. Miller was their insurance broker back in Berk. He and Stoick had been friends his high school. Telling him about his car sounded illegal but Hiccup wasn't surprised. Sure, there might have been a law, but it was Berk.
"I tried to call you a hundred times!" Stoick continued. "I finally called that witch of a landlady and she said you hadn't been home in days. What was I supposed to think?"
"Oh, right, my phone broke but I got a new one." Hiccup said. He could feel his father's hot stare on his face and looked to the floor to avoid it. He'd left his phone off. Suddenly, the new phone felt like a dead weight in his pocket.
"And you couldn't have the consideration to turn it on?" Stoick thundered. He muttered something under his breath. "I told you that moving out was too much reasonability."
Hiccup could feel a headache starting in the front of his brain. "I'm sorry, Dad. I wasn't thinking, I-"
"That is the problem." Stoick pointed at Hiccup's chest. "You don't think about your actions. You don't think how it effects your future. You don't think about other people."
Hiccup sighed. Yeah, he'd really missed home.
Stoick sighed and made a quick lap around Hiccup's apartment. It didn't take long. He glared at the air mattress and second-hand seating. His eyes landed on the ceiling and Hiccup was surprised that his glare didn't met through the plaster.
"What is that racket?" Stoick demanded, starting back at his son as if he were the culprit.
"I guess it's music." Hiccup shrugged.
"Hiccup, this was a bad idea. You should come back to Berk." Stoick said. Hiccup tried to say something but Stoick didn't give him the breath. "You haven't made any progress here, Son. You haven't found a better job. Are you planning to work in that sweat shop for the rest of your life? Have you even made friends?"
"I've made friends." Hiccup butted in without thinking. His father's gaze bore into him, waiting for an explanatory follow-up answer, and Hiccup felt his throat tighten. "I have made friends. We were hanging out, that's where I was at, before I was here."
"Do they work at the comic book store?" Stoick asked. The emphasis he put on that sentence reminded Hiccup of the exact reason he'd wanted to leave.
"No, she's a student. She's a waitress." Hiccup defended.
"She?"
Hiccup felt like he'd swallowed marbles. "Yes. She. Her name is Astrid."
"Ah." Stoick said, a shift in his tone. He eyed his son with an expression that Hiccup hadn't seen before. But he didn't like it any more. It was curious, suspicious, and Hiccup wished he'd stop. "A girl. Well, I wasn't expecting that. But, good for you."
Hiccup sighed. That tone. He knew what his father was thinking. He was picturing whatever he saw as weird. A girl that worked at the comic store. Hiccup felt a little pinch of pride. Astrid wasn't anything like the weird girl that Stoick was probably imagining.
Stoick drummed his thick fingers on the counter. He was deliberating. Hiccup knew that 'thinking' face. Back on Berk whenever someone would ask him something he would sit back in his chair and stare at them with that same face.
"Did you forget to bring your coat?" Stoick asked.
"Yeah." Hiccup shrugged.
Stoick reached around and pulled his billfold from his back pocket, thumbed through its contents, and handed Hiccup a fistful of bills.
"What?" Hiccup asked. Not that he wanted to turn down free money but it felt like a charity. And his father's pity wasn't something he wanted to add to.
"For a new coat." Stoick motioned to the money. "It'd be easier that shipping yours down here."
"Thanks, Dad." Hiccup took it. It felt cold in his hand. He looked down at the bills and silently counted, one hundred and fifty.
"Alright, I'll give you one more month. If things aren't looking better by then I'm hauling your ass home." Stoick said, motioning toward him with a pointed finger. He shuffled his feet. "Are you hungry? I've got two hours before I need to get back to the airport."
Hiccup sighed. He didn't want to turn down free food either. He stashed the money in his own wallet and let his father treat him to another hot meal. At this rate he'd have to start working out or he'd gain weight.
X
Hiccup waved as his father's rental car vanished into traffic. No flights came directly to town so he'd flown into St. Louis and drove down. He'd mentioned it several times over the food. It had been costly, timely, and a headache. Hiccup loved his father but he was glad when he was gone.
Back in his apartment Hiccup took his phone from his pocket and turned it on. He felt guilt settle in. This entire ordeal could have been avoided if he'd turned his phone on when he'd gotten it. Sure enough the blue screen lit up and showed thirty missed calls, from Dad. Hiccup groaned.
Why did talking to his father always leave him feeling so…inadequate?
