Hokay, so Twilight and all characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I'll say stuff after the chapter, so you can just read right now!

EPOV

I felt like absolute shit, 100% pure cow turd. Her face had been pleading with me the whole time to just give up the fucking habit but it wasn't that easy. I had been smoking for years now and going cold turkey just was not an option.

BPOV

I finally snapped myself out of it and rushed home. I had to get to my laptop as soon as possible. I had no idea where to start so I just opened a million tabs on Google and searched different things like: marijuana, drug addiction, drug rehab, and such. I spent hours just staring at the screen, trying desperately to find a cure for Edward. Because Edward had already cured me in more ways than one and the least I could do was return the favor.

I finally found something that looked remotely promising and decided I would share it with Edward tomorrow because I just wasn't having any of his drugged up shit.

I silently cooked dinner for Charlie who sensed my down mood and asked me what was wrong. I just told him I had a lot of homework, which was true, to get him off my back.

I washed the dishes and then went to my room to start my stack of homework on my desk, neatly in order of which was due first.

After an hour of hardcore studying to try to pry my mind from Edward, I was about to take a break when the doorbell rang.

Who could be visiting? Maybe there was a game on tonight so maybe it was Billy and Jacob Black. I wasn't expecting who was really at the door.

"Bella," Charlie called from the bottom of the stairs, "Honey, could you come down here please."

So I obediently went half-way down the stairs and froze when I saw Edward standing in the doorway. What was he doing here?

"Bella, Edward Cullen here has informed me that you are tutoring him in Biology and because there is a test tomorrow, he came by to get a little last minute help?"

He made the last word sound like a question, asking incredulously, not believing Edward Cullen could put any effort forth in school. Or actually apply himself to anything.

This was true. There was a test tomorrow in Biology, but I wasn't aware that Edward knew that. I mean, he hadn't shown up to Biology for a solid month, so how would he know something like that?

But who the hell cares? Edward was at my house. And I was going to take full advantage of it.

"Yeah. Dad. We'll just be in my room, okay?"

"What's wrong with the kitchen table?"

So he wanted to keep a watch on us? But I just wasn't going to allow that.

"Dad, the T.V. is really distracting."

"Okay," he said defeatedly. There was no way he was going to pass up watching the game, even if that meant allowing a guy into my room, specifically, a teenage guy.

So Charlie turned and walked into the living room, sinking into the couch, while I walked up to Edward, gave him a quick questioning look, closed the door, and just led the way to my room.

My room was messy. It was kinda embarrassing, clothes everywhere. Because ever since I had met Edward, I went through twelve outfits a day trying to put together something remotely acceptable.

But that wouldn't bother me. Because Edward was in my room. My room.

And I just felt kinda naughty. I knew we weren't doing anything bad, but a teenage guy in my room, that was pretty scandalous for me.

Then something caught Edward's attention on my desk so while he was looking at it, I subtly closed the door and turned to face him. After all, he was the one who had come over unexpected. I deserved some answers. So I asked.

"Why are you really here?"

Not that I minded one bit….

And all Edward did was pick up some sheets from my desk and angrily turn towards me. Waving the papers, now a little crumpled by his tight grip, he said:

"Bella, what's this?"

I gave one quick glance at the papers and realized they were my printouts of the research I had done about Edward's condition.

And he dropped the papers, strode across the room determinedly, and gripped my arms harshly. He shook me roughly and asked again,

"Why? WHY?"

And all I could do was let the tears roll down my cheeks. I had no idea what he was talking about but I had been trying to help him, that's all…

EPOV

Of course I wasn't fucking mad at her. How could I be? Bella was the sweetest, most innocent, perfect being I had ever met.

And I was destroying her. Fucking ruining her life with all my problems and bitterness against the world. I had stopped, a long time ago, believing that happiness was possible in this fucked up place, but Bella had come into my world and smashed all those beliefs. Lifted all of the blinds that had once been blocking the happiness from seeping on through, making me practically blind with ecstasy. Every moment with Bella made me full of life, exhilarated to no end. She was the reason I drudged through the same fuck every day. Bella was my savior.

