~*~ Chapter Nineteen ~*~
The days were shorter in December, and unlike when he had arrived at Bella's house, there were no remaining vestiges of daylight by the time Carlisle left on his way to the hospital. His arrival on her doorstep had certainly brought about a surprise. Carlisle had never really thought of Bella as a child. She was young and she was a girl, but to him she'd never been a young girl. All the same, it had been something of a jolt when he saw her standing in the doorway of the small yellow house wearing nothing but a red towel. Her hair was down and wet, leaving a trail of water drops on her shoulders. Carlisle had watched as one of those drops, refracting prisms of the early moonlight that few could see, moved its way down to her clavicle. His eyes had followed the path and moved beyond, tracing the delicately pale and smooth skin to the towel line.
The towel had obviously slipped since she'd first wrapped it around herself. It was loose around her torso and waist, moving with the rise and fall of her chest. Her hidden figure was obvious, and easily declared by the shapely legs revealed from mid-thigh down. Even her bare feet were adorable. Journeying back up to make eye contact with Bella, Carlisle had seen the moment the realization of her attire hit her. He had smiled at the beginnings of shock and embarrassment on Bella's face. "Did I arrive at a bad time?"
It was a little surprising that she hadn't fallen in her haste to get up the stairs to change.
In the solitude of his car, Carlisle laughed again under his breath. Bella was still Bella, despite the fact that he was noticing her figure. Plenty of teenage girls were physically developed, and Bella, at eighteen, was definitely no exception. Carlisle wondered when she would start dating, and he lost his smile. Bella, dating… she'd have to be with the family less, and that was a thought Carlisle didn't like.
It was selfish of him. As it was, he felt bad for having stepped on Charlie's parental toes by gifting Bella the phone without talking to him first. He hadn't stopped to think about Bella's primary family, even if it consisted of just her father. The fact that her family was so small made Charlie all the more important, particularly since Bella would be going to college soon. Carlisle would have more time with her then than Charlie would.
The thought startled him, or more pointedly, the assumption behind the thought did. Alice and Jasper had taken on the roles of teenagers in order to enable the family to stay in one place longer. Ostensibly the same age as Bella, they, too, would supposedly be going to college when she did, while the family's home base was to remain in Forks for about another three years. At what point had he envisioned that they would all actually follow Bella to her college of choice? Yet, that was exactly what Carlisle wanted to do.
More than an hour early for his shift, Carlisle parked his Mercedes and made his way into his office. It was fairly small compared to the one he had at home, yet it was serviceable for his professional needs. The hospital budget had supplied the desk and chairs, as well as the standard issue filing cabinets. Carlisle began to review patient files.
He'd have to talk with Esme and Maggie, as well as Alice and Jasper. It would mean uprooting the family earlier than planned. Yet staying with Bella would be worth it. There would never again be another Bella in his life, their lives. If the family agreed, hopefully Bella would, too. Somehow, Carlisle had little doubt that she would.
Yet, something had happened on her father's couch tonight. She'd held herself back. Bella had been about to kiss his cheek, but she'd paused then pulled away. What had made her draw away from him like that? It was a silly thing to feel wounded over, but Carlisle had been hurt. He could reason it away now as simply an awkward moment. Though prior to this evening he and Bella hadn't had any awkward moments.
The phone on his desk rang unexpectedly. Carlisle picked it up, wondering if Grace had noticed him come in and he was being asked into the ER. The voice on the other end, however, was not that of a middle-aged woman.
"We've already sent in our applications," chimed Alice. "Jasper and I are completely on board with actually attending college this time around. Jazz is looking forward to earning a degree in history."
Carlisle smiled into the phone. "Saw this one coming, did you?"
"Yes, and I made sure we got our applications in on time before you had to bribe any schools to let us in. I know the money doesn't matter," Alice interrupted before Carlisle could speak. "However the morality of it is an issue. How do you think Bella would feel knowing that we'd bought our way into joining her?"
"Point taken. Which schools? Are there any that will reject Bella because of her father's limited income?"
"Don't worry about it, Carlisle. Just be prepared to look for hospital openings in New England once Bella decides which of the many acceptance letters she'll receive means the most to her."
