Chapter Nineteen: Breathing

"It isn't where you came from, it's where you're going that counts."

Ella Fitzgerald

(EPOV)

If this was the road to freedom, I'd rather be walking.

James borrowed a bus from a local Baptist church just so we could make it up to Washington, and the whole way everyone fussed. Jasper kept flicking the back of Scarlett's head, Jessica continued touching my face, Alice wouldn't stop talking, and Ma had had it up to here.

I know 'cause that's what she yelled out loud and even though the others weren't her children, she treated them as so. She turned around from the second row and gave the "Ma glare" so hard Jasper gulped and slowly put his hand down. Jessica had my cheek in mid-pinch and just when I thought I'd be bruised, she released it in exchange for a piece of candy. Scarlett stuck her tongue out at Jasper and Victoria wagged her finger at both of them.

It was about five in the morning and I just wanted to sleep in peace. I didn't care how much chicken Ma fried, I'd rather listen to them clucking than listen to another story of Alice and the boy she kissed underneath the willow tree.

"How much further Pa?" I asked, holding Scarlett's hand between us.

Pa held a map in his hand, turning it this way and that in the front seat. "Three hours, I reckon."

"Three and a half," James corrected, bustling down the road and jerking the large bus side to side. "We just entered Virginia."

Alice groaned, but I was too busy soaking in the view of the highway and the large, open fields.

"Did you live here?" I asked Scarlett.

She shook her head, smiling. "Nope. We lived further north in the city. It was sort of like Birmingham, but bigger. I do miss being in Virginia though. We attended theaters and fancy dinners and … well, I miss those things, I think."

I could feel the nostalgia running through her and wondered what her life was like before moving to Alabama. It was probably peaceful compared to all of the drama we'd gone through that summer.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Victoria said, turning around. "Scarlett, did you call Charles before we left the gas station?"

"Yes, ma'am. He said that he loved me and he hoped we had a safe trip," she replied.

James laughed from the driver's seat. "Well I'll be. Looks like that brother of mine isn't so bad after all. You gave 'em hell, Lincoln."

I wasn't so sure about that. I didn't think Scarlett's father could change his racist views overnight, but his relationship with his daughter was a start.

"That he did," Pa agreed, turning around to give me a proud grin. He was still on cloud nine, bragging to his friend Embry on the phone about my speech and how I made the townsfolk feel awfully ashamed of themselves.

I expected Embry to be shocked Pa had a son in the first place, but I could hear his chuckling in the background. "You think I'm dumb, Carlisle? Do you know how many times I've seen a sock hanging out of your kitchen dumbwaiter?"

I guess I wasn't a secret anymore and it felt good just to be known.

"What are you smiling about?" Scarlett whispered, digging her elbow into my side. "You think you're the bees knees, don't you?"

"I do not!" I replied, smirking. "I was just doing what was right. And 'sides, I think I looked quite dignified, don't you think? Like Jesus on the mountaintop, only it was a front porch and all."

Alice snickered and rolled her eyes. "A rickety porch, you mean."

"Hey now!" Pa yelled defensively. "I built that porch with my own two bare hands. Nailed every wood and measured the railing myself."

Ma sighed, knowing where the conversation was turning. "Carlisle, you and I both know it's crooked and it's because you broke your saw halfway through and refused to buy a new one!"

"Watch it, woman! You complain about my building skills and you complained about my flowers. I work myself to the bone—"

"Weeds, darling," Ma reminded him. "They were weeds."

I groaned, sinking down into the seat as they started a new debate. James had the audacity to jump in and Ma ripped him a new one. Victoria stopped Jessica from licking the sticky candy off of her dress and Jasper took the opportunity to flick Scarlett in the head again.

I watched the Virginia land roll by through the streaked window and despite all the fussin', it was the best time I'd had in a long time.

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I knew we'd reached the capital long before we ever got there. The traffic came to a standstill and there were folks everywhere! I'd never seen so many people in my life. They were people of all colors too—black, white, and everything in between. They marched towards the capitol, with their arms linked and singing songs of freedom.

"Would you look at that?" James announced, watching the demonstrators stroll past us. "It's got to be what, 50,000 people?"

We all glanced out the windows in awe, reading the signs and staring at the busy streets.

"Much more than that," Pa said, pointing outward. "Look up ahead."

Pa was right. From our view, we could see people walking towards a tall white building that appeared to reach all the way to heaven. It was like God himself had made it and I knew it was a sign of good things to come.