And for once, I could relate to Carlisle. And for once, I understood what my dad had done to Esme. Because I was doing the same fucking thing.

So I wasn't angry at Bella. I was angry at myself. I was holding her back because she was hung up on me and would like me no matter what I did. She would just fucking deal with my addictions and hope that one day, I would change. Keep one last strand of hope, forever thinning, because she liked me. Because she was like Esme.

And I was so angry that she was wasting her time on me that I shook her. I fucking shook Bella. And she started to cry. And I kept repeating the same fucking thing, "Why?" and she had no idea what I was referring to. Why the hell would she wait for me? So I clarified.

"Why… Bella, why did you do all this shit? Why are you still here?"

Well, technically, I was in her room, but she knew what I meant.

And I knew what she was going to say, but I couldn't help but just feel more angry.

"Because. I. care. Edward. Because. I. care." And she was fucking saying each word separately because she had to take a breath in between them because the crying was leaving her breathless.

And I just broke. Really broke. I just started fucking crying too. And I knew there was no way I could keep anything else from her any longer. I would tell her everything.

BPOV

Edward just sat me down on the bed. And it was almost silly because we both were crying and I wasn't sure how we had gotten there.

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry Bella…" And I knew he truly was because his eyes were filled to the brim with regret and hurt.

So instead of giving him a response, I began wiping away his tears. After all, he had done me this one favor. I could return it. And after the tears were gone, I just stroked his face with the back of my good hand.

And, after a while of this, Edward just closed his eyes and said,

"Bella, there's something I need to tell you. And it's some pretty fucked up shit, so if you don't' want to hear it, just stop me. Okay?"

Edward opened his eyes and I just nodded because I had no idea what he was going to say.

He took a deep breath and let it go. Deflating his lungs of air and his eyes of life, leaving them devoid of emotion.

"Bella, my dad died, a long time ago. I'm not sure what you've heard, but it wasn't pretty."

And I just nodded my head, trying to see where things were going. Edward's dad was a mystery and I wasn't sure what he had to do with the situation at hand.

"My dad met my mom, Esme, at the hospital. He had been in a drug-induced coma for days and was found on the street. The ambulance had rushed him to the hospital to try to wake him up and that's when Esme first met him. She had been assigned as his nurse at the hospital and she thought he was the most beautiful creature she had ever seen."

Hmm… sounds a lot like someone I know…

"He did coke, Bella. He was a broke drug-addict who had taken a little too much and was lucky enough that someone found him and called the ambulance. When he woke up from his coma, Esme and him hit it off. They really grew fond of each other as Esme nursed Carlisle back to health and Esme was just too fucking compassionate to care that he was a total screw up. And Esme helped Carlisle get clean, jump-start his life, and they eventually married. I came into the picture and life seemed pretty damn good. Except that Carlisle had never gone completely clean, and still kept doing coke on the side, away from Esme when he was on "business trips." And I knew it too because he would come back all jittery and shit. And I think Esme kinda knew too, but she would pretend not to notice because it was too hard for her to accept Carlisle for the man he was, a fucking low-life too absorbed with himself to think about his family. And on one particular day, work had been pretty stressful, and lately, Esme and him had been fighting more because of his constant "business trips," so he said he had to go out to buy something, a surprise for my birthday. So he left, went to the nearest hotel, and did a ton of coke. And he overdosed… He was found the next day when the hotel manager busted open the room because he had only paid for one night and was immediately rushed to the hospital. Esme had been worried the whole time because he hadn't picked up his cell so when we got the call that he was at the hospital, Esme rushed me out of the house as fast as she could and sped the whole way there. We ran into the emergency room all breathless and scared and saw him, lying on the bed, all pale and shit with a million machines and tubes surrounding him. His heartbeat was still going so Esme ran into the room and took his hand. She started talking hysterically to him, willing him to wake up. Then she started yelling at the doctors to do something, all the while, I was still standing outside. I just couldn't go in. And after a couple hours of Esme just crying over him and constantly squeezing his hand, his heartbeat stopped. They tried to revive him and shit but it didn't work. Esme was so bad, the other nurses took her to another room and just comforted her. I was still frozen outside the room, staring at the pale sheets that now covered my dead dad… So much for the fucking surprise. And after that, shit was bad for a long time Bella. Esme still hasn't fully healed and my grief just turned into anger."

