Twilight and all characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. Woah, this was a hard chapter to write. I re-wrote parts and woah. Hope you guys like it!
Enjoy! :)
EPOV
Pillow? Wasn't Bella fucking next to me? So I opened my eyes because I was pretty confused, and found Bella looking at me.
She wasn't smiling and I couldn't really tell how she was feeling. Frankly, she looked constipated, but I think that's the face she makes when she's hiding something.
Yeah. Something was definitely wrong. And I had to find out what.
"Bellaaaa, you okay?"
"No."
"What's wrong?"
"I don't know…"
And she just started crying. Quiet sobs that somehow managed to shake her frail body. So I hugged her, it was the least I could do. And she dug her face into my shoulder, getting my shirt all wet. I rubbed circles on her back, trying to comfort her. I decided I wouldn't push her to tell me what was wrong.
Then Esme rushed in, followed by the doctor, and both ran to Bella's side. The doctor took out his knee-jerking thing and asked Bella silently for permission to try it. Once he hit her knee, she didn't move one bit. I don't know much about medicine but I knew enough to tell that wasn't normal.
The doctor just made a perplexed face and began pinching each of Bella's toes to see if she would respond to the pain. She didn't.
All she did was start crying harder and I was confused. Bella couldn't feel her legs?
And when that realization finally made its way to my brain, the reality of the situation dawned upon me and I almost broke down on the spot.
Not only was Bella paralyzed from the waist down, I was the reason for it. So she would suffer everyday of her life because I was stupid enough to show Rosalie the fucking spot?
I hated myself so much in that moment that 'I felt like shit' didn't fucking describe it. I had disabled Bella.
And in that moment, I felt the urge to do something I had never done before. Heck, I had even laughed about it and called it stupid, but it was the only thing I could do, I would do.
I knew Bella would get the wrong idea if I left her now, but I had to. I was leaving for her. So I told Bella I'd be back in fifteen minutes because I needed to go do something. Her face was filled with hurt but she just nodded and I got up from the bed. I swiftly got out of the room and headed down the hall, vaguely aware of how to get there. I took the elevator to the second floor and circled around the floor until I found the door. I took a deep breath, shook my head at what I was doing, turned the knob with my hand, and walked in.
BPOV
He left me. When I needed him most, he left. I knew he'd come back like he said he would, but I couldn't help feeling pretty alone. But something about his face when he said he needed to go gave me the strength to let him. Because really, I was a selfish person and I wouldn't have let him leave. But I could tell he needed whatever he was leaving to go do. So I just waited.
I waited for Charlie to show up, for Edward to come back, and for my life to stop being so fucking difficult.
EPOV
Prayer.
If you had said that to me before I met Bella and her overdose, I would have scoffed. But that's what I had to do. That's why I was sitting in the hospital chapel, light shining through the stained-glass windows, taunting my fucking dark life.
God.
How many times had I used his name in vain? With an expletive in the same sentence?
But I was praying for Bella. So whatever the fuck I had done or had been in the past didn't matter.
And I didn't know where to start.
(A/N All underlined is in Edward's head. It's his praying…)
God, this is me, the fuck-up Edward Cullen. You know what's wrong and you know just how to fix it. Please, I may deserved this but Bella, she's good, she's pure. She's a fucking angel. And you cut her wings. Her fucking wings!
All I'm asking is let her fly again. I won't weigh her down anymore, I promise. I'll shape up. I won't be the screwball crack head, I'll be the Edward Cullen Esme can be proud of, the Edward Cullen who doesn't follow his father's footsteps, and the Edward Cullen who can be the type of man Bella deserves.
I've lived half my fucking life in a haze. All I'm asking for is a little guidance, a point in the right direction, a fucking miracle. Just make Bella better, please. I'll do anything. Because I need her. All 100 fucking percent of her alive, well, and mobile. She deserves a normal life and I love her. I love Bella. I want to marry her, have her babies, and fucking spoil her senseless. I want to giver her everything. Please, just give me the chance…
And I was going to continue with my mental pleas when I felt a hand on my shoulder. And when I opened my eyes to see who was sitting behind me, I noticed I was crying because tears were falling from my face.
Charlie. Charlie was grasping my shoulder, and he said:
"It'll be okay Edward. Bella's good, God knows that. She'll get better."
And with that, Charlie got up, came around to my pew, and gave me a hug. Under any other circumstances I would have thought this was extremely awkward and uncomfortable but now, it seemed strangely comforting and relaxing.
"Edward, I was wrong about you. You've been here with Bella since she got her and you have never left her side. I'm sorry for thinking any less of you."
Bonding moment? I guess that's what I would label this as because there was no better description.
So we got up together and returned to the room where Bella was on a wheel chair and it looked like they were going to run some tests.
And when Bella saw me, she fucking smiled. A big smile that I didn't deserve in the least that just made me feel worse.
So I took a deep breath, swallowed all my self-loathing, and walked up to Bella.
She took my hand and squeezed silently telling me she was okay and asked the doctor,
"Would it be okay if Edward came with me to the tests?"
"Of course, that won't be a problem."
BPOV
He came back, so I smiled. Fifteen minutes had been too long and I was eager for his touch again.
He spent the rest of the day with me, test after test, all confirming the same thing.
