Twilight and all characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

So I'd like to apologize for sending out Chapter 19 twice but i thought it didn't work the first time and... whatever. Anyway, I wanted to make up for not having posted in a while and whipped up a new chapter. As always, enjoy! :)

EPOV

Bella was, to say the least, the most intoxicating human being I'd ever met. After that shower I couldn't get my mind out of the gutter and I kept imagining things that weren't there, like Bella naked, for example. It was actually very frustrating because I would try and focus on school and stuff but once she walked into Biology, I was gone. I became lost in my day dreams so much it was very possible I would embarrass myself with a special appearance by little Edward. Biology, focus, cells…. Bella… Fuck. I just couldn't stay straight anymore. And Bella didn't help one bit. She usually wore comfortable pants because she sat in the wheelchair most of the day, but that didn't keep her from wearing skin-tight shirts most of which taunted me with the peek-a-boo cleavage show, especially from my angle in Biology. And when she would fucking bend to pick up her bag…

I had become a horny mother fucker and I couldn't help it. Bella was just too sexy for her own good.

BPOV

Although a full week had gone by, my mind was still on the day I took a shower… with Edward… naked. I mean, after that we still fooled around all the time but nothing compared to what had happened in the shower, and I was disappointed that something like that might not happen again for a while.

I tried to break my reminiscing and focus. I was in physical therapy and this was to help me get better so that I could do things with Edward. The doctors said that I should do physical therapy to keep my muscles from degenerating in the evident that I would somehow walk again someday.

Once I finally broke myself out of my Edward dream trance, I realized that the nurse was actually straightening and bending my leg, asking me constantly if I could feel something. It was always the same answer, no.

Then I realized someone was staring at me. He had dark skin, and all his features were a striking black. His eyes, his hair… and my god, was he tall. I had to admit he was pretty, nothing compared to my Edward, but pretty gorgeous all the same and he was staring at me. So I couldn't help the blush from creeping up into my face. My face always had to betray me.

Then the guy started walking towards me. Greatttt. And that's when I noticed the grotesque thing you would normally call an arm attached to his shoulder. I tried not to stare, it was rude, but I couldn't help it.

So he cleared his throat, which made me shoot my eyes upward, way upward, and blushed even harder for having stared. He put his good arm forward and said:

"Hi, I'm Jacob. I couldn't help noticing you over here because I've never seen you before, and I've been coming here for a while."

The correct thing to do was take the hand he had boldly put between us and give my name, but I was too mesmerized by his low voice to say anything. Finally, I snapped myself out of it when the nurse said I could take a break, smiling widely, and Jacob said, retracting his hand,

"Bella? That's a beautiful name."

And finally I mustered up the courage to respond.

"Thanks. Sorry, I'm just kind of out of it today…"

"No problem. So why are you here?"

I paused. I wasn't very comfortable telling strangers what I had done and I certainly didn't want to share my night of stupidity with the gorgeous creature standing in front of me.

"I'll share first then. About a month ago, I got attacked by a wolf on the rez, and this is what happened."

And with that, he motioned to his mutilated arm with his good one. I felt bad for being grossed out so I threw him an apologetic look. He just shrugged it off and said,

"It's getting better. Besides, I'm a righty so it doesn't really matter."

And he flashed his impossibly white teeth at me, making the room light up with his bright smile.

I decided I would tell him my story because he seemed genuinely nice. Besides, it would be nice to make some friends seeing as I spent so much time here.

"I'm sorry. My story is a lot more boring, no wild animals."

"Is that right? Well, I'm still interested. Go on…"

"Well, really, I just took too many pills…"

"What?"

"You heard me."

"But a girl like you doesn't seem the type to abuse drugs."

I gave a dark chuckle and said,

"Thanks, but it was a mistake. I just was being stupid…"

"Why?"

"I," and I wasn't sure I wanted to share my lie story with this guy. I didn't even know him! But something in my gut told me he could be trusted, he could be a really good friend.

"I thought my boyfriend did something bad."

And I knew my response was impossibly vague and cryptic but too bad, he'd just have to deal. And I swear I saw his smile falter a little. I wasn't sure why, but if he thought any less of me I'd get over it. I would come to terms with what I had done.

"Oh. Your boyfriend must not be that great then, if you don't trust him, I mean."

"No, no, no. You have it all wrong. I just misunderstood the situation. He's never done anything that deserved the break in my trust."

"Well, if I ever had a girl like you, I'd never leave her side so she'd never have to worry about where I was or what I was doing."

And as much as I was angry at this Jacob for trying to satanize my boyfriend, I was also flattered. He must know how to win over ladies because he probably would have succeeded if my heart wasn't already taken. And I realized then just how much I missed Edward. I hadn't seen him since he dropped me off at the hospital for physical therapy which he usually stayed with me for, but said he had things to do so wouldn't stay today. It had only been two hours, but I knew it was long enough. I needed Edward.

And as if he knew what I was thinking, he appeared. Edward walked in through the double doors at that moment and if I could run, I would have jumped into his arms already. But I just waited patiently till he finally came to my side and said,

"Hi."

He then proceeded to smile his crooked smile which didn't quite reach his eyes and absolutely took my breath away. And because he was on a role, he added in a chaste peck on my cheek which made my skin burn and my blood boil all the same.

Then Jacob cleared his throat and I immediately blushed. I felt bad for having Jacob stand watching the interaction between Edward and me and I decided to introduce him.

"Edward, this is Jacob. Jacob, this is my boyfriend Edward."

And just like the gentleman I knew he had become, Edward immediately stuck out his hand, eager to meet Jacob.

"Hi, nice to meet you."

And Jacob, his face falling a bit, said:

"Yeah, you too."

"Ready to go Bella?"

