Author's note: Some acknowledgements. First, to DecemberEclipse, who has ever been a supporter and advocate of this story. She started a harder and more elite school this past fall, and still tried to find the time to help me with my chapters. I hope you continue to enjoy the story and the extra freedom to explore and expand your own creativity.
Second, to ItHappened and Nachos4Children, two ladies who have been my Twi-friends for over a year. We've shared not just ideas, but trials and tribulations together. You two rock.
Third, to ronjon, who loves this story so much that it stays on her mind and she misses it between postings. I hope this chapter holds you through!
Fourth, to AllTheOtherNamesAreUsed, who stepped up to help me through this chapter. I've got a winning lottery ticket, and it's ATONAU.
Finally, I've got about three weeks to go until my baby comes. I can't guarantee that the next chapter will post before then. For those who want to know, I'll put it up on my profile when the baby is born. In the meantime, I will be writing!
~*~ Chapter Fifteen ~*~
Two men… dead… because of her. Oh, God. Bella couldn't think, couldn't process. Facing the side window without really seeing out of it, Bella exhaled. She covered her face with her hands briefly before pressing them together against her lips as she struggled to think.
She'd spent months just putting that incident behind her, pretending that it hadn't happened. She hadn't known how to deal with it otherwise. Bella had immediately focused her attentions on the Cullens instead, and it had worked. Worked better, actually, than she would ever have thought possible. It was easy to forget something terrible when something truly amazing was going on. Learning about and being with the Cullen family had been the best thing to ever happen to Bella.
It wasn't perfect anymore. Four days earlier Edward and Rosalie had shown up to mar the ideal picture she loved - only they'd always been an unseen part of it. Now they were bringing to the surface what had been the worst thing to ever happen to her. Edward had said it; he had known what those men were going to do. It wasn't just rape.
They were going to kill her.
"We didn't kill them, Bella."
Bella turned around, somewhat startled at not having heard Rosalie come up behind her. Funny how Bella had never been caught unawares in the Cullen home before. Had the rest of the family always taken care to make their footfalls audible around her? Or had she never had her back turned toward any of them?
"Alice asked us not to," Rosalie continued. "They both had records, one more severe than the other."
Bella felt a wave of relief, and her shoulders and hands sagged with it. "They're in jail?"
"Yes, for now."
Bella nodded. That was all she really wanted to hear. No, actually, it wasn't. "If not for Alice, you would have killed them?"
"Very easily." The low yet clear words caused a shiver down Bella's spine. "Alice was quite adamant that we not kill them. Alonzo Calderas Wallace was wanted in three states. We simply brought him to one of them, left him unconscious in an alley not far from a police station and placed an anonymous phone call."
"That … was the dark-haired one?"
Rosalie nodded. "The other one's name is Clifford Pendleton. I put him outside the Port Angeles station myself."
Bella swallowed. "Thank you." She didn't know what else to say. Rosalie completely threw her. Most of the time she was intimidating, and sometimes downright frightening. This was the third time, however, that she had been sympathetic – even kind.
Rosalie gave a small nod in acknowledgment.
"I'm sorry – for the argument," Bella said.
"You're very young," responded Rosalie and Bella pushed away the slight feeling of offense at those words. She was younger than Rosalie by several decades, after all, and she hadn't wanted or felt prepared to enter into the discussion.
"I'm not ready to judge you," Bella said.
Rosalie arched an eyebrow. "Yet you do."
Bella nodded and looked down. "Yet I do."
"Why don't we both try letting it go for now?"
"Okay," Bella answered, looking up again at Rosalie. Was there a way to somehow understand this woman? She was obviously intelligent, and had shown Bella that she was something more than her tough-as-nails exterior. "Do you read?"
"Do I read?" Rosalie repeated the unexpected question.
"Mm-hmm."
"No. I don't read. Never really cared for it. I had much more 'important' things to focus my mind on when I was human. Afterwards, I didn't really pick up the habit."
"Do you have any habits? Other than…"
Rosalie smiled. "I like to walk, and think. Sometimes my hunting trips last a day or two longer than necessary because I enjoy the chance at solitude."
"I can imagine it must be difficult being around Edward all the time," Bella muttered.
Rosalie laughed. "We both appreciate the chance to get away from one another."