Sometimes it was still unsettling to have Alice's precognition a part of their lives. He had just barely had this realization, and now it was nearly set that they'd be relocating in a few months. "How do Esme and Maggie feel about this?"
"Bella means something to all of us, Carlisle. We want to continue to be a part of her life."
"Let's just hope she wants us there." Not many young women had their friends' entire families move to a new state to stick with them through college. "I don't want to smother her, Alice."
"You couldn't, Carlisle."
Carlisle thought again of Bella pulling back from him. "I'm not so sure," he said sadly.
(~*~)
It was a slow Thursday night at the video store; no customers milled the aisles of DVDs and videotapes. The walls around Bella and the front door were plastered with posters of the latest movie releases, making the building feel a little less lonely. Behind the counter was the employees' TV, one of those small TV/VCR combos that practically didn't exist anymore. In a dark kind of mood, Bella had Interview with the Vampire playing. Finishing her Snickers, Bella crumpled up the brown wrapper and tossed it into the trash. Not particularly paying attention to the screen, Bella frowned at the movie posters. What was with the number four? Fantastic Four, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Four Brothers…
It was a long night, giving Bella plenty of time to think as she sorted videos. She had a lot to think about. First, Carlisle, and what had happened on the couch. It had been nothing really. Just a moment when she'd been about to kiss Carlisle and suddenly, because of what had happened with Edward, it hadn't felt platonic anymore. As though kissing Carlisle's cheek, any guy's cheek, would open up the door to something less innocent. Bella couldn't deny that since that day she'd been horny. There was a tangible sensuality brewing under the surface of her skin, and Alice's previous reminder that she should start dating finally served to put a mirror in front of her face. Bella wanted to date.
The fact that she would have a sexual awakening just when she'd been about to give Carlisle a kiss was horribly embarrassing. No wonder he'd leaped across the room. Bella chided herself for being self-deprecating. Carlisle had leaped across the room because Charlie had been about to arrive.
Carlisle had been hurt that she hadn't kissed him; Bella had seen that. How was she supposed to explain? Sorry, Carlisle, I must still be a little aroused from my first kiss, bad timing? Bella closed her eyes and shook her head at herself. The only thing she could do was to be as friendly as usual the next time she saw him - return to the status quo, and definitely kiss his cheek. Bella tapped her hand on the countertop with the happy finality of a decision made. She had herself under control now. There'd be no more physical inclinations for a casual kiss to lead to something more.
The deeply buried thought that Bella wouldn't acknowledge was that, for a second, sharing a more-than-platonic kiss with Carlisle hadn't seemed like a bad thing.
Unfortunately, resolving her thoughts of awkwardness with Carlisle meant that she couldn't hide from the more difficult subjects.
One of the men who had attacked her was free. In not allowing herself to think about him and his friend all these months, she hadn't thought to care about whether or not they were out there. When she'd learned a month ago that they were both in jail she'd felt a sense of relief. Now, even though Alonzo was still behind bars, that relief was mostly gone and she was left with this awful weight of responsibility.
Remembering what had been said the other night, this guy had gotten a taste for sexual violence and had been ready to escalate. But Alice and Jasper had scared him, and he'd spent the last several months in penitentiary. Perhaps that was enough to forestall any further tendencies towards the type of violence Clifford Pendleton had learned at the hands of Alonzo Calderas Wallace. Maybe the guy wasn't a threat anymore.
"The guy's a creep."
Could she make that assumption? Could she take the risk he wouldn't harm another girl out there?
"Didn't Cliff intend to rape our Bella that night?"
No, it was too mild to blanket that thought under the term "harm." It wouldn't be just a mugging, or a sore wrist.
"I don't want him touching me, invading my space. Panic makes me struggle harder to get away."
There were other girls out there who might experience fear and pain at his hands. A fear that could last if they were lucky enough to get away, and a pain that might never go away if they weren't. No, Bella couldn't assume that Clifford Pendleton wasn't a threat anymore. He needed to be stopped, somehow.
"I have no problem with the death of a human."