I was paralyzed from the waist down.
The implications of this statement were hard for me to grasp. They weren't sure if I'd be stuck like this for life, but it didn't look good. And I thought of Edward. Would he stay with me despite my disability? Sure he was here now, but what about in a couple weeks, a couple of months, I'm sure my immobility would eventually get to him. After all, I was no longer the same Bella.
And this realization brought on a whole new wave of tears after I was already in my hospital room, lying in the bed after all the terrible tests. Of course Edward was right by me the whole time, hugging me closely and placing gentle kisses in my hair trying to reassure me. But things wouldn't be okay and I was tired of his pretending.
"Edward?" I asked quietly between sniffs trying to recover from my tears.
"Yeah?"
"Where do we go from here?"
"What do you mean?" he asked with genuine confusion.
"I can't walk Edward. I'm not the same… I'm permanently out-of-order, damaged beyond repair. You can't possibly want to stick by me…"
And Edward just growled, roughly forcing my eyes to meet his and gave me a look like I was utterly absurd.
"Bella, don't you for one second think you are some sort of damaged goods. I love you and will always love you no matter what happens. You are the same exact Bella you were two days ago. Nothing can change the way I feel for you, not this, not now, not fucking ever."
"I love you too Edward," I whispered and I squeezed him tightly to emphasize my point.
They said I could leave the hospital the next day so I fell asleep with Edward holding steadfastly onto me.
When I woke up I found Edward staring at me. It made me blush furiously because I had no idea how long he had been staring.
"You know you're the most beautiful human being I've ever seen, right?"
"Well, then, I guess you haven't looked in a mirror," I replied jokingly. But secretly, his statement made me inflate inside and swell with happiness like a balloon.
"You don't see yourself clearly Bella. Maybe I should show you…."
And with that Edward started giving me small pecks on my face. I closed my eyes and smiled at the sensation his kisses left behind where his lips had touched my skin and he kept kissing everywhere, my eyelids, my nose, my cheeks, taunting me until I couldn't wait any longer so I opened my eyes, pushed Edward with all my upper body strength back onto the bed, and attacked his lips. I was pretty much in heaven. The only conscious thought I had was that I hoped Charlie wasn't in the room to see this, and I hoped he never walked in, because I didn't want it to end.
EPOV
Damn. Bella was so sexy when she was assertive and pushed me down on the bed. But I had to control myself. We were kinda in public, not to mention kinda in danger of Charlie intruding at any time, and I couldn't let myself get too excited or else I don't think Charlie would like me anymore.
And let me tell you, the self-control was hard. Like really hard. Bella almost on top of me sucking my face off and I had to stop it soon or else I would probably get carried away… and this wasn't the place or time.
So I slowly pulled away with a smile forming on my lips and looked Bella in the eyes. Her expression was similar to mine but she looked almost a little disappointed.
"Why'd you stop?"
"Bella, we're kinda in public and your dad could come back at any moment."
"So?" and now she looked a little peeved.
"Later, Bella. Patience. When we're home."
And she slouched her shoulders in defeat, knowing I was right.
Charlie came in at that moment, slowing down considerably when he saw us in the bed together. Awkward.
"So, um, Bella, we can go now. I'll put your stuff in the car and bring the car up front. Okay?"
"Sure, dad. I'll be down in no time."
Once Charlie left with Bella's bags she lifted her upper half up and I quickly got out of the bed to help her into the wheel chair. Once she was situated she asked:
"Edward? Will you come home with me? I know you might have other plans but if you want, you can come over…"
"Of course Bella. Where else would I be silly?"
And she beamed when I said that. Who knew it took so little to make her happy?
So I wheeled her out of the room, down the elevator, and helped her into the back seat of Charlie's cop car. I kissed her forehead and walked around the car to sit on the other side because my car was still at the end of her street.
The car ride was silent. Everyone was caught up in their own thoughts. I couldn't speak for Charlie or Bella, but I knew I was thinking about what was going to happen. As much as I knew I was a terrible influence on Bella, we both needed each other so much I didn't think I could ever leave. Because although Bella couldn't use her legs, I would be her support. I would help her from now on and catch her every time she fell. I would be her guardian angel.
Hokay, couple of things I would like to say. The whole part with Edward praying and God... well, I'm not trying to make this religious or anything so don't think too much about that. God probably won't be making anymore appearances unless they swear. ha ha!
Second of all, the story will probably be ending sorta soon... Maybe a couple of chapters left unless I can think of more to write after the last one I have planned. Sorry guys, I would love it to go on but Edward and Bella deserve their happiness. Plus, I have this new idea brewing in my head and I can't wait to get it out after I finish this story because I can't handle two at once!
Anyway. Last thing I'd like to say is prepare yourselves!!! Next chapter is going to be... how shall I say it? Smutty! Ha ha. I'm kinda new to that stuff but I felt it necessary so you'll just have to bear with all awkward smuttyness I put in the story. But hopefully it won't be a failure and will actually be good. So some lemons next chapter. Just to keep everyone on edge! Ha ha.
Reviews are awesome and well... almost two hundred?!?!? That is effing amazing!!! Wow, guys, you just make me feel so happy and I couldn't ask for better or nicer reviews!!! Thanks a bunch!