The team returns to the tower to find Bruce watching the history channel as Loki and Valeria dose on the couch. Loki is laying down with Valeria on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as she sleeps. Loki's long black hair is splashed across the pillow, with a small handful twisted in between Valeria's little fingers. He looks at peace. Loki even has a small smile gracing his unconscious face.
"Thor." Bruce whispers.
"Yes?" He says softly.
"I think there is a delivery for you out on the balcony. It showed up a few minutes ago. I didn't want to wake Loki."
"Delivery?" Thor walks to the sliding glass door and lets himself outside. Sitting atop the Bifrost imprint which is now permanently etched into Tony's building is a pile of swag.
The pile is filled with the toys of his and Loki's youth. Baby blankets, clothing, a gold and jewel encrusted baby rattle are just a few of the items. However, one item stands out like a sore thumb.
"Jarnbjorn!" Thor exclaims as he picks up the old battle axe of his youth. It was the very first weapon he ever trained with. It does not look nearly as impressive as it did all those years ago when he was shorter and without facial hair. Nevertheless its construction is far superior to anything he has had while on Earth and he is grateful to have it.
"Thank you." Thor mouths to the sky. He doesn't know if the axe was gifted by Odin, Frigga, or slipped in by Heimdall as an extra. Thor swings the axe to familiarize himself with the feel of it. It makes him smile.
"Someone took pity on you I see." Loki says as he surveys the pile of baby items. He set Valeria down on her blanket on the floor to finish her nap. His heart aches when he sees his own baby blanket folded neatly atop the quilt from his bedchambers back home. There are even a few personal items for Loki hidden in amongst the baby items. Surely Frigga's doing. Loki bursts into tears at the sight of them.
"Is something wrong?" Thor asks. He feels concern. Concern he does not want to feel at Loki's distress. Loki simply shakes his head.
"I'd forgotten how much I've lost."
"Of course you forgot. You cannot even see what you've lost when it is standing right in front of you." Thor says.
"And what did you lose? Your precious hammer? Is that all you care about?"
"It is all I should care about. I don't want to care about you Loki. Caring about you causes me nothing but pain, and yet no matter what I do to protect my heart from you I am forced to deal with you."
"What's the matter Thor? Don't like having me around? Do I make you feel guilty when you look at me?"
"You make me long for a life that can never be. More is the pity for our daughter who will have to grow up watching us fight."
"You're a monster! You feel no remorse for what you did to me do you?"
"And why should I?! Let's compare notes shall we? I called you ergi when I was a boy, you betrayed me and sabotaged my coronation. I raped you, you tried to kill me, one, two, three, four, five, six times! And that doesn't even take into account the countless scores of innocents you slaughtered. So who's the monster here? You are not innocent Loki! Take your pathetic victim's lament and cry me a river of pity. I have none!"
"FUCK YOU!" Loki charges Thor and throws a punch…which Thor catches in one of his massive palms. He squeezes Loki's smaller hand with his larger one and pulls Loki in for a hug, not out of sentiment for to restrain Loki's movements.
"You are the mother of my child and so I will not lay my hands on you. But if you try to hit me again I will defend myself." Thor growls into Loki's ear.
"HEY! BREAK IT UP! BOTH OF YOU!" Steve yells. Thor releases Loki and the two take several steps away from each other to cool off. Tony thought it might be a good idea to let the two have a couple minutes alone to talk. He said it might be good for them. Yeah right. Loki runs back inside crying as dark storm clouds gather overhead. Lightning flashes and thunder booms, but the rain does not come. All of the baby items are still outside.
XxXxXxXxXxXx
For a week Thor and Loki completely avoid each other. The closest they come to interacting is when Valeria is on the floor trying to crawl and Thor is lying beside her, encouraging her. He is so joyful when he is with her.
Fed up with the intense feeling in the air, Loki decides he and Valeria are going to the park. They haven't been outside since they came to the tower and the trip is long overdue. Loki looks into the mirror and pulls on a convincing illusion of a human female.
"What are you doing?" Tony asks.
"I'm taking Valeria to the park. We both could use some fresh air and sunshine, and I need to get away from this place for a while."
"Why do you change into a woman though? Why not just put on a man's face?"
"I could but then I would make quite the scene if Valeria got hungry, which she often does on these outings." Loki says with a new higher pitched female voice.
"Someone will have to go with you." Tony says.
"Oh please. I've had ample opportunity to escape you people, and yes, I've thought about it. I've thought about it a lot. But I do not want to run the risk of getting caught and then separated from my child, so I'm here. Your escort is not necessary." Loki says.
"Well then let me accompany you so you have someone to talk to." Tony says. Loki turns and looks at Tony. His fake female eyes narrow to assess the human's intent.
"Alright."
Loki binds Valeria to his chest and carries her as he walks to the park. Tony walks beside him.
"That blow up you and Thor had was pretty bad." Tony says. "Want to talk about it?"
"No. I don't want to talk about it. He's such a self-righteous asshole." Loki says. He tries to not keep talking, but like a floodgate his mouth opens and spews out all the hurt.
"I could apologize a thousand times over and it would not make a difference. He hates me. He doesn't care that he hurt me, that I have nightmares. I dream I'm alone in the middle of a frozen wasteland with no one else around for eternity."
"I'm sorry to hear that Loki."
"Do you ever have nightmares from what I did to you?" Loki asks.
"All the time, more so now that you are here at the tower." Tony says. Loki stops them in their tracks and looks Tony right in the eye.
"I am sorry. I am sorry for all of it. I convinced myself that I was alone and unloved and wanted to destroy the person I wanted the most. It was childish. The temper tantrum of a spoiled prince. I believed this delusion so utterly that I could not see the love that was standing right in front of me. I hurt Thor. I twisted his heart with the blackness of my own. And what hurt the most was not the physical act of violation, but the hatred that enabled him to carry it out. I should have listened when he begged me to come home."
"I am glad to hear to you say that. It means a lot Loki, and I know that I and the others at the tower will feel a lot better about having you around."
"Thor won't. Things are getting worse between us, not better. I don't know how to go back, or if Thor is capable of ever forgiving or letting go."
"Why haven't you said this stuff to Thor?"
"The last thing Thor needs is for me to validate his feelings. If I admit that he was right he'll never own up to the wrong that he's done. He'll never be worthy of Mjolnir again."
"That's…amazingly sweet considering what he did to you. Why do you even care if he becomes worthy again or not? I mean, it's just a magic hammer."
"Mjolnir is so much more than a magic hammer. Do you know how rare it is for anyone to be worthy of such a gift? There are very few in the universe that can lift it. The person Thor is when he is worthy of her is glorious and beautiful. All the things I secretly loved about him were traits that Mjolnir found pleasing...and I destroyed that part of him. I thought it would free me of him somehow."
They arrive at the park and Loki unfurls a blanket for them to sit on. The sky is blue with little white clouds dotted here and there. People are everywhere enjoying the weather. Loki frees Valeria from the binding and puts her down on her stomach on the blanket. She makes little excited baby sounds as she tries to push and coordinate her limbs to synchronize.
"She's almost got it figured out." Tony says.
"If not for her Thor would have killed me already. I am lucky he is merely indifferent." Loki says.
"He's not indifferent Loki. He wants you to think he is, but he's too angry to be indifferent, which means he still cares."
"He hates me."
"Do you hate him?"
"Yes, and no. What I feel doesn't really matter anymore."
"That's not true Loki."