"Would you like me to kill him for you?"
Bella shook her head. She was starting to scare herself. Grabbing her Newton's Outfitters water bottle, Bella guzzled deep. Where had her thoughts been leading her? Inevitably, to a certain blonde vampire. Lowering the bottle, Bella wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
Rosalie Hale: beauty, dark purposes… and hurt. Carlisle had told her that Rosalie was always hurting, and underneath her every façade was the fact that she cared deeply. Bella was willing to believe that; she could even see it when she reviewed Rosalie's behavior. Rosalie was not a villain; she had good intentions – and like Shaw's preface said, it was what Rosalie did do and would do that really concerned Bella. Bella knew that Rosalie had an agenda with her, and she couldn't help but be a little creeped out by that. Particularly since she felt it working.
In all these years, why hadn't Rosalie found a way to cope? From her conversations with Carlisle, Bella knew that it was only the vampire body that froze; the mind was ever expanding. So why was Rosalie frozen in this mindset of anger and vengeance? It didn't make sense. Seventy-two years…
Of being beaten and raped in your mind every day. Bella really couldn't forget that, as much as part of her wanted to. Every single day. Stomach tight, Bella tried to comprehend experiencing it …it was just unfathomable. Instead of wondering why Rosalie hadn't dealt with her past and moved on, Bella should be wondering how she managed to not go mad.
Maybe Rosalie had, a little bit. Maybe that was why she kept on killing people – it was her madness coming through, her anger. Her "monster".
That was what she and Edward had in common, after all. Their monsters within were satiated by the kill. Edward had run away from Rosalie's thoughts because he identified too well with her enjoyment. Rosalie had tempted him in, advising that she could help him learn to control his bloodlust – to not feed. Rosalie had never fed on human blood, but Bella was willing to bet that she did feed in a different way. Rosalie fed on the violence, on the punishment, on being the one who was in control, instead of the one dominated. It probably fostered her rage even as it helped her to cope: a vicious cycle for Rosalie.
Edward had said he was helping her condition, that she was healthier because he was there. Rosalie claimed to be helping Edward learn control. Who was really keeping whom in check? Why did Edward and Rosalie seem to have the hardest time coping with their natures, when they – according to Edward- both abhorred being vampires? Then again, maybe the last question held its own answer. That was another cycle.
Bella's brain hurt from trying to understand it. It was just so… convoluted and messed up.
Thankfully, Conner and Austin, boys she knew from school, came in right then. Conner reminded Bella of a cuter version of Mike. That probably wasn't fair, but he had the same hair, height and build. Austin was taller, a bit more muscled, with curly brown hair that was so dark it was almost black. Both boys chatted Bella up as they looked around the store. "Hey, what's with the number four?" It felt good to talk about more mundane things like school, and laugh as Austin tried to convince Conner to buy his kid brother's broken down motorcycle. She grinned at both of them as they left, taking a DVD of The 40-Year-Old Virgin with them. She got back a wink and a smile from each. Now that was nice.
Bella rolled her shoulders, enjoying the lighter mood. The clock above the door read that it was nearly nine p.m. Soon enough Bella would be able to shut things down and close up. Sighing, Bella shifted on her stool and turned back to the video. Within seconds the sound of the door opening drew her attention, and she was startled to see the tall blonde who came in.
"Rosalie, hi."
"Hello, Bella." Rosalie smiled as she strolled confidently up to the counter, tall and formidable. Bella began to feel herself shrink.
"Renting a movie?" Bella asked even though she was fairly certain that was not why Rosalie was here.
"No, I just thought I'd come see you." Rosalie tilted her head as though trying to look at Bella's television. "Brad Pitt fan?"
"Um, I guess." Bella stopped the play, and hit rewind. Might as well get it ready to be put back. "What did you want to see me about?"
"Do I need a reason?" Rosalie flicked back a strand of hair that had fallen forward.
"Do you ever do anything without one?" Bella blurted, and then wished she'd bitten her tongue. Rosalie's face lost her smile. In fact, she looked a little hurt.
Neither of them said anything, and Rosalie cast her gaze around the store. "Serenity's coming out on video next week? I'll have to rent that. I missed it in the theaters and the show was entertaining."
