Chapter 12

Just Stop for a Minute and Smile (Price Tag)

Chloe's surgery went as well as anyone could have hoped. There was no doubt that opting to make this choice would interminably alter her singing voice, but what did she have to lose? Chloe hoped her life would lead her to music once again, but as it stood she had no definite plans to sing again in the near future. She was certain by the time the opportunity to sing again arose, if it ever arose at all, she would feel comfortable with her new voice. Who knows? Maybe it'd even make her better.

The recovery period for the procedure was a blessing in disguise. Having to refrain from speaking for 3-7 days gave her a lot of time alone in her own head to think about what had just happened, how it happened, why she acted the way she did, and most importantly what she needed to do to fix it.

The first step was easy. She'd been watching the moments since semis on an incessant loop. She couldn't not think about them. And while she blamed herself for the explosion, how she should have said something to Aubrey in the moment, stuck up for Beca, or how she should have smoothed over the situation between the two young women well before this ever happened, she also had an important realization. This wasn't all her fault. Aubrey was being stubborn and unreasonable. Beca was being tactless and insensitive. They were the ones who had created the problem. They were the ones who continued to put Chloe in an impossible position. In fact, they should both apologize to her for the way they treated her over the past few months, like she was a pawn in their game of war. Aubrey and Beca were to blame for the blow-up. Not Chloe.

The aftermath, however, fell almost completely on Chloe's shoulders. While Beca shouldn't have been so childish as to run away and hide, Chloe acknowledged to herself that of course that's how Beca was going to react. She was Beca after all. Chloe would have to learn to be patient with her. She'd have to learn how best to care for and support her girlfriend without busting through too many of the girl's defensive walls too quickly. Beca was an emotional train wreck, but it was part of what Chloe loved about her.

That was another thing Chloe realized. She loved Beca. She had meant it when she said it to Jesse, but due to her exhaustion at the time she hadn't quite realized she had said it at all. And now she was mentally kicking herself. Hearing that from Jesse was probably not the best way for Beca to receive those words for the first time. Chloe hoped that Jesse paraphrased that line. Instead had told Beca that Chloe "really cared about her" or something. Or perhaps Jesse would have said nothing to Beca at all…

Chloe couldn't possibly know what he said, or didn't say, to the DJ. She did her best to push that line of thought from her mind. It wasn't productive. It was out of her control. She needed to focus on the problem at hand.

She tried to analyze why she didn't say anything in that moment, when Beca needed her to, or why she didn't say anything sooner. She analyzed it to death. Maybe she was scared of losing Aubrey. Maybe she was scared of her feelings for Beca. Or maybe she was just scared.

That was it. Chloe was afraid. She was afraid of all the impending change. What would graduation mean for her friendship with Aubrey? And if she told Beca how she felt, what would that mean for their relationship? Honestly, what did this entire year mean in the grand scheme of her life?

Chloe never thought of herself as much of a worrier. She was more the kind of person to embrace fully, to cry freely, to laugh wholeheartedly. You know, the kind of person who bursts into a stranger's shower stall without a hint of embarrassment or trepidation, without a sense of what is or isn't socially acceptable. And yet, Chloe realized now, a part of her was afraid the whole time, afraid of losing the love of those who already learned to love her because of the total weirdo she was. Strangers? Who cares? There was nothing to lose. They were strangers after all. But Chloe was eager to please those she cared about most. Because if she didn't? She'd have everything to lose.

The problem here was, she couldn't please them both. There was no way to simultaneously keep both Beca and Aubrey happy. Someone was bound to be displeased with her and she knew that could be potentially destructive. But then something dawned on her. She was so caught up in the need to do what would make Beca and Aubrey happy that she had completely disregarded what would make Chloe happy. She finally asked the most important question of all: What about me?

When Chloe failed to speak up after semis, it wasn't just Beca who was disappointed in her. She was disappointed in herself. Beca's improvised performance was the tits. Chloe was exhilarated by it. And regardless of Beca's status as her girlfriend, Chloe should have told Aubrey that. She was proud of what the Bellas did that day. She was proud of herself. And there shouldn't be anything shameful about that feeling. The performance was proof that the girls could be extraordinary, something Chloe knew was true in her gut all along. Aubrey needed to know that… and Chloe, and the rest of the girls, needed to make sure she knew it.

Just as this line of thought made itself clear in Chloe's mind, her cell phone buzzed on the tray table in front of her. It was a group text message from Aubrey.

Aubrey (2:17pm): Footnotes disqualified on a technicality. We're back in, aca-bitches!

Disbelief shot through Chloe, and apparently some of the other Bellas, as she quickly received a response from Stacie.

Stacie (2:17pm): WHAT?!

Chloe shot off a text to the group as well.

Chloe (2:18pm): Yeah. Aca-scuse me?!

The redhead tried to contain her excitement, at least vocally. She was still on vocal rest after all. Shit. It was then she realized what a terrible mistake she may have made. What if she couldn't sing? The Barden Bellas were going to finals and Chloe had no idea if she would even be able to perform with them.

Aubrey (2:20pm): Their lead member was a high school student. They're out. And we're next alternate. WE'RE GOING TO LINCOLN CENTER, LADIES!

Tears started to form behind Chloe's eyes, and she wasn't sure exactly why. Emotions were swirling within her and she was having a hard time separating them. She was thrilled that the Bellas would once again get the chance at the national title. She was terrified that she wouldn't be able to be a part of that moment, or perhaps even worse, that she would let the team down. And she was still overwhelmed by the sadness that came with disappointing Beca. She missed her girlfriend and was genuinely worried she might lose her.

Chloe scrolled through the group text on her phone and saw that Aubrey had, most definitely intentionally, failed to include the tiny DJ. Her cheeks flushed as red as her hair as fury began once again building within her. How could Bree do that?!

And then something clicked and a metaphorical light bulb went off in her head. She could fix this. She could fix everything, all at once. A smile spread across her face. Probably for the first time since she met Beca, Chloe Beale knew exactly what to do. Without second-guessing herself, and without a moment of hesitation, she sent a text message.

A/N: Two more chapters to go... As it stands now, it looks Chapter 14 will be the final chapter of this fic. Enjoy it while it lasts. More next Tuesday. As always, I love your reviews! :)