~*~ Chapter Thirty-Four ~*~

Driving southeast, Bella originally wasn't completely sure where she was going to end up. Not Connecticut. Bella didn't want to go anywhere that was connected to memories of anyone. Nowhere a college friend was from; nowhere she'd been with the Cullens; nowhere there was family. Just keep driving, Bella.

Bella drove south, one road to the next. Route 100 to I-89 to I-93, and she followed the signs to Boston. Boston was a good place to be, for now.

Part of Bella felt that she should be enjoying the absolute freedom of her drive. She was on vacation. She had no one to answer to. Had she ever been in that position before? Not since her first days at Forks had Bella really spent extended time on her own.

Carlisle had spent plenty of time alone. And now she was leaving him alone again, if only temporarily—and not really alone. Bella didn't have to try hard to hear Emmett's screams.

Emmett. That's what Alice had said his name was. Bella wondered if he had family and friends who were wondering where he was. If somewhere in Maine a missing person report was being filed. What was Emmett leaving behind, now that Rosalie and Carlisle had brought him into the Cullen family?

The sunrise was spectacular, when the road allowed her to see it. It should have lightened Bella's mood, but it didn't. However, the sudden prisms on her dashboard startled her. Where were they coming from? Watching the road, Bella carefully felt around with her right hand. She found it behind the rearview mirror. Someone–read Alice–had hidden a cheap new age crystal behind there. Bella's hand wrapped around it, and the colored lights disappeared. Bella gave a short tug, and tossed the stone to the floor of the passenger seat.

Thanks a lot, Alice, Bella thought, put out by the minor manipulation. Despite knowing this was exactly what had been intended with the crystal's placement, Bella found herself remembering the road trip west to Middlebury, and the first time she'd seen Carlisle in the sun. How they'd held hands and just looked at each other. God, they'd been falling in love even then, but they'd both been so blind. Blind! Just as Bella was blind to not realize that loving a Cullen involved some darkness. Blind not to realize that Carlisle being a transformed human meant that he wasn't completely human. None of them were.

Yet Carlisle was still the best person she'd ever known. Quite possibly the best person she ever would know. And there was no turning away from the fact that she loved him. Irrevocably.

She yearned to turn the car around and go back to him. But she couldn't. Not yet.

Bella didn't want to think about it anymore. She turned on the radio, loud. Was that Elvis?

"Just running scared, feeling low. Running scared, you love him so."

Bella changed the station. That most definitely hadn't been Elvis.

"Devil inside, devil inside, every single one of us the devil inside."

Another slap of the radio buttons.

"Can't find a better man."

She'd tossed the crystal too soon. Bella really wanted to throw something right now. Instead she scrambled through her CDs, pretending she couldn't hear Eddie Vedder telling her she'd be back again. Of course she would be. Bella grabbed Red Hot Chili Peppers. They might be contemporaries of Pearl Jam, but she knew their greatest hits were what she needed right now. Skipping the first track, Bella went straight for the loud noise and kept the volume turned up.

(~*~)

Why, oh why did she decide Boston would be a good idea? This was worse than when she was learning to drive in Phoenix. This was worse than Phoenix, period. Overcrowded, sudden street changes, one-way streets, cars cutting people off. Ahhhhh!

Eventually, Bella found her way to a parking lot in the thick of things and walked to the nearest coffee shop. It had been almost a full day since she'd eaten anything, and she was starving. The place was bustling. If it wasn't the height of breakfast hour, then it was damn near close enough. Food was nearby, and Bella didn't hesitate until she had some, ordered and paid for, in her hands.

Bella looked around, hoping to see an empty table perhaps further in. The café was deceptively crowded. Each time a person shifted she'd discover that a spot that looked free actually wasn't. Making another scan, Bella considered where else she could go with her food that was nearby. Her gaze got caught by a young woman who was looking straight at her. When the girl realized she'd managed to catch Bella's attention, she waved her over, gesturing to the empty seats next to her.

Bella made her way over to the four-top. The young woman who had invited her was dirty blonde, and had a friendly, open gaze. Across from her was another young woman, also blonde, her body twisted so that she could see Bella better as she approached.