I wasn't sure how I was feeling in that moment because it was all too much to take in. I was so sorry and sad for everything Edward had endured and tell him I felt his pain and just comfort him to no end. And I also just wanted to face Carlisle and give him a piece of my mind for doing that to Esme and Edward. But Edward just kept going,

"Do you understand? Do you understand now Bella why we can't do this?

And he paused, having sounded so agonized, waiting for an answer that would never come.

"Bella, I'm a fuck up. You know I do shit I'm not supposed to, I barely show up to class, and I'm not worth your fucking tears. I'm not worth your time. Bella, we can't exist. Because in a world this fucked up, there's no way I could deserve someone as good as you. And shit, I'm already weighing you down," and he gave a look at the papers on the floor.

"Don't let me ruin your life Bella. Please, don't let me be my dad."

I was so angry in that moment. How could he think he was weighing me down? Ever since that first kiss I had felt as weightless as a balloon and I wasn't stubborn to let him go because I felt bad, I needed him too.

"Edward, don't you ever fucking say that again. You will never be your dad. Understand me? Never. I will make you better."

I said it with so much determination and complete sincerity echoing in every word that there was no way Edward could refuse.

EPOV

Bella was killing me. She just wouldn't fucking give up, and it wasn't making things any easier. I had to leave soon, or shit, I would be persuaded by Bella that things could get better. And I couldn't have that, I couldn't be Carlisle. And I couldn't have Bella.

So I silently got up from the bed and figured saying nothing would be easier. Just being the fucked up asshole I really was.

As I was walking out of the room, Bella ran after me and grabbed my arm, tears frantically streaming down her face.

"Edward, don't you walk out on me now. So help me god, I will make you better. Just let me."

Fuck. She sounded so convincing.

But she also sounded so much like Esme. So I gently pried my arm out of her grasp and said:

"Goodbye, Bella. Just let this fuck up go."

And I walked out of the room, fucking rushing to leave, before my heart betrayed me and led me right back to Bella.

I quickly got out the door, without even a wave to Charlie, and drove off.

Fucking hardest thing I've ever had to do, hands down.

And I decided, in that moment, there would be no more tutoring,. No more Bella. I had to cut off my supply before I got hooked. The Golden Rule.

For tomorrow, I had no idea what I was going to do. Avoiding tutoring was easy. But earlier, after I had let Bella down, I had visited Mr. Banner asking him for all the shit we had done in the past month to try and catch up. I knew it would be hard, but I had to do it. I would just have to avoid showing up to class, because Bella was there, and annoy the hell out of Mr. Banner to teach me after school.

Because although I was cutting Bella out of my system, it didn't mean her effects weren't still there.

She had changed me. Made me fucking care about graduating and shit like that. Made me realize I was following the one person's footsteps who I hated the most and couldn't come to forgive.

I decided then, that this was the end. The end of the drugged up, crack head, fuck up named Edward Cullen.

I would change. For Bella. Even if I could never have her.

That was the amazing thing about love. It could be unrequited, go just one way. It was blind, it was senseless, and I had no fucking chance.

Because I loved Isabella Swan.

Okay. Don't hate my guys... This had to happen sometime. No worries. Things can change... :) But I just wanted to say that I also discovered polls today and I made some. There are two, one regarding Alice's appearance and one regarding the title. If you really care, go ahead and vote b/c I want to know what you guys think!

Plussssss.... thanks so much for the reviews! 43 already!!!! OMG, we're almost at 50 and that's just uber amazing. I love you all! Almost as much as Edward loves Bella.... :)