Chapter three
Samantha's nerves escalate with each step she takes. All the emotions she has been feeling since Martin died are now threatening to overtake her. She is lost without him. Everything seems so much harder now; everything is a chore. She still cries for him. She still mourns over him. At night, her lullaby is the sound of her own muffled cries.
Samantha watches her feet as they walk .Only a few days after Martin died, Samantha is strolling through the bullpen. Because Martin died, the team is stretched with help. At first Samantha was reluctant to go back to work because she feared being in a place where she can feel Martin. But she realizes that home is what she fears. Home is Martin's sanctuary, their habitat. She doesn't know if she's emotionally ready to go back to work, but she figures that no matter how much time passes, she will never be ready. But she does know that she isn't sure about leaving her baby. She wants to be with him 24/7, but being a single mother, she is not financially secure anymore.
Samantha places her purse on her desk. Without thinking, she looks up at Martin's desk. His desk is empty except for a computer. She imagines Martin's things covering his desk. He is sitting at his desk furiously typing with a silly smile plastered on his face. He notices her watching him, and gives her a silly look.
Samantha laughs lightly catching the unwanted attention of Danny. Danny catches Samantha's longing glances at Martin's desk and he puts a hand on her back. "You okay?" he asks.
Samantha snaps from her trance. She stares wide eyed at Danny. "Yeah, I…ah…" she says. Her voice is carrying fake contentment. Inside, she's dying. But if she breaks down, there is nobody to comfort her. Sure she has all her friends with her, but they are nothing compared to Martin.
Samantha's façade does not go unnoticed by Danny. "Anything happen?"
Samantha stares at Danny with skepticism. The phone call immediately pops into her head. She doesn't want to tell anybody about it to save herself embarrassment. Martin is dead, so how can he call her? She wonders why Danny brought up such a question. "No," she says, dragging it out.
"Well," Danny smiles, "Jack wants me to fill you in on our MP." When Samantha gives him a look indicating for him to continue, he says, "His name is Michael Sprout. A few days ago, his wife saw him leave their family business. Hasn't been seen since."
Samantha takes a deep breath. "Where does Jack want me?"
"We think that we may have found him. He decided to take a sabbatical from…the world. Jack and Viv are talking to him now." Danny shrugs. He wants to see Samantha laugh, but he knows it's too early. She doesn't even crack a smile.
Samantha rolls her eyes. At least Danny's trying. She suddenly begins to believe that coming back to work is a mistake. She has been at work for a few minutes, and already she feels helpless and insecure. She wants Martin.
"Sam?"
Samantha looks at Danny. She doesn't know what to say. He already knows what she's thinking. She shakes her head and shoves her hands in her pockets. She wants to cry. It is a mistake. Everything is a mistake. Martin isn't dead. She heard his voice. It was him. She's lying to herself when she says that it wasn't Martin. She turns her head and sees Jack and Vivian wander into the bullpen. She turns back to Danny. "I'm sorry," she says. She walks away.
Samantha taps Jack on his shoulder. He turns around and frowns when he sees her. Not because he isn't happy to see her. Not because he doesn't know what to day. But because he can see the pain in her eyes. Her eyes are hollow pools harboring grief and sleep deprivation. He knows that she should never have come back to work so soon.
"Jack, I need to talk to you," she says.
Jack stares at her for a brief moment. "Okay," he says pointing to his office. When the pair reaches the office, he finally asks, "What is it?"
Samantha hesitates for a short second. "What happened to Martin's body?"
Jack opens his mouth to protest Samantha's question. But he is immediately silenced by a hand in his face and Samantha's booming voice.
"Jack." Samantha raises her voice. She lowers it when she says, "Please. I need to know."
Jack sighs. "What do you mean?"
Samantha is irritated. She isn't shy about showing it. "In the fire. Did they actually find his body in the fire?"
"Yes."
"How do you know? Wasn't it burned?" Samantha pauses to think. "His body was burned so bad that they couldn't even determine his cause of death."
Samantha watches Jack. He seems defeated now. He walks to his desk and opens a drawer. His hand and eyes dip below the desk's surface. Samantha watches with curiosity. He stares at her with sad eyes. He slowly brings his hand so Samantha can see. He is pinching something with his thumb and pointer finger. He walks to Samantha and drops it in her hand.
Samantha stares at it. It doesn't take long before she recognizes the round piece of metal resting in her hand. "Where did you get it?" Tears sting the back of her eyeballs.
"Samantha," Jack says, "it was on his body. Along with his clothes he was wearing that day."
Samantha ducks her head and turns to leave, clutching Martin's wedding ring in her hand.
Samantha bypasses everybody in the bullpen. She needs fresh air. She is almost running towards the elevator. Her knuckles are so tight around Martin's ring that they go white. She bumps a woman causing both of them to jolt backwards. She stops and looks up at the woman to apologize. "I'm sorry," she says. She is staring at the woman's captivating green eyes.
The old woman simply smiles revealing a mouth full of spaces where teeth once rested in her young days. She immediately notices Samantha's tears. "Honey, what happened?" Her voice is sweet.
Samantha shakes her head. She doesn't want to talk about it. She stares at the woman. "I'm sorry," she says, "but I've never seen you before."
The woman smiles showing her laugh lines around her eyes and mouth. "I'm sorry, Dear. I'm Theresa." She points over at Elena who is talking to Danny. "I'm with her."
Samantha nods. "I'm Samantha," she says.
"I know."
"Well, I'd better get going," Samantha says. "Nice meeting you." She turns around and continues her mad dash to the elevator.
Samantha's butt rests on a bench placed outside the FBI building. She watches cars pass. Tears continuously trail down her face. She notices a tiny woman standing next to her. She scoots over assuming the woman wants to sit. When the woman sits next to her, she realizes it's Theresa."
"Oh," Samantha says, surprised by Theresa's company.
"Forgive me, Dear," she says, "but I can't stand seeing somebody so down. What's wrong?"
Samantha is annoyed. Who the hell does this woman think she is? She only met her two minutes ago, and yet she wants to know everything about her.
"Is it about your husband?" Theresa asks. When Samantha gives her a baffled look, she points at her finger. "I noticed that you're wearing a ring." Pause. "And you have a ring in your hand."
Samantha wants this woman to leave her alone. She stares straight ahead, unblinking. "I don't really want to talk about it." Samantha stands to walk away. She feels a tiny hand grasp her wrist. She begins to yell at her but the woman's comment seems to catch her by surprise.
"Your dream," Theresa says. "Martin is destined to die in a car accident."