"Hi," the first young woman said. "We have an open seat." She indicated the spot next to her friend.

After the friend gave her an encouraging smile, Bella took the seat. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'm Bea," the first girl continued. "And this is my friend Helen. My boyfriend's just gone to get us new drinks," she added, explaining the 4th seat, which had a coat and scarf strewn on it.

"Bella," Bella responded, and took a sip of her coffee. "Are you two college students?"

"Yeah, we go to Northeastern," Helen answered. "You?"

"I'm on Spring Break, pausing in Boston for a while."

"On your way to where?" Helen asked just as Bea spoke.

"Are you traveling alone?"

Despite normal precautions when dealing with strangers suggesting to Bella that it would probably be better not to reveal she was on her own, answering Bea's question was easier than answering Helen's. Bella still wasn't sure where she was going.

"Solo road trip," she answered with a shrug. "Just want to feel my independence, explore a bit."

"I can understand that," Helen grinned. "There are times I wish I could ditch this one." She pointed with her thumb at Bea.

"Hey, be nice. You like having me as a hip accessory, and you know it. Bella, if you don't have any particular plans, and don't mind some company, you would be welcome to join us. Let Helen, Li and I show you around Boston a bit."

Bella smiled. She liked this girl, and on impulse Bella decided to agree. "That sounds nice, thank you. What were you planning on?"

"Ever been to Faneuil Hall?"

When Bella answered in the negative, Helen and Bea gushed about the possibilities, the things to see and buy, and made Bella laugh more than once.

"Here we are, ladies." A college guy came to the table and set drinks down in front of Helen and Bea. For some reason, when Bella had heard the name Li, she was picturing a guy of Asian descent. Bea's boyfriend, however, seemed to be your average sandy-haired American. He had an upward-turning chin, and the feature reminded her of someone, but it was vague.

"Who's this?" Li asked, turning to give her a friendly smile. And then his smile faltered. "Bella."

Bella met his gaze, startled. How did he know her? Li… "Liam!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide.

"How-how are you?"

Bella couldn't answer. She was suddenly transported to freshman year, her first college party, and the surrealistic moment when she'd spotted the guy currently standing across from her slipping a roofie into her drink.

By the Monday following Matt and Ramesh's party Liam had disappeared from campus. Bella hadn't pressed charges because he hadn't been there to press charges against.

Liam looked different now—a little older, face thinner, lines near his eyes, and he was more muscular than she remembered.

Helen and Bea had been friendly, and Bea seemed very sweet. How was she supposed to tell her that the last time she'd seen her boyfriend he'd been getting dragged out of a party after having been caught trying to use a date rape drug? Bella stood up, the back of her legs pushing her chair out behind her. She didn't know what to say, but making a quick exit seemed to be the best thing.

"You two know each other?" Helen stated the obvious.

"Wait, Bella?" Bea was looking between her boyfriend and Bella, before settling her gaze on the latter. "Vermont Bella?"

Bella was startled all over again. "How…?" she started to ask then clicked her mouth shut.

Helen let out a low whistle. Bea stretched her right hand out to Bella, her left going out to Liam, who stood across from Bella, never having sat down.

"It's OK. I realize that you've both just had a bit of a surprise, especially you, Bella. Please, sit down. It's OK."

"Actually, I think I should go," Bella answered.

"No, don't," Liam said in a rush, as if he needed to get the words out before she disappeared. "Please."

"Please, Bella," Bea tried again.

Bella hesitated. Liam took this as his chance to sit down, which he did slowly, never taking his eyes off Bella. His right hand immediately joined on the table with Bea's left. Their expressions as they looked at her were hopeful and pleading. Helen remained silent, and she took a sip of her drink, not making eye contact with anyone, as Bella eased back into her chair. For a split second Bella considered the cups that Liam had just brought, but the sight of Liam and Bea's clasped hands took her focus instead.

"Listen, Bella, I owe you an apology," Liam began. "What I did was terribly wrong, and there is no excuse for it. I know I can't make up for it, but for what it's worth, I am sorry."