From the front of the house, piano music began to weave through the room. Bella paused for a second or two before continuing. "So you both hunt at the same time, but separately?"
"Sometimes."
Bella wanted to ask Rosalie what she thought about on her solo sojourns, but knew it was too personal a thing to ask. Getting personal with Rosalie might not be a comfortable thing.
"Not to wake sleeping dogs, but why do you only feed off animals?"
"You'd rather I didn't?"
"No, I'm grateful you do; it's just if human death bothers you-"
"I have no problem with the death of a human."
"Why? That confuses me. Eating is a necessary part of surviving. If you don't believe in killing them for food, why would you believe in killing otherwise?"
An indefinable expression crossed Rosalie's face, reminding Bella that she wasn't exactly talking with an average person. "There can be more than one reason to kill; not everything is black and white, Bella. Some contradictions don't need to be explained; they just are. People aren't one path only. We are all shades of gray."
Bella frowned. Rosalie acted as though she was delivering sage advice, but it felt like a non-answer.
"You're looking at things as though they have to be one or the other, Bella, and they don't." Rosalie obviously didn't have any trouble discerning Bella's expressions. As Bella continued to look at her, Rosalie scowled. "Take Carlisle, for an example. He is the best of us. Always compassionate, fair-minded and reasonable. You'd think that he'd never act irrationally or without thinking something through first. Yet you didn't have to be Jasper to tell how angry he was when he flew out of this house Sunday night to retrieve Edward." Rosalie smiled at some inner thought. "He definitely moved before thinking, felt anger before rationality. Even Carlisle is vulnerable to contradiction, to walking down more than one path. Understand?"
Bella shook her head. "No. I don't see the connection with my question."
Rosalie sighed. "Then let it stew for awhile. Maybe you'll see some multiple paths in yourself. I hope you do. You've got great potential, Bella."
Um… thank you? Potential for what? Bella didn't say anything.
There were a few seconds of Rosalie simply watching Bella before she called out gently. "Esme?"
"Yes?" Esme answered, appearing in the hallway. Bella looked at Rosalie, puzzled.
"I think Bella is getting ready to head home."
Rosalie was right. Bella didn't really feel like staying in the Cullen house much longer. She wanted to retreat and be alone with her thoughts for awhile. How had Rosalie known?
Esme stepped forward and put her hand on Bella's cheek, looking at her with caring concern. "Are you alright?"
Bella nodded, and smiled fondly at Esme. "Yes. I hope you don't mind that the visit was so short."
"Any time at all with you is welcome, Bella. Here, let us walk you down." With an arm around her shoulders, Esme guided Bella down the stairs. Alice waited to also give Bella a hug good-bye and a promise to call her before things got hectic the next day. Over Alice's shoulder Bella briefly made eye contact with Edward, who was still seated at the piano. He was watching her intently, but Bella dropped her gaze quickly.
"Have a good time with your family tomorrow, Bella," Esme said.
"Thanks." Awkwardly Bella looked about the room at the three women, but her final word before leaving the house was directed at Edward. "Bye."
(~*~)
Once again letting the piano keys take him over, Edward began to think. He was angry with himself. Why was it so hard to keep his emotions under control around Bella? She didn't deserve to have him snapping at her. She was just trying to be nice, and he had pushed the only button he knew she had. Maybe that was part of it. He needed to feel that he affected her some way.
He wished that she didn't disapprove of him so much. When she left the house she could barely even look at him. It seemed that everything he did was making things worse between them. He had to stop. He had to focus more on her, to listen to what she was saying. She had actually asked not to discuss what she knew would lead to a fight and he had refused to let her drop the subject.
He really needed to do better. He had to do better. Edward didn't think that he could stand it if he didn't create some sort of peace with her, so she could look on him at least as a friend. Or with a more positive eye. Edward wasn't sure that he wanted only friendship from Bella Swan. That was another problem.
She entranced him with her blood, intrigued him with her blocked thoughts and compelled him with her loveliness. That made her more to him than just his singer. Though he wanted to be both emotionally and physically close to her, forming an emotional bond was more important to him. Being physically close posed danger to them both. While he had gained a large measure of control over his thirst for her blood, she was still so delectably fragile. He wasn't ready. No, he had to begin by knowing her better and that meant repairing the damage already created.