"You've seen Firefly?"
"The first episode I saw was 'Bushwacked.' Caught the show whenever I could after that."
Bella paled a little at the implications of that, but then the TV caused a distraction by spitting out the videotape. Bella turned away from Rosalie to put it back.
"Do you want some help closing up?" Rosalie asked.
"Uh, no. That's okay. It's not much, I just need to lock up, close out the drawer."
"It's not a problem."
It was just like Brad Pitt and Christian Slater. Bella never even saw Rosalie move. Suddenly the lights in the back of the store were turned off, leaving only Bella and Rosalie lit at the counter. Only Rosalie was standing about a foot to the right of where she had just been. Bella couldn't help it; she jumped.
"Okay, Superwoman." Bella blinked her wide eyes and started cashing out. Rosalie turned her back against the counter and looked around again. As Bella packaged the cash to put in the safe, she noticed that Rosalie seemed to keep her gaze on the door and out the windows, almost like a guard.
"Um, Rosalie?" Bella hesitated once the vampire's gaze was on her. The new thought that had come made her heart speed up just a bit. "You're not expecting someone, are you? I mean – I thought Alice said he wouldn't come looking for me."
"I just thought you might want some company, Bella. You're alone. It's night. And we both know that he is out there."
Bella didn't know what to say, so she said nothing. Depositing the night's paperwork and money into the safe, Bella gathered her coat and bag, stuffing the black and white water bottle inside. Together they walked to the door, Bella switching to security lights. "I wasn't thinking about it until now."
"I know you weren't. Bella, you might be in your own town, where your father is the chief of the police, but don't get too comfortable with your own safety."
Bella felt like slamming the glass door shut as she and Rosalie exited, but she restrained herself – slightly. The bells on the Christmas wreath jangled as Bella pulled the door tight and turned the deadbolt. The video store was located on 2nd Avenue, among the old buildings and businesses in the center of town. Most were closed this late at night. Bella, though, certainly had never had a reason to fear for her safety getting to her truck. For heaven's sake, Carlisle was less than a mile away at the hospital, and the police station was a mile in the other direction. "I don't think I have anything to worry about."
"I know the thought of Clifford Pendleton out there makes you nervous."
"Not really," Bella lied.
"Then why did you think I was here because of him?"
Bella faced Rosalie. "Why are you here?"
"Why won't you admit that you're afraid?"
Once again, Rosalie nailed it. Bella hated that Rosalie could see that in her, because she was afraid. A small piece of her had been afraid ever since March, but she'd kept it buried deep until Edward and Rosalie had dug it up three weeks earlier. Why did it seem that Rosalie was always doing this to her? Bella rallied – somewhat. "What purpose would that serve?"
"A healthy sense of fear keeps you safe."
The axiom actually didn't seem so far out there. If Bella hadn't been so fearless as to wander Port Angeles on her own, she wouldn't have found herself at the mercy of those two men. "Do you really think that?"
"I think it helps," Rosalie answered. "It's not a solution to preventing crime, but it helps, Bella." Her caramel gold eyes were steady on Bella's face. There was no deception in her, only an acknowledgment of how the world worked. Bella found herself admitting the truth to Rosalie.
"You're right. I am afraid that he's out there. I'm afraid of you, too."
"Me?" Rosalie was surprised. "Why? I want to protect you, Bella. I am on your side."
"Yeah, and you're a killer."
Rosalie frowned at Bella. "That movie you were watching tonight. Lestat says, 'God kills indiscriminately, and so shall we.' I'm not like that. I am very careful and kill only those who deserve it. I kill to save lives, not destroy them."
"I know." Bella felt abashed. "I don't think of you as evil, Rosalie. I-"
"Right now there is someone out there who very nearly murdered. The only reason why he didn't, the only reason why you are alive unmolested is that we were there to stop him. I have to be the one to stop him again."
Bella's eyes closed.
As if taking a cue, the man in front of Bella moved closer, his eyes anticipating as he reached a hand up to cup her breast.
"You were just in his path the moment Alonzo led him to it."