"Yeah, let's go. Bye Jacob, see you around?"

"Sure, sure."

And Edward gave a kind nod to Jacob and wheeled me out of the room, out of the hospital.

EPOV

Like any other day, I dropped Bella off at physical therapy but I told her I couldn't stay because I had stuff to do. I told her I'd pick her up in two hours and left. I didn't really have anything to do, I just couldn't stand to be around at physical therapy with her. I mean, I really wanted to support her and all, but it killed me a little inside every time she made almost no progress and her mood was brought down, all because of me. And fuck, I had tried to forget that feeling of guilt because Bella could sense when I felt like that and would immediately tell me off for it. I kept them far away for her. But how could I ever rid myself of them when they were staring me in the face almost all the fucking time? The noise of her wheelchair's wheels turning on the tile floors of school or the hospital, squeaking every once in a while, it fucking tore me apart. It was good she couldn't see my face every time I pushed her wheelchair or else she might get really angry.

So I took this little time away from Bella to go to the spot. I knew it was just a reminder of the filthy bastard I used to be before I met Bella, but it was also my sanctuary. I needed quiet and peaceful, I needed to think. And the spot seemed like the perfect place.

After I parked the car and walked to the rather small clearing, I decided to screw the logs and just like on the fucking ground. So as I stared up at the overcast sky of Forks, I thought.

I loved Bella. I told her so every fucking day. And she would respond the same thing back, something I didn't feel I deserved, but she returned whole-heartedly all the same. She loved me despite my fucked up life and what's more, she loved me despite what I had done to her. And as much as I loved every single moment I spent with her, it was also a living hell. Because I know I had taken more than I deserved. I had taken her heart, her ability to walk, and essentially, her independence. I had fucked her over for life with my stupidity with Rosalie and her legs were never going to let me forget that.

I was so torn inside. I wanted Bella, but I also wanted what was best for her. And that definitely wasn't me. So sooner or later, I'd have to swallow down all my feelings, and break it off. Bella's salvation was my top priority and it just didn't seem possible with me in the picture.

I looked at my watch and realized I was going to be late if I didn't get a move on it right away to pick Bella up. So I rushed to my car, to the hospital, and into the physical therapy room.

I opened the doors to find some rather tall guy standing in front of Bella, talking to her. She seemed pretty distracted but when she saw me, her whole face fucking lit up. Fuck, why did she love me so much? It made everything that much harder…

So I walked over and gave her the best crooked smile I could muster which I reserved only for her, and gave her a peck on the cheek. As much as I wanted to feel and taste those luscious lips of hers, I remembered what I had to do and kissing her like that wouldn't help.

BPOV

Ever since that first day Edward hadn't stayed with me at physical therapy, he hadn't been the same. He always seemed more tired and stressed as if something was constantly straining him. It hurt me to see him like this, but whenever I asked what was wrong, he vehemently rejected the idea of something being out of place.

And the situation only got worse. Everyday it seemed like he distanced himself more and more. Needless to say, we hadn't had any repeats of that amazing shower.

And the distancing, it hadn't been going on for just a week, just a month, but a couple of months. I wasn't sure what was happening between Edward and me, but it was starting to get a little frustrating and annoying. So I decided I would confront him about it.

So, on one fateful afternoon, once we pulled up to my driveway in his silver Volvo, I said to him:

"Edward, I think we need to talk."

"Okay. Here or inside?"

"Inside," because I wouldn't want to make Edward bring me inside if this conversation ended badly, that would just be awkward.

Once he had wheeled me into the living room, I turned my wheelchair to face him. I had this bad feeling in my gut this wasn't going to go over well.

"Edward, I don't know what to say. You know I love you, right?"

"Of course, Bella. I could never doubt that."

"And yet, I think you do, Edward. You've been… distant ever since…"

And I couldn't finish the sentence because the tears had already begun to stream down my face. It was now or never. I would let it all go and not hold back. Because I knew I was barely holding onto Edward now and I had to do everything in my power to keep him from slipping through my fingers.

EPOV

She was crying. Fucking crying. And I knew this was going to happen but nothing could have prepared me for this. I knew what I had to say but it would hurt so fucking much. For both of us. But it would get better? Wouldn't it?

"Bella, I can't stay. I can't take care of you forever. I can't hold you back and I'm not letting you move forward…"

And I had been avoiding Bella's gaze this whole time so she said,

"Edward, look at me. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me anymore. Then you can leave."

This would be the single worst, vilest, thing I had ever done, was doing, or would ever do. It would be the biggest fucking lie of my life and possibly the end of it too. Because living without Bella was like living without air.

I love you Bella. I have loved you and will always love you no matter what shit comes out of my mouth right now. I'm a fucking bastard and deserve to go to hell for all the misery I've caused you and I promise not to fuck up your life anymore. I took a deep sigh and said, with the most even and definite voice I could must up, looking directly into Bella's probing eyes, letting my emotions detach themselves from my body to allow my emotionless façade,

"Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened that night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. You're not good for me."

And I let my false charade slip a little when I said,

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid, do you understand what I'm saying? I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself – for him."

And I knew my eyes were betraying me because they were pouring all my true emotions onto Bella, but I couldn't help it. I meant what I had just said with every fiber in my damned body.

After that, I left. I left Bella crying helplessly in her stupid chair, her loud sobs echoing in my head long after I had driven off. And I went to the spot. It was the only place I could stand to be right now.

Alone. Fucking alone. Just how it would stay for the rest of my life, because no one could ever replace Bella.

Anyone catch the quotes from New Moon? Who am I kidding? Of course you did! :) Ahhhh. I cannot believe this is happening but as my English teacher says, "It'll all be fine." I sure hope so!

Reviews are amazing. Definitely more amazing than Edward leaving :*(