Edward switched from Sibelius to Debussy, changing the mood of the music filtering through the house.
Should he buy her flowers? No, he didn't think that would go over well. The next step had to be to just get into another conversation with her, and really listen to her. Which was, actually, what he wanted to do. He wanted to get to know her mind.
From there, he could try to insert himself into her life more positively. Bella was worth getting to know and taking it slow. Perhaps he could, with time, find that she returns his interest. Edward felt a sliver of nervous apprehension. He was actually interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. Life had certainly delivered something unexpected to his doorstep. Sensing Alice approaching, Edward finished the movement before she entered the room.
"Come with me," Alice said, grasping Edward's upper arm and pulling him along with her. Edward could tell that she had an agenda, something significant that she wished to relay to him, and he followed wordlessly. They left the house, running through the woods until they were miles away and Alice found a comfortable place to stop.
"Edward," she began, turning to face him, "I know that Carlisle is very important to you. In addition to being a sort of father figure and brother to all of us, Carlisle is probably the one person you respect most of anyone you know. So I want you to listen to what I have to say and try to be accepting."
Whatever Alice was carefully working her way toward revealing, she knew that he wasn't going to like it. Carefully putting himself on guard, Edward nodded. "Alright."
"You know that Carlisle came close to finding love only once, until Esme met Maggie."
Edward felt a touch of resentment at being reminded of this. After all, he had been there when it happened, not Alice. "Yes."
"How long did Maggie have to wait?"
"What's your point, Alice?" Edward saw the answer immediately in her mind and took a step back in surprise. The image was like a hard jab into his gut, completely taking him off guard. Bella… with Carlisle?
"My point is that Carlisle has been alone for three times as long as you have," Alice said. "He and Bella have only just started on their journey towards each other. You start wooing her, and you could not only ruin this for him, but also create a path that permanently takes her away from all of us. Do you want that? Would you want Carlisle to be forever alone? Bella is his chance, Edward."
Edward shook his head. "I'm having trouble believing this. You are asking me to leave Bella alone because Carlisle saw her first? Carlisle doesn't even think of her like that."
"Not consciously, but oh, he will. Bella has a lot of potential she's yet to grow into, but the seeds are already planted. Trust me, Edward. I see something really good and happy resulting from Bella and Carlisle being together. You enter the picture and put yourself between them, it only leads to confusion and unhappiness, enough that it might push Bella away from our family."
"She hates me right now."
"She won't always," Alice said. "Bella doesn't want to dislike you. You've just rather freaked her out. For every thing that you find compelling about Bella, there is something that Bella finds distasteful about you. It's not a good beginning, which is why so far the two of you have been having trouble getting along. You will be friends, though. Nothing more than that, Edward."
Edward raised an eyebrow at the warning in her tone. "You act as though I could make it more."
"If you tried, Carlisle might back off. Even though he doesn't realize his feelings right now, Carlisle wouldn't be able to allow them to grow if he knew it caused you pain."
Edward looked away from her, off into the trees. "It already causes me pain."
Alice was not unsympathetic. "Edward, let her go. For Carlisle. Let them both be happy."
They were persuasive words. Edward did wish to see Carlisle happy and in love. He would not ever want to be responsible for holding that back from him. Bella, too, he wanted to see happy. If he really cared about her as much as he suspected, then he would find it in himself to let her choose her own path without trying to influence it towards himself.
Before allowing themselves to become completely squashed by more worthy emotions, reluctance and resentment pushed to the surface. "How can she belong with Carlisle? Her blood calls to me; she calls to me."
"Edward, Bella would be no more to you than Esme would have been to Carlisle."
The words were painful to hear, even as they delivered validity to his emotions. After all, up until now Esme had been Carlisle's only chance at love. Yet, to imagine Esme with anyone other than Maggie was almost sacrilege. It certainly didn't compute that they could be as happy with anyone else. Esme being with Carlisle would have meant missing her true love, settling for second best.
Edward closed his eyes, shutting out the mixing day and evening lights as the sun slowly set behind the clouds.
Alice also hinted that this was it for Carlisle. Not having Bella would mean unending loneliness. A loneliness that Edward himself could now feel keenly. He knew what he would decide, the only thing he could possibly decide from the moment Alice let him see Bella and Carlisle together.