"Clifford Pendleton only had a record for petty theft because that's mostly what his crime life consisted of prior to meeting Alonzo Calderas. Even then, he didn't rape their victim."
"He's not with Alonzo anymore." Bella's eyes opened and met Rosalie's gaze. "The real threat is locked up. Clifford might not take that path anymore. He might make different choices."
"Are you willing to take that chance?"
Bella hesitated.
"You wouldn't want someone else to be hurt, Bella." Rosalie's words were soft. She stepped closer to Bella. "Let what happened to you be the last time. It could end with you."
Bella closed her eyes again.
"He got a taste for it, Bella. With the waitress before you."
Rosalie's voice was closer.
"He didn't get to touch her, to violate her. He wanted more."
Her lips were chapping from the cold, and Bella could feel the fog of her shallow breaths curling against them.
"He would have taken it with you," Rosalie said with quiet sadness.
Bella was rooted to the spot, her legs heavy and unmoving.
"He will take it with someone else."
Loose strands of hair brushed Bella's cheek from Rosalie's expelled breath.
"I could kill him for you." Ever so softly. "It would be so easy. He could never come after you. He could never hurt anyone again."
Bella could almost see it. A place where she could safely walk down the street and not have the fear that this man was out there, free and roaming, living under her skin. A place where bad things didn't happen, wouldn't happen, because one of the men who caused them was gone. She was tempted. She was very tempted by no longer having to live with that fear.
With the realization came a kind of fury Bella had never felt before.
"Stop it!" Bella shouted, flinging her arms out, creating space between herself and Rosalie. Rosalie took an inadvertent step backwards. The kitten had claws. "What the hell do you think you are doing? Whispering hate into my ear like some sort of devil on my shoulder."
Bella whirled to face the stunned Rosalie. Each word came out of Bella clear and confident. "I am not like you. I don't feel a need to punish. I have absolutely no desire to harm people. You shouldn't try to make me."
Bella stood before Rosalie, feet solidly underneath her. There was no confusion in her face, no eyes that darted. Her back was straight as she unblinkingly held eye contact with the disturbed vampire.
"I just don't want you to be hurt," Rosalie said.
"Then stop hurting me. Regardless of your intentions, Rosalie, what you did to recruit Edward, what you do to other humans, what you did to me the other night – you are trying to deal with your pain by hurting others. I see that plain as day, just as I see that it's not working or you wouldn't keep doing it."
"That is not …" Rosalie began, but trailed off.
Bella sighed, letting go of all the tension anger had built in her. "I'm not a therapist; I don't know how to help you. I am not going to try to change you. I can only tell you what I see." Bella rolled her lips. "I don't want you to hurt either."
"My hurt is none of your concern. Clearly." There was silence as Rosalie stared at Bella. Then she cast her eyes down. It made Bella inexplicably sad.
"Y'know, you are a little like Lestat. Edward is your Louis, and you wanted me for your Claudia. What I wonder if you fully realize, Rosalie, is that you're surrounded by a family that loves you, whom you come back to."
"I know they love me, but they don't understand me. So how can I be anything but alone?"
"You've got Edward."
"Edward may read my mind, but he doesn't comprehend what it means to be a victim." Rosalie shook her head as she looked at Bella, giving a soft snort. "I am still alone."
"What about Esme?"
"Esme's heart is healed."
Bella was suddenly standing alone. For a second or two Bella stared at the empty space on the sidewalk where Rosalie had just stood. Perhaps she had been too harsh? She could have been more understanding, particularly since, for the first time, Bella understood what motivated Rosalie. She had felt it, too. She just hadn't wanted it; it wasn't her.
She turned away and walked toward where she'd parked her truck, her boots making quiet footfalls on the concrete. The sky, the sidewalk and the reflection of security lights in the windows of closed businesses around her were all varying shades of gray. Bella really wasn't quite sure what had happened between her and Rosalie. All she knew was that she had made up her mind.