He crossed the room to the window and leaned against the cracked pane. Down on the sidewalk people were walking by. Two girls jogged with their ponytails flailing behind them. A young couple turned the corner pushing a baby stroller. The baby was bundled up against the cold and looked like a wad of blankets. Hiccup watched them pass by absently, until the impact of the view hit him, and he pushed himself away from the window.
A baby. Babies were made by sex. He'd had sex. Unprotected sex. Panic settled in his chest and he paced the length of the room twice before gripping his phone. Should he ask Astrid? Babies were serious. He was sure as hell not ready to be a dad. He pulled up a blank text to Astrid but paused.
How would he ask without sounding like a nutcase? He attempted several times but erased every one. He plopped down on the sofa and ran a hand through his hair.
Hey, what's up? A good start, Hiccup sighed. He hit send.
He stared at the blank screen, waiting for the reply, but shook his head. She wouldn't reply right away. She might be busy. He sat his phone on the couch beside him. He returned his hand to his lap when the ding-a-ling default tone signaled his hand back to it. A new message from Astrid.
Nothing, sitting in lit class. Boo.
Lit class?
Literature
Never had one of those.
Lucky lol
So, we should talk. Hiccup swallowed. He could do this.
What are we doing now?
I mean about that night. Saturday.
Oh
Oh? What did that mean? Hiccup felt his chest tremble. He stared at his phone, at the blank text box, not knowing what to say. What did she mean by that? His thumb hovered over the keyboard. But Astrid beat him to the next text.
R u ok? I'm sorry if I was pushy.
No, it's ok. Hiccup swallowed.
I did kind of jump u. Was that ur first time?
Yeah. Hiccup watched his text go into the conversation. He waited. Why was he dreading this?
I'm sorry.
For what? Hiccup was confused. Had he been that bad?
Jumping you like that. I'm not used to virgins, I guess lol
Hiccup bit his lip. Did that mean what he thought it meant? What? Does that mean that you're not?
Obviously not lol far from it
How far? Hiccup chewed on the inside of his lip.
R u asking for my number? Lol
Sure. Why? Is it that high? Lol
No! But that's like asking a girl's weight lol
Oh? So you tell me a lower number to make yourself feel better? Lol
Haha, that's mean!
I'm sorry.
It's ok, Hiccup. I realize that you've got a lot to learn about girls.
I'm happy to let you teach me
Lol maybe
Hiccup smiled. It was true that when it came to girls he was at a loss. It was a lack of experience not smarts. What he didn't know he was eager to learn, like about birth control. But again he was having trouble forming thoughts into words. Maybe he needed to be blunt.
Astrid - we had unprotected sex. I'm worried. There. It was sent.
Don't be. I take pills for that.
Hiccup stared at her own bluntness. He was about to respond when Astrid again beat him to it.
But thanks for being concerned. I've got to go - ttyl
Ok
Hiccup's phone went black and he set it on the couch beside him. She took pills for that. She had made it sound so…casual. And that in turn made him feel unsure. Was sex just something she did on the weekends? Like a hobby? He drew pictures and she had sex? Hiccup slouched. Why was this so complicated?
X
Astrid fingered her pen as Dr. Something-or-other went on about Mary Shelley's odd obsession with her mother's grave. She peered around the room. Most students looked half asleep. That one kid was doodling, pencil hanging limply in his hands, something surely amazing being pooped out by absent-minded boredom.
Hiccup probably doodled in school. Astrid sighed. She pulled her eyes from the doodler. Her eyes fell onto the top of her shoe. A scuff mark had appeared somewhere between her apartment and the classroom. It would probably come off, but -
A buzzing distracted her from her thoughts. She glanced down at her backpack's side pocket and saw the tell-tale glowing. She took it out with a practiced hand, held it in her lap, and hide it with crossed legs. A smile broke across her face when she read Hiccup's name.
Hey, what's up?
Nothing, sitting in lit class. Boo.
Lit class?
Literature Right, she'd forgotten that 'lit' was English major jargon. God, was she becoming one of them?
Never had one of those.
Lucky lol She meant it.
So, we should talk.
Astrid let her enhale slip out slowly. She looked around, no one had noticed, or cared. Those three words were never followed by comforting conversation. She inhaled. She was a big girl. She could do this. Stay in good humor. What are we doing now?
I mean about that night. Saturday.
Oh Astrid swallowed. She watched those two letters float into the conversation. A live bomb. They hadn't talked about it. Honestly, she'd avoided it. She hated talking about intimacy. And emotions. R u ok? I'm sorry if I was pushy.