"Alice, leave me alone for awhile, alright?"
Alice said nothing as she departed. Edward stayed still, a statue in the evening woods. Gradually the sound of animals moving became part of the atmosphere around him. There was a soothing peace to be found in the woods. Alice had known what she was doing by taking him out here.
He could see the image of Bella and Carlisle from her vision. Each had an arm around the other, smiling before Carlisle dipped his head. Bella turned her body and lifted her face to meet him. Their lips met in a slow, tender and savoring kiss, lasting just long enough to not be inappropriate to the rest of the family around them. Bella was older, her hair styled differently. Her eyes held a wisdom and confidence they didn't have now, even as her face beamed with joy.
Edward remembered those brief seconds when he'd first seen her in the kitchen just a few days ago. He had focused at the time on how lovely she appeared, but his mind's eye could recall with perfect clarity that she had been in Carlisle's arms. Leaning against him, eyes closed, there had been trust and comfort. Carlisle, for all the focus he'd had on Edward himself, had been happily content with Bella enfolded against him. Alice was right. There was already something started there, with potential to grow. Bella was Carlisle's, and not his.
Edward's breath hitched, and he deliberately stopped using his lungs as he sunk to the forest floor. Even though he had barely met Bella, he felt so much toward her. He had only just sorted out his own feelings, determined how much he genuinely wanted her. Now she was gone from him. Gone before he'd even had the chance to draw her close, before he'd even smoothed over all the mistakes he had made. Why had he been such an ass? He felt like a schoolboy pulling the pigtails of a girl who moved out of town the next day. He'd screwed up. Maybe he'd never really had a chance, since Carlisle was, as he'd put it, more intimate with Bella. And they would be intimate; he'd seen it through Alice's vision, through the confidence and solidarity between the two of them. He'd lost Bella before he'd even found her, and had known her just long enough to understand what he was losing.
Edward heard her thoughts before he heard her delicately quick tread. Resigning himself to the intrusion, he decided that her presence was actually a welcome one. Seating herself beside him, Maggie pulled up her knees and rested her arms on them. At first they said nothing to each other, just sat side by side.
"I am very blessed." Maggie broke the silence, her sweet voice beginning to fill the emptiness. "Every moment in the last eight-four years I have never forgotten how blessed I am."
Edward remained silent.
"It may sound exaggerating, but it isn't. Living so long alone keeps me appreciating that Esme came into my life. Even though I had to sacrifice to be with her."
"Liam and Siobhan still haven't spoken with you?"
Maggie shook her head. "Not Liam. A century wouldn't be long enough for him to forgive my desertion. I did hear from Siobhan once, about twelve years ago. It was brief."
Edward turned to look at the curly-haired redhead beside him. "You have always been a welcome member of this family. I never regret that you joined us."
"I know." Maggie smiled. "This family is a precious one, and the rift Alice worries about would be a sorry thing to see."
"I'm not going to create a rift."
"True. I know that will be hard for you, Edward, backing off. It wasn't easy for me when I thought I had found my mate."
Edward was surprised, before he pulled from her mind that she wasn't referring to Esme, but to someone much earlier in her life.
"His name was Fearghal, and did it ever suit him. Honorable, strong and brave, he had been a warrior in his human life. When I found him he was alone, uncertain of what had happened to him or how he'd been changed. It was a mystery we never solved. I took him in. I thought that he might learn to love me back, but he never returned my feelings. I could see when he pretended, when he reached out from loneliness, but I knew how his heart truly felt. He was not and could never be my true mate. The hardest thing in my life was telling Fearghal to move on."
Edward's heart twinged sympathetically. Even though it might have been over a thousand years ago for Maggie, it was a sadness she could still feel. Not to mention that he had a pretty good idea right now what it might have felt like.
"Of course," Maggie continued more lightly, "I realize now one reason why we were never meant to be."
Edward grinned. "Just a tiny detail."
"It's all about who your heart recognizes, Edward. I know that yours recognizes Bella."
Edward's temporary relaxation departed. "She's not meant for me, Maggie."