"What's that?" I asked, staring in astonishment.

"The Washington Monument," Ma explained. "That's where everyone's headed to."

"Looks like we'll have to park here," James said, steering the bus to the left and parking behind a long line of vehicles on the sidewalk. "Everyone ready to march?"

"I have to pee!" Jessica whined, bouncing her legs up and down.

"Well hold it," Victoria snapped. "Lincoln's been waiting for this moment his whole life. Your potty trip will have to wait."

Jasper laughed at his little sister and Ma opened the side door. "Here we go. One step at a time. No pushing."

Alice and Jasper and everyone stood up around me, making their way out. For some reason, I couldn't find it in me to move. My feet were planted on the metal floor and I took several breaths. It was too overwhelming. In my head, I was expecting the march to be like the rally in Birmingham. It wasn't even close. There were no police spraying hoses or people shooting bullets into the air. It was loud, but calm. Everyone had a common mission: peaceful demonstration.

Scarlett stood at the doorway, waiting for me to stand. "What's wrong, Lincoln?"

I shook my head, unable to speak for a moment. Chills and sweat ran down the back of my neck and I couldn't believe this was all happening.

16 years of hiding.

16 years of being ashamed of who I was.

16 years of fighting a fight I thought I was in all by myself.

A white mother walked by, holding a toddler in her arms. A biracial toddler. A little girl who probably wouldn't even remember this day, but I would. I would remember the way my heart thumped in my chest and the dampness on my palms. I would remember the little girl, giggling and laughing, as one of her shoes dangled from her feet.

I swallowed, patting my pockets, one of them heavier than the other. I glanced at my pretty Scarlett, her curls swinging in the early morning light. She was beautiful, wearing a yellow dress with a bow in her hair. She grinned, holding out her hand.

I would remember that too.

"Nothing," I replied, grinning and reaching out for her. "Everything is perfect."

She smiled, all white teeth and pale skin that illuminated my world. I stepped onto the pavement, slamming the door shut behind me.

James was at the back of the bus, pulling out signs. "Everybody pick one."

We all reached for a sign, but I picked one Scarlett had made. It had one word: Birmingham.

Maybe to others it didn't mean anything, but to me, it meant a life I didn't want to return to. I expected a new beginning after this march. Maybe it was too much to ask for, but I was a prayer and I didn't mind asking God for just a little bit more.

I felt my necklace press against my chest in the stale heat. Scarlett wrapped her arm around mine, James wrapped his around Pa's, and Victoria wrapped hers around Esme's. Alice, Jasper, and Jessica followed behind, and we marched.

We marched for freedom and rights and the liberty to be exactly who we were without shame. The people around us started singing and little Jessica tugged on Ma's dress.

"Ma?" she asked, copying the nickname for my mother. "What's that song?"

We all listened to the tune, feeling the gospel hymn run through our bones.

"Wade in the water
Wade in the water, children
Wade in the water
God's gonna trouble the water…"

Ma choked at the sound and her eyes welled up. "That's the song of freedom, sweetie. We're wading. Wading for that little boy."

Pa kissed Ma's forehead and we sang along, each step leading us closer and closer to the monument. Other citizens walked around us and a white woman I didn't even know looked over at me and grinned.

"What's it like?" Scarlett whispered to me, interrupting the song.

"Being yellow?" I frowned, almost stopping in my tracks.

"No silly," she smiled, her brown eyes beaming. "Being you?"

I glanced at the white woman and she couldn't help herself. She ruffled my unruly curls, winking at me and gesturing to my sign. I guessed others knew the struggles we had in Birmingham and she was letting me know everything would be all right, even for a biracial like me.

"It's like…" I stumbled over my words, trying to make them sound right. "It's like being born again, but this time, everyone knows it."

Scarlett leaned over, kissing my cheek. "Well then, Edward Lincoln Masen, Happy Birthday."

I grinned sheepishly, feeling a burst of joy in my soul.

Happy Birthday to me.

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The day was long, full of speakers and singers and civil rights activists speaking on behalf of humanity as a whole. I don't know how we did it, but James managed to get us closer and closer to the steps until we were right at the front. A railing divided us, but we were so close I could see the sweat trickling down the foreheads of the leaders.

Our bellies were full because of the kindhearted people who passed out sandwiches and water to the marchers. Jessica was worn out and Pa held her sleeping body in his arms.

We listened intently to the promises of jobs for blacks, for equal wages, and for marriages to be made legal. They were inspiring and I thought for once, maybe we had made a difference in James' living room. All those hours of writing letters and typing memos and making signs were worth it.

