Tony flies up to the roof of Loki's apartment building where Thor is waiting. The Thunder God turns to him, awaiting news of Loki.
"Do you have him?" Thor asks.
"Yes we do." Tony says. "So you raped him."
"He told you."
"No, he didn't have to. The blonde haired blue eyed baby girl that looks exactly like you told us."
"What?"
"Loki gave birth to your rape baby. Mazeltov." Tony says. Thor paces back and forth as he digests this information. His blood boils and his heart clenches. Is the child healthy? Does Loki love the child? Is he trying to use the child against him in some way? Of course he is. He's Loki.
"I don't have any other children." Thor says.
"So?"
"She's my heir. Heir to the throne of Asgard, and Loki is her mother. I see the nature of his revenge now. He would raise her to hate me, take me down. Well if he thinks I'll let him turn my own child against me…" BAM! Tony punches Thor in the face to shut him up.
"First off, the fact that Loki got pregnant in the first place is your fault! You pinned him down and fucked him against his will or don't you remember? Second off, Loki doesn't need to undermine you, you're in line to the throne of Jack and Shit!"
"You would take his side over me?!" Thor yells.
"I'm not taking his side, I'm pointing out the facts! Look, years of Loki plotting against you and fucking with your head has clearly taken its toll on you. I get it. But this time is different Thor. He was scared. Scared like I have NEVER seen him scared, and that includes right after the Chitauri invasion after Bruce wiped the floor with him. He loves that baby. And I don't know what the fuck is going to happen now, now that we have him in our custody. He's a wanted criminal. So if you want to redeem yourself in any way shape or form, you will go to bat for Loki, and help him find a way to live free and keep the baby. Because right now Thor, you are looking at becoming a single father, raising a newborn alone."
Thor's eyes go wide at that proclamation. Tony is right, and Thor doesn't have a clue how to raise a child. He'd rather face a thousand enemy soldiers on the battlefield unarmed than face single parenthood. A long moment passes.
"You're observation has merit." Thor says after a time.
"Glad we are on the same page. Let's go. We are all meeting back at the tower."
XxXxXxXxXx
In a large blank room with only a table and chair, Loki sits with Valeria and waits. He rocks the child and sings to her, but she is upset. She senses her mother's distress.
"This…this is fucked." Clint shakes his head. "I know Loki needs to be punished for all the people he's hurt, but that baby didn't do anything wrong."
"Well our resident golden boy will get to learn how to put on diapers and clean baby bottles. She's got two parents, and that one is going to be put away for a very long time." Nick says as he looks at Loki through the two way mirror.
"It's going to be a nightmare to get that baby away from him." Natasha says. "Someone's going to get killed. Loki will not part with her."
"Loki cannot part with her. He is her only source of nutrition." Thor says as he enters the room.
"They make baby formula. It comes in cans."
"For human children. Loki is Jotunn and our child is half-Jotunn, half-Aesir. She has needs your people cannot provide for." As if on cue little Valeria cries and nuzzle at Loki's chest. It is time for her feeding. Loki looks around the room, looks at the stupid mirror. He knows he's being watched and he really hates that other people are about to see him in a very embarrassing state. But the needs of his darling girl come first. Still only clad in a bath robe, Loki lowers the shoulder down to expose one of his breasts.
"It's blue time little one." He coos quietly to his daughter. He turns blue and she latches on, drinking greedily as he strokes her soft little head. He sings a lullaby to her, one Frigga used to sing.
"Fuck I can't do this. I'm out." Clint takes off. Bruce looks haunted as he watches the little blue family in the next room.
"Well be that as it may, we can get Loki a breast pump. He's going to prison." Nick says.
"Depriving my daughter of her mother would be unwise." Thor says with a dark tone. Nick's one eye arches. He knows a threat when he hears one.
"Oh? And why is that?"
"The line of succession is clear. With Loki and me both banished the next person in line for the throne is my daughter. My father is a very old man. He was supposed to retire a few years ago, but Loki botched my coronation and set all of this into motion. My father is not long for this world. He might last another couple of decades. I know that sounds like a long time to mortals but to my people it is but a blink of an eye. She will be the Queen of Asgard, ruler of its people, and leader of its armies. Again, I say to you, depriving her of her mother is unwise."
"You ungrateful son of bitch!" Nick says incredulously.
"Nick…Nick Thor is right." Tony says.
"You're siding with this motherfucker?"
"Look, Thor and Loki are both banished to earth until mommy and daddy both deem that they have gotten their shit together. They can't do that if one of them is locked away. Thor can't go home until he becomes worthy of Mjolnir. As for Loki…I mean do you really have faith that the human race will be able to keep him locked up successfully for thousands of years? We need to get rid of him, and since killing him isn't an option, I say we help these two love birds earn their ticket back home." Tony says.
"Since when is killing Loki off the table?" Nick says.
"Since my father decreed that Loki must pay recompense to Midgard for his crimes, not be executed for his crimes. If you kill him you will bring down the wrath of Asgard upon your world." Thor says.
"I see." Nick says, barely containing his rage. He storms out of the room.