Maggie put her hand on Edward's back consolingly. "That doesn't keep it from hurting. I understand that this is really the first time you've ever felt an attraction, a genuine attraction, and that until now you've really only had Rosalie for companionship." Edward snorted, and Maggie gave him a quick grin. "Parts of you have been lonely, Edward. I'm sorry this situation has driven that fact more to the forefront. Waiting for love is one of the hardest things to go through. You live your life as usual, doing for yourself as you see fit, but it's always in the background – the big thing that will happen one day. Disappointment is a sharp bitter taste when you find yourself almost there, and losing.
"Yet if anyone can tell you to still have hope, Edward, it's me. Hold on. It will be hard, especially when Bella is so close, but hold on to your hope that love will find you. It may make it easier to watch her grow toward someone else."
Edward let out a strangled breath and hung his head. Allowing the vulnerability, he leaned against Maggie's small frame. Maggie's arms came about his shoulders and held him there. The night forest, on the cusp of winter, was silent around them.
"Why do you get to steal Carlisle's girlfriend, and I don't?"
"Oh, well, I do have more experience than you, not to mention that I am much prettier."
(~*~)
Bella was on the beach again. There was a massive sand castle being built. Turrets and battlements, a moat, drawbridge, and portcullis were all intricately shaped upon the wet sand. If that wasn't impressive enough, there was even a dungeon – Jacob's doing.
Across from Bella, his fingers curled into the sand, claw-like, as he glared at someone over her shoulder.
"You shouldn't be here," Jacob said like he had before, and again Bella felt herself grabbed from behind as the scene shifted. She was in the alley, cold marble arms encircling her, and Edward's voice whispering into her ear.
"I forgot to say hello." His lips were so close that she felt them brush her lobe. Then they were skirting down the side of her neck, light and teasing. Bella was frozen. Her brain screamed to get away but her body could do nothing, locked tight in Edward's supernatural embrace. The lips he had pressed to the side of her neck spread, and Bella felt the reverberation of his groan before his teeth pierced her skin.
Bella screamed and shot straight up in bed. Awake, her hand flew to her neck, feeling for a cut that wasn't there. There was a brief rattle of her doorknob and the door to her room pushed open. "Bella!" Charlie called, voice full of alarm.
"I'm here, Dad. I'm okay." Bella scrambled and turned on her bedside lamp, lighting the dark room. Charlie was in her doorway, eyes still wide from alarm and concern. He hadn't stopped to dress and stood there wearing only his dress gordon flannel pajama pants.
"What happened?"
"I had a nightmare."
"Must've been one hell of a dream. You don't usually scream, Bella. This is the second time now."
"Yeah – it was the same dream, sort of."
"Hmm." Keeping his eyes on Bella, Charlie walked over to the desk and turned the chair around before sitting in it. "Tell me about it."
"Uh…"
"Don't tell me you can't remember. You just said it was the same dream from March."
Bella was awake enough to not make a face at her father's pointed observation. If only she could keep herself from vocalizing in her sleep. Her father cared, though, and that was why he was pulling the cop out now. "I'm being attacked."
Charlie waited for more. Bella considered telling him that she dreamed about vampires - that was a typical horror image. Technically it was true. Yet, she didn't even want to present a suggestion of the idea of vampires to Charlie. She had a secret to protect, however innocent the explanation might seem.
"It starts on La Push. I'm on the beach with Jacob. He suddenly gets angry that someone is there, and I'm just grabbed from behind and dragged away. Sometimes I'm hurt, sometimes I wake up before anything happens other than being grabbed."
"Huh." Charlie frowned. "I'm no psychologist, but you're upset because someone is pulling you away. Did you have this dream before coming home again?"
"No, but, oh no, Dad, don't think that I regret coming here. I love being here with you."
"Good," Charlie grunted. "You've been happy, Bella, otherwise I'd be more worried." Charlie moved on quickly. "Have you ever been attacked? Has someone tried to hurt you?"
A lump caught in Bella's throat for a moment. "No. It's just a nightmare."
"A screaming nightmare about not being safe." Charlie frowned at his daughter, several different thoughts and scenarios going through his mind. "Listen, Bella, do you remember how to throw a punch?"
"Yeah." Not long before Bella and Renee had left Forks Bella had started a kids' karate class. Renee had wanted to put Bella in ballet. Thankfully, her parents had left the choice up to her. She'd picked the belt over the tutu.