Bella climbed into her truck. Once her hands were on the wheel she took a deep breath, her shoulders falling on the exhale. There was a little tremble in her fingers, but not one of nervousness. Bella felt confidence in knowing now who she was and what she believed in. It might not have been the change that Rosalie had hoped to affect in her, but, like all young women, Bella's choices were her own, whether Rosalie understood them or not. Shifting the vehicle into gear she went looking for the one person above all others that would understand how she was feeling, who could give her support and comfort. Bella went to find Carlisle.
(~*~)
Clifford Pendleton walked out of the liquor store, arm wrapped around the brown paper bag that held his 12-pack. Heading down the street, he walked past a couple of young women. Turning his head to check out their asses, Cliff whistled at them. One just kept on walking, while the other turned her head and rolled her eyes.
"Oh, yeah, you want it," Cliff whispered under his breath. Then he turned and kept walking. He had no idea that someone else heard him.
Unseen, and not far away, Rosalie's eyes narrowed as she watched. This man was exactly the type that she took the most pleasure in destroying. He was a weak, insignificant man who used his low opinion of women to stroke his own ego. Rosalie's lips tightened together. He actually aspired to be a rapist. He deserved to be squashed like the bug under a rock he was. Soon he would be alone. She could snatch him then, make it quick, so that he didn't suffer. Moving steadily, stealthily, Rosalie was there as Cliff walked the sidewalks. As the commercial buildings shifted to the residential, and more trees dotted the neighborhood, she kept herself far enough away to remain unseen by human eyes. In a swift movement, Rosalie passed ahead of Clifford, into a tall pine that grew across from a run-down apartment building.
The night was perfect. The building only held four apartments, and right now none of the tenants were in. No neighbors would be around to pose any danger of discovery. Rosalie could grab him in his own apartment, and fake an accident no one would question. This was opportunity.
Clifford came closer, moving in on his apartment. He was whistling a familiar tune, and Rosalie frowned until she was able to place it. It was "Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears. Rosalie rolled her eyes. Crouching closer to the tree, she debated her next move. She could wait until he was safely inside his apartment, and then gain access through his window. She'd be inside before he even realized that she was there. Even better, she'd wait until his door was open and enter with him. That she could do quickly, so that he'd only feel the breeze of her passing. Yet, Rosalie would rather snatch him and drag him inside with her. Give him those extra seconds of fear. Venom pooling in her mouth, Rosalie wondered if, in that instant, he would recognize her.
She hadn't let him see her the last time they'd come into contact, so he wouldn't exactly be able to recognize her, but he'd remember. Yes, she thought that he would remember the sensation of being prey. He'd feel the fear that once before he'd created himself. That combination of recognition and fear was an expression Rosalie wouldn't mind seeing again. It had been decades since she'd first seen it, on the face of the sodomizing Beau. A terrifying smile spread Rosalie's lips.
Then it faltered. All expression disappeared from her face as though someone had wiped it clear. Across the way, Clifford slipped a hand into his front jeans pocket and pulled out a small key ring. Shortly it would be time for Rosalie to move.
She stayed still.
"Damn you, Bella," Rosalie whispered. The tree branch became vacant, swaying slightly from the release of the weight that had been on it. After a few seconds, the silence of the night was broken by the hoot of an owl.
Jangling his keys, Cliff unlocked his apartment door and shuffled himself awkwardly inside, unharmed and oblivious.
A/N: Believe it or not, I've been around. First, I added some between-the-dialogue moments to the couch scene with Carlisle, Bella and later Charlie in the last chapter. On May 6th, I posted an outtake to this story that occurs between Carlisle leaving the house, and Bella's night at the video store. On May 27th I put up Carlisle's scene from this chapter up as a preview on my blog. On June 15th I posted a lemon outtake to "One Weekend." So I've put a lot out there for you guys. :)
Thanks to my support team: AllTheOtherNamesAreUsed (beta extraordinaire), ZoyaZalan, Nachos4Children, and ItHappened. Even DecemberLenoir, BewitchingScience and the amazing SerendipitousMC were able to help with a little advice on Twitter.
Next chapter. . . we'll be accelerating the plot quite a bit. Edward and Rosalie leave Forks, college plans (Carlisle intends to follow Bella, remember), prom... maybe a surprise or two...