"He really does mean it," Bea said when Bella said nothing. "Liam's been through a lot since leaving Vermont, and that's included coming to his senses. He would never, ever, do something like that again, and would jump in if he ever saw someone try." Bea pulled him slightly closer through her grip on his hand, and she smiled at him. "He's a different person now."

"I don't want you to think that I've forgiven myself. Or that I expect you to forgive me. But I do want you to know that I am sorry. And I am grateful for how things turned out that night."

No one said anything.

"I just wanted you to know." Liam looked down.

"Liam, of all the things that have happened in my life, you are the least of my problems." Bella didn't know what made her say that. It just suddenly felt absurd, to be sitting here in Boston with Liam and his girlfriend discussing what he'd tried and quickly failed to do three years ago. He seemed genuine, and there was an obvious connection between him and Bea that said more to her about his different attitude than his apology.

"They beat him up, you know," Bea said softly.

"Bea!" Liam protested.

"What?" Bella was astounded. Matt and Ramesh never told her that. More, she didn't believe they would have done such a thing.

"The lacrosse guys that ejected him from the party after what happened with you. And I don't use the word 'beat' casually. He still can't extend his right arm fully." Bea didn't state this in accusation or with reproach. She was simply matter-of-fact about it.

"Did you stay in touch with anyone from orientation?" Liam interrupted, rushing his words. "Aimee, Matt?"

Since she wasn't any more comfortable with the topic Bea had introduced than Liam was (Goddammit, it was vigilantism on her behalf all over again), Bella accepted Liam's effort at changing it.

"Aimee and Lizbeth are still roommates, but I don't keep up with them much. Anna and Barry live together off campus."

"Cool. What about Matt and his roommate, the drama guy? Rasheesh, Rakesh?"

"Ramesh." Now it was Bella's turn to keep her tone matter-of-fact. "He was hit by a drunk driver 6 months ago. He died."

"Aw, aw shit. I'm sorry."

"The driver's in jail." And our lives go on, Bella thought, but did not add.

"Were you still close with Ramesh?" Bea asked gently.

Helen kicked her friend under the table and mouthed Stop.

Bella smiled, but there wasn't much humor in it. "Are you studying social services, Bea?"

"Psychology."

"She's … a wonder," Liam said. He put his arm behind his girlfriend's chair, his hand on her back. They smiled at each other. It was almost an exact copy of the smile that Maggie and Esme tended to share.

Bella wondered how long Liam and Bea had been together, and whether Bea hadn't been partially responsible for Liam's new attitude. Personal boundaries seemed to be somewhat off the table with this group, but Bella decided not to ask. However they'd met, however long they'd been together, it was clear that their affection was real. Bea was more than likely good for Liam.

Bella looked down and rubbed her lips together. They were nice girls, but she didn't want to stick around anymore. As she ate her meal, Bella wondered how to best extricate herself. It was probably best just to say goodbye when she was done eating.

Helen engaged her in some small talk, and the next few moments were filled with a little bit of chatter. Bea leaned into Liam for a kiss, and Bella looked elsewhere around the café.

When her gaze landed on someone else she knew, she grumbled aloud. "You have got to be kidding me."

Standing in the line of people waiting to order food was a pale-skinned young man with his fingers stuffed into the front pockets of his denims. His attempt at appearing nonchalant was completely dropped when Bella muttered at him. Realizing he'd been caught, Edward turned and left the line, smiling as he made straight for Bella.

"Bella, great, you're here already."

"Yeah, I'm here," Bella said, more than a little nonplussed. What the hell was Edward doing here? If Rosalie had been in Maine last night, then it was likely Edward had been as well. Far more likely, at least, than that he'd already been in Boston looking for breakfast in a crowded coffee shop. Was he following her? Had he been on her trail since Vermont? Did Alice call him and send him after her? How else would he have known to be here?

Didn't they realize that she was trying to get away from vampires for a few days? Now one of them just shows up—sent, in all likelihood, by yet another. Give me a break! I'm taking a break, during bloody Spring Break, because I need one! So why can't you all just leave me alone for goodness sake!

"Were you supposed to meet someone?" Helen asked Bella, confused.