Charlie nodded. "Good. I'm going to bring home a can of mace after my next shift. I want you to have it, okay?"
"Okay," Bella agreed. Her dream had worried Charlie, and she wished again that she could control her nighttime murmurings – or screams, in this case.
Charlie stood up and walked over to the door again. He paused. "I want you to be safe, Bella," he said to the wall.
"I will be," Bella promised.
It was the best he could do for now. Charlie left the room, shutting the door behind him.
Bella turned off the lamp, but didn't go back to sleep. She hated that she had worried Charlie, and that she had lied to him. Yet she just couldn't bring herself to tell him about what had happened that night in Port Angeles. She didn't know how he'd react, and since she'd been blocking her own reaction for so long, it was just too unknown an element to share with Charlie. The mere thought of trying to discuss this with her father was frightening. Yet, she couldn't ignore anymore that it had happened. Damn Edward for bringing it up!
At least Rosalie had told her the truth. Those few moments staring out the window thinking those men were dead had been enough torment. Bella was glad that was over; she didn't need to feel the weight of it anymore. However, Bella did need to face the fact that she had been attacked. She couldn't bury it anymore. She needed to talk.
Bella waited until the house seemed quiet and silently slipped some clothes on. Outside Charlie's door she listened to his regular breathing, and then hurried downstairs and out to her truck.
When she parked it several minutes later in the hospital lot and moved to the lit doors, she never noticed the cruiser that had discreetly followed, and pulled away once she was safely inside.
(~*~)
"Dr. Cullen?" Carlisle looked up from the chart he was holding. Having just sent home a fevered young man with the advice to triple the normal ibuprofen dosage every four hours, the ER room was now empty. Diana continued walking towards him. "Grace just called from out front. Isabella Swan is here and would like to speak with you."
This was a little unusual. Though a frequent patient in the ER, the only other time Bella had shown up to talk with him he'd been in his office. Carlisle felt a touch of worry, for he hadn't actually spoken with her since he'd made Edward leave her bedroom. Not to mention the fact that it was the middle of the night. Carlisle didn't let his reaction to the unexpected news show on his face. "Alright, thank you, Diana."
"Interesting that she's not here for an injury. Did you want me to…?" Diana left the question open-ended, her expression dubious. As with most places that he had worked, the nurses on staff learned to deflect patients that seemed to be more interested in seeing the good-looking doctor than actually in need of treatment. Carlisle smiled, amused to see Diana making the same mistaken assumption he himself had made earlier in the year.
"Bella is best friends with my daughter and has become fairly close with my family. I'm sure it's important. I'll be right out."
Diana just gave a nod and swung out.
When Carlisle first saw Bella, it was obvious that she was unsettled. She had been pacing before he approached. There was tension in her neck and around her temples. Her hands clenched and unclenched. Her gaze didn't really meet his when he walked up to her, as her eyes weren't focusing on anything in particular.
"Hi," Bella said breathlessly.
"Bella." Carlisle continued to examine her face.
"Can we talk?"
"Of course." Carlisle hesitated briefly on where to bring Bella. In another hospital he could just take her into a private exam room, but this ER wasn't set up that way. He couldn't bring her to his office; that was in another wing and he needed to be on duty here. Taking Bella by the upper arm, Carlisle tilted his head in acknowledgment to Grace, who looked on with kind concern. Passing through the double doors of the still empty ER, he guided Bella to one of the beds on the far side. It wasn't completely private, but he would be able to detect if anyone approached.
Automatically, Bella sat on the hospital bed, and Carlisle wheeled over a stool. Neither was sure what to say first. Carlisle wanted to apologize for Edward's behavior Sunday night, but he didn't think that was what was distressing her so much right then. Bella didn't know whether to begin immediately with what she needed to talk about, or to preface it somehow.
"I'm sorry to interrupt you like this when you're working."
"Bella, I hope you feel that you can always come to me."
"Thank you, Carlisle. I appreciate that."
When she didn't continue, Carlisle gently took her hand. "Bella, what is it?"
"Have you talked to anyone at the house since you came in to work?"
"No, actually, I have not. Did something happen?"
