Chapter two
Samantha rocks softly. She gazes down at Nolan who is gazing at his mother. She can see so much of Martin in him. He's a little Martin. Her hand slowly runs over the surface of Nolan's skin. When he turns his head towards Samantha's hand, trying to suck, she smiles brightly. "I wish you could remember your daddy," she states. Her only response is a tiny yawn and fluttering eyelids. She watches him for a long while, rocking. Her mind races uncontrollable.
She desperately wants Martin. She wants his touch, warmth, presence. But it's gone. She needs to learn to live without him. But on some level, she hopes Martin will walk through the nursery door. How is she supposed to raise Nolan by herself? How is she supposed to forget him? She doesn't know. Martin is supposed to be with her until old age consumes them. They had it planned, but the plan died when Martin did.
Suddenly, hatred fills Samantha. She is angry at Martin for leaving her and their son. He chose the easy way out. Except for Nolan, she is alone. There's nobody to comfort her or soothe her. There's nobody to lounge with or play with. Alone. It's a scary word, one that she doesn't think she can handle. She recites the word.
Samantha doesn't know if she wants to go back to work. Although Martin will not physically be there, everything that he is will be there. She can't handle that. And eventually, Martin will be replaced with an unqualified junior agent. Martin is irreplaceable. Nolan's father is one of a kind.
There is a slight knock on the door frame. For an instant, Samantha believes she sees Martin. Instead, Martin's figure slowly fades into a Latina. Samantha smiles weakly. "Is it time?" she asks. She knows the reason for Elena's visit.
Elena nods and waits for Samantha and Nolan.
--
Black. Samantha has never hated that color so much. Everybody wears black. The mourners create a sea of black. It's a sign of the dead. She sits in the front row of the church, her eyes stare at the huge picture resting on stage. Her eyes cannot leave Martin's bright eyes or stunning smile. She is mesmerized; she doesn't even listen to the father who reminisces about Martin's life. However, Samantha clearly pays attention to the sniffs and silent cries. There is not one dry eye in the packed church, most of which Samantha has never even seen.
"Martin's death is tragic," the father says. It's one of the only lines Samantha catches.
Samantha knows what happened to Martin, but she doesn't know how he died.
Martin's cause of death: compassion.
The missing person, Michelle, was abducted by a hungry loan shark, Javier Romano. Michelle's husband had not paid his debt to him, so he took Michelle to entice the husband to pay. Martin tracked them to an old warehouse. He peered into the window and saw Michelle sitting on the ground, crying. Javier had a trigger happy finger and a temper. Without waiting for backup like instructed to do so, Martin stalked into the warehouse.
Nobody knows what happened next. Javier set the place on fire in hopes of creating a diversion to escape. The fire consumed Martin and Michelle, allowing Javier to escape before anybody arrived.
Was Martin alive when the fire started? If not, how did he die? Nobody knows. Nobody will ever know.
The tears fall harder and faster down Samantha's face. She needs to stop thinking about how he died. It is too unbearable. But the thought will not go away. It is forever embedded in her mind.
Samantha feels a light hand on her back. She turns to Elena who sees Samantha's expression as solemn and dead. Samantha knows that she has a good friend sitting next to her. Elena will be there for her. Besides Martin, Elena is one of her best friends. She is grateful for her, but right now, she cannot handle anybody's sympathy.
When the funeral is over, there is a ballroom waiting in the back of the church, harboring food. Everybody goes except for Samantha and Nolan. After a brief explanation, Samantha takes Nolan, and they head home.
As Samantha pulls in the driveway, she gazes at the house. The two story house is set on a foundation allowing room for a porch. The color of the house is white, and it reflects the early sun's rays. The windows are stained glass with many select colors. The grass is green, and an oak tree provides adequate shade.
Inside the house, the stained glass windows create dancing colors throughout the house. Although the summer sun shines into the house, Samantha perceives the house as being dark, cold, and uninviting. The forlorn house projects silence. To Samantha, the house is only a souvenir of Martin's life.
Samantha sighs heavily. She wants to cry, but she doesn't think that her tear ducts will produce anymore tears. Instead, she takes Nolan from his carrier. He's awake and alert. His feet kick and his arms flail. He makes gurgling noises, a sound Samantha loves. She lays him on the ground and joins him.
As she plays with him, her mind leaves Martin. She is too busy engaging and smiling with her son that Martin gets temporarily filed in the back of her mind. Martin doesn't stay there for long; he always forces his way to the surface. Samantha realizes that she is happy that Martin left her with the most precious gift: a child.
After Nolan is in his crib, Samantha wanders downstairs to the kitchen. She sits on the couch; her legs find their way underneath her butt. Visions of their wedding begin to taunt Samantha. She hates the power Martin has on her. She hates him for leaving her alone. She slowly lies down on the couch with her knees close to her stomach. Her arms are surrounding her neck, oddly comforting her.
The phone breaks the disturbing silence in the house. Samantha jumps. She doesn't want to talk, not even to Elena. She knows that Elena is worried about her; she perceives Samantha as shutting herself off to the world. But Samantha doesn't want to do that. It won't be good for her or her son, so she stands up and staggers to the phone. She looks at the caller ID. The number is too familiar. As her heart races, she quickly picks up the phone and puts it to her ear. "Martin?" she whispers.
It takes a few moments, but she hears a voice. The owner of the voice sounds defeated. "Sam," it pleads.
Samantha begins to quiver. Her stomach drops in her chest. She is having a hard time breathing. The voice. It sounds like Martin. But before she can reply, she hears the dial tone. She stares at the phone before replacing it on the receiver. Her body shakes, she paces the room. She is trying to convince herself that it isn't Martin. Martin is dead. He could not possibly have been the owner of that voice. Impossible. Martin is dead. Martin is dead. But it is Martin's phone number. His cell phone number. Who else will call her on her dead husband's cell phone? No. He's dead, right?