"Yeah, me," Edward answered Helen, causing Bella's eyes to narrow at the lie. "I'm Edward."

Bea was watching Bella's face closely. It was quite clear that she hadn't forgotten Bella was traveling alone and, unlike Helen, wasn't giving Edward's sudden appearance the benefit of the doubt.

Bella wasn't sure where to go next. Cover his lie or stonewall him. She really wanted to know why he was there. It suddenly occurred to her that something new may have come up back home, something wrong, and she paled.

Helen was introducing herself to Edward, but Bea's voice cut in. "And I'm Bea, and this is my boyfriend Liam. He's a body trainer, and you are full of shit."

Edward raised his eyebrows at Bea in an expression of surprise. Liam also looked taken aback at first, and then he tensed as though suddenly on alert.

"Bella's already told us that she's alone, and she doesn't look too happy to see you," Bea continued.

"Perhaps," Edward agreed, still behaving congenially. But then he grasped Bella's right hand and held it in his while never looking away from Bea and Liam. "Bella and I have something to discuss, however." He looked down at her. "You ready?"

Bella jerked her hand back, reacting to Edward's oddly possessive behavior. "What's going on?" It reminded her of the days when she first met him, and she didn't like it. "Is everything OK?"

Liam had stood up, his stance very aggressive. "Bella, you don't have to go anywhere with this guy," he said with certainty… and unexpected kindness.

From Bella's left, Helen placed a hand on her shoulder, both giving comfort and showing concern. The situation was starting to get out of control, and Bella realized that she was partially to blame for reacting to Edward so negatively and not being more assertive sooner.

"It's OK, guys. Really. Liam, please sit down." Liam looked at her, analyzing her expression before doing as she asked. Bella was relieved, though at the same time Liam's behavior genuinely surprised her. Clearly, he was not the same guy she'd briefly known freshman year. He was not behaving in a way she'd have expected him to, based on her memories from years ago.

"Edward," Bella turned to him. Thankfully he was more relaxed now and less like creepy Edward. "Have you heard from the family?"

"Yes, which is why I'd like to talk."

"Alright." Bella nodded and started gathering her trash. "Uh, thanks. It was nice to meet you," she addressed the three others at the table.

"Bella, is everything fine?" Bea asked earnestly.

"Yeah, Edward is like my adoptive brother. It's a family thing."

"Oh. OK." Bea looked relieved and Liam relaxed.

Bella looked between the two of them. "Good luck," she said. "Bye, Helen."

"Good-bye," they all said back to her.

As Bella moved away Edward inclined his head formally. "Helen, Liam, Beatrice." And then he was in step with her.

"What the hell was that all about?" she asked him as they exited the coffee shop. "Are you OK? Where were you last night? Is everything OK back home? Did Alice send you?"

Edward laughed, securing the hood he'd brought up around his head to hide his face. "Slow down. Let's go get your car."

Unfortunately, due to the sun and the limited protection Edward's hoodie provided, they weren't going to be walking anywhere. It didn't take anything more than Edward offering for Bella to allow him behind the wheel of her car. She was afraid she'd hit someone if she was let loose on the Boston streets again. As Edward was already familiar with Boston, it seemed prudent to let him drive.

Once on the road, Edward began answering her questions in reverse. "Yes, Alice called me. Everything is almost as OK back in Middlebury as it could possibly be, given the circumstances. Rosalie and I were not hunting together last night. Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking, although my life also just completely changed. As for what the hell that was back there—what do you think?"

Bella winced and gripped her thigh, watching the traffic as Edward wove through it, changing lanes. "What do you mean almost? How has your life changed? And I don't know what to think about your behavior and what just happened. Other than that I'm grateful it's unlikely I will ever see any of those people again."

"I can't say I blame you, though they are all good people…essentially."

"I saw that for myself. Why were you acting like a jerk?"

"Tell me, Bella, were all three of them always good people?"

Bella turned her head and narrowed her eyes at Edward. "You're asking about Liam. No he wasn't… I don't know." Then her eyes widened. "Is that why you were acting the way you were? To provoke Liam?"

"Right in one."