Bella half-shrugged. "Kind of. I stopped by to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving." Bella looked down at their clasped hands before looking up at Carlisle again. "I'm sorry, but I fought with Rosalie and Edward."
Carlisle squeezed her hand. "It's alright, Bella, tell me what happened."
"Oh, I just… Edward called me out on not believing in what he and Rosalie do. It wasn't an easy discussion – and then he told me…"
As Bella searched for the words, Carlisle felt himself go tense wondering what Edward said that upset her.
"He told me they were there that night in Port Angeles."
This was something that Carlisle had never discussed with Bella. He remembered talking to Alice after the incident and she'd dissuaded him from seeking out the unknown girl to make sure she was all right. Interesting how things could come around full circle.
"That must have been hard to hear."
Bella nodded. "It was better after Rosalie followed me and explained that they didn't actually kill anyone that night, but…"
Bella slowly inhaled through her nose and exhaled out the mouth. "I've tried to forget. I wasn't hurt, so why dwell on it? I realize now that I can't just pretend that it didn't happen."
Carlisle focused on the delicate weight of Bella's hand in his, the soft warmth against his skin. She was so strong and yet so fragile. He wondered if the hand he held so gently now was the same one that had been bruised. Carlisle could still feel stirrings of anger that someone had touched Bella, but anger was not what she needed from him right then. She needed him to listen.
Carlisle shifted positions so that Bella's hand was enveloped tenderly in both of his. He met her gaze when she looked up at him. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
Bella nodded. "Yes. That's why – why I came." Bella took a quick breath and began. "I didn't know my way back to the boardwalk when I left the bookstore. I thought I could take a shorter way. By the time I realized I was wrong, there weren't many people around.
"I wasn't too worried when I saw them, until I looked at his eyes. Alonzo's. There was just something… creepy. When I saw him alone behind me, I…"
Bella stopped. She stared without focusing, brow drawn in tight. Carlisle waited, her hand still held in his.
Finding the words, Bella continued, "I got nervous. I knew that he was after me, and not for my purse. I think a part of me still believed that nothing would happen. I don't know why. I don't know why I suddenly became brave. His friend showed up again; I was trapped, but I ran for it. Alonzo caught me, pinned my arms down and said something superficially polite. 'I forgot to say hello.'"
Bella closed her eyes. "I keep dreaming about being grabbed like that, dreaming of those words." She opened her eyes. "I don't want to be having these dreams, scaring Charlie because I wake up screaming. I don't know how to feel about that night, the two guys, Edward and Rosalie. I just know that I can't go on hiding that this happened. Even if my life has moved on, a part of me hasn't."
Carlisle squeezed. "Doing exactly what you're doing can only help."
Bella sighed. She looked around the large emergency room, at the empty hospital beds, the standard cabinets on the walls, the industrial double doors. It all felt so clinical. How could she talk about emotions she didn't really understand in such a familiar but sterile environment? Yet Carlisle was the reason why she came. When her eyes settled on him, taking in his golden hair and pale, beautiful face that showed both support and affection, Bella knew she could continue. As odd as the notion might seem, Carlisle felt like home.
"They were going to do more than rape me. Edward said that they were going to kill me afterward."
For a second or two Carlisle's eyes darkened. His mind conjured up the memory of finding Rosalie's body, tried not to replace the face with Bella's. Only with Bella's image, there were ligature marks darkening her throat, and no life left to be found. It took only an instant to pass through his mind, but required more to control the fear and anger it generated.
"It didn't happen, Bella. You're safe."
"I know. I know that I wouldn't have been safe if it weren't for Alice. I just – I knew I might have been hurt, but I nearly died, and didn't know it until tonight. Carlisle – if Alice hadn't… If I hadn't been stupid enough to go off alone, to think I knew where I was going…"
"Bella, you are not at fault. Never, ever, blame yourself for what could have happened that night." Carlisle leaned forward so that his unflinching gaze met Bella's. "You didn't do anything wrong."
Bella held herself there, holding eye contact with him. Carlisle's hands were firm on hers and there was an intensity of feeling coming from him. She knew he was right, but still she had begun to doubt herself. Bella felt so glad that Carlisle was there for her. She'd needed to talk to someone, needed someone to remind her not to slip into a void of fear and negative self-damning emotions. She might have gone to Alice, but it was Carlisle's comfort that she'd known she really needed. She just wanted to lean closer and slip into his arms again, despite the exposure of the large open room.