No, it's ok.
I did kind of jump u. Was that ur first time? That's a great thing to ask.
Yeah.
I'm sorry. Of course it had been. It was so obvious he didn't know what he was doing and she came in and practically raped him. She felt her chest tighten.
For what?
Jumping you like that. I'm not used to virgins, I guess lol Shit! Astrid wanted to take that back and never let Hiccup see it. But it was too late. It was gone, sent, and he was staring at it right now. God, she sounded like such a …
What? Does that mean that you're not?
Obviously not lol far from it And there she went again. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she had just said 'no' and let that be?
How far?
R u asking for my number? Lol Astrid bit her lip. She didn't want him to know that. She felt a twinge of red surged into her cheeks.
Sure. Why? Is it that high? Lol
Hiccup! If he would have been there she'd have punched him. Her embarrassment turned into anger. No! But that's like asking a girl's weight lol
Oh? So you tell me a lower number to make yourself feel better? Lol
Haha, that's mean! She knew he was trying to be funny, in his own little quirky way, but he was only making it worse. But she couldn't stay mad at that silly skinny dork.
I'm sorry.
It's ok, Hiccup. I realize that you've got a lot to learn about girls.
I'm happy to let you teach me
Lol maybe Oh, he had nerve. Like most guys he said things in texts that he wouldn't to her face. His attempts to flirt weren't subtle but they were still sweet.
Her phone was silent for a moment and she turned her attention from it. The room was silent. Dr. Something-or-other was looking out at them all over his too-tall podium, expectantly. They'd been asked a question but no one readily raised a voice to answer it.
Astrid avoided eye contact. There was a loaded moment when no one spoke until it was finally broken by the bookworm no-it-all in the front row. Astrid released a held breath. She'd been preoccupied with trying not to be called on and she hadn't noticed the new message.
Astrid - we had unprotected sex. I'm worried.
"And that is it for today. I'll see you on Wednesday." Dr. Something-or-other said, tapping the podium with his hand.
And students were packing up and filing out. Astrid did the same and sent her response quickly. Don't be. I take pills for that. His bluntness was refreshing. So was his concern. But thanks for being concerned. I've got to go - ttyl
Ok
Astrid was glad to get out of the stuffy English buildings. The cool wind was refreshing even if it let her skin prickled. She went straight to the gym, into the women's locker's room, and plopped down onto one of the benches. She covered her face with her shaking hands. Why did she feel so fucking terrible?
So you'll tell me a lower number to make yourself feel better?
How could such a simple sentence leave her with such a horrible tension in her chest. Is it that high?
She was far from virginity. And admitting that to Hiccup had left her feeling like she'd been punched. Guilt. She didn't want to tell him how many guys she'd been with. She didn't want to tell herself how many guys she'd been with. She could feel the guilt souring in her chest and pushing blood into her head. She didn't change into her workout clothes. She slunk down against the wall and let her emotions get the better of her. Water swelled in her eyes and trailed along her cheeks.
It had always been there but Hiccup brought it all to the surface. She had tried to bury it, like she always did, but every time it was a little harder. She never wanted to think about it. Hiccup was sweet, adorable, and until he had met her he'd been pure. Losing one virginity was supposed to be a memorable event, a big step, a decision made with deliberation and thought. And she had just barged in and took it, without asking, without considering what he thought about it. She was right when she had told him she wasn't used to dealing with virgins. Not in a long time, anyway.
God, she probably made him feel like he had to. She was such…a whore.
Astrid was thankful that the locker room was empty. She would rather shave her head than someone see her like this. She wiped the tears on her sleeve. A choking sob slipped out and she cursed herself. She hated the sound of crying. It was so gross and disgusting.
What the hell was she doing? Crying over a guy? Astrid Hofferson didn't cry, let alone over a boy. No, she was too strong for that. She was too tough. She pushed herself off the bench and half ran to the wall of sinks. She clasped the ceramic with both hands and stared at her puffy reflection. She splashed cold water over her skin and scrubbed it dry with the rough paper towels.
The girl that stared back at her wasn't who she wanted to see.
"You're strong." Astrid told her reflection.
You're worthless.
"Confidence."
Trash.
"Power."
What's wrong with you?
"Pride."
Whore.
X
I actually enjoy literature classes, the reading and discussing, but that's beside the point. That's for all the positive reviews! I'm glad that you all have liked this story!