It was nearly automatic for Bella to ask Edward what Liam had ever done to him, but then she thought better of it. It was more about what Liam had done to her. Still, what was the point in provoking him?

"Why did you want to do that?"

"Redemption."

Bella shook her head. "Since when do you care about redemption?"

Edward slowed the car down for pedestrians by hitting the break a little roughly. Bella's body weaved slightly forward and back again in reaction to the slightly abrupt cessation of movement.

"I have always cared." Edward spoke through gritted teeth.

They were quiet until Edward was able to move forward again. Bella had been waiting for Edward to speak. She could have asked more questions, or pressed for answers to those she already asked, but she knew Edward would say what he wanted to say when he was ready.

"Your guy Liam…his girlfriend is right to be proud of him."

"He's really made a new man of himself, hasn't he?"

"Even if remorse were the only indication, I'd agree. But he's got more than that in his head—determination, good will, and not in the least, the love he has for his Beatrice. It's amazing, really, the power of love."

Once again, Bella didn't know how to react to Edward. Was he just talking about Liam—or was he trying to drop a hint to her about Carlisle? Had he seen a lot of the power of love in his decades-long quest of vigilantism?

"What did Alice call you about? What's wrong at home?"

"Other than your departure and a screaming, transitioning newborn?"

"Well, yes."

"Bella, no one is happy that you had to leave. Apart from the obvious fact that you mean a great deal to each of us, no one wants to see Carlisle that miserable again. That's what you're really asking for, isn't it? How is Carlisle doing, is he sitting at home unhappy while you're in Boston making new friends?"

"Hey, don't get snarky with me. I would rather have been waking up in bed with Carlisle this morning than in Boston navigating my way through one-ways and crazy pedestrians playing chicken!"

"Ah… so that was what was going on last night. I could tell Alice was talking around something, but it was hard to determine what exactly over the phone."

Bella blushed. "Mind your own business."

"I am. We were talking about love, were we not? Even without Alice's help, we can all guess what's likely to happen after Emmett wakes up."

"Love?" Bella frowned at him. "You mean Rosalie?"

"I imagine after some time her mind is going to have something in common with Liam's."

Bella paused to consider this. Emmett wasn't just going to be part of the family. He was going to be Rosalie's mate. The parallel to her own situation as "part of the family" was more than a little unsettling. Yet if Rosalie was going to be sticking around Middlebury for a while to be with Emmett, then no wonder Edward said that his life had just changed. She wasn't going to be hovering over him, manipulating him through his guilt anymore. Edward wasn't going to be hovering over her, trying to keep her PTSD contained. Rosalie had a potential mate, and no longer had a need for a partner. Bella fervently hoped that the new vampire didn't become a new vigilante as well.

"Where does that leave you?" Bella asked.

"Going back to Portland to check on a drug addict first."

"Portland?"

"Portland, Maine," Edward clarified.

"Oh. And after that?"

"Wait for my turn to find love? Perhaps I'll move back in, transfer into the college. What's your area of study again?"

"Be serious, please."

"I don't know my options, Bella." Edward gave a sigh. "But I don't think I'm likely to carry on as before. I've been tired, metaphorically speaking, for a while now. And as coming across the college boy from your past has reminded me, I don't need to try to be present for everything. Good things can happen without my interference.

"And I miss Carlisle. I'd like to come home."

Bella breathed in a little quickly, and her heart swelled. "Edward, you have no idea how happy it would make Carlisle to hear you say that."

Actually, Bella thought, he probably does. Bella read the road sign they passed without thinking about it, and then did a double blink. "What? Wait, what? Did that sign just say Logan Airport?"

Edward was smirking. "You did ask what Alice called me about."

"Why have you driven me to the airport?"

"Prepaid parking on the Cullen account. There's an empty spot waiting to be filled. It'd be a shame to waste it."

"Edward!" Bella's voice was shrill.

"Shh. I'm trying to pay attention to where I'm driving. I don't want to take the wrong turn."

Bella crossed her arms with a huff, but remained silent otherwise. It might have been humorous, and she tried to pass the noise off as sisterly teasing, but her spine prickled. Vampire, danger, the prickly feeling was saying.

Edward was indeed kidding about an empty Cullen slot in one of the airport's parking garages, but he nevertheless slid a parking area for departures and paid for five days.

"And where are you going to be taking me for five days, exactly?" Bella huffed again as she grabbed her back and Edward locked the car.

Edward tossed her the keys.

"I'm not flying anywhere. I appreciate the invitation, though. Another time perhaps." He turned and started walking.

"Will you just answer me, please." Bella chased after him.

Once inside, Edward examined the ticket that was miraculously in his hand. Pulled from where exactly, Bella had no idea.

"Hmm. Yep. Delta Airlines Flight 9238 to Seattle departs from Gate A21 in 48 minutes."

"Seattle! 48 Minutes! That's barely enough time."

Seattle… Washington… Forks. She could go see Charlie. Bella inhaled through her nose and exhaled through her mouth, her insides loosening. Her dad, who understood her life better than anyone. Who was probably the one person in the world she could tell what was going on, what had happened with Rosalie and Emmett and Carlisle last night. Someone she didn't have to feel guilty telling that she got scared. That she still was. Charlie, with his quiet humor, minimal conversation, and unconditional love in his eyes. Charlie, who had hugged her so tight at Christmas.

Edward gestured to her bag. "You have everything you need. Everything else has been paid for. You'll be fine."

It was Edward's comment about everything already being paid for that took Bella out of her thoughts.

"Paid for, huh? And how am I supposed to pay you back or am I just supposed to accept with grace? This is my life. What the hell? You and Alice can't just tell me what I'm going to do before I decide to do it!"

Bella shoved a hand against his chest. Edward stepped back as though she had actually pushed him. It felt good. So she did it again.

"My life, my love. You can't just use your abilities and suddenly change what's making me happy. Carrying people, hurting people, seeing people, hearing people. Are we all subject to what you want, what you decide?"

She was in his face now, both hands pushing against his chest, though he wasn't moving.

"You can't treat us that way. We want to be happy. We want to be together. And I can't… I can't…"

Edward was quiet, even when she made her hands into fists and slowly hit them against his chest. Bella closed her eyes tightly, her face strained. Her hands ceased and went still on his chest. Her head rested against them, knuckles pressing into her brow. "You can't make my decisions for me," she whispered.

Edward's hands came up to rest on her shoulders. He kept them there for a moment, offering comfort, before easing her back to look in her eyes. "So what do you want to do?"

Bella glared, angry with him and angry with herself. "I want to see Charlie." Her answer was defiant.

"Then I think you should go see Charlie." Edward grinned. "I guess that puts you in a tough spot, though, considering that you're over three thousand miles away and you need to be back at college by next Monday. Hmm… if only there were someone who cares about you and is willing to help you go see your father."

Bella snorted at him, only to be immediately embraced.

"Despite what's happened you are still a part of the family, Bella. You are a part of our lives, and we're a part of yours. Don't be afraid of that." And then he whispered in her ear. "Besides, Alice would never have been able to see you visiting Charlie if somewhere deep inside you hadn't already decided that you wanted to. Don't be angry because we know you."

Bella hugged Edward back, far too many emotions roiling in her.

After a moment, Edward drew away. "Have a good trip. And remember: we all love you." He placed a quick, chaste kiss on her cheek.

"Good-bye," Bella said. "Will you tell Carlisle that I love him?"

"I will." Edward nodded. "He knows without me telling him."

"It's good to hear it."

"Then maybe you should call him. Soon." Edward was studying her face. "He loves you, too, Bella."

She smiled. "I know."

A/N: A couple plausibility things: 1) While Roy Orbison's "Running Scared" was planned, I actually heard INXS's "Devil Inside" followed by Pearl Jam's "Better Man" on the radio, and felt compelled to add those songs to Bella's radio angst. 2) According to a Middlebury alum I know, it was nearly guaranteed to run into someone you knew from the college while touring in Boston.

Thanks to AllThe OtherNamesAreUsed for fitting in a beta session around her Thanksgiving holiday.

Next chapter: Charlie…