"I know," she said, looking down at their hands and placing her free one on his before looking up at him again. "I just was beginning to have a hard time convincing myself of that."
Instinct had Carlisle wanting to pull her close, to soothe her doubts away and let her know that he would be there for her whenever she needed him. It wasn't appropriate. He was at work, and while he may be a doctor and giving comfort was part of his job description, these emotions were too personal. Instead, he looked down at their hands. Even that began to seem inappropriate, should someone come through those doors and see. However, he didn't remove his hands from hers – he couldn't.
"I am very grateful that you are okay, and you are, Bella. You may have pushed this into the back of your mind until it troubled your subconscious, but you are strong enough to not let this hurt you for long. I see that in you already. Don't let these dreams keep you from that. You are living and breathing, just as you should be."
Just as you should be, Carlisle thought, and thank God you are.
Bella said nothing, merely moved her head in agreement.
"I was concerned about you that night," Carlisle continued, "without knowing that it was you. Alice was still refusing to reveal your identity to us at the time."
Bella blinked a few times. "She was?"
"We all knew that one of her schoolmates had caught her attention, but none of us knew why. Alice wanted your inclusion in our family to come about naturally."
"So that's why she protected me that night?"
"She already loved you as a sister, no matter how aloof she might have seemed."
Bella have a soft laugh of incredulity. "Huh." Then she was silent. Her face fell as troubling thoughts crossed her mind. She had always been happy to find herself as involved with the Cullens as she had become. They had truly become a central aspect of her life. Yet, now she realized how much she owed to them. If it weren't for the Cullens, she might not have a life. Even Rosalie and Edward – if they hadn't gotten involved, other young women might have died after her. Those two didn't need familial love in order to intervene.
"Bella?" Their hands had become separated when she got lost in her thoughts, and Carlisle lifted his right to briefly touch her cheek. He didn't like the disturbed look on her face.
"I was just thinking. Edward and Rosalie. They are helping, aren't they?"
Carlisle let out a long breath. "Yes, they are helping, in their way."
Bella remembered what Carlisle had said to her just one week earlier: that the choice Edward and Rosalie made pained him every day; that he had to let them make their own decisions.
Choose their own path. The words in Bella's head were so reminiscent of Rosalie's that they temporarily shook her. That was something she'd have to think about later. Right now, she felt that she owed a little to Carlisle. Not only for having brought up a touch of his grief, but to thank him for being there when she needed him.
"Rosalie and Edward have disturbed me so much over the last week or so. They've brought back memories that I might have kept buried. Yet, I'm glad that they did, because I need to face those memories. I'm glad that they are here, because I know that despite their choices, they are a part of the family. Your family means so much to me, Carlisle." Bella's eyes were earnest, her words very heartfelt, and Carlisle felt his expression soften as he watched her.
"I won't get into any more fights with Edward and Rosalie. I won't-" Bella paused to breathe, to hesitate. "I won't hide from the past anymore, but I won't let it keep hurting me, either."
Carlisle watched her determination, her love for others expand to try to include his two most difficult family members. He saw the bravery and lingering hurt as she referenced facing and overcoming that potentially fatal night in Port Angeles. He decided to disregard professional propriety. Standing, Carlisle pulled the curtain, granting them privacy before he pulled Bella off the bed and wrapped his arms around her. She came to him easily, relaxing against his chest and giving a gentle sigh as her own arms settled about his waist.
"I know you can," he said, "and I admire you for it." He moved his head, tucking hers under his chin. Her warmth surrounded him; the steady beat of her heart was palpable through their clothes. She may not be an adopted daughter, a sister, or a longtime companion, but she belonged with them. "I am so glad that you are safe, so happy you found your way into our family. I love you, Bella."
Bella smiled into Carlisle's chest, feeling very grateful to be a part of the Cullens. Being here was right, and she knew that she had made a good decision in coming to see him tonight. "I love you, too, Carlisle."
Next chapter... A tighter bond between Carlisle and Bella (obviously!) ... and things turn darker after Bella learns that someone is no longer in jail.