Maybe, just maybe, our freedom was on the horizon.

Pa nudged me, pointing to the front of the group, and I barely heard the announcer introduce the next speaker.

"I'm proud to present ... rtin … Luth … ing … Jr."

The crowd bellowed in deafening applause as the man took the stage. Scarlett wrapped her hand in mine as the sun beat down that afternoon. We were sweating in the sweltering heat and my ears rang from the noise around me.

"Pa, who's that man?" I asked.

"Same one who wrote a letter from Birmingham jail," he explained.

"Where Jenks is?" I questioned.

"That's right, Son. He said that injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

"Wow," I commented. "That's powerful."

"Sure is." Pa answered, adjusting Jessica on his chest. "And when we get Jenks out, justice will prevail."

I might have been a little more tired than I would ever admit to. My feet hurt from standing and my muscles ached from walking. Scarlett rested her head on my shoulder and I tried not to doze off. I didn't hear all of the speech, but I heard several parts that made me lift my head.

"…Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed."

"… I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood."

"… I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

"Free at last," the speaker ended in triumph. "Free at last. Thank God Almighty, we are free at last."

And that's when I felt it above the roar of the crowd. I felt free. I felt like I could change Birmingham. Maybe not today, and maybe not with another long typed letter, but someday I would make a difference. I had a dream too, and in it, Scarlett was wearing a long white dress and saying I do.

I had a dream we would be married, despite the color of our skin, despite all that we'd had to overcome. I felt that dream in my heart, pounding with the love of the girl who I'd met in secret at the top of a treehouse.

"Free at last," I whispered to myself, with tears streaming from my eyes. "I am free at last."

"Lincoln?" Scarlett glanced at me with concern, but I shook my head. I was fine. In fact, I was more than fine. I was happy—the kind of happy most folks like me didn't deserve in a single lifetime.

I didn't know what I was doing, but my left knee hit the ground before I could stop myself.

"Scarlett Isabella Swan?"

Scarlett gasped, covering her open mouth in disbelief. Her bottom lip trembled as I took her hands in my own.

"Scarlett, I … you …"

My throat ran dry and I felt everything I had wanted to say in my heart disappear. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, but I glanced towards the stage.

It was him, the speaker, who gave me a thumbs up and grinned.

"Freedom," he mouthed. "Be free at last."

And then he disappeared as he walked away.

Every ounce of emotion swelled in my heart and I had no other choice but to tell Scarlett I loved her.

"I love you," I finally said. "I love you in ways you can't even imagine. I love that you brought me out of my hiding space. I love that you love me for exactly who I am. I love you for you, for going against everything just to make me the man I want to be. I love you so much Scarlett and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I think that maybe I loved you when you didn't even know love was possible. Most folks don't see the beauty in that, but if they saw what I felt, maybe they'd be a little less blind. So thank you Scarlett, for seeing me because I see you too. I ain't got much …"

I fumbled, digging in my pocket and pulling out the ring. The flowers I had saved were wilted from the long day in the sun and a few fell to the ground. Scarlett cried and giggled at the same time as I picked up a few.

"…but I promise to love you forever and ever in our own little kingdom. We've slayed those dragons today, so will you do me the favor of giving me a happily ever after? Scarlett, will you marry me?"

Scarlett nodded and I heard Alice squeal in the background. "Answer him already!"

"Yes!" she laughed. "Yes, I will marry you!"

I placed the diamond ring on her left finger and stood to my feet. I lifted her in my arms, swinging her around in a circle and kissing her passionately with our families surrounding us. They clapped and cheered and Pa nudged Ma with his elbow.

"See? I told you they weren't weeds!"

We all laughed and right there, Pa placed a hand on my shoulder. "I think you two make a fine couple."

"Thanks Pa, but I already knew she was going to say yes."

Scarlett slapped me on my chest, her diamond sparkling in the summer sun. "Hush you! How did you know?"

"The first time I gave you weeds you smiled. That's how I knew you would eventually marry me. You deserve all the roses in the world," I explained, "but you accepted those flowers without hesitation."

"Most men would've been killed giving their girl a gift like that," Ma replied sarcastically.

I glanced between Pa and Scarlett, grinning widely. "Yeah, but I'm breathing, aren't I?"

Pa burst into laughter, shaking God's green earth to its core.

"That you are, boy," he rumbled, embracing Scarlett and I in